First of all, I must apologise to the Ole Ole Auditor, who text messaged me last night to ask if I was all set to write the blog today. My initial reply was "who the fuck is this?" since my phone didn't recognise the number. I knew it wasn't Arseblogger, since I know his number. So said text messager replied to me and said he was the Ole Ole Auditor, and I decided that was licence to send back a rather rude message. I may even have mentioned his mum (I'm not sure. I've deleted all the text messages since; I find myself increasingly doing that of an evening). Anyway, he phoned me, I hadn't a fucking clue who it was cos I was so blind drunk, and I had to text Arseblogger to find out. Anyway, long and boring story short, I now know who it was, and I apologise. That's what happens when you talk to a drunk cunt.

Secondly, being madder at work than a badger on LSD that's just been taken to the circus and pumped full of mescaline, I haven't had time to frequent the forums recently, and I had no idea that Arseblogger was going to London today (until earlier in the week when he asked me to write the blog - right enough, with the benefit of hindsight that should've been a clue). So when he texted me last night to say it was only his fucking birthday today, I felt like a right cunt. Even more so. So I'm sure you'll join me in wishing Arseblogger many happy returns on his 43rd birthday. There's no doubting, he looks good for his age. I'm glad he's chosen one of the game of the season nail-biters for his trip. Fingers crossed for an 83-0

So, enough of the frivolity. What's happening in the world of Arsenal today?

Firstly the bad news. Tomas Rosicky has no fixed date of return, leaving the manager speechless. I'm not sure that's too much of a problem, frankly, since barely anyone can know who he is anyway. I don't know what we do about him. Not a lot, I suppose - it's not like we can sell him, and having signed a contract, (quite rightly) he's going to carry on trying to get fit. He doesn't strike me as the sort that would drag an injury out because he's a lazy cunt that just wants to sit and earn his tens of thousands of pounds a week for doing fuck all (unlike, say, me, perhaps), and he's a talented player. It's very frustrating.

Worryingly, Samir Nasri also remains sidelined by a knee injury, and joins Rosicky, Diaby, and Eduardo as the only other injured members of the squad. Nasri, as you know, picked up his knee injury on international duty. I fucking hate international duty. I hate it more than I hate being poked in the eye with a fucking hot poker. And I fucking hate that.

In better news (sort of), Silvester is fit and ready for his first game of the season. When Gallas joined us, he'd been agitating for a move, and I think it's fairly common knowledge that we'd been after him for a while. But Silvester is a cunt. A proper cunt. A right cunt. He played for *those* cunts right at the time when we were having our most intense rivalries with them, and he was a fairly significant part of their team (who are cunts). I think to get himself out of My Book of Cunts (of which I have two - he's in the bad one), he's going to have to do something very special. Like kill Gary Neville.

What else is going on? Gael Clichy feared the worst when that fat Bolton cunt tried to break his leg (I don't know why the Chester Chronicle gets the credit for those quotes; it just seemed one of the more obscure reports on News Now!). Some people, including Craig Burley, commenting on Setanta, thought that challenge was fair "because he got the ball". I didn't. I think that "if you take the man after the ball that's just the game" is a big load of old hairy bollocks. That way do very, very serious injuries lie, as we're all too familiar with, and I don't blame the team one little bit for the way they reacted on the pitch. They've seen it happen - horrifically - to one of their mates and unsurprisingly, they're not keen to see it happen again. People can bitch about Cesc waving imaginary yellow cards all they like, and I don't like to see that either, but the fact is that Clichy could've been seriously injured, because of some fat no mark Bolton cunt being "committed". Fuck off. I really do fucking hate Bolton (not as much as I used to, mind). And yes, I'm probably overprotective and hypocritical. So?

Top man Cesc Fabregas has been talking about how he'll never leave Arsenal. He seems to qualify the statement slightly by saying that he will only stay as long we keep playing our football, but it's so refreshing to hear a footballer who isn't *just* interested in the money (and regardless, I'm sure he's very well paid indeed). Also, I've no doubt The Sun has spun those "quotes".

So, Hull today at home. It's on TV at half five on Setanta 1 (so no doubt we'll have to put up with that cunt Burley again). George Boateng has been talking up Hull's chances, and there's no doubt that they've made a great start to their season. Let's hope we can bring them crashing back down to earth today and take the three points.

Once again, many happy returns to Arseblogger, and I'll see you all tomorrow for post match ramblings and other nonsense.

Come on The Arsenal!!

Morning from a wet and dreary Dublin. I was really hoping for a bit of an Indian summer in September but it turns out the Indian summer is just another Irish summer, except a bit colder.

A few bits and bobs to talk about but as we are still in the midst of the Interlull it's all a bit quiet overall. Samir Nasri is settling in nicely and is rather enjoying himself at the Arsenal. He says:

I'm setting in nicely and I'm rather enjoying myself at the Arsenal.

But really he says:

I am very happy. I have been able to regain my place in the national side, there is a good atmosphere at the club, and we have a very young squad that shares my excitement.

He's played down talk of him being the 'new Pires', and rightly so. The lad has made a very bright start to his Arsenal career but it's a career that spans a whopping three or four games at the moment. He has been the bright spark amongst all the current darkness though. 

Gokhan Inler says he deliberated for a week about whether to move to Arsenal or not. Get to fuck you scaldy cunt. If you need a week to decide you want to move to Arsenal then you're a stupid scaldy spoon of a cunt. Maybe he likes Italian food though. And there's no better place to get Italian food than Italy. I've never been to Italy. Anyway, the point is Inler is a cunt. We never needed you anyway, bastard! That part may not exactly be true but I'm just bitter and lashing out.

Arsene Wenger says the appointment of a new Chief Executive will be made soon. The boss says:

I am involved in it and I am consulted for it but it is down to the Board to make that decision. Having consulted me, they will take the responsibility to name the right person. I think the decision will be made soon but I don’t know exactly when.

You know who would make a good Chief Executive? He-Man singing 4 non-blondes. He'd certainly bring some campness to the club which, frankly, we've been missing since Keith Edelman and his revolutionary 'Your own dress Friday' edict, which meant suits and ties were thrown aside for one day and everyone had to come to work in a frock. Failing that someone with business acumen and knowledge of football would do.

Beyond that there's not much to tell you so let's get on with this week's Arsecast. On the show I chat to Kevin Witcher of The Gooner about the transfer deadline day lack of business and the implications for the team and the manager, The Man in the Bar has a player history, there's a tale of the unexpected, Eboue and more.

To subscribe to the Arsecast in iTunes simply click here, the direct feed URL is here, to download this week's arsecast directly - click here (16mb MP3). You can find the arsecast archives here. And you can listen directly below without leaving this very page.

As well as that there's a dedicated Arsecast hotline available all season long should you desire to make a comment, get something off your chest, share a song a chant or hilarious anecdote. Feel free to call it any time during the week, it'll go to voicemail and you can leave your message. The number from inside the UK is 020 3286 6360 or from outside the UK it's +44 20 3286 6360.

And, as we're talking to Kevin from The Gooner, don't forget his book Arsènal - The making of a modern superclub is still available at a discount price to Arseblog readers.  To buy the book online, simply click here and select ‘buy now’. In the window that opens enter the word rocky in the promotion code box and your £2 will be discounted when you press the ‘go’ box next to it. The money you save will be donated to cancer charities so it's well worth it all round.

Right so, that's about that. More tomorrow, no doubt.

Arsenal's post-Fulham rehabilitation continued yesterday with a comfortable 3-0 win over Newcastle. Since that black day last week we've won two games, scored seven goals and kept two clean sheets. Not bad.

Of course you have to take the quality of the opposition into account, and both Twente and Newcastle are poor teams, but you can only beat what's in front of you. We started very brightly. William Gallas somehow missing at the back post and Shay Given (who made three or four outstanding saves as he always does against us) kept out a low Kolo Toure shot.

The first goal came from the penalty spot. Adebayor's cross was handled by N'Zogbia and Robin van Persie slammed home his first goal of the season. It was the Dutchman who got the second as well. Eboue broke forward from midfield, got into the box after swapping passes with Adebayor, he then played a crafty little back heel and van Persie lashed it home from close range.

The only trouble Newcastle caused us was the series of borderline challenges by Nicky Butt. One, where he raked his studs down the side of van Persie's leg should have seen him booked at least. He got his just desserts later on though when his looping header hit the bar. In the meantime Almunia had been called into action a couple of times as Newcastle had a period of pressure but he was solid and made the stops.

Not long after Butt hit the bar we got the third. Nasri played it in the box to Adebayor who could have shot but saw Denilson's run around the side of the defender, gave him the pass and Denilson finished to kill the game. Not long afterwards we might have had a fourth but van Persie's shot hit the bar and he seemed to have his foot stamped on requiring him to be replaced. Fingers crossed it's not as bad as they seem to think it is.

There was some fun late on when scumbag convict Joey Barton was brought on. His first action was a crunching, and quite fair, tackle on Samir Nasri, but it was physical. Nasri then sparked outrage from Kevin Keegan for an off the ball challenge on Barton which he got all out of proportion. Just to let the scumbag convict know he wasn't going to take the crunching tackle, he gave his ankles a little tap and sent him flying. It hardly merited the ranting from Keegan but then I suppose if you'll pick someone like scumbag convict in your team then your sense of right and wrong is a little skewed anyway. As all this went on the Newcastle owner, his belly wobbling in the late summer sunshine, slugged back pints of beer in his replica shirt. A classy lot, no doubt about it. Anyway, the point is Nasri won't be bullied and is verging on awesome already.

So another three points and, as I said, a good response to what happened at Craven Cottage. Sometimes a team does need a slap in the face to wake them up and that's what they got last week. I thought the performances and the commitment were so much better. Obviously the return of Fabregas helps us play better football, but van Persie was more involved, Adebayor ran his socks off and had a very good game, Eboue had some end product, Denilson got himself a goal and in Nasri I think we've found ourselves a player. He always looks dangerous, he's so confident on the ball (one turn leaving three or four Newcastle players looking the other way was just classic), and he's giving our left hand side that attacking threat we've really missed since Pires left.

Afterwards the manager said the improvement came from a change of attitude and also spoke about new signings, saying:

We are trying to buy but the problem is availability, as well as the fact we have to find players better or as good as the ones we have.

With the players now away on international duty for the best part of two weeks - our next game is away to Blackburn on Sat 13th - the boss has time in the next couple of days to do that. Anyway, it's good to go into that break on the back of a much improved performance and three points.

Looking around the Sunday newspapers there are a couple of things. The People links us with a loan move for Real Madrid's Christoph Metzelder. He certainly has a beard worthy of the Arsenal. Meanwhile the Sunday Mirror says West Ham are ready to pay £8m for Johan Djourou to replace Anton Ferdinand who has gone to Sunderland.

The deadline is tomorrow night at 11.59. What's the bets if we sign anyone it'll be at 11.58:47?

Other than that I am now blogging this at you from my new house. Moving yesterday was hard, hard work and I celebrated with some Thai food, a load of beers and about three bottles of wine. As you might imagine my head is saying *boilk* but my stomach is saying something much more gurgly than that.

Thanks to Tom for filling in yesterday. A slight breakdown in communication meant he forgot all about it but nevertheless he came up with the goods. Next time I'm going to send him a message via carrier pigeon. Nobody can ignore a pigeon with a message.

Right then, have yourselves a good Sunday. More tomorrow.

Morning all, it's the start of another week. Dreary too. The weather really is depressing for summertime.

After the chorus of boos that Emmanuel Adebayor was treated to on Saturday Arsene Wenger has urged fans to get behind the Togonator and leave what happened in the summer in the past. He says:

We have to get behind him and support him because he is of tremendous importance for the team and you want your fans to be behind him. What happened in the transfer period did not always reflect his deep desire [to stay] and there was manipulation from agents on both sides.

I'm sure Adebayor heard what happened and I have no doubt it must have been upsetting. But that's life. Sometimes you make choices and do things and you piss people off. It takes a bit of time to heal the wounds. I have no doubt there were agents sticky fingers all over what happened in the summer but ultimately the player has to take responsibility for it. I read a great quote from Gael Clichy who said of transfer rumours and speculation:

In my opinion if you want to be in a newspaper you will be in a newspaper. If you don't want to be then you won't be.

So the bottom line is that Adebayor has made his bed and as uncomfortable as it is he's got to lie in it. That said the manager is also right. Booing players rarely ends up being terribly positive but perhaps there's just only so much fans can take. Sp*rs fans gave Berbatov a good booing for wanting to go to United, Villa fans booed Gareth Barry for wanting to go to Liverpool and Arsenal fans expressed their distaste at Adebayor's apparent desire to leave by booing him. 

In an era when players are paid extortionate amounts of money and the gap between the fan and the player widens ever more maybe it's just time for the player to get a thicker skin. Especially if they rock the boat all summer and expect things to be forgotten about just because they kiss the badge in a meaningless friendly. I do hope Adebayor isn't booed again but at the same time I hope he's got the message and that, maybe, he learns something from it. And when you read stuff like this it really is a shame the way he fucked things up.

On a more positive note Samir Nasri rather enjoyed his day on Saturday. With the manager already making comparisons to Robert Pires (no pressure there then, Sammy) he spoke about his debut, saying:

I could not dream of a better start, to score in my first game after four minutes. Now I will have to continue week in and week out, and hopefully I can keep playing like that, it will be brilliant.

Yes, it will be brilliant. You could see the spark of a lethal new left side partnership between him and Clichy and I think if they get a good run of games together they could become even more dangerous. Pires and Cuntley always worked well down the left before and you get the feeling that's something the manager wants to replicate. Still, it's early days but that was as positive a start from Nasri as you could have hoped for. 

As I said yesterday with a round of meaningless international friendlies this week it's going to be a strange week on the training ground with so many players away. Not the ideal preparation for Fulham on Saturday but that's just the way it goes.

Not much else happening. Just to let anybody who has my email address know that it has changed. The old blogger @ arseblog.com email address got ruined yesterday by some bunch of spamming cunts who flooded my inbox. After downloading about 2,000 'return to sender - you spamming bastard' emails I saw there were another 7,000 waiting to be downloaded so I've nuked that address.

If you do need to get in touch please note the new address (in spam friendly format) is thearseblog AT arseblog D0T com. Please update your address books. 

Right so, enjoy the day, especially if you're a duck. Apart from the duck of death. Clint won't like that. 

So the season starts with a win, three points and a reasonable performance given the understrength nature of the side, particularly in midfield.

There's nothing like an early goal to settle the nerves and that's exactly what we got. It was a lovely goal too. Bendtner played it wide to Clichy, who fed it to Denilson whose run into the box was excellent, he cut it back for new boy Samir Nasri to sidefoot home and to make it 1-0. A debut goal for Nasri will do him the world of good and I liked what I saw of him yesterday. Good on the ball, isn't afraid of having a shot and he works hard. Of course you can't make any judgements based on one performance but it's a positive start for him.

In midfield we had Theo on the right and Emmanuel Eboue in central midfield alongside Denilson. Theo was very quiet in a game where you really wanted him to shine and Eboue, shock horror, had a very decent game in the middle. Obviously he's not the solution to that problem, not by a long way, but credit where it's due. The 1-0 scoreline might have had people a bit more nervous than they would have liked but I think if Cesc had had the chances Eboue had yesterday we'd have won the game by at least three goals.

There were a couple of scary moments, Almunia made a good save after the otherwise impressive Djourou wrongly tried to play offside and the young Swiss made up for it by clearing the rebound off the line. We huffed and puffed a bit up front. Adebayor was trying too hard, if you know what I mean, and he missed a couple of half-decent chances. One moment late in the second half saw him try a Kanu style trick when he should have just played a simple pass to Nasri who was wide open and when the trick didn't come off there was the extraordinary sound of him being booed.

I can't really remember that happening to a player before but it's most certainly a hangover from the summer. I don't think booing players is a good idea but I can understand why some fans, still vexed from his behaviour during the close season, chose to express their distaste. It didn't happen just because he messed up that chance. Still, he worked hard despite not much coming off for him and he made a chance for van Persie who poked it wide with the outside of his left foot. He also crossed for van Persie to head straight at Carson. He put one just wide himself when he really should have scored but hopefully he'll get his head together and his shooting boots on for the next game.

In the end though we didn't really look like adding to the one goal nor did West Brom look like they were going to score. Kolo Toure came on in place of Theo and the fact we had Eboue in central mid and Toure as a right winger shows you how the squad stands at the moment.

The main thing though was the result. Three points on the opening day is not to be sniffed at, no matter who you're playing, we kept another clean sheet and we will get better than this. Afterwards Arsene Wenger said:

I am pleased with the fact that we didn't concede a goal. We scored two on Wednesday, one today, so it's better than the reverse. Overall it was a good week for us. A winning start, a win in the Champions League, so yes a good week.

And given how nervous fans were heading into these two games I think you can call it a good week. There are many positives to take from it and also things that must have become clear to the manager in terms of how the squad needs to be bolstered, but we shall wait and see what happens there.

In other news Justin Hoyte has left Arsenal to join Middlesboro. I think every Arsenal wishes him well up there (apart from twice a year) and I hope his career kicks on. The fee is around £3m which, when you add to the £12m for Hleb, the £1m for Gilberto and the money received from the sell-on of Rat Faced Chav to Sp*rs from Blackburn puts us in the black for our summer dealings. Let's just hope there's too much money under Arsene's mattress for him to have a good night's sleep. He may just have to spend some.

Could some of it go on Liverpool's Xabi Alonso? The News of the World reports Alonso is fed up with Benitez after he tried to sell him all summer and bring in Gareth Barry. I think he'd be an excellent signing and while he is cup-tied in Europe it's only for the group stages of the Champions League, I think. He would be eligible for the knock-out rounds as he's only played in the qualifying round. That said if I were Liverpool I wouldn't possibly sell him to us. It'd make no sense whatsoever to obviously strengthen one of your rivals. Still, stranger things have happened.

Update: I'm wrong. He'd be cup-tied for the whole CL season. 

Reports from Spain this morning say that Arsenal will allow Fran Merida to go on loan for the season to Real Sociedad. He spent the last part of last season on loan at the Basque club and a full campaign is seen as good for his development. Good luck to him there.

And that's really about it. There's a strange week ahead for the squad with many of them on international duty. These early season friendlies really are a pain in the hole and we can only hope that the lads come through unscathed. It may just give Arsene time to count up all the pennies in his jar and go shopping though. Fingers crossed.

Ok, enjoy your Sunday, Arsebandits. More tomorrow.

Well, yesterday was certainly an interesting day with a match, a look at new boy Nasri and a new signing which sparked plenty of debate.

Let's start with the football and a 3-1 win over Stuttgart continued our pre-season preparations (Arsenalist has the goals and highlights). The first half was pretty dull but it gave a run out to Adebayor and van Persie up front and those 45 minutes will have done them some good. The Dutchman looked far sharper than his erstwhile colleague. Gallas started at the back alongside Djourou, Denilson in midfield with Eboue of all people, while Nasri and Walcott started on the flanks.

From what we saw of Nasri he looks quick, moves well, likes to have a shot (which is an obvious improvement on Hleb) and he can take a decent corner. I can remember Jens having to make a couple of good saves in the first half. The goals came in the second half though. Bendtner had come on and you could see what the previous couple of games had done for him. He looked quick, sharp and strong and he made the difference.

After we had gone behind it was he who ran and played a lovely ball through to Carlos Vela who took it wide and finished from a tight angle. The same two combined again for the second. Bendtner playing it into Vela, taking the return with his head and tucking it away smartly. I know he's had his critics but I think with regular playing time he could score a lot of goals in the season ahead.

The third came after typically tenacious work from Gael Clichy down our left. His cross came to Jack Wilshere, who was impressive in his short cameo, and his left footed finish was very nice indeed. Probably not the kind of scoreline Jens was hoping for against us but there you go. It's about our pre-season and it seems to be progressing very nicely.

And while we keep stressing there's not too much to be read into these games it's good to see some of the younger players really take their chances. Vela looks very useful indeed and Bendtner I've mentioned above. Walcott too looked quick and direct and while I've been very impressed with young Jack I think we need to bear in mind he's just gone 16 and we'd do well not to raise expectations too high. Let's give him time and let's keep the pressure off him.

Afterwards, and speaking about strikers, the boss said:

We're not as short of strikers as people thought. Vela is integrating very well into the team and Bendtner was already a force at the end of last season . . . and he will confirm that this year. Overall, we are still maybe one player short. But up front we don't need anybody.

Can't argue with that although I don't think we needed a striker anyway, now that Adebayor appears to be staying anyway. It's midfield where most of us think we need the signing and yesterday's news that we had signed Amaury Bischoff was met with ...erm... not much excitement? Is that fair?

His name was linked with us a a few weeks back and on the face of it, it seems like a typical Wenger signing. Nobody's ever heard of him, he has some French heritage, nobody's ever heard of him and he's cheap. It's hard to work out why we've bought him though. His professional record amounts to one professional game for Werder Bremen, and that was 16 minutes as a substitute. He's not a kid either. He's 21 years of age, compare the amount of games Cesc or Nasri or Walcott (by the time he's 21) have played and it seems most odd indeed.

I suppose if he's a cheap gamble who is not being counted on for the first team but who might play the odd Carling Cup game then there's no real problem with his signing. What has people worried is the idea that this might be the one signing Arsene Wenger was talking about. With some time having passed and being a little less cranky and full of wine as I was yesterday, I can't see that being the case. We're short in central-midfield, no question about it. You only have to look at the fact we played Eboue in there last night. Where is Diaby this pre-season? Injured, probably, which just about sums him up.

Perhaps Bischoff will surprise us all and turn out to be another gem unearthed by the boss. Perhaps he might establish himself as a decent squad player. Perhaps though, we're looking at another Alberto Mendez or Stefan Malz. And if I had to put money on it now I think that's where it would be going. I still think we'll make a signing in midfield simply because it's obvious to everyone that we need to. There are plenty of Arsenal sites out there, many of us differ in opinion, but I think this must be something everyone agrees on. And if it's obvious to us surely, surely, it's obvious to the boss.

Speaking of midfielders it looks like we're in for quite the windfall from the sale of David Bentley. Reports this morning suggest we could make as much as £7m from the deal which really is a brilliant bit of business. And Bentley confirms his status as a proper little cunt by joining Sp*rs. He'll probably be joined by Arshavin who has always dreamed of Barcelona, would love to play for Arsenal but is settling for them because nobody else wants him. I bet it will have always been his dream to follow in Rebrov's footsteps and let's hope he does exactly that.

Cesc talks about that game at Birmingham and while he says Gallas is a 'great' captain and says he has a lot of respect for him, he also says he's ready to take over the armband. You already know what I think about that so there's no point me going on about it. To me though it's telling that he references the Birmingham game. I know that it wasn't all Gallas that day, that the players would have been affected by what happened to Eduardo and the blow of the late penalty, but my point is that someone with real leadership skills would have dragged them out of that slump much more quickly.

Manuel Almunia says he has a lot of respect for Jens Lehmann but then makes it very clear that he's enjoying life without him. When he says himself, Fabianski and Mannone are three 'very nice guys' it doesn't take much to work out what he means.

And that's about it. The squad return to London to prepare for the Emirates Cup this weekend. They'll hook up with Kolo and Cesc ahead of the games against Real Madrid and Juventus which will provide more good tests for us, bearing in mind, of course, that their pre-season preparations are a week or two behind ours.

All the same I'm looking forward to seeing the games, they are on TV right? Final thought - the new away kit looks fucking brilliant, eh?

Till tomorrow.

It's a very quiet day today.

I could mention Hleb and his comments which are complimentary to Arsene Wenger but most disrespectful towards Arsenal but I'm not going to. I think it's been made very clear than Hleb is a dolphin loving cunt and frankly he doesn't merit any more time on this blog.

Meanwhile, according to The Sun, Emmanuel Adeabayor has told a team mate:

I’m not sure if I’m going to leave now

Well that certainly makes things awkward for him. When you consider previous quotes saying how we had to give in to his 'demands' or he'd leave it's a bit unfortunate to discover that not only is he a loudmouthed, greedy twat he's not a man of his word. I fully expected him to leave whether he'd found a new club or not. It would be the only decent thing to do.

'Give me my demands'.

'No'.

'Well then you leave me no choice'.

And off he would go with a battered holdall thrown over his shoulder and nobody would ever see him again. Or if they did see him again it would only be as he trudged away into the sunset with the really sad music from the Incredible Hulk TV series playing.

The boss confirmed yesterday that Eduardo would be back for the Emirates Cup but only as spectator. He's continuing his rehabilitation in Brazil, I think, and it's anybody's guess how long it'll take him to make his comeback. He also confirmed he was looking for a midfielder but then we knew that already.

There was some further bad news from the training camp last night when it emerged that Samir Nasri has been diagnosed with the bubonic plague. Apparently he picked it up from his pet rat 'Alex' that he brought with him through customs without the appropriate quarantine. There were also unconfirmed reports that Robin van Persie has the Ebola virus, Denilson suffered a massive dropsy while Emmanuel Eboue caught spina bifida from an elf in the forest.

We really are in a fucking crisis, let me tell you.

Right so, have yourselves a good Thursday. More, and an Arsecast (probably), tomorrow.

Good Monday to you,

it's the day when pre-season starts in earnest as those involved in European competition and internationals over the summer are due back.

Scheduled to return today are Robin van Persie, William Gallas and Emmanuel Adebayor. I don't know for sure but I suspect that due to Spain's run all the way to the final of Euro 2008, Cesc might be given a bit more time off. Arriving for the first time is Samir Nasri and his life as an Arsenal player begins officially today. Welcome to him.

I suppose the return of Adebayor will be the one that will generate most headlines though. With rumours in Spain this morning that Didier Drogba is on the verge of a move to Barcelona it would leave the Togonian in a rather difficult position. Unless the Kaka deal means Milan can come back in for him he may not have much option to but to stay at Arsenal. As I said yesterday whatever happens he's got to ensure that he doesn't disrupt our pre-season.

With the boss saying he'd 'think about' a £400m bid (typo in the sun, surely? That must be £40m and even then there's nothing to think about if someone offers that kind of money) for Adebayor he's challenged Theo Walcott to push on this season, saying:

Last season, his target was to play 15 or 20 matches, whereas this season, he must try to become a regular player in the Arsenal team. Can he break into the England side? That is what I wish. He is 19 years old and at that age, you have to improve.

True indeed and Theo's signs of improvement in the second part of last season were very encouraging. I just wonder how much time he's going to spend up front and how much in midfield again. He definitely enjoys playing up top more but given our lack of choice for that right midfield spot I think that might be where he can make himself a regular, for the season ahead at least.

Dribbly McNoscore's comments about Cesc generated some headlines yesterday. Having just arrived in Spain he said:

He loves this club, and though he’s at Arsenal, who knows, maybe one day he’ll come back here.

Well, we all know Cesc was born and raised a Barcelona supporter so to suggest he might go back there one day is hardly a surprise to anyone. I don't think his comments were made out of any malice towards Arsenal but there's no doubt they are somewhat injudicious. Let's be realistic though -  he's talking the talk of a man who wants to curry favour with his new fans before they see him play. He'd do well to not talk about Cesc any more though. I know Barcelona very well and I know where the footballers hang out. I would have no problem kicking the fucking cruciate off him if he doesn't shut the fuck up.

And that's about it. I suppose we'll get some reaction to the return of the internationals and the arrival of Nasri tomorrow.

Till then.

Happy Tuesday to you all.

Let's begin with the ongoing saga of Samir Nasri. Yesterday the player seemed to confirm a 4 year move to Arsenal on his official website, prompting news sites and various copycats to go into overdrive. Nasri's official site then went down and later talk of the deal being done was played down by the player's agent, the horrible Jean-Pierre Bernes who said:

Discussions are continuing between the two clubs and the player. Nothing has been finalized, no element of the transfer has been finalized and everybody is still talking. It is premature to announce anything at all.

Now, from the information I've been given this is basically a big load of old bollocks. The deal is done but for whatever reason Marseille don't want it to be officially announced yet. The delay, such as it is, is not coming from Arsenal's side. Whatever Marseille's reasons are remain open to speculation so while it's frustrating for fans not to have that official confirmation there's no need to worry. It'll happen.

Cesc talks about how he's a man now. Which is true. He was a boy. And now he's a man. That comes with age, you see. I too was once a boy and then I also became a man. Which is far preferable to becoming a cyclops or a nervous zebra, which was a very real fear for a while. I mean zebras have a nervous existence as it is. Imagine being an especially nervous one. That's no life for a boy.

He (Cesc, not the nervous zebra) also talks about Russia ahead of the Euro 2008 semi-final, saying that Andrei Arshavin is the man to watch.

The Sun links us with a move for Valencia's David Silva. An 'Arsenal source' said:

Arsene wasn’t just in Vienna to cheer on Cesc — he was there to take a good look at Silva. He is a player who would fit well in the Arsenal set-up, especially if Hleb goes.

He's certainly a very good player, I like him a lot, but I suppose the difficulty we might have is that nobody really seems too keen on Hleb. The Barcelona link has gone very quiet, what with them having to sell their vital organs to buy anyone, there's been nothing from Bayern and only Wolfsburg have said anything remotely positive about signing the player. So for all his desire to leave Hleb might find himself with nowhere to go.

There's nothing new in the Spanish press about Adebayor. Just the same old crap from the last few days slightly re-written. A deal is 'really close' and Adebayor 'sees himself at Barca' blah blah blah shove it up your cunts blah blah. Speaking of Adebayor he came third in the player of the season poll on Arsenal.com - that means top spot has to go to either Cesc or the departed Flamini. I think it'll be Cesc.

Squad numbers for the forthcoming season have been announced. Manuel Almunia is, as expected, the new number 1, Carlos Vela gets 12, Aaron Ramsey takes 16, Vito Mannone 24 and other than that there's nothing much changing. There are still some lovely numbers waiting to be filled though.

Austrian based Gooner Kevin provides the following info regarding Arsenal fixtures on their pre-season Austrian training camp:

22/7/2008 - Arsenal vs. Szombathely in Szombathely - Hungary (just across the Austro-Hungarian border)
28/7/2008 - Arsenal vs. Burgenland Select Team in Ritzing

Now there's an exclusive for you. Cheers, Kevin. 

That's really about it, so it is. My continued summer of 'que sera, sera' is going very well, I have to say. No stress here, no RSI from frantically clicking around NewsNow just in case this might be the one time that Sportingo or Caught Offside don't print something that isn't a load of scuttery shite, no grey hairs. Well, that's a lie. Lots of grey hairs but those come from having a teenage daughter, not from Arsenal.

Till tomorrow.

Well, anyone expecting a signing anytime soon looks set to be disappointed.

We've heard the name Samir Nasri so often in the last couple of weeks it's begun to stop making sense. Like if you say a word over and over again and it begins to sound ridiculous. The situation seemed to be that Nasri was pretty much a done deal, it was just a case of him putting pen to paper. However, Arsene Wenger, speaking to the French media, claimed that no deal would be done before the end of Euro2008 and hinted that money might be the issue. He said:

I hope I will do it after the Euros. It is more complicated now because the wage differences are not as big as they used to be.

Maybe Nasri and his people are thinking that a good showing at Euro2008 will increase his value and enable them to ask for higher wages from Arsenal. Or from other clubs. I'm not sure what the wages they pay in France has to do with anything though. The other complication surrounding this deal is the presence of Jean Pierre-Bernes, Nasri's agent. He was involved in the corruption surrounding Bernard Tapie's Marseille in the early 90s - at the time when Wenger was manager of Monaco. We know what AW thought of that, he's been quite outspoken about it and it wouldn't be a stretch to suggest there are some personal grievances there, for sure.

Would it be possible that Bernes would be so petty as to put the deal in jeopardy because of this? Frankly a football agent is capable of anything. Killing their own mum, devouring their young moments after being born, listening to Phil Collins music, anything. So this is well within the realms of possibility.

So, for the time being it looks like this one is on the back burner. I'm maintaining my transfer chill-out zone though, it's still way too early in the summer to get stressed about something like this.

Update: I have just been reliably informed that Arsene's comments about money were in relation to a separate question asked by journalists about how easy it was to buy players in France these days. It had nothing whatsoever to do with Nasri, and the hold up with the deal is not money related. It has more to do with some legal mumbo-jumbo. So there you go.

Meanwhile reports in Spain say Alexander Hleb, the one we thought Nasri would be replacing, is moving ever closer to a move to Barcelona, althoug there's nothing really new to report.

Ahead of Euro2008 Holland are waiting on the fitness of Robin van Persie. Now it's a whole nation rather than just Arsenal fans. I suspect they'll be waiting.

Yesterday's barely coherent report in the Telegraph about Arsene Wenger going to PSG was dismissed by the man himself. It wasn't supposed to happen until 2011 anyway so I don't know what all the fuss was about.

Right, at this early stage that's about it. It's another glorious day here, a bank holiday too. Till tomorrow.