No go Melo - Arshavin's agent is a tick + news round-up

Morning, and we'll start with CEO Ivan Gazidis who says Arsenal must ... oh, wait. No need.

Let's move instead to Felipe Melo who, it seems, has signed for Juventus. This comes after yet more waffle from Fiorentina who spoke again of our interest and the deal seemingly on offer. Pantalones Calzone, the Fiorentina Sporting and Folded Over Pizza director, said:

Wenger wants to talk to me. I have no objection also because Eboue seems a valid swap.

Which all seemed very promising, particularly as he said no meetings with Juventus were planned at all. But obviously the stripy bastards got on the phone, did a deal and now it looks as if Melo will be announced officially there today. 

Oh well. I mean, if he wants to ignore Gilberto Silva and sign for a tiny club with no history who play in front of a half dozen people each weekend then there's not much we can do about that, is there? I suppose we'll wait for the official announcement from them but it looks like the game is up.

There were a lot of rumours yesterday about St Etienne's Blaise Matuidi being in town and discussing a move to us but rumours is all they are at this stage.

And in this crazy, topsy-turvy summer there was more confusion regarding Andrei Arshavin's relationship with agent Dennis Lachter. Arshavin apparently fired Lachter the other week but the agent has other ideas, saying:

We have a contract; this contract will be finished in one and a half years. Until then, I am the manager of Andrey Arshavin.

He sent me a letter, absolutely. Listen, it’s like entering a contract with Arsenal or anybody else; there are obligations. If you think that you can just cancel this formal relationship between two parties only because of a newborn baby it’s…what can you say…well you can’t do it. That’s it. I’m his agent.

He went on to say:

Arshavin for sale! Arshavin for sale! Get your Arshavin! Only £20m! Barcelona? That you? Fancy an Arshavin? Go on, you know you want to.

Strikes me agents are like ticks. I remember years ago, as young chap, playing gleefully in bails on hay one summer. You know the big huge ones rolled into massive wheels. Climb up. Jump off. Climb up. Jump off. Climb up. Jump off. Life was much more simple back then.

Of course the farmer was none too happy when his perfectly crafted wheel looked more like ... erm ... a load of hay scattered all over his field, but the point is when I got home, happy as anything after a good day's playing, I discovered ticks. Eating me. Bleurgh. And when you have ticks you have to get the whole lot of it out, if you just burst the bit full of blood and leave the head in it will keep chomping away at you. Especially the one positioned rather too close to one's vagi  .. I mean Johnson. 

Lachter is the tick still scoffing away at Arshavin. A letter merely removes the bloody sac but the head is still there. He needs a burning match to scorch the arse out of it. Metaphorically speaking of course. Erm, that all went a bit weird, but I'm sure you know what I mean. 

Anyway, Andrei was back in training yesterday, running about the place, stretching out with giant rubbers and playing with large balls. Seriously. You can check out the pictures of pre-season training on Arsenal.com

Notable appearances include Philippe Senderos, back from his loan spell at Milan, as well as Tomas Rosicky and Eduardo who we all hope can stay fit and make a real impact in the season ahead. It also looks as if some of the players, Adebayor, van Persie, Clichy, Sagna, Toure, Eboue and others have been given extended holidays, probably because of their involvement in end of season internationals.

Also, new boy Thomas Vermaelen looks tough, doesn't he? He definitely has the cold dead eyes of an assassin. I like it. 

Expect some more Cesc related crap to hit the wires later as El Mundo are running a big story this morning about how Barcelona's are going to sign either him or Ribery. They talk about how certain sources close to Arsenal say we'd be willing to let him go for €46m but Barcelona only want to pay €40m. Well, in that case they can go take a jump. Anyway, forewarned is forearmed and all that.

Beyond that not much happening so we'll leave it there for today. Till tomorrow.