Bullshit week at Arsenal

Tomorrow is Arsenal's final game of season, a sadly irrelevant affair hardly worth passing comment on.

Instead, I'd rather focus on a week of total bullshit.

Bullshit Story No. 1 - Wenger leaving for Real Madrid

The most transparent, bullshit story of Arsenal's season. Wenger makes a vague pro-Perez comment on French TV, in full knowledge it will be picked up the British media and circulated like the common cold. Then, when the lemmings lept to his defence - as he knew they would, Wenger promptly slammed the door in Real Madrid's face at today's press conference.

Job done.

All in all, a brilliant tactical move from the greatest footballing politician of the century. He didn't just play the Arsenal supporters, he had the board bending over backwards too, and blasting anyone that dared criticise a manager who believes he is beyond criticism.

Of course, only the most idiotic of Arsenal supporters would have been entirely convinced of Wenger leaving. The truth of the matter was most likely to be found in the blog of Spanish media correspondent Guillem Balague; but he wrote off the story almost as quickly as it arrived.

Today, it seems clearer than ever that Arsene Wenger has no intention of ever managing any other club than Arsenal. He'd rather retire than go to Real Madrid.

Bullshit Story No. 2 - Phil Brown vs Cesc Fabregas

Did Fabregas ever spit at Hull assistant manager Brian Horton? There's no evidence. As I realised no less than one hour after the event supposedly occurred, this story was almost a complete fabrication and never had legs - the whole thing has been a farce and Brown has been wasting everybody's time.

Mid-season, following an excellent start to Hull's Premiership campaign, Phil Brown's head began to expand to Jose Mourinho-like proportions. Hull's victory over Arsenal at the Emirates back in September was a major catalyst for that.

In the return game, Hull were beaten fair-and-square by an out-of-form Arsenal side, with the manic Brown seated in the stand in full view of the television cameras - from where he knew his every self-indulgent motion would be analysed. It was like watching a Shakespeare play that night; an oscar-winning performance by Brown - beating his chest at every decision, furrowing his brow and throwing numerous delightful pirouettes.

Unfortunately, at the final whistle - when the curtain had fallen - Brown went beyond acting. Brown made some hasty, nasty comments, and rather than retract his numerous idiotic remarks, began digging a hole for himself of Grand Canyon proportions.

He even went as far to invent a story about Cesc Fabregas spitting at his assistant Brian Horton. Which he later altered from only Horton witnessing to himself witnessing, then several players witnessing - and a tea lady or something. Amongst other ridiculous remarks, Brown was hauled up in front of the FA for attacking the referee, for which he will be punished, and today we've learnt what we all knew - his accusations against Fabregas were completely foundless, and all charges have been dropped without the player even being required to attend a hearing.

How embarrassing; what a plum! I'm not usually vindictive, but I hope Hull go down and we never see Brown again in top flight management.

Bullshit Story No. 3 - Adebayor to stay at Arsenal

He's not staying, he's going. Wenger won't be drawn on it, but Adebayor has no injury - there's nothing physically wrong with him, but a lot mentally. Some supporters forgave him after his Milan wanderlust last summer, but his lazy performances this season and manical greed and lies have seen supporters grow weary and obnoxious of him.

An interview with the BBC's Garth Crooks last weekend showed Adebayor up for what he is. A preposterous, badge-kissing fraud of epic proportions. I hope he goes to Chelsea for £30 million, where  there's a good chance he will help cripple their future.

There is a very good player lurking somewhere inside of Adebayor, but he's too dumb to ever be a consistent, world class striker - any  player that is blown offside as frequently as he is, game after game, year after year, has to be have his brain cell quota questioned.

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So that's it folks - a week of bullshit. After the Stoke game, which I will not be watching, I will be totalling up all the player ratings I gave for the season to calculate who I consider to be Arsenal's player of the season.  Even I don't know what the result of that will be and ajoined to that will be my player assessments for the season.

Then, I'll probably wrap up the blog for a good while before deciding whether to continue it into the future. It takes up a lot of my time, but maybe I won't be able to resist writing about Arsenal on the Internet.

You have to be an opinionated loud mouth with extraordinarily broad shoulders to do it, but I happen to have those qualities.