Arseblog

Sub-gutter press + Arsecast 139

Fri, 20 Nov 2009 16:10:12 +0800

Morning all, good to see the Thierry Henry stuff has blown over. Erm ... I wouldn't normally bother but I think it's only fair that someone tries to counter the lies and the hysteria. He's not one of ours now but he was and he was one of our best. Plus it's kinda quiet.

The Mirror:

Liam Brady last night branded Thierry Henry “shameful“ after launching a bitter attack on FIFA for fixing the outcome.

Or did he? In fact LB7's use of the word "shameful" was aimed at FIFA. On Thierry he said:

I wouldn't blame Thierry Henry for what went on. I would maybe look at what happened three months before and the fact that these seedings for the play-offs were made to favour the bigger teams. I would ask why that went on.

Then we have Henry Winter in the Telegraph calling for Henry to be banned from the World Cup, saying:

Thierry, you have just given football its "Say it ain't so, Joe'' moment. From Shoeless to Shameless.

If the reference eludes you Winter is talking about "Shoeless" Joe Jackson, a baseball player for the Chicago White Sox who participated in a match fixing conspiracy to allow the Cincinnati Reds to win the World Series. So Thierry's handball is now being equated with deliberate, considered and systematic cheating. I really expected better from Henry Winter because this is the kind of shite you would see in the worst kind of tabloid. Instead he's jumped on the bandwagon and made himself look like a total idiot. He goes on to say:

A cheat like Henry should not be allowed to attend the World Cup while honest souls like Shay Given, Robbie Keane, Damien Duff and Ireland's wonderful supporters stay at home.

Since when did an English journalist care so much about Irish football? It's cloying in the extreme to have them fake sincerity towards Ireland just to have a pop at Henry. How nice of them to be so outraged on our behalf. And 'honest souls' like Robbie Keane and Damien Duff. After the game Damien Duff spoke to the BBC, here's what he said:

If it was myself or Robbie down the other end we'd have tried it ... you just expect the linesman or referee to see it.

Honest souls, indeed. I haven't even bothered looking anywhere else because I assume it's all the same shite, not a voice of reason anywhere (although Barry Glendenning did say he'd buy Henry a pint if he came to Ireland - he'd probably buy him a pint of Coors Lite though, which would be fair punishment it has to be said).

When you have the FAI and the Irish Government making the country look foolish in the extreme with their absurd claims for a replay you know this story is nothing more than a smokescreen for them. It suits our government perfectly, actually. Get everybody fired up about a football match to take their minds off the fact the entire country, under their pathetic governanance, is fucked. You have to question whether or not the Taoiseach and the Minister for Justice have better things to be doing at the moment than worrying about a replay. And the FAI - well, as they build a new stadium they'll grasp at any straw to try and fill their coffers.

And caught in the barrage is Thierry Henry who was wrong and who cheated but did nothing that footballers don't do in every game. He sought an advantage by breaking the rules and that happens every week from claiming throw ins which aren't yours, making fouls, pulling jerseys, diving and countless other actions intended to put yourself in a position to win the game. Not all of them are pretty, some of them more costly than others, but what's great about football is shit happens to you one week, it happens to someone else the next. Ireland got the shitty end of the stick this time but not many Ireland fans complained when we got a penalty in Georgia which wasn't a penalty. From a match report:

A long ball found its way to Robbie Keane who seemed to control the ball with his hand only for the referee to let play continue. The ball was then cleared but only as far as Kevin Doyle as it deflected off the Waterford man and into the path of Ucha Lobjanidze. The referee then gave a shrill blast of his whistle for what appeared to be an offside by Keane.
Instead to everyones surprise, Hyytia pointed to the penalty spot and deemed Lobjanidze to have handled the ball. Replays showed that Keane had handled the ball in the lead-up to this decision and that Keane was also offside as play continued.

Watch the footage. What's the difference? Was there outrage at Robbie Keane's deliberate, but much more sneaky, handball? Did the English press condemn the referee for favouring the 'bigger' team at the expense of the plucky eastern European underdogs? Did the honest souls Damien Duff and Robbie Keane tell the ref it wasn't a penalty? Of course they didn't. Robbie Keane scored it and celebrated. So, what goes around comes around? Maybe not, but it certainly highlights the difference between the reporting of that incident and this one, doesn't it? As someone on Twitter put it:

Just like Eduardo against Celtic, the rule here isn't "don't cheat." the rule is "don't cheat certain teams."

I feel sorry for Thierry Henry. I know he's a big boy and he can cope and I agree entirely with those who wish to condemn his cheating. However, it has gone so far beyond what is normal, or what should be acceptable. Has football journalism really sunk this low? It's like everyone has been injected with Daily Mail and pumped full of Harry Harris. You have The Mirror putting words in Liam Brady's mouth, you have previously respected journalists like Henry Winter fuelling the fire with ludicrous copy, and the bottom line is the football match is over. France have won, Ireland have lost. There's nothing that can be done about it now despite the outrage. And those who are stirring up controversy for web page hits, for their own profiles, or anything else ought to just shut up now and get on with something else.

If that means more talk of video evidence or five officials in a game, then let's have that debate because it will do something to stop incidents like this happening again. Vilifying one footballer for doing what every other footballer would do will not.

Right then, the good news is that real football returns tomorrow and we've got a fairly tricky assignment away to Sunderland who have been improved by the arrival of Steve Bruce as manager. We'll get full team news today but while Walcott, van Persie, Gibbs, Bendtner, Diaby and Clichy all miss out, Denilson, Traore, Vela and Fabianski return. With Standard Liege in midweek and Chelsea next weekend you suspect the manager might shuffle his pack a bit but we'll probably know more after his press conference today.

Not much else from an Arsenal point of view so before the Arsecast let me give you the winner of the most excellent Dennis Bergkamp canvas provided by Modern Canvas Art. The answer to the question was Inter Milan and the RNG did its thing and the winner is : Stuart Stratford. Well done to you and I'll be in touch to get your details. To the rest, better luck next time - and do check out their website for other Arsenal related canvases. More competitions on the way next week including a chance to win tickets for the Chelsea game.

Now then, Arsecast. On this week's show Goodplaya joins me to talk Thierry and the return of Arsenal, Sylvester is in there, as is the penis of William Gallas, plus there's a chance for you to win (see how much I give you?!) a Savile Rogue scarf (by the way, if you buy a scarf through their website and use the code ARSEBLOG at check-out you get a 10% discount before Dec 6th. Not too shabby).

You can subscribe to the Arsecast on iTunes by clicking here. Or if you want to subscribe directly to the feed URL you can do so too. To download this week's arsecast directly - click here (22mb MP3) or you can listen directly below without leaving this very page.

And that, thankfully, is about that. Till tomorrow.

On Thierry Henry, handball and Ireland + Eduardo, Gibbs good news

Thu, 19 Nov 2009 15:51:18 +0800

Morning, morning.

Well can I just say:

FUCK YOU INTERLULL. I HOPE YOU GET KNOCKED DOWN BY A BUS. THEN RAPED BY A BEAR. IN THE FACE.

Leaving aside the fact we've had no Arsenal for two weeks the hysteria over last night's handball by Thierry Henry has been ludicrous. The ire of Ireland fans I can fully understand but the vitriol levelled at Henry from some quarters has been way over the top.

Some have suggested that Henry's status as an Arsenal legend is tarnished because of this. Erm, is it ok to point out that, you know, he's a Barcelona player now and what he did last night has nothing to do with anything he did at Arsenal?

John Cross from the Mirror said on his Twitter:

Next time Arsenal are cheated, no one can complain. This was a big game.

Again, what the fuck does it have to do with Arsenal? Henry Winter gets in on the shrieking hysteria:

Why Thierry? Why ruin your reputation for sportsmanship? Journalists are now running thru Stade de Fraud looking for you. Why did you cheat?

WON'T SOMEBODY THINK OF THE CHILDREN?!! WHYYYYYYYYY? WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY??!!!!

Then there are no-marks like Tony Cascarino saying shit like this? Fuck off. Cascarino was the man who played for Ireland 90 times or something and he wasn't even Irish! I don't mean he wasn't Irish like so many of the 'granny rule' players, he had no connection to us whatsoever and now tries to make a living as someone who knows something about football. And even at face value Thierry at least had a football reputuation to tarnish, not one for gambling and beating up women. And he calls Henry insincere? Fuck off, you toothless, Chelsea prick.

Myles Palmer, who writes an Arsenal site remember, says:

What a scumbag ! What a pitiful, cheating scumbag ! Thierry Henry, you are the scum of Paris, the scum of world sport, the scum of the earth.

The scum of the earth? Can people now treat that site and that writer with the absolute disdain he deserves? Fucking leech. He's never forgiven him for making him look like a chump for this:

And remember, Thierry Henry is not a striker. He is not a goalscorer. He scored only 20 goals in 103 games for Monaco. And he did nothing at Juventus. Henry is a right-footed left winger who is quick and skilful. He can also play wide on the right.

Even Arsène Wenger cannot make Henry into a striker. So lets get that straight in our minds before we read any more ignorant tosh in the papers. Got it?

Look, it was a handball, he cheated, no question about it. Would I have preferred he didn't do it? Of course. Is it the only reason Ireland didn't qualify for the World Cup? No. Thierry is now Ireland's most hated man, there are Facebook groups and websites with Guestbooks where you can register and call him whatever name you want, but for me it's a real shame that professional sports writers are talking about Henry ruining his reputation as if this is what defines his career. They ought to hang their heads and get some perspective.

You had pundits last night, players who actually played the game, who suggested that Henry should have told the ref he'd handled it. Seriously! As if they would have when they were playing. As if an Irish player would have if he'd done it. The soapboxing was unreal and, frankly, bullshit. For anyone who has played the game - AT ANY LEVEL - to say that they would have told the referee they handled it out of good sportsmanship is a liar. And when World Cup qualification is on the table? Give me a break.

If it had been against Serbia, for example, would anyone give a shit? Same thing as the Eduardo dive, isn't it? Everyone's got a soft spot for good old Celtic and sure aren't the Irish great craic, therefore the anger and outraged is multiplied. And I'm an Irishman so I won't be lectured to by English journalists about how I should feel about what happened or Thierry Henry. But there wouldn't be 10% of the fuss if he'd done the same thing against some swarthy eastern Europeans. And if the shoe had been on the other foot, or the glove on the other hand, perhaps, would there be such a ferocious reaction about how the nasty Irish had cheated the French? I don't think so. I dare to say those in the English press might have had a good laugh at the expense of their cross-channel rivals. And how many Irishmen laughed at Maradona in 1986? Perhaps it's not quite so funny now.

He should not have handled it but he did. Ireland should have scored at least one more goal but they didn't and how many times have we watched football for something like this to happen? Thierry has been a magnificent footballer, he has won practically every medal there is to win (sadly one in particular with that scabby lot in Spain), and that for me is how he'll be remembered, despite the efforts of some to sully that.

Is Michael Owen remembered only for his blatant dive against Argentina? Wayne Rooney for diving to win that penalty at Old Trafford? No. They are all pieces of instinctive cheating, it happens in football since time immemorial and will continue to do so. And let's not jump on our high horses as Arsenal fans when we've had players who have, down the years, done exactly the same, to score goals and win games for us.

By all means be pissed off at Henry but if you let what happened last night somehow tarnish what he did for us then, in my humble opinion, that'd be wrong. No more to say on that now - and if you do want to comment in the arses feel free, just remember this is an Arsenal site, not an Ireland site and comport yourself accordingly.

Of more concern, to me at least, is that we get everybody back and fit for the weekend. Gallas and Sagna played 120 minutes last night so the manager is going to have to look at that and consider their fitness. Cesc and Eboue scored goals for their countries but it'll be later on before we know the full extent of the Interlull damage. Fingers crossed.

There were two pieces of good news yesterday too. Firstly Eduardo has signed a new long term deal at the club. Wearing the biggest watch in the world, it's like a gold plate with hands, he put pen to paper under the watchful eye of Ivan Gazidis and said:

I am very pleased to have signed a new long contract with the Club. I'm very happy and I hope to stay at Arsenal for as long as I can. This period is good for me now. I feel strong in my body and I feel ready to play 90 minutes every three days if it's needed.

And it's going to be needed, Eddie. With the injuries racking up we need him fit, healthy and on target. It also puts paid the ridiculous News of the World rumour that he was going to sign for Liverpool.

Then there's Kieran Gibbs. Despite fears he'd broken a metatarsal it turns out his foot is just badly bruised and his absence is listed as 'short term'. Who replaces him at the weekend remains to be seen. Last we heard Traore was injured and with potential changes in the centre of defence it's all a bit up in the air. I suspect it'll be Sylvester though.

Not much else going on - I'll remind you of the competition to win the Dennis Bergkamp canvas from Modern Canvas Art (who do have other Arsenal related canvases. Worth a look before Christmas if you need present ideas). Anyway, see yesterday's blog for the question and I'll announce the winner tomorrow.

Right then, time to baton down the hatches. I mean because it's windy here. Not because I expect a reaction to today's blog. Oh no.

More tomorrow.

Interlull : More injury woe

Wed, 18 Nov 2009 15:58:34 +0800

Just before the Interlull Arsene Wenger said:

Traditionally November has not been a good month for us. But I explain that by the fact we had more injuries, it is the first period when they kick in.

Way to tempt fate, Arsene! I think he was probably referring to injuries that would occur through wear and tear. A calf strain here, a hamstring there, perhaps a little tweak of the groin along the way. As it is this Interlull has not only been tedious it has been costly. Firstly Robin van Persie nearly has his ankle kicked off and last night Kieran Gibbs was taken to hospital for X-rays on his foot.

Early reports are suggesting a broken metatarsal, which would be bad news indeed. When Robin van Persie picked up a similar injury in January 2007 he missed the rest of the season. The timing of Gibbs injury is particularly unfortunate as we're without Clichy due to his back problem. Again we'll have to wait for official confirmation but it does look as if we're going to have to do without him for a bit, which is a blow to us and a blow to the young man who was looking forward to taking his opportunity.

That said, left back is the position in which we probably have the most cover. There's still Armand Traore, who might well view this as just the chance he needs to stake his claim for a place, and while Sylvester certainly wouldn't provide the pace and dynamism of the other three left backs at the club he at least has the experience to be able to do the job if called upon.

As the man from East Lower puts together a crocks XI every Arsenal fan will be keeping everything crossed that those involved in games tonight come through unscathed. From my scant research those up for injury tonight are: Gallas, Sagna, Arshavin, Cesc and Vermaelen. Five extremely important players to whom any kind of injury would be, not only cruel, but downright vindictive and it would make me believe that Phil Collins is working some slapheaded voodoo on us. Cesc and Vermaelen are both playing in friendlies so let's hope those international managers don't run them into the ground. The others are playing WC Qualifiers. We'll be on tenterhooks till these games are finished.

Former Gunner and total dreamboat Robert Pires talks about our injuries, saying:

The injuries always seem to have damaged Arsenal in the last few seasons and now again this is the difficult time between November and December. Teams that suffer a lot of problems during these months often miss out on winning the league. You play a lot of games, it’s difficult and it tests the squad.

Curses. Doomed. But wait, Robert is confident we can cope, saying:

These two matches against Sunderland and Chelsea will be the key for the future of Arsenal in the Premier League and I believe Arsenal will give their answer on the pitch. But the young players will also have to step up and play a bigger part and they have the talent to do that.

Hurrah! If Robert says so then I believe him. He wouldn't lie to us. He highlights the importance of Cesc Fabregas who has once again confirmed his committment to the club despite every single Barcelona player marching up and down Passeig de Gracia holding placards saying 'Please sign for us!', 'DNA! A-OK!' and 'It's Cescy time!!!'.

Meantime I miss Robert Pires like an amputee misses his foot. *sigh*

In other news Stan Kroenke's right hand man says Silent Stan is not so silent and is, in fact, a thoroughly nice chap. Which is pretty much what you would expect a right hand man to say, unless he was a duplicitous Iagoesque character.

Emmanuel Eboue says he wants to be the next Eddie Murphy. Sweet holy sacred mother of the divine heart of the crucified Jesus. I think he means that he wants to be a comedic actor in Hollywood and not somebody who picks up giant transvestites just to give them a lift because he feels sorry for them and not because he wants to have dirty sex with them before he goes and knocks up one of the Spice Girls. I know this is part of the 'rebuild Eboue's image' project that has been ongoing via the official site but it just makes him look like a bit of a spa.

Bacary Sagna's agent says Juventus have been in contact with him but the player won't be leaving. Thanks for that Mr Agent whose name is Christoper Mongai. Hahaha. Mong.

And finally Arsene says that Samir Nasri won't be the man to replace Alex Song when he goes to the ACN. The boss reckons Denilson is more suited to the role and Nasri better further forward, which I tend to agree with. The problem is who will replace Denilson's replacement when the replacement for Denilson's replacement is injured by Denilson's replacement's replacement's replacement in a training ground tragedy? Forward planning is what we need here folks.

And finally, finally - For those of you at loose end tonight, co-author of 'Arsenal: Making a modern superclub', Alex Fynn, is giving a seminar entitled 'The Secret History of Arsenal Football Club' at 6pm. For more details check out the OnlineGooner.

And finally, finally, finally for today. How about some artwork to brighten up your home? I'm good at making friends and I've got some new ones called Modern Canvas Art. They have given me the following Dennis Bergkamp canvas to give to one of you lucky chaps or chapettes.

It is 50cm x 70cm and would look awesome on your wall. To enter, simply answer the following question:

From which club did Arsenal sign Dennis Bergkamp? Was it a) Ajax b) Juventus c) Inter Milan. Answers, as usual, to competition@arseblog.com and the winner will be announced on Friday.

Right then, have at it.

Interlull : He's putting what on his ankle?

Tue, 17 Nov 2009 15:44:44 +0800

So the club yesterday confirmed Robin van Persie's injury and the prognosis that he'd be out for around 6 weeks. Now that it's official we can all run around and panic, throwing our hands up in the air like sometimes we feel like doing. I know, I know.

What did emerge yesterday is that Robin is set to try a revolutionary new treatment, apparently with the blessing of the club, whereby he'll travel to Serbia to have his ankle massaged with placenta fluid. Seriously. He says:

I am going to receive treatment from a female doctor. She is vague about her methods but I know she first massages you for a long time with placenta fluid. I'm going to give it a try.

It can't do any harm and if it helps it helps. I have been in contact with Arsenal's chief physio about it. The club has allowed me to have this treatment done.

It does seem odd but like he says if it helps, it helps. I mean, if there was the possibility that smearing his foot with late term abortions while quaffing great big goblets of stem cells would help I'd be all for that too. Anyway, 6 weeks from today would see him return at the end of the December. Then we have to take into account is it 6 weeks before he can return to training or 6 weeks before he plays again? I suspect it'll be the new year before we see him.

The question now is what do we do without him. The obvious choice is Eduardo. Actually, at the moment he's pretty much the only choice. Bendtner has just had his goolies operated on, Theo Walcott is still out with whatever it is that's wrong with him this time and Carlos Vela ... well ... I'm not sure Carlos Vela is even with us. I suspect he may have been kidnapped by nasty banditos but with the club using all the money we have to prettify the stadium we haven't been able to pay the ransom.

After that it's youngsters like Watt and Sunu so Eduardo it is. Whether he can stay the pace and play the amount of games we're going to need him to play remains to be seen, but he's confident he can get his shooting boots back on and not his missing boots after the chances he spurned against Sp*rs. He says:

Against Tottenham I missed one big chance in particular, when I was one-on-one with the goalkeeper. Maybe I had too much time to think about what I had to do. Sometimes it is better when you have less time to think and can act instinctively. But I will not worry about that chance, I feel strong in my head and my body. It is good that I was in the position to have the chance because if you keep doing that, then the goals will come.

He got a couple at the weekend in a Croatian friendly against Lichtenstein, a notoriously difficult team to score against, and there's now an onus on him to perform for us. He's had the luxury, so to speak, of not being essential to the team, to come on from the bench without a great deal of pressure, but now we need him so fingers crossed he can do the business. Without Bendtner and van Persie (who is 6'1) we are bit on the teenchy side up front though. Eduardo, Arshavin and let's say one of Rosicky/Nasri aren't going to knock centre-halves on their arses, are they? I'm sure we're practising lots of running through people's legs in training.

Carles Puyol is the latest to do Barcelona's dirty work in tapping up Cesc, saying not only does he hope he joins but that Barcelona don't pay very much to sign him. Does he think there's a January sale or something? I know they've bought a few players off us in the past but Arsenal is not like some kind of coffee shop. You don't get one free on your fucking loyalty card. Twats.

Arsene Wenger says Patrick Vieira needs to leave Inter Milan to get into the French squad but pretty much ruled out him moving back to Arsenal. He said:

If I had to bet, I would put my money on another country. It's complicated for him to come back to this country.

I wouldn't bet against Arsene Wenger, no sir. And while we definitely need somebody to step in and do the job Alex Song has been doing when he goes away to the ACN you do have to wonder whether Paddy would have the legs for the Premier League anymore.

Beyond that not much else happening. Tomorrow sees the final round of WC qualifiers plus another group of meaningless friendlies. Get your lucky socks on and hope for the best. There'll also be an arty kind of competition tomorrow too, more details then.

Have a good one.

Interlull : Nothing offical but it looks better for RVP

Mon, 16 Nov 2009 16:00:14 +0800

Happy Monday to you from a very wild and rainy Dublin.

Still lots of misinformation abounding regarding Robin van Persie's injury. This morning's Sun says he could miss the 'entire season' and says Arsene is 'gutted' but the news from the player himself isn't so bad. The Dutch FA have confirmed that there's a 'partial rupture' of his ankle ligaments but there's no requirement for surgery, which is a good thing.

As for how long he's going to be out, Robin says:

The prognosis is that I will be out for four to six weeks.

Which is good news, I suppose, but I think I'd like to hear what our medical staff have to say before I get too enthused. Anyone who has done their ankle playing football knows that it can be a difficult injury to heal properly. If we take 6 weeks as the period out then we may have him back for the Christmas rush. In the meantime we'll have to cope and thankfully the fixtures aren't anywhere as testing as they might be.

Chelsea at the end of this month and then Liverpool in mid-December are the two biggest games. The rest are fixtures that you feel we should be able to cope with his absence. And let's remember that one of the real positives about this team this season is that we're not reliant on one man for goals. They've come from all over the pitch, I think we have something like 16 different goalscorers already, so while it's a bit of a setback and obviously his contribution in recent weeks has been outstanding, it's not the hammer blow some would make it out to be. I expect some kind of official update from the club today, let's see.

What is amusing, relatively speaking, is the invention of the press. As soon as van Persie got injured we started seeing stories regarding Marouane Chamakh arriving in January. Honestly, this is some of the laziest shit I've ever seen. Are we really supposed to believe that they have a direct line to Arsene's head? Because as sure as eggs are eggs the boss hasn't spoken to anyone about bringing in Chamakh. That information, which doesn't exist in the first place, hasn't leaked anywhere. They could replace the word 'Chamakh' with 9-ton hippo/giraffe hybrid, the Gippo, and it would be as accurate as the shite they're peddling. Idiots.

Although the idea of Cesc providing killer passes for a Gippo, who would undoubtedly be very good in the air, is quite appealing.

In other news Kieran Gibbs has been talking about making sure he takes his chances this season. With Gael Clichy out injured for a while he's got a real opportunity and while he's not thinking about the World Cup former Gunner Ray Parlour reckons he's got a real chance of making England's squad. Maybe it's just me but I think the longer he stays out of the England set-up the better. Think about it, do we really want him hanging around 'JT' (barf) and 'Lamps', Wonky-mouth and 'Cuntley', sorry, I mean Cuntley?

What will he learn from them apart from how to park in handicapped spaces, how to enjoy a shoplifted dinner after a few lines of gack, wideboy nightclub bollocks such as pissing into people's pints, road swerving and general cuntsrousness? For his own sake I think he should declare for a nation which has no footballing ability whatsoever. Like Ireland. Kieran is kind of an Irish name. At least if Ireland's senior players tried to influence him he could just say 'Look Robbie, you fucking mallet-headed, Desperate Dan looking twat, there's more to football than sitting on your arse bleating at the ref to give you a free kick when you haven't even been fouled, just tackled, you pox-bottle piece of useless shite'.

I suppose if he plays well for Arsenal we'll just have to cope with the consequences of him being called up to play international games, and you can't blame Capello for looking at him when his other left back option is Wayne Bridge, who is to defending what Karen Carpenter was to overeating.

The praise for Aaron Ramsey after his display at the weekend continues with one of his Welsh teammates comparing him to Cesc, which is good stuff indeed. One Cesc is a thing of wonder, two of them would be almost like cheating. Let's hope his progression continues at this kind of pace.

And that'll have to do. Just a few days of the Interlull to go, then we can back to real football. Hopefully some competitions to come this week to pass the time, so keep your eyes peeled.

More tomorrow.

Interlull : van Persie crocked + Sunday round-up

Sun, 15 Nov 2009 17:10:02 +0800

Well, it had to happen, didn't it? The Interlull had been so dull and tedious the only thing that could spark a bit of life into it was an injury to one of our players. It certainly wasn't going to be the football as anyone who sat through the Sunday park football shitstravaganza that was Ireland v France last night will tell you.

Anyway, as that game was plodding on reports began to emerge of an injury to Robin van Persie not long into Holland's game against Italy. Within a couple of hours there were all kinds of rumours. He'd broken his ankle, he'd ruptured his ankle ligaments and he'd be out from 2-3 months to the rest of the season. Or forever. As his leg had fallen off. The Dutch coach said:

The first diagnosis is that Robin has a bad ankle injury. The seriousness of it we won’t know until we have the full X-rays in hospital.

Basically though we don't know anything yet. The video footage of the injury is here. While some might choose to blame Chiellini, I don't think that's fair. The defender made a tackle, as he was perfectly entitled to do, van Persie just got unlucky. Making him some kind of pantomime villain is pointless. What is clear though is that van Persie was in a lot of pain and it does look like the kind of injury that might keep him out for a while.

However, until there's some official confirmation from the club about the extent of the problem I'm not going to get involved in speculation and rumour. Let's step back from the cliff face and see what happens. And look, an injury to an important player was inevitable. It happens to every team and if you had to put any money on it happening to one of our players you'd get short odds on it being Robin.

It's a big shame because he's playing so well at the moment and with Bendtner out of action as well the most obvious replacement is there right now. Nonetheless we're going to just have to grit our teeth and get on with it. We won't win any games by feeling sorry for ourselves - and while it's doubly frustrating that this injury happened in a meaningless international game, and I'm sure Arsene will have something to say about that, we've got a big enough squad and it's time for them to step up and show they're up to the task. Over to you Eduardo and, if he still exists, Carlos Vela. Theo's not far away either.

Some of the newspaper hype is quite ridiculous though. If you believed some of them Arsenal now have no chance of winning anything this season because of van Persie's injury. As if all our hopes rested on one man. Yes, it's a blow, and yes we've spoken about how important it is that our big players stay fit, but should we throw in the towel because of one injury? My bollocks. As I said, they happen to us, to every team, and the show must go on. Fingers crossed it's not as a bad as we fear it is but until we get official confirmation let's not lose the run of ourselves.

Thankfully there are no reports of any injuries to anyone else and there was much talk yesterday of Aaron Ramsey's performance for Wales against Scotland. I didn't see any of it, nor can I find any footage, but the young man was outstanding by all accounts, which is, at the end of the day, good news for us.

Update: Video thanks 101greatgoals.

Rounding up the rest of the Sunday's guff, Patrick Vieira talks about Abou Diaby in the Sunday Mirror, the News of the World links us with a Brazilian called Maicosuel and links our Crozilian with a £10m move to Liverpool (you don't need me to tell you both these stories are most likely complete fiction, do you?) while Thomas Vermaelen tells The Mirror he can do better - maybe we can play him up front in van Persie's absence.

Tribal Football carries quotes from Philippe Senderos, probably from the Swiss press, who says he might leave the club when the transfer window opens. You couldn't blame him, in fairness, his move to Everton was scuppered by Djourou's injury but playing back-up all season is no fun for any player. Still, if he is to leave then a replacement would have to be found.

Beyond that not a lot going on. Time for bacon and eggs, the Sunday papers and some serious hoping re: RVP.

Laters.

Interlull : Stupid people are stupid

Sat, 14 Nov 2009 17:51:58 +0800

Some people are just stupid. Born that way. There is literally nothing they can do about it.

Most of these stupid people you encounter in day to day business. The stupid girl behind the cash register of some shop who can't work out the change even though the till tells her exactly what to give you back. The stupid man who blocks you off in traffic then looks at you like you're the cunt when you sarcastically applaud him. The bloke from the electric company who comes to the house you've just bought in Spain, the one you're waiting to move into, and who assures you the job has been done but when you get to the house you find there is no electricity and a bit of investigation reveals that he turned on the electricity for an unoccupied house four doors away and when you go and tell them this they look at you and go 'meh' because you're just a foreigner with fuck all Spanish but you're not the one who was supposed to put the lights at number 30 and went to 34 instead. Even with your rudimentary Spanish you knew the fucking numbers.

Those kind of stupid people you get used to dealing with. Then there are other stupid people. They are stupid but think they're smart. And even though they do possess a modicum of intelligence the more they open their mouths the more stupid you realise they are.

These kind of people if they were electrocuted every time they went to take a bite of a delicious treat would never learn that eating the treat equals pain. And sadly many of these kind of stupid people find themselves in positions of relative power. I mean, how many stupid politicians are there? Whatever country you're in you know of one or two or twenty or all of them. Dan Quayle, for example, was vice president of the US. Honestly, just a stupid cunt. Not a few short weeks ago Ireland's deputy Prime Minister, Mary Coughlan, was speaking at the launch of some thing or other and said that the marketing of it would be like 'like Einstein explaining his theory of evolution'. Give me strength.

Morons, everywhere you go, there are morons, idiots, dolts and numbskulls. They would make you despair if it wasn't such a big job to get off one's throne of intellectual superiority. As it is most of us just say 'Oh, that person is so stupid. Give me more beer'. It's the best way to get through because you can't change them. Be a politician? No thank you. Then you would have to actually listen to them and deal with them at close quarters and then it'd be mass-murder time. And I'm not stupid enough to spend the rest of my life in jail for killing stupid people, even if they do deserve to be shot repeatedly in the face.

Another man who is one of these stupid powerful people, relatively speaking of course, is Joan Laporta. He's a lawyer, you know, although from my limited experience of the legal profession in Spain it seems a lawyer's only function is to facilitate the passing of cash for house purchases. Honestly, the two transactions I was involved in both required an under-the-table cash payment to the developer and to the lawyer before some underling photocopied some deed-like documents to sign with Pablo Solicitoria counted his wad.

Laporta is also the President of FC Barcelona and over the years he has irritated me greatly, because he is stupid. He thinks he's being all crafty and clever but he's not. His latest 'I am so smart, s.m.r.t' business revolves around Cesc Fabregas. Having programmed Robot Xavi to talk about Cesc's Barcelona DNA every time there's a microphone within 6 feet of him he sees Cesc as a vanity project. His term as President of Barcelona is up next summer, the rules say he cannot be re-elected, but he wants to give them something to remember him by as a leaving present. That present is Cesc when the present I would most like him to give them is his own head which he hacked off with a rusty axe.

Once again he's been in the papers, moving his little campaign along, and he said:

He was formed at Barca, he has our style of play and the majority of '~~cules~~' 'cunts' like him. We must respect Arsenal and cannot comment though. The market is not open and these matters are decided by the technical director [Txiki Begiristain], and so we are not thinking about it at the moment.

Ok, now here's where Laporta proves himself to be as stupid as a Spanish electrician. Firstly he says they must respect Arsenal and not comment. He does that by commenting. Clever indeed. Then he says they are not thinking about it at the moment but in order to vocalise what it is he's not thinking about he has to think about it, otherwise he'd be saying different words entirely.

The only way you can not comment is to not comment. You can't comment and then say you can't comment. That's commenting, you fucking hapless, brain-dead imbecile. You can't get your journo chums in Sport and El Mundo to write big pieces about how Cesc has signed a pre-contract agreement with Barcelona and may even leave in January and then tell people you're not thinking about it at the moment because clearly you are. He is the kind of man who, if caught in the act of murdering somebody, blood on his hands, victim's final words 'He did it', would say 'I didn't do it'.

Honestly, he's a smarmy prick of the highest order. That smug grin on his face whenever you see him sitting in the directors box of some small Spanish team when Barcelona have stuck a few goals past them and it's enough to make you go there and take a hammer to his teeth. In fact, I am going there in a few weeks, and I know a good hardware store.

I understand how football works and transfers and this is very much the Spanish way. That doesn't mean it's the right way though or that we should sit back and accept it. Nor should we really accept stupid people who I think should all be rounded up and sent to an island somewhere. To escape you put them in a room full of shovels and tell them to take their pick. That'd keep them busy for decades. Laporta and Mary Coughlan can go first, although stupid people tend to breed faster than normal people so perhaps we should sterilise them all first. Or just drop them into a fucking volcano. The cunts. The idea of a little Joan Coughlan or a Mary Laporta fills me with real dread.

I can cope with lots of stuff, irritating noises (apart from the noise of people eating chewing gum which is so trying it should be legal to solder that person's mouth shut), Irish weather, not having my own island paradise, even David Gray because there is such a thing as an off-button, but stupid people I just cannot. I hate them. And I fucking hate Joan Laporta.

Now I need breakfast and you can't stop me.

Interlull : Zzzzzzz ....

Fri, 13 Nov 2009 16:57:39 +0800

Well it's all action round Arsenal way this morning and we prepare for tomorrow's match against Melchester Rovers.

With Roy Race in such good form it's sure to be quite the battle and since they were taken over by USA Soccerball Corp Inc®© they've become a force to be reckoned with. Not only have they got the best players in the world from this era, new technology has allowed them to clone the best players from times gone by.

Roy Race and Pele up front will sure be a handful for Vermaelen and Gallas while their midfield of Cruyff, Socrates, Didier Six and David Hillier will cause us real problems unless we take real care. I think if we can get through the first two quarters we'll probably take them, you know how these clones roll. All tricks and flicks as they have that classic DNA sparkling but we know they suffer from problems with stamina. Arsene Wenger is looking forward to the game, saying:

Jesus fucking Christ, Arseblogger, wake up. This is just a dream. There's no football tomorrow at all. You've got Interlull cabin fever. Hahaha.

Noooooooooooooooooo. Stupid waking dreams. You know it's the dullest Interlull ever when the official Arsenal website is running a story with Liam Brady and a headline 'Brady - France have more pressure than us'. Now, I know Chippy is involved in the Irish set-up. He's one of Trappatoni's assistants but I just find it a little distasteful that he refers to 'us' when us includes Robbie Keane. He's not an 'us', Liamo, he's very much a 'them', even if he is wearing a green shirt.

And while there's a whole load of hype and build-up to this game it'll be a bit weird watching it. France have Arsenal players, Ireland do not have Arsenal players. Ireland have Robbie Keane, although France do have Patrice Evra which has just about swung the balance back in Ireland's favour. The other thing, of course, is Ireland's style of play. It's not exactly beautiful, flowing football. Watching Ireland play football is about as much fun as being Carlo Cudicini's pillion passenger.

Still, I'm sure I'll watch it. Just to get a bit of a football fix. Very little Arsenal news around as you'll have gathered by now. The Mail reports that Arsenal's players will give up a day's wages and match bonuses and what have you when we play Chelsea at the end of the month. It's all in aid of Great Ormond Street Hospital which is the club's official charity. You've probably seen the pictures floating about of some of the lads dressed in giant furry animal suits. Here's Cesc doing his My Little Pony impression to the amusement of Andrei Sharkshavin in the minivan.

In the Mirror there's a story about young striker Gilles Sunu who wants to go on loan but Arsene Wenger is refusing to allow him to do so until he signs a new contract with the club. I'm struggling to decide if I care enough about this story to comment in any way and after a few moments I've decided that I'm not. Which is a shame because I've got column inches to fill but ... meh.

Ok, scarf competition time. The other day I asked you to choose the odd one out between John Terry's dad, Phil Brown's son and my next door neighbour's beagle. Thank you all for the answers, many of them were quite hilarious indeed and I never knew such a range of 'Son of a bitch' jokes were possible. However, it's time for the answer.

And the odd one out was - my next door neighbour's beagle. This is because if you were to set up a concession stand which had every kind of soft drink in the world and you told these three candidates they could have whatever they wanted for free, the beagle would choose a can of delicious Lilt, with it's totally tropical taste, while the other two would go straight for the Coke.

The RNG did its thing and the winner is : Matthew Martin. Well done to you, I'll be in touch, and thanks once again to Savile Rogue for the prize. And if you didn't win, don't worry too much about your cold neck. Savile Rogue are thinking of you and have given me more 100% cashmere Arsenal scarves to give away in the coming weeks.

Right, that's that. I can't do no more. Till tomorrow.

Interlull : Losing the will to blog ...

Thu, 12 Nov 2009 16:47:51 +0800

Sometimes I have Arsenal related dreams. Last night Ray Parlour was working in my local area as a mobile fish and chip shop man. He had a kind of caravan thing which he motored with a tricycle contraption of some sort, and this contraption also heated up the oil for him to fry the fish and the chips. But if he didn't get the oil to the right temperature then the fish came back to life and they had baseball bats which somehow they were able to hold despite only having flippers.

Ray seemed quite happy with his lot but it was a strange world, as if everybody had lost all their money and nobody could afford to buy his wares. The last I saw of him was when he turned a corner, rubbish strewn about the streets, and he was whistling a tune I can't quite remember.

Odd, I know, but a timely dream as there really is fuck all going this morning. The Interlull has choked the life out of everything and here we are, bereft, football-less, bored and doleful, like a basset hound that has just been told there will be no more cheese ... ever. If you thought they looked sad before ...

There's a little bit about Robin van Persie saying he's not a killer striker like Drogba or Torres, but more of a half-killer, half-not killer thing. He says he's as proud of his assists as he is his goals, which is fair enough I suppose. I just don't get the whole 'Drogba as a killer' thing. Imagine if he was some kind of stealthy assassin. I suppose he'd be quite good as long as he could do it from a distance, what with him being a sly, sneaky cunt, and that. But not every job goes perfectly, believe me, and if he had to engage in hand to hand combat with one of his potential victims then things would be very different. The moment his opponent even looked at him funny Drogba would lying on the ground twitching like Harry Redknapp after touching a live wire. At that point then he would be like an upside down turtle, completely vulnerable to attack, and his career as an assassin would come to a bloody and evisceratingly painful end.

We're also being linked to Yaya Toure again. I really think there ought to be some regulation here. It's so indiscriminate. I might just lobby UEFA to prevent this happening year round, confining it to a specific time-frame. A story might appear in the paper and we might say 'Yup, it's Yaya Toure season again. Man, only seems like a few weeks since the last one', in a kind of 'Shit, it's nearly Christmas again?' way.

Toure Jr is unhappy at Barcelona this season as they gave him a big new contract in the summer and then treated him a bit like Hleb. Not that I care but his agent is going on and on about it and the minute he starts the stories appear about him joining Arsenal. In the past that seemed like a reasonable assumption to make, what with his big brother playing for us, but now that his big brother is in the Middle Eastlands can all tabloid journos please refrain from saying he's coming to us and choose Man City instead? It'd make everyone's life much easier when he signs for someone else altogether.

Transfer speculation? The Sun links us with teenage Barcelona winger .... zzzz ... Gai Assulin. I'm sure if he did sign the Gai Ass shirts would be flying out of the Armoury. And speaking of Barcelona Xavi's been at the whole 'Cesc has Barcelona DNA' stuff again. I'm beginning to wonder if he's not a robot stuck on repeat. Maybe somebody should hit him in the head really hard to see.

Jack Wilshere is looking for a return to action in the Carling Cup game against Man City and he's confident Arsenal can go all the way to Wembley. There'll be plenty to say about that game in the weeks to come. No doubt Pubic Enemy No 1 will play and I want to save my bacon a bit in that regard.

Apart from that there's little else to discuss. You have until tonight to enter the competition to win the Savile Rogue scarf with thanks to Savile Rogue, the makers of Savile Rogue scarves. See yesterday's blog for the competition question. In the mailing list yesterday they got a typo which referred to my 'next dour neighbour', which is a bit unfair on him. He's not the most exciting man in the world but he made a joke about a frying pan when I bumped into him in Aldi one day.

He's not the most exciting neighbour I ever had though. That was a bloke from Zaragoza called Geronimo. Seriously. He lived a couple of doors up from us in Spain. Honestly, that poor bloke's life was like a soap opera. And he was only 5'2 and his name was Geronimo. 'Geronimooooooooo', I used to call and he would say 'Hola!'. He didn't get it. I still did it though. I'm nothing if not predictable.

Till tomorrow, curtain twitchers.

Interlull : November is cold and disgusting, like a corpse's anus

Wed, 11 Nov 2009 16:39:12 +0800

I hate the cold. Have I ever mentioned that? I think I might have. It's cold this morning. The worst part though is that it's not even really that cold and when it starts to get colder and colder I'm going to like it even less. I've been campaigning for a Blogs Family move to Equatorsville where it's warm all the time but as Mrs Blogs rightly points out they have their own problems there, what with monsters, political upheaval and monsters. And they have monsters.

However, for those of you feeling the cold fear not. There's something a bit later on in this blog for you. As we're right into the Interlull now the news is drying up. The club have confirmed that newly crowned Danish Player of the Year, Nicklas Bendtner, has had his hoo-ha operated on and will be out for about three to four weeks. Initial reports suggested he'd be gone until the new year so that's some good news. How much we miss him remains to be seen.

We have lots of little mobile nippy guys but not too many mobile lummoxes and what Bendtner gives us in terms of physicality and workrate makes up for what other players don't. Still, with most of November written off because of the internationals hopefully we can cope. You do wonder though with Theo permanently injured and Carlos Vela desaparecido if the manager regrets his decision not to sign Shakatak in the summer.

Speaking of players being out injured Arsene blames November. He says:

Traditionally November has not been a good month for us. But I explain that by the fact we had more injuries, it is the first period when they kick in.

I'm not sure I understand. Do our players bodies go "It's November! Time to twang that hamstring"? What happens at the training ground?

"Good morning, Tomas! How are you today?"

"I am fine boss. Feeling great. Ship shape. Top of the world. Eager beaver. Ready as I'll ever be".

"It's November 1st today you know".

"Really ... ooops ... my knee just fell off!"

"Oh November, when will you ever learn? Hahaha".

"Hahaha indeed. There goes my spinal cord!"

Maybe we've just been unlucky or maybe one November years ago Arsene did something that was really, really bad luck and it has cursed him ever since. They used to say that if you ran around Serge Gainsbourg three times backwards saying the Hail Mary it would break any curse you had on you. Sadly, with his passing, that is no longer possible. I'm told Arsene tried it with Serge Blanco one day but it did nothing but make him a bit dizzy and need to sit down with a stiff Pernod.

Kieran Gibbs talks about the World Cup and his chances of going while Eduardo talks about the World Cup and why Croatia aren't going. Eduardo also talks a a bit about Arsenal too.

Did you ever wonder what might happen if you had a brilliant footballer who was cripplingly shy and who hated the idea of being on television? Could he play in a mask of some kind, like Zorro? Or maybe the club would have to employ a special effects person to make him up in a range of different and hilarious latex disguises - like in that Eddie Murphy film where he appears as an old Jewish guy and the only way you know it's Eddie Murphy is because he's about as funny as watching your new puppy being raped by a Gorgon wearing a Sp*rs shirt. I should probably wonder about other stuff, really.

Right then, for those of you feeling the cold the best way to not feel the cold is to put a scarf on. "Wear something around your neck", I always remember my father shouting at me as I went out the door. Apparently not covering ones neck in cold weather increases the possibility of all kinds of illnesses such as distemper and tonsilitis.

But I would not have you put on any old scarf, no sir/madam/transgendered person. I would have you put on a 100% cashmere Savile Rogue scarf, only the finest scarf known to humanity. To win it, simply answer the following question:

Name the odd one out : a) John Terry's Dad b) Phil Brown's son c) My next door neighbour's beagle

Answers to: competition@arseblog.com, winners announced on Friday.

Thanks to my good chums at Savile Rogue. Right, that'll have to do, till tomorrow.