The completely obscure yet totally googleable football quiz:

See how many you can get without resorting to research.

A certain Serie A team is (usually) marshalled by two bald/shaven headed players in the middle of the park. Both more attack minded than Everton's duo of Thomas Gravesen and Lee Carsley, it's still a slightly odd occurence in Serie A where players usually like their hair... long. Name the team and players. (Hint - the lesser known one of them is Eugene Corini)

Inter's Hernan Crespo has a namesake playing for a well known La Liga club. He appeared in that clubs' win on the weekend despite only lasting 41 minutes. Name the club and player.

Abdel Kader Keita played for Cote D'Ivoire at Germany 2006. Seydou Keita plays for Sevilla this season. What country does the latter represent ?

Despite the name, Lazio's Christian Manfredini has been capped for a different country in the past. Name the country. (Hint - they were at the World Cup last year)

Jose, Raul, Sergio, Luis. Which two Garcias play for Athletico Madrid ? Bonus - name another Garcia who sometimes plays in goal for another La Liga club.

Athletic Bilbao have a unique and interesting trend with regards to player personnel. All their players must be something in common. What is it ?

At France 98, the only player in Italy's squad not to play for a Serie A team was Christian Vieri. Despite being unpopular and regularly booed, he scored 24 goals in 24 league appearances for them the season before. Name the club.

Parma's Damiano Zenoni and Sampdoria's Christian Zenoni are, you guessed it, twins. What team did the both play for, for a while when they both came to prominence several years ago ?

Christian Vieri, arguably the most successful 'journeyman' striker of all time has of this season, played for 14 different clubs. But how many of them were in Serie A when he played for them ?

Liverpool's Xabi Alonso has a sibling playing in the Premiership. Name him and the team he plays for.

Wales' current manager John Toshack has a penchant for managing Spanish Clubs. Which one did he manage for 3 separate spells?

Portsmouth's Benjani Mwaruwari is from Zimbabwe. Pompey used to have another African player from a country that neigbours Zimbabwe across the Zambezi river. Name the player and the country.

An Ex-Arsenal star and current media pundit for the Premiership had a twin brother who died in a car crash. Name the player.  (Hint - he scored the last World Cup goal of the 20th century.)

OleOle does not condone or suggest any of the following, not often anyway. 

The Arsenal man:  Goes for the exotic looking ones. Discards the generally good looking ones. Smooth talking with a slight accent, lots of charming conversation, best looking dance moves... but at the end he still leaves alone.  Lad just can't score.

Chelsea: Finds the ugliest looking girl. Goes up, hits her over the head and carries her off over his shoulder.

Liverpool: Goes for the simple types.  Talks about the past, throws in the odd joke about pedigree, patriotism and bushy moustaches with a local twist.  Does the robot on the dance floor.  Very successful in local bars close to home.  Usually less so, in remote bars in other towns.

Man United: Spots the easiest looking lass in the joint.  Pushes her from behind.  After she falls, he picks her up and dusts her down - all the while blaming the Arsenal man a few feet away for knocking her over while drawing attention to the latter's foreign accent.  After the knight in shining armour routine, asks if she has any kids, or better yet any grandkids.

Aston Villa: Quiet at first, girls are drawn to his shy yet promising looks.  As the conversation goes on, the girl gets bored and it becomes painfully aware he's never going to score.

Tottenham:  Watches the moves of the Arsenal man very closely. After the former moves on, goes for the girl Arsenal failed with or discarded. And promptly fails to make an impression himself.

Bolton: Same as Tottenham except he picks United's leftovers... and uses Chelsea's approach.

Blackburn:  Goes for the nearest girl he sees and asks her for sex straight out.  After she slaps him he moves onto the next girl. Repeat till done.

West Ham:  Enters the bar feeling very clever as he has roped in two latin fellows as wingmen.  They score, he doesn't and realises he's about to be thrown out of the bar for being too drunk.

Charlton:  Does nothing. Sits and stands near the back.  Occasionally smiles at the odd girl. Never even threatens to make an impact.

Fulham:  Very moody.  On the odd day capable of talking to and walking away with the hottest girl in the bar.  On other days to be found at one of the back tables sharing a pint with Charlton, Tottenham and Middlesborough.

Middlesborough:  Very boring, most girls run the moment he approaches.  Despite claiming multiple cultured influences he drinks only the local bitter.  Plenty of.  Scores with the girls who are semi conscious themselves.

Everton:  Watches Liverpool very closely.  Tries to hit on 'the friend' while trying to outdo Liverpool.  Easy to spot as he's usually bald and slightly mean looking.

Reading:  Excitable and young.  Rushes in to talk to the gaggle of girls near the dance floor despite warnings from the older folk to bide ones' time.  Rejection hasn't affected this man yet.

Wigan: like Reading, except jaded by all the rejection over time.  It's been a year....

Watford:  Knows he's not going to get anywhere.  Sits down next to Charlton and turns on the TV to catch up on the sports news before the place closes.

Man City:  Penchant for trying very hard but not getting very far.  Usually starts well but an ill timed gaffe or faux pas usually puts paid to his chances of hooking up for the night.  Keep off the pickles and the beans.

Portsmouth:  Nervous head twitches and neck twists keep from having a normal conversation with a girl.  That and his preoccupation with talking to every single girl in the bar.  Not only are they distracted but so is he.

Sheffield United:  Comes in sweaty, wearing a dull sweater and musty smell.  Repellent to anything female.  Usually can be heard swearing loudly at the telly with Watford.  Extremely likely to get into a fight with Blackburn when the latter propositions his sister.

Newcastle:  At home, injured.  Watching Rugby with no shirt on.

 

Football, Flamini and other tacklers.

A friend recently commented on, my labeling of Mathieu Flamini as a tackler, by pointing out that Flamini's not really a good tackler but just a hard working, bits and pieces, type of player who likes to tackle. And because he's not really good at anything else, Arsenal fans, myself included, like to place him in the tackler category when there are, in fact, better tacklers in the side such as Francesc Fabregas.

That got me thinking. He had a point, Flamini is not that good a tackler. But wait, there's more to it than that. When Flamini executes a tackle, whether it's successful or not, whether it's clean or not, it causes the opposing player to shift, to preempt his movement and react accordingly. Flamini likes to get stuck in. In fact, he looks rather clumsy tackling, more often than not. Whether his clumsiness is due to his lack of proficieny at tackling, or his style, is not the point. It's his mentality that builds the reputation. Flamini's tackling comes across as someone who is deliberately on the ground to obstruct and disturb someone's flow with the ball at his feet. And therein lies the rub. That is why it's effective and that is why he's branded a tackler.

In the Premiership, it's players like Flamini, who like to get stuck in, that are feared by opposing flair players. It's not necessarily the ones who may tackle you cleanly and take the ball away - example Fabregas or Gilberto. It's the ones who will cause you to remember the tackle, knock you over and clatter you while possibly dislodging the ball from your feet. These players disrupt the flow, these players knock skilled players off their stride - these are the ones who are remembered more often than not. Of course, this is not 100% true - there are some excellent tacklers who are remembered and avoided when possible - Patrick Vieira for example. But in Vieira's case, the man was a a bit of a giant - tall and gangly, with immense strength in his legs and lower body. Whether he clattered you or not, you'd remember the tackle. When Fabregas tackles - it's usually so smooth and uninterrupted that the person who loses the ball rarely remembers the tackle. If Fabregas was more clumsy - he'd be feared as a tackler a little bit more. Half of tackling is all about reputation and pre-emptive fear.

Thomas Gravesen is not a good tackler and never was - but he's a chronic tackler - ever ready to hit the deck and cause all sorts of problems to people and their shin and ankle guards and he's strong and tough - boy is he ever strong. It's how he has staked his reputation and for a while became a rather sought after defensive midfielder. Phil Neville is another such player - generally rubbish but more than happy to get stuck in and fell the man. The disgraceful, unpunished kicking that him and his brother dished out to Jose Antonio Reyes in the semifinal of the FA Cup in 2004 is one of the reasons Reyes never got over his fear of the tackle while in England.

Blackburn is one of the lousiest set of tacklers I have ever seen but it is their inherent clumsiness and lack of technique that causes them to knock more skilled teams out of their stride. To that list add Bolton (Ivan Campo aside) and the Sheffield United defence. It's no mystery why Chelsea may be looking at Bolton's Tel Ben Haim as a possible option to reinforce his team, the Israeli is one of the worst tacklers I have ever seen but he makes sure people remember him as a physical player. He gets stuck in. He creates fear. Paul Scholes is a very clumsy tackler and quite often gets booked 2 or 3 tackles in - however opposing midfielders fear his incoming studs and preemptively dodge out of the way. Their flow gets disrupted. Job done for Scholesy. Dan Smith's ridiculous lunge on Abou Diaby on the last day of last season was not even carded - thereby showing that the grey area between a foul and a clean tackle is vast. For the rest of his playing career Abou Diaby will subconsciously fear the incoming tackle no matter where he plays. In a perverse way Dan Smith's job is done.

So to wrap up, if you're going to go in for a tackle, go in hard. Make sure the opponent feels your thunder. As entertaining as modern football is, there is no better way to get at an opposing football team than to get stuck in and around their ankles and knees. As for my beloved Arsenal - that is the only way you can beat them.

English teams very strong, Spanish teams very entertaining.

Now that the knockout rounds of both European club competitions have been set, casual glances up and down the draws will invariably lead to discussions over which is the 'best' league in Europe.

This debate is never any closer to getting decided. Yet I shall dabble in this discussion for a bit. For a start, the merits and strengths of each league change from season to season. So each year, a different league could be considered the 'best'. Additionally, the term 'best' is very subjective to begin with. Does it mean the level of competition in the league, the attractiveness of the style of play or the effectiveness of the game played in each league. Since the latter 2 are much harder to judge and subject to relative tastes, let's concentrate on the first attribute - the depth of the league.

Clearly, in every league there are the few top teams - the select few who have the biggest resources, largest payroll and sometimes the biggest fanbases, who are capable of winning the league each year. Let's be honest, in England(4), Scotland(2), Holland(2-3), Spain(3-4), Italy(3), Portugal(3) there are only 2 to 4 teams who can win the league for the foreseeable future. In France and Germany, there is now one team(Lyon and Bayern) which is head and shoulders above everyone else, resource and roster wise, but they each have about 2-3 challengers. So, these are the best teams in each league. Against each other, across Europe, these teams are roughly on an equal footing.

We cannot compare the leagues based on them. But what of the middle placed teams in each league measuring up against each other ? This is where depth comes in. The teams who are outside the big 3 or 4 are the ones who contribute largely to the depth of each league. Some leagues have better middle placed teams (largely due to better financial resources) and as a result, week in, week out, the competition is fiercer, as the playing field is a little bit more even. In other leagues, outside the big clubs(and perennial contenders), the level of competition drops off significantly and the middle placed teams seem to make up the numbers more than anything else. As a consequence of this higher level of competition, usually, teams from these deeper leagues do well in Europe against clubs from other leagues since they are used to a tougher level of competition domestically. So, in essence, the depth of each league is a strong indicator of how good it is. And this can, more or less, be measured by how well a league's entrants in the continental club competitions do.

Looking at the participants in the Champions' League, it's easy to conclude that perhaps the Premiership is the strongest league this time round. The Premiership had 4 participants in the group stage, all 4 topped their respective groups, enroute to the knockout stage, with a combined record of 15-4-5. 2 of those 5 losses, I should add, came in dead rubbers after qualification had already been secured. No other league may have had as many participants in the group stage but no other league had such consistent success either. Getting 2 out of 2 teams to top their groups is commendable, getting 3 out of 3 is distinctive, but 4 group winners out of 4 is truly exceptional. This was the first time this had ever been done.

Looking further, in the UEFA cup, all 3 of the Premiership's teams topped their groups. Between them, they were unbeaten, drawing only 2 games and winning all the rest. Spain (Espanyol, Celta, Sevilla, Osasuna) had 4 teams but only 1 group winner in Espanyol; France(Lens, PSG, Nancy, Auxerre) had 4 teams, but no group winners, although everyone except Auxerre progressed; Italy (Parma, Livorno, Palermo) had one group winner Parma, while another progressed. On a side note, Israel had 2 entrants and both progressed (Maccabi Haifa and Hapoel Tel-Aviv).

So, it would seem that English clubs have been spectacularly dominant in Europe this year, generally beating most other opponents from other leagues. The Premiership seems very deep, outside the top 4, this year. Case in point, Newcastle, when mired in midtable - beat Palermo in Sicily, while the latter was leading Serie A. Blackburn, still not completely safe from relegation, beat both Nancy (top 4 in Ligue 1 at the time) and Feyenoord (top 5 in Eredivisie).

So, the middle placed teams in England seem to be better than the middle placed teams elsewhere in Europe. So, the Premiership seems to be stronger by virtue of its depth. Hence, one can assume that it is currently the best league in Europe.

Last year, using the same argument, one could venture, that La Liga was the best league in Europe and the Premiership a little bit behind in second place. With Barcelona beating Arsenal in the Champions' League final and Sevilla thrashing Middlesborough in the UEFA Cup showpiece, that theory was lent credence. In general, by looking at results by teams from the various leagues in matches against each other, one could argue that since Real's triumph in 1998, the pendulum haas shifted slowly from Serie A towards La Liga, where it has remained for the last several seasons. But now, the title for best league in Europe seems to shifting again - perhaps inexorably towards the Premiership.

------------------------------------------------

I should let the matter rest with that. But I won't. Most conclusions have a caveat. This one especially so, since it is so vague a discussion. So much for number crunching. Aesthetically, I would consider La Liga to still be the best league in Europe. In my opinion the talent and style of play is unrivalled in Spain. As successful as Blackburn, (Middlesborough) and Newcastle are in Europe, they are boring and dull to watch. Real Zaragoza and Celta Vigo have been more entertaining than most of England's top flight this year. And although Deportivo are themselves terribly boring at times - they are not challenging for honours any time soon. At the end of the day, if I want to watch entertaining football - La Liga is what I turn to. Charlton versus Fulham may feature bigger payrolls than Bilbao versus Espanyol - but the latter creates more fans of the game by virtue of the level of skill on display. So, on a purely subjective level, which everyone is welcome to condemn and contest, I would say La Liga in Spain is the best league in Europe.

Group E:

There was talk earlier this month of Mahamadou Diarra's contribution to Real Madrid. The exact question was "What exactly does he do?". Well, he was never brought in to liven up the proceedings with attacking guile and eye catching flair. He was brought in to do the dirty work. Tackle, win the ball, appear at all places at all times and be a thorn in the opposing midfield. Basically pi... the living daylights out of the enemy. Lyon were threatening to run away with this game, about to hand out a summary thrashing of sorts to the self proclaimed biggest team in the World, when their summer holdout, Diarra, hauled the Spanish team back into the game. Like his play, his goal was nothing attractive, just effective. After that Real showed some of the resilience that Capello has imbibed in them this season, fighting back into this tie to force a draw. The penalty Lyon conceded at the death was a bit harsh but Ruud van Nistelrooy promptly missed it to ensure the game finished fairly.

Lyon dominated this match uptil the second goal that Real scored. After that they were a little nervous but still they can hold their heads high. I've been salivating over this for weeks and though Lyon have taken their foot of the pedal a little in recent weeks, they were definitely up for this. A good solid performance from the French Champions. Now they have ensured they will top the group and few group runners-up will want to draw them in the next round. Real are still far from the finished article. It takes more than effective grinders in the backfield to be Champions' of Europe.

When Cernat scored off a rather comical free kick I feared that Steaua were about to undo all the hard work they have put into their European adventure this year. Luckily for them, and for footballing underdogs everywhere, they fought back and leveled things up midway through the second half. Not so long ago, Dynamo were the neutral's favorite, the charming Eastern European underdogs causing a flutter in the established arenas of Europe. How the pendulum has swung. If there is one word that can describe Kyiv's campaign this year - stale. There are smaller, more obscure teams stepping up to the plate. Along with the other 2 Bucresti clubs (Rapid and Dynamo) in the UEFA Cup, Steaua have made real waves this year. Having 3 teams in the final 32 of the UEFA cup will be a real bonus for Romanian football. And it will ensure that the Sorins, Dorins, Florins, Valentins and Constantins of Steaua will play in Europe past Christmas.

Group F:

As I have maintainted all season, if you attack Manchester United right from the start and have a real go at them, they will crumble. They've been consistent this year, I do agree, but for all their blood and thunder, they are basically flat track bullies who push bodies upfield, pump balls into the box for Rooney or Saha or send it wide for Ronaldo to try and bend one in from range. The problem with that approach is that the dividends are often unsure. On one day and off another. The approach of bullying other teams may work in the premiership, where their reputation is phenomenal. But in Europe or against opposition less cowed by their attacking prowess, they can fall apart.

Celtic are no muppets. Gordon Strachan has taught them to fear no one - least of all Man U. They had a real go at them and came up trumps. I maintained right from the off that United were lucky to win the reverse fixture 3-2. This time Celtic held firm and rode their luck. Another magnificent performance embellished by Nakamura's gem of a free kick. Oh and Saha missed a penalty at the end - but one which probably would not have given had it been the other way around. So just desserts for an oft spoiled United outfit. When Ferguson told Saha pre season that he wanted him to emulate Ruud, I doubt he had this in mind. I'd be interested if Benfica were actually good enough to win at Old Trafford next round. In that instance, this game would have had real significance. It won't however as Benfica will lose at United. Still one can only hope.....

I'd like to write about Benfica beating Kobenhavn but I have little to say. Benfica are upper mid table in Portugal and off the pace in Europe. They are however good enough to beat Kobenhavn and unlike many teams (hint hint Man U) not cocky enough to take them lightly. Perhaps they are more unpretentious in that they treat every game with merit, mired as they are in domestic troubles. Porto and Sporting are leading Divisao 1 but Benfica have sadly fallen off the pace. This group would have been so much interesting otherwise. The Danes have gotten that one memorable result and have had trouble picking themselves up for the remaining games.

Group G:

There's something to be said about the ability to play well in scrappy match on a bouncy pitch. It harkens back to the schoolyard games of football we all played as kids, boots flying in from everywhere, the ball going every which way, no sense of formation or position once the ball neared a goalmouth, a mad scramble for a kick of the ball in midfield.

As beautifully orchestrated and at times mind numbingly boring, some of the tactics employed in the modern game are, we often lose sight of the what the game really is - 2 sets of 11 players trying to kick a ball into an opposing net. And that's what the game really boils down to.

Watching CSKA Moscow, recently crowned Russian Champions play Porto, it reminded of the after school scrapfests I was involved in as a 8 year old. There was much running, kicking, shoving and jostling, yet the game itself, apart from the 2 goals, had little to write home about. Much can be said about Porto's European performances, and indeed they have been very good at times, but this match was simply a case of which team was lucky enough to direct the ball into the net. There was little build up play or cohesion and despite Lucho Gonzales striking the ball sweetly enough, the goal he scored was flukey to say the least, the marking and coverage dismal. Lucho himself has gone from strength to strength in this season's champions' league and after watching Tevez and Mascherano fade more and more with each passing game for the Hammers, one wonders how long before Lucho's start in the Argentine midfield will occur.

I expected the Russians to play better than they did - but the sad matter is that Porto is less motivating than Arsenal and after having wrapped up the domestic league, CSKA were a pale shadow of their normal menacing steppe warrior selves. Aldonin and Zhirkov were a step too slow and while they may pride themselves on the prize scalp of Arsenal, they did themsleves no favours with this rather dismal showing. Whereas they should have won this home fixture and cemented their chances of qualifying, they now simply have to beat Hamburg to ensure they progress.

Elsewhere in London, I got more than a little worried when I saw Arsenal trailing to an early Rafael van der Vaart goal. Hamburg may sport the same Fly Emirates logo as Arsenal, but, despite having some standout players, are definite class below. The thing about having standout players is that no matter how woeful a team's form (Hamburg are by all accounts truly so this season), they are capable of scoring the odd brilliant goal. So it was that Van der Vaart produced a peach of a shot to give Lehmann no chance and give the Germans a shock lead. Like Kieron Dyer, he won't score many more this season or many better ones in his career, and like Kieron Dyer on Saturday, he reserved one of his best for a game against Arsenal.

Normally, being 1-0 down in a critical fixture smacked of deja vu for the Gunners, notoriously poor mounters of fightbacks. But this team is different. Youthful zeal is often a poor replacement for veteran experience, but here it was the perfect tonic for a seemingly flagging European campaign. Shortly after the restart the drew even and kept chipping away with attacks. When the dust had settled, Arsenal were worthy 3-1 winners. Despite his important cameo on the weekend against Newcastle, Henry has been peripheral for most of this campaign. So it was that he sulked and shadowed himself in this game. The yellow card he picked up rules him out of the decider in Porto. On this form, both the team's and his, he won't be missed. 2 points of note - perhaps the size of the Ashburton Grove pitch allows teams that extra yard of space before they get closed down. That might explain the numerous goals conceded against the run of play by optimistic attacks if anything at all. It might be high time to move Eboue into the right side of midfield and out of defence.

Group H:

AEK showed everyone that aren't there to simply make up the numbers. While this win didn't completely ensure their progress to the next round, they did themselves no harm by beating a limp Milan side. Julio Cesar's free kick may not have made the headlines like Nakamura's thunderbolt for Celtic, but it was as important, as classy, as clinical. This AEK side have fight, they have gumption and they have the ability to roll up their sleeves and get stuck in. Of course against a Milan side that is simply reeling from one defeat after another, this was easier than normally possible. But the fact remains that every time AEK have been counted out in this group, they have emerged with a fighting display to give themselves a chance of progression. Home form is central in a 6 game mini group. By ensuring they collected 2 wins and a draw from their allotment, they are in with a shouting chance.

Milan, oh Milan, how the mighty have fallen. They resemble a Lamborghini from the front but a Lada from the rear. As encouraging as Kaka's and Pirlo's artistry is, the defensive shambles that is Nesta, Maldini and Costacurta is fast becoming a libility. Gattuso's absence may explain much, but the sad truth is that for a team that contains so much talent, a defensive midfielder should not be their most important player. Perhaps, the underestimated their Greek opponents, starting Brocchi at right back and Gourcuff on the right. Perhaps they relaxed a but too much knowing that qualification had been ensured. Their is no denying however that their season is fast spiralling out of control. They will still top their group but I cannot see them progressing past the next round.

For Lille, read opportunity lost. They should have summarily thumped Anderlecht but instead let them crawl back to even things twice. Now they have to beat Milan away and hope AEK don't do the the same to Anderlecht in the final set of matches. For the neutral it will make fascinating viewing but Lille fans will be gnawing their teeth in anxiety. Twice now they have handed the advantage BACK to inferior opponents in games they should have won. That's 4 and perhaps even 5 dropped points - a win over AEK in Greece may be asking too much. Their defensive lapses have been their Achilles's heel and at crucial times this season and in this game, went missing. All in all this game was a true reflection of their European odyssey - so much potential, a brief display of class and then, sudden descent back into underachievement. They now have to win their toughest tie of the campaign and it still might not be enough.

For the Belgians, a win in their last game may still give them UEFA cup football past Christmas. They own the head to head versus Lille thanks to 2 precious away goals in this game. Their game has been tidy but they lack weapons to cause mayhem at this level. 3 points from 3 draws seem harsh but it is no less than they deserved. Anderlecht are the poor cousins of modern football's big clubs. Massive at home but a feeder club none the less. They would however supplement the UEFA cup well.. if they make it there.