So yesterday's epic battle complete and utter snoozefest between Chelsea and United saw the home side win through a goal that shouldn't have been allowed. It also saw Didier Drogba take his acting to a new level. I have to admit I've never seen the 'shot between the eyes resulting in some post-mortem leg twitching' one before. All credit to him for that, the hideous Predator® looking cunt.

It looked as if it was John Terry who got the goal for Chelsea and as the ball crossed the line he celebrated the ball crossing the line because he knew the game was a wrap and when you score a goal like that it's not to be sniffed at. Reminded me a bit of Charlie. Charlie Chaplin, the way he celebrated. I believe he went out last night and had a few drinks in London's hottest new Colombian nightspot - EscoBar.

The point is that we remain in second place, five points behind Terry's men but with a game in hand. We can only hope they blow the lead and it'd be a big deal if they did. Fingers crossed, nostrils closed for that one.

Lots of the papers this morning talking about us scoring 100 goals in the league and being the first team to do so since some no-marks back in the 60s. They also ignore the fact that no-mark FC had 42 games to score their goals in and not the 38 now. We'd be wise to ignore this kind of crap, there's a bit of hype starting already and frankly I think I prefer it when they don't expect much of us.

Cesc, who must have taken an Open University course in 'How to keep your feet on the ground', says:

There will be a time when we cannot score goals and everyone will say we are crazy. We have to be ready because one day it will not happen like that. It is in that moment where we have to be strong.

Exactly right. It'll only take a couple of results where we don't have a 5-a-side score before someone starts saying we're brittle, we lack quality, the start of the season was a fluke, we're no good at Lego, our singing voices are shrill and reedy and we are poor cooks whose pasta sauces lack imagination. We shouldn't fall for the hype when it's positive, nor should we let the inevitable barrage of criticism worry us too much either. 

Cesc goes on to talk about his own form. You'd think he'd be kinda pleased, what with playing really well and scoring lots of goals but if the Open University course in 'How to keep your feet on the ground' has taught him one thing it's how to keep his feet on the ground. He says:

Because I am scoring it looks like I am playing better, but I don't look at it like this. Maybe in other years I was getting in the same position but I wasn't scoring. I don't think I was at my best against Wolves but because I scored a goal it looks different. I know how to measure my performance and what I have to improve on.

Improve, you say? Yes please. I'll have a bit of that. 9 goals and 11 assists already this season. If he can do better then I'm all for it. Not that I'm unhappy with his contribution to date, you understand. I'm just greedy. Perhaps I need to go to the Open University. Or, at least, sit in front of the BBC2 at 1.30am with a notepad and a pencil. Do they still have it on BBC2? Anyway, the point is Cesc is awesome and he wants to be even awesomer and I shall not, nay, will not, argue against that.

Of course now we're into yet another Interlull. FIFA really ought to decide who goes to the World Cup with a Boggle championships or a Monopoly tournament over one night. It'd save us all from the tedium of an Interlull. And not content with making some teams engage in their WC play-off matches they have sanctioned a shit-load of friendlies. So not only do we have to worry about the players taking part in the play-offs, we have to worry about all the rest of them too.

If I ever became Supreme Dictator of the Whole Entire Cosmos Apart from The Faroe Islands Because What Would I Want With Them Anyway, I would have just one Interlull, the same duration as now, in which all matches had to be played. The entire qualification in one 14 day period. And you could only choose a player once, so if he played in the first match then he returned to his club for lazing about and being fanned with giant palm leaves. It'd make international football more interesting though, wouldn't it? 

At this stage Ireland v France on Saturday would be Anto Murphy from Ballycock Rovers v Jean-Claude Testicule from Paris Saint SingeChèvre. Now that's what I call entertainment.

Still, we'll just have to be strong and try to muddle through as best we can. Here we go again. Till tomorrow.

It is over.

There are those who claim the Interlull only truly ends when the real football begins but I consider it done and dusted once the internationals are complete. And so they were last night. I know Andrei Arshavin scored for Russia, and Aaron Ramsey's back held up enough for him to score for Wales, but in terms of the rest our lads involvement last night I am clueless. All I hope is that there have been no injuries, knocks, niggles, strains, sprains, ganglions, bumps or bruises and we can get on with the job in hand.

And there's plenty to get on with. Between now and the end of the month we play five times in three different competitions culminating in the North London derby at the Grove. First up though is Birmingham on Saturday and it'll be the first time we've faced them since that day Eduardo's leg was smashed by Martin Taylor. There'll be plenty to say on that tomorrow and Saturday and we should start getting team news a bit later on today.

The player of the month this month was Thomas Vermaelen. Well deserved too, you have to say, and the captain has been bigging up the new signing, saying:

These days, to have a centre back that can play, you know, these balls on the ground, between the lines, and past players, for players like me in midfield it’s really good because it gives you so much time and so much space on the ball. It’s really good. He’s like one more midfielder.

A cunning hint at the manager's decision to turn all his defenders into midfielders, revolutionising football with his 0-7-3 formation. Anyway, congrats to Thomas on his player of the month award. Scoring goals certainly helps supporters warm to you but it shouldn't be overlooked that he's brought some solidity and determination to the centre-half position that certainly wasn't there last season. And he's got the cold dead eyes of an assassin. I like that.

It's good to have players who look like they might do you harm. I remember when playing football in Spain we played against this team who had this guy who looked as the insides of him were too big for his body. I don't quite know how else to explain it. He was freaky looking and during one game he lost the plot entirely at me and our right back who might just have been giving him some verbals during the game. I know, I know, you don't poke the hornet's nest and you don't stir stuff with the mentaller in foreign sounding Spanish. And you especially don't laugh at him when he tries to give you some back in English and calls you 'futhermucker' repeatedly. 

Anyway, he went bananas at a corner. Firstly he laid me out with a punch, then when our keeper went for him he punched him as well, this started a bit of a brawl and he was sent off which didn't stop him punching random people down the touchline as he went on his way.

I think my point was that when you have a player on the other team who looks like he might kill you it's probably wise not to antagonise him. We didn't. Hmmm. Maybe that's why we weren't professionals. The pros won't antagonise Vermaelen. Not unless they want to be taken out with a sniper's bullet as they go to their car one night. That's my point. Yeah.

And those of who had Arsenal TV when it was on TV and stuff might be glad to know that the Friday night show is back via Arsenal TV Online. Same deal, I believe, fans forum, match previews and all that lark. You can get more details here.

So ... erm ... pfff ... there you go then. There is nothing at all else happening. Don't forget the competition to win copies of the Official Illustrated History of Arsenal and Gunners Lists with thanks to my good old chums at Octopus Books. See yesterday's blog for more details on that.

So, till tomorrow when, all things going well, the Arsecast should return.

It's drawing ever closer, ever nearer, the football, the real football is on the way. Once tonight's round of internationals are done with we can get back to the real thing. Until the next, not too far away at all, Interlull, but let's not depress ourselves.

With World Cup qualification on the agenda Arsene is keen for his players to do well but wants them to focus more on their club than their country. He says:

I am convinced it is important for the players to go to the World Cup, but as well I know that those who have a good World Cup are those who win with their clubs during the season. The most important thing is that they do well with the club and it puts you in a strong position confidence-wise for what follows.

I'm not sure that's true really. We won the title in 2002 and didn't France have a terrible World Cup that year? Anyway, I couldn't care less about the World Cup at this stage but maybe there's something to be said for going into a tournament having been successful with your club. It'd be nice if our players went to South Africa full of beans and silverware.

On the way back is Samir Nasri who is now close to a return to action after breaking his leg in pre-season training. He says:

I'm due to rejoin the Arsenal team this weekend, or at the start of next week. I think I will be back in action against West Ham on the 25th.

Good news indeed. Despite what was probably an average first season at the club I have high hopes for him. And let's not forget most of our lot were fairly average last season. He still weighed in with 6 goals and he provides another option in midfield and possibly an option as one of the front three. Quite where the manager sees him is still a bit up in the air, there was talk at the end of the last campaign about him doing the defensive midfield role, but having him back in the squad and providing competition for places will be a good thing wherever he's going to play.

One man already back is Tomas Rosicky and Cesc Fabregas has hailed his return, hailing him as the ubiquitous 'like a new signing':

You can see straight away the vision he has, the touch, the class that he plays with. It's great to have him in the team; he's like a new signing.

Nasri's return is also like a new signing. As was Eduardo's. Philippe Senderos is like a new signing too having been away and returned to the squad. Cheese, that's like a new signing. A second-hand dart board, like a new signing. Monkey butlers, like a new signing. I'd love a monkey butler. Not as much as a real Butler called 'Cavendish' though.

Aaron Ramsey may not play for Wales due to concerns about a back injury. With Wales game against Lichtenstein more meaningless than a Dan Brown novel it'd be poor form if he did play him and the player's club chances suffered. And according to the Sun article about Nasri above William Gallas is a doubt for France after smashing a couple of teeth at the weekend. There are still a good few involved tonight so let's keep fingers crossed they get through unscathed.

Transfer speculation? According to the player's agent Arsenal are interested in signing new German hot-shot, Stefan Kiebling. He's scored a few goals this season and now his agent is linking him with as many clubs as he possibly can, most likely to ensure he gets a new deal on fatter wages at his current club.

Not much else happening so to reward you for your patience during this Interlull it's competition time. Thanks to Octopus Books I have one copy of the rather fabulous Official Illustrated History of Arsenal by Martin Tyler and Phil Soar and two copies of Gunners Lists, the perfect toilet book which provides you Arsenal top 10s which range from the obvious, like top scorers, to the obscure, such as fattest players.

To enter the competition all you have to do is answer the following question:

How many times have Arsenal appeared in the FA Cup final?

Answers, as always, to competition@arseblog.com.

It runs until Friday and I'll give you the winners then. For more info on the books in question check out Octopus Books.

Right then, have at it. More tomorrow, as per usual.

Till then.

Having sat here for a while, scratching only occasionally, I can now declare this Interlull officially a pain in the arse. I've had quite enough now and I demand it stops at once.

You would think with all the highly intelligent readers Arseblog has, and I'm including all three of them in this, that someone would have invented some kind of device to either provide entertainment during Interlulls or which would destroy countries therefore putting an end to international football once and for all.

Anyway, maybe that's something they can work on for the next one. In the meantime there's some scant Arsenal news starting with Arsene Wenger being impressed with William Gallas. He's probably in the best form since he joined the club and his partnership with Thomas Vermaelen shows a good deal of promise. Arsene says:

William Gallas has had a fine start to the season, which is down to both his attitude and the quality of the player. He behaves 100% as a professional and is highly focused in training.

Which, I suppose, is the very least you should expect from any player. On the partnership with the Belgian, he says:

It has gelled more quickly than I expected. This is for two reasons; first of all, Vermaelen adapted faster, and secondly William fits more comfortably on the right side of a central defence than on the left.

There are still defensive issues to sort out, no question about it, but you don't get the feeling any longer that we're ready to crumble right down the middle like we've seen in seasons past. 

Arsene also said he wouldn't be the one to name his own successor at the club when the time comes, saying it's beyond his remit. Which is absolutely right. Plus there'd surely be the temptation to have a bit of fun with that. At your goodbye press conference you might say "And it is with great pleasure that I name the next Arsenal manager - that's right, it's MOR sax crooner Kenny G! Kenny, get out here you big lug!!!"

And out Kenny would come, parping on his horn as shocked onlookers tried to make some kind of sense out of what they were seeing. And when he announced his backroom staff of Baltimora, the lead singer from Mr Mister and the drummer from Glass Tiger the confusion would be palpable. And that is why Arsene won't be naming the next Arsenal manager.

Frank McLintock says Alex Song can be the next Peter Storey so if you're looking for dodgy coins or porno videos the Cameroonian is the man to see. Oh, he means football. That makes more sense, to be fair. It is somewhat funny to see Frank's positive articles appear on the official site when he's been rather critical elsewhere in recent weeks though.

The Sun says Arsene Wenger has a plan for Fran. And the plan is a five year deal and not, disappointingly, anything to do with a flan. Don't get me wrong, a five year deal for a talented young player is a great thing but there's a massive gap in the market for a rhyming flan brand. Fran's Flans! I can see world domination from here. Maybe it's something he can address when he finishes with football. Provided I don't change my name to Fran and get there ahead of him. It strikes me the young Spaniard has got some tough decisions to make in the weeks and months ahead.

The Mirror reports Cesc will return to Arsenal today which, I suppose, means that things are somewhat better in terms of his family problem and that's good news. I have to say it was not at all surprising but still somewhat disappointing that some Arsenal blogs chose to publish information and pictures that they really shouldn't have with regard to this story. Sadly there's a tabloid culture to some of these blogs and they're little more than bottom feeders scratching around for cheap hits, ignoring the rights of players and their families to a bit of privacy, especially at a difficult time.

I could go on but I won't. I just hope they realise that not everything is fit for public consumption and if they don't realise that I hope they get run over by a bus. Twice.

Right, just three more Interlull days to get through before we can get ourselves back on track. 

And finally, don't forget the gala showing of The Gooner Review takes place this evening. You can get tickets on the door. See here for more info.

Till tomorrow.

Welcome to another week of the Interlull but at least we can begin to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

And with that light at the end of that tunnel we could see, for example, Barcelona's Txiki Begiristain and use that light to ensure that our punches got him right in his stupid, big snout. He's been giving it the usual crap about Cesc coming back to Barcelona 'one day' but hinting at a move in January.

Surely they ought to just shut up. Why can't they shut up? It's easy. If it's not him it's Laporta and if it's not Laporta it's one of the players going on about Cesc's DNA as if they were footballing CSI blokes. It is hugely disrespectful to Arsenal, not that they care about that, and it's hugely disrespectful to Cesc himself who has, at almost every opportunity, restated his commitment to Arsenal.

Whenever a story 'emerges' from the fiction fingers of the Spanish press, generally planted there by Barcelona or agents who may or not have a close association with Barcelona and, maybe Arsenal, Cesc has refuted them totally. Every single time.

It's so ming-bogglingly tiresome and, in a week when Cesc has withdrawn from the Spanish squad to be with his seriously ill grandfather, it's massively insensitive of Begiristain to start banging this drum again. I know it's probably water off a duck's back for Cesc but I'm sure more of this speculation is something he could just as easily do without at the moment. But then Barcelona only care about Barcelona.

Can you imagine the fuss they'd kick up if we started talking about one of their players all the time? They need to back off, big time. I don't think anyone's under any illusions that one day Cesc will go and play football in Spain but at the moment he's the captain of Arsenal and Barcelona need to show him and our club a bit of respect. I realise that's a bit like asking John Terry not to be the most despicable human being ever born but still.

And with a presidential election to come at the Catalan club this summer things are only going to get worse, I reckon. Perhaps Ivan Gazidis needs one more addition to his backroom squad. A 6'8" mixed martial arts expert who moves in the shadows and who can just appear behind Laporta or Begiristain as they go to their car and 'advise them' that they need to shut their stupid big mouths. Or their mouths won't have any teeth left. Leaving them on the ground clutching their incredibly painful testicles would be a hint of things to come. Come on Ivan, sort it.

Maybe all the Arsenal blogs should have a 'Messi is going to sign for Arsenal' story at some stage this week. Lash in a couple of fake quotes from an Arsenal insider and see if we can't get a reaction from the Spanish press. It might help pass the time in what's going to be another dull week.

Apart from that there's not a thing left about Arsenal to talk about. Hope you had a good weekend. Mine was quite fine. I proved a very important point as well. That my footballing ability is directly related to the length of my facial hair. I had been cultivating a fine beard, simply because I was embracing the scruffy old tramp side of me, but I realised that the more my beard grew the worse I got at football. And trust me, I can't afford to get much worse.

Having had at the multi-coloured fuzz on my face with the shears on Saturday, yesterday's game of 5-a-side was a triumph of close control, amazing finishing, hard tackling and going in goal for a rest when I was knackered (quite often indeed). I think the beard must affect my aerodynamics in a bad way. 

Funny that, eh?

Anyway, that'll have to do. Till tomorrow.

A quick Sunday round-up for you.

Arsenal players got themselves on the scoresheet yesterday for their respective countries. Cesc scored a lovely goal against Armenia, Philippe Senderos scored two excellent headers against Luxembourg and William Gallas got one for France as Spain, Switzerland and France all won. 

You can find the goals over at 101greatgoals. Cesc won't play for Spain in midweek for family reasons but as of yet there are no reports of any injuries picked up by any of our lads, so fingers crossed it stays like that.

Stan Kroenke has yet to pay up for his recent share purchases, according to the Sunday Times. I'm sure he's put a £50 deposit down though. Meanwhile, Ivan Gazidis talks about the need to win trophies and the boardroom situation in terms of Kroenke v Usmanov (sounds like a heavyweight title fight, in fairness).

Transfer speculation time - Gael Clichy is being linked with a £16m move to Real Madrid. Which is no doubt completely made up but it would certainly test the manager if a bid like that came in. With Kieran Gibbs waiting in the wings and Clichy's form a cause for continued concern it might very well be tempting. If it were real. Which, of course, it's not. Because it's completely made up. Probably.

Elsewhere Atletico Madrid are keeping their red and white stripey eyes on Fran Merida. Apparently he's in the last year of his contract so could move on a free in the summer if he wanted.

The same article in the People says Samir Nasri will make his return to action in the Carling Cup against Liverpool. The Mirror says he'll return to full training this week. Which is good news.

And that's about all the news there is from this humourless, entirely Arsenal related, blog.

Till tomorrow.

Good morning to you all, I hope you're all somewhat less boilky than I am this morning. Moscow Mules make me feel like I've been kicked in the head by a ... mule, I suppose.

Some interesting little snippets this morning starting with the news that Tomas Rosicky is set to appear in the next season of 'I'm a celebrity - get me out of here'. He revealed to Czech television last night that he's going to use it as part of his pre-season training and he reckons if his knee can survive after he's put into a pit full of scorpions then it'll hold up to the rigours of a full Premier League season.

He also revealed that there's an issue with a new contract at Arsenal. Something to do with image rights. He's unhappy at his likeness in the new Pro Evolution Soccer game and wants to ensure the club consult with Konami before any new deal is signed.

Armand Traore has taken advantage of not being in the team by opening a Martial Arts Weapon Superstore on Blackstock Road. The gala launch takes place tonight with special guests such as Steven Seagal, Jean Claude van Damme and Norris McWhirter set to appear. There's a free knuckle duster with every £75 spent and there will be orange squash like you used to get in the cinema for the first 20 people. 

Kieran Gibbs scored for England U21s last night as they beat Macedonia 6-3.

Arsene Wenger says the lack of trophies at Arsenal in recent times is not linked to the sale of Graham Barrett.

Graham was an amazing, fantastic player. But I believe we were very close to winning [silverware] since [he left]. But of course, if you don't win people will say 'you did not win'. But people forget that in 2006 we played a Champions League Final with 10 men and nearly won it.

If only we'd had Graham Barrett that night. My trip back to Barcelona would have been much more pleasurable.

Nicklas Bendtner has revealed the true story behind his new number. He claims that he wanted 9 but Eduardo has 9 and would only swap if he could have 22 but Gael Clichy has 22 and he won't swap unless Eduardo gives him his Scalextric with the flyover but Eduardo won't give him that unless Eboue comes to his house and plays the tuba (it's little known that Eboue is a grade 6 Tuba master) and Eboue won't do that because William Gallas borrowed season 4 of The Wire on DVD from Robin van Persie and then said he didn't but everyone knows he did because people saw van Persie give it to him and van Persie had to go out and buy it again but on the way there he ran over an old man in his car and got traumatised and now people blame Gallas because if he'd just given the box set back in the first place, or even gone out and replaced it, none of this would ever have happened so that's why Bendtner chose 52 (the number of people that Snoop and Chris killed in season 4) but everything's ok really because Denilson downloaded season 4 on a torrent and even made his own special box for it and made the cover like you used to do when you made a mix tape for someone and cut pictures out of a magazine and stuff and gave it to van Persie at training and when he got it he cried a little bit because he was so happy and now he's insisted that Denilson come to his house for Christmas dinner because he feels sorry for him now that Gilberto and Julio Baptista have left as he sits alone in his house gently strumming his ukelele and singing Housemartins songs ever night.

There's really nothing quite as maudlin as Denilson's reedy voice doing 'Think for a minute' in broken English. 

I'm welling up here. I honestly can't go on.

Hullo there, happy Friday to you. This week appears to have gone by a bit quicker than I had thought it would. Or than I thought it was going when I stopped to think about it. Which is good.

A few bits and pieces around so we'll crack on. England U21 boss Stuart Pearce has played down reports that Arsene Wenger and him had a massive falling out over Theo Walcott. He admits to a disagreement over Theo's involvement in the U21 European Championships this summer but says Arsene was positively delighted to send Theo off this time around.

The fact that he's barely played any football this season due to the back injury he picked up after not resting during the summer is the key, of course. Pearce also hinted that if he comes through that gameand there are any casualties from the senior squad Theo could find himself called up by Fabio Capello for England's game in the Ukraine. But that's just a maybe.

With 20 players away on international duty this Interlull I suspect it will be nothing short of a Fabregassian miracle if they all come back uninjured. I thought about the extra S there. I think it needs it. Not sure why. Aesthetics, I think. Anyway, fingers crossed we don't get hammered with injuries and that those who need the playing time come back fitter, stronger, faster, harder, better and slightly more crunchy.

Thomas Vermaelen has been named captain of all Belgians, which is no less than he deserves. Given how successful he's been since he joined us he must be close to being named King. He's now the most awesome Belgian since Plastic Bertrand. I once knew a chap from Belgium. He was called Paul and he looked like Boris Becker and he smelled like old books. I don't know where he is these days.

Check out Nicklas Bendtner during training for Denmark. Such skill, dexterity and athleticism has not been seen since the Arseblog 5-a-sides. Thanks to Thornfeldt for the link.

Cesc Fabregas has been talking about the new formation. He likes it. Oh yes, he does. He says:

When I started at Arsenal we were playing 4-4-2. Now my position is higher up on the pitch, sometimes I don't touch the ball as often as I used to, so I have to be patient. But I know I'm in this part of the pitch where I can do dangerous things in terms of giving the final ball, and I have more time to go to dangerous positions to score a goal as well.

Four goals this season already, compared to three in the whole of last season, and I've lost count of his assists already so it augurs well. 

Gavin Hoyte has joined Brighton on a month long loan. So there.

Not much else happening so shameless plug time. A little while back I was sent a DVD of a film called The Gooner Review 08-09 which is, as you might have gathered, a review of the 08-09 season. Now, at first I was a bit dubious, what with it being a season to forget, but it's really very interesting. It features a raft of Arsenal fans talking about the stand-out moments of the season from Ebooooooue-gate to the signing of Andrei Arshavin, those CL semi-finals, Gallas's captaincy and much more. It's painful reliving some of those moments but it's excellent viewing and looking back on some of those moments with a bit of hindsight is fascinating.

It's presented by Paul Kaye and others involved include Bob Wilson, Perry Groves, Amy Lawrence, Nick Hornby, Tom Watt and regular match-going Arsenal fans.

Anyway, there's a gala screening in the Phoenix Cinema in East Finchley, at 9.00pm on Tuesday night. All proceeds going to the Willow Foundation and the Phoenix Cinema Centenary Restoration Project. If you're interested in going, and rubbing shoulders with many of the aforementioned, you can find more details on the Gooner Review website.

Here's a wee taster:

Right then, as it's Interlull there's no Arsecast this week so that will have be that for today. 

More tomorrow.

Any evidence you need that this is going to be the worst, slowest, most tedious, news unfilled Interlull of all time came yesterday when Sylvester was given top billing on the official site telling us how we haven't seen the best of him yet.

It'd probably be fair to say we've already seen the best of him and that came when he was wearing a United shirt. But he's probably right in that we haven't seen the best of him when the best of him refers only to the best of him in an Arsenal shirt. Yet it's the thought of him in an Arsenal shirt that's a bit depressing.

I know Arsene got a bit cranky at that meeting last season when someone called Sylvester a 'geriatric'. That was unfair. To geriatrics, har har! But as a football fan how are you supposed to forget about all the times you played against a player playing for a team you hate? One day he's a figure of contempt, the next he rocks up in an Arsenal shirt all smiling and happy and stuff. 

As I mentioned yesterday I am a grudge holder. The last time we moved house I found boxes full of them, ones that I had even forgotten about, and when it comes to football I suspect I am world champion at grudgery and umbrage. You think you're better? I doubt it.

I would, if I saw him in the street tomorrow, mow down Trevor Brooking without giving it so much as a thought. 9 years old I was when he scored that poxy header which cost us the FA Cup. Here were are almost 30 years later and the rage still burns strong. Brooking appears to be a relatively affable sort in the wider context of the football world but I'd still reverse over him to make sure.

Remember Nelson Vivas making that mistake against Leeds that season? Jimmy Floyd Hasselbaink scored the goal which cost us the title. Such is my grudge holding that if time travel were invented I would go back in time and get Mr Floyd Hasselbaink on his stag night and introduce him to a sexy young girl with whom he would get it on and by virtue of having had one more sexual experience an entirely different sperm would impregnate Mrs Hasselbaink when they did get married so the Jimmy Floyd they had might actually be a girl or, at worst, a boy who preferred to write poetry and not play football so that goal would never have been scored and we would be champions.

I could go on. One more? Right then. Some time back in the 80s I went to see Arsenal play Shamrock Rovers in a pre-season friendly at their old Milltown ground. The place was absolutely packed and Arsenal played as if they'd come over, gone to Mulligans on Poolbeg Street and drank the place dry of Guinness. Which is probably exactly what they did. I have a vague recollection of Pierce O'Leary, David's brother, playing for Rovers. Arsenal lost. This remains unacceptable to me. Living in Dublin I didn't get too many opportunities to see Arsenal in the 80s so how dare these part-timers beat us. I don't know who any of them are now but I still have a desire to flay and roll in salt anybody wearing a green and white hooped shirt. Yes, Lord of the Wing, that might include you.

So, it's a complicated business being a football fan and when you read stuff about Sylvester it's hard to take it seriously. I loved Freddie and Sylvester got sent off for whacking Freddie with his giant forehead. I think his terminal decline began there. It'd be like being hit with a sledgehammer but a sledgehammer with eyebrows. It makes my grudge-centre confused. And this is not good.

Anyway, on to matters Arsenal and ... oh yeah, there really isn't much news. Aaron Ramsey talks about the influence Arsene Wenger is having on his career while Armand Traore says the boss has told him he needs to work hard and be patient. Carling Cup aside I don't think he's figured at all this season. Kieran Gibbs is preferred to him on the bench and after a good run of first team football last season at Portsmouth it's gotta be tough for him.

There's some stupid transfer stuff about Carles Puyol to Arsenal and yet another Barcelona player has done the 'Cesc should sign for us' story. I wonder are they on some kind of schedule.

"Xavi, you're up!"

"Me again? Already?! Fair enough. Cesc DNA blah di blah great player blah blah"

"Super! Now talk about how we should exhume Franco and make him manager".

"What?"

"Kidding! Kidding!"

"Oh you".

They're a laugh a minute those crazy Catalans. 

Pfff. Till tomorrow.

This morning's blog is brought to you with a big, fat 'meh'.

Instead of looking ahead to the next Arsenal game we are stuck here twiddling our thumbs and doodling on post-its trying to wile away the time. Do any of you care that Theo Walcott has been called up the England U21 squad for a game against Macedonia on Friday? I mean, it's probably good for Theo to get some fitness and match practice and all that but in terms of interesting it's right up there with listening to a footballer speak about his car. 

Or his tattoo. If I did a football version of The Onion there'd be a fantastic 'Footballer doesn't get unsightly tattoo on arm' story to be done, wouldn't there?

If I had the resources I'd set myself up as a tattooist and hire someone to do the stuff for normal folk but when, after advertising directly at footballers, one came in that I didn't like, I'd tattoo a great big cock on his arm with a set of sweaty, hairy balls underneath.

"What the fuck is this?", they'd say.

"Come on, man", I'd reply, "that's the Chinese symbol for 'scores lots of goals'".

"Wicked!"

Who do you reckon will the be the first footballer to get a face tattoo? I know that Celtic goalkeeper has 'Je suis un twat' going up his neck, but in Polish or something, but soon enough we're going to get someone with the old spiderweb going up the neck. I would have had money on Lee Bowyer but I reckon he'd have done it by now if he was going to do it at all.

Time will tell, I suppose. Like time heals all wounds. Which is the only reason I can think of for the story about Sol Campbell coming back to the club to get fit. You might remember him from such games as walking out at half-time against West Ham and other stuff like telling Arsene Wenger he was going abroad so his contract got paid off before he signed for continental favourites Portsmouth. 

More recently of course he signed a 5 year contract with Notts County then decided he didn't like it very much so walked out on them too. He can't play for another club until January, or until he makes a deal to release him from that contract, or something, so he needs some boys to run around with keep his fitness up. He should have just stayed at Portsmouth, the twat. Or go to the park every day.

I know we got the best out of him as a player, and for three seasons he was absolutely outstanding, but unlike Arsene Wenger I hold grudges and this doesn't sit well with me. Not that what I think has any bearing on anything but there you go. I am grudgey though. I still hate that cunt I went to school with in England who stood on my neck until I said "Leeds are ace!". If I saw him tomorrow I'd smash him in the face with a cricket bat and it's why I despise everything to do with Leeds, Leeds United and it has gone so far as to hating Leads, which is unfortunate for the Arseblog basset hound. 

Want some insight into how football journalism works? There's a story on The Sun's website about Barcelona being interested in Emmanuel Eboue. Where did it come from? Well, this was a rumour back in August on some really dodgy clickwhoring site who made some changes and the story popped up again on NewsNow. The Sun went 'Oooh, fresh meat', not realising the meat was maggot infested carrion and promptly put it in their site - even neglecting to notice Barcelona have, in fact, signed Dymtro Chygryskiy for about €25m. Good work, chaps. We'll certainly have a good think about that when Murdoch decides to start charging for access to their online editions.

Not much else going on. I'm hoping to break up the Interlull with some competitions, so hopefully there'll be a few books to give away between now and the return of football. In the meantime stay strong.

We'll get through this together.