Monday, 15 October 07, 05:28 PM
Julio Baptista arrived at Arsenal in the summer of 2006 - a year too late, but still able to excite the fans. Along with the signing of Gallas, he helped to snowball the fans' expectations to gargantuan proportions that would quickly dissipate into disappointment. Gallas was mostly injured and under-par, and Baptista was an almighty, almighty flop.
He arrived with this tag and reputation of being "The Beast" - a goal-scoring powerhouse that could barge past anyone and thump in the goals. Well. He wasn't.
Apart from one storming performance against Liverpool where he scored 4 goals in our 6-3 Carling Cup win at Anfield, he was awful. And to be honest, that game was such an anomaly that I can't believe it even happened. Not only did we go to Anfield and score 6 goals, but Baptista scored 4 (and missed a penalty, which isn't surprising), Aliadiere scored the first and setup 3 more, and ALEX SONG SCORED. Freakish.
He really did seem like a nice earnest lad who gave his best, and to his credit he ended the season with 10 goals (although 6 of those were in 2 Carling Cup games), but he was rubbish - a big lumbering cow more than any sort of fearsome beast, his missed chances deprived us of so many wins.
And why am I suddenly bringing up "The Beast" all of a sudden? Because a quote I came across today from Ryan Babel only serves to confirm what we all suspected... that despite his bulk, incredible muscle percentage and density, and ninja-turtle like exterior, he was just a great big softie:
"A big body doesn't mean you're strong. I understand from Robin van Persie at Arsenal that Julio Baptista isn't strong at all, even though he's a massive guy." - Ryan Babel
Not strong at all... hilarious stuff really, considering that his size and strenth were one of the few things still going in his favour. But I think we all knew what the real deal was when
PSV's frail looking Chinese left-back Sun Xiang comprehensively barged Baptista to the ground in a soft little shoulder-to-shoulder encounter.
Not to say that he's a bad player though, he isn't - his performances for Sevilla were oustanding, and he showed in flashes at the Copa America how good he can be. The problem is that he's just very limited. He's not mobile, not that quick or strong, and needs too much time and space. He was found out in fast pace of the Premiership, and especially so in Arsenal's quick passing-and-moving system.
The other problem with Baptista, is that he thinks he's better than he is. We've all heard the stories about how clumsy he was in his Sao Paulo days, and how the fans used to laugh and call him a clown, but did you know that they also used to call him "Zidane"? Not out of any recognition of his oustanding abilities, but rather the lack thereof, and his continual attempts to try tricks and skills that he was so far from mastering, that they often ended in complete embarassment.
Good luck to him, and here's some highlights from his one "good game" for Arsenal:
Monday, 07 May 07, 01:20 PM
1 man went to bed, went to bed with Ashley, 1 man and his mobile phone, went to bed with Ashley
I was fortunate enough to get tickets for the last home game in the Grove's debut season, and the atmosphere was tremendous yesterday. Unfortunately a certain cowardly left-back failed to appear - not on the pitch, on the bench, and not even in the stadium. It was disappointing because fans had probably been preparing all season for this moment, and all the songs that had been prepared had scant opportunity to be sung, but i've decided to theme this post accordingly.
2 men went to bed, went to bed with Ashley, 2 men, 1 man and his mobile phone, went to bed with Ashley
Arsenal once again showed all their failings of the season, and Chelsea showed their strengths. Arsenal went under the cosh from the kick-off, but recovered well to have a strong spell of posession, and then one the stroke of half-time when Julio Baptista broke free of the last man and was brought down in the penalty box, Gilberto duly tucked away the penalty. As a bonus, Boulahrouz was also sent off for being the last man. Arsenal had the initiatve now, and for the first 10 minutes of the second-half they had bags of chances.
3 men went to bed, went to bed with Ashley, 3 men, 2 men, 1 man and his mobile phone, went to bed with Ashley
And that was symbolic of the season really; Adebayor, Hleb, and notably (and unsurprisingly) Baptista all squandered chances, and Arsenal conceded an equaliser from a cross - sloppy marking as usual, Michael Essien heading in at the near post. Chelsea had shown great resilience in coming back into the game, and as the fullbacks pushed up for Arsenal, they somehow managed to dominate possession with their 10 men.
4 men went to bed, went to bed with Ashley, 4 men, 3 men, 2 men, 1 man and his mobile phone, went to bed with Ashley
Some good singing on the day - "F*ck Off Mourinho", "Shit Club, No History", "Liverpool", and "Ashley Cole, is a f*cking arseh*le" amongst others. I did enjoy the "Sacked in the summer, you're getting sacked in the summer" whenever Jose Mourinho began his histrionics.
5 men went to bed, went to bed with Ashley, 5 men, 4 men, 3 men, 2 men, 1 man and his mobile phone, went to bed with Ashley
Chelsea almost stole it later on in their period of dominance, when neat footwork from Joe Cole saw him place the ball high into the top left corner past Lehmann, when facing almost away from goal. But it was rightly disallowed for an offside in the buildup. Arsenal poured forward in the last 10 minutes, squandered several chances, and then with almost the last kick of the game Eboue was played in on the right, and he wound up and unleashed a high, hard shot that thumped off the crossbar. Chelsea played well, and deserved their draw, but a winner would have been nice, because Arsenal had been the brighter, more attacking force throughout.
6 men went to bed, went to bed with Ashley, 6 men, 5 men, 4 men, 3 men, 2 men, 1 man and his mobile phone, went to bed with Ashley
I can't for the life of me understand why Khalid Boulahrouz even bothered to foul, or try and win the ball off Julio Baptista. Anybody who watches football knows that when the Beast is clear through on goal, he either softly caresses the ball into the keeper's midriff or sends it somewhere near the corner flag. Silly man, deserved his red card for being stupid.
7 men went to bed, went to bed with Ashley, 7 men, 6 men, 5 men, 4 men, 3 men, 2 men, 1 man and his mobile phone, went to bed with Ashley
As I said, the game was symbolic of Arsenal's failings - inability to finish chances, to cope with pressure, and to concentrate and defend properly. The other side of the coin was displayed by Fulham's other team who with 10 men fought their way back into the game, and almost won it. Incredibly irritating, incredibly resilient.
8 men went to bed, went to bed with Ashley, 8 men, 7 men, 6 men, 5 men, 4 men, 3 men, 2 men, 1 man and his mobile phone, went to bed with Ashley
Even my dad, who was watching his first ever football match in person, said quite confidently that the Arsenal looked pointless up front, and needed a winger, preferrably a left winger. This is the same thing that fans have been saying all season, and if my dad who knows very little about football found it obvious enough to give such confident punditry, then it definitely is obvious. This of course means that in the summer we will sell two wingers and sign a central midfielder. What do I know anyways?
9 men went to bed, went to bed with Ashley, 9 men, 8 men, 7 men, 6 men, 5 men, 4 men, 3 men, 2 men, 1 man and his mobile phone, went to bed with Ashley
Watching the lap of honour after the game, there were some interesting things to be noted. For one, it was called a "lap of appreciation", which I guess is fair enough when you are not competing for any honours at all. Mathieu Flamini seemed alive and well, which was nice considering that many of us suspected that Arsene Wenger had drowned him in the hydrotherapy pool. I also noticed (albeit from a great distance) that Jeremie Aliadiere seemed to be wearing spectaces. Strikers with bad eyesight are about as valuable as goalkeepers with no hand (no disrespect meant to the fine participants of either the Blind or Disabled World Cups).
Anyways, the season's done. Tied for 3rd place on points, but in 4th on goal difference, I feel the team has moved up a level from last season. With the kids blossoming in the background, all that's needed is 1 or 2 good experienced players (left winger included), and things could be very, very interesting next year. Seriously. Last season Arsenal only got 4th spot on the last day of the season, and stuttered throughout. Of the 6 league games played with Man Utd, Chelsea and Liverpool, they lost 4, drew 1 and won 1. Pathetic. I was worried at the end of last season.
This year, of the 6 league games played with those 3, we've won 3, drawn 2 and lost 1 (to Liverpool). Both draws were against Chelsea, and both involved them coming from behind to equalise for 1-1
(and one of those was in injury time). Add to that 3-1 and 6-3 away wins over Liverpool in the FA and Carling Cups and 2 wins and 2 draws over Tottenham in 4 games, and Arsenal have dealt
comfortably with the big teams. It's the small teams that have posed the problem - losses to West Ham (x2), Man City, Sheff Utd and Fulham have been unacceptable, and you add those up and it's 15
points more to the total. This is not unrealistic because in each of those matches, Arsenal dominated (sometimes 20 shots to 1), but just allowed the points to slip away. Add to those results the
pairs of draws against struggling Newcastle (1-1 and 0-0) and Middlesborough (1-1 and 1-1) and that would be another 8 points. It all adds up - that's roughly 20 points, with those added to our
total, we'd be contenders. All we need is to gain experience and be clinical.
10 men went to bed, went to bed with Ashley, 10 men, 9 men, 8 men, 7 men, 6 men, 5 men, 4 men, 3 men, 2 men, 1 man and his mobile phone, went to bed with Ashley
Saturday, 14 April 07, 11:33 PM
Arsenal deservedly beat Bolton 2-1 today at Highmirates, going down early on (as usual) to a Nicolas Anelka goal (as usual) from the opposition's first chance (as usual). But they showed great spirit and good football to equalise and then take the lead just after the restart. Tomas Rosicky scored the equaliser after great work from Emmanuel Adebayor and some not-so-great work from Bolton's right-back/human-celery-stalk Nicky Hunt. Rosicky had looked super up for this from the start, and after taking on the Bolton defence and trying all manner of shots, it was no surprise that he stole in to capitalise on the gangly one's mistake - Hunt tried to chest Ade's cross to their keeper, but didn't sense Tommy sneaking in behind him, and he neatly dispatched the ball past Juskalaineaieiaaaieiein.
The winning goal was a special moment - 44 seconds after the break, Gilberto played a great through ball for Cesc to run on to. "El Matador" took a touch to compose himself, dummied a defender, set
himself up and fooled Faye into thinking he would shoot to the far post, and then splendidly placed the ball high into the near post. His first goal since August, and his first Premiership goal
this season... the first shot scored in 62 attempts on target!
The joy was all too evident on his face, and he jumped up and down madly for a few minutes before getting back to the task at hand - which was to hang on to the lead and beat Bolton. This was
almost blown to bits with the horribly profligate finishing that Arsenal keep showing - About Diaby first missing a clear header on goal, and then completely messing up a one-on-one chance. He
first pushed Baptista out of the way when the ball was played through, and then ran at the keeper and weakly shot straight at him when he could have set Baptista up for an easy tap-in.
Then straight down the other end, Eboue horribly handled the ball in the box, but somehow referee Rob Styles styleshly signalled that it was unintentional and ball-to-hand when it clearly wasn't. Sam Allardyce complained afterwards of course, being the insufferably ugly and painful walrus that he is, but on balance of play Arsenal deserved the win, they had 9 shots on goals to Bolton's 2.
The usual defensive problems were all too evident though - Bolton's goal came from a long ball and Kevin Nolan was given all the freedom in the world to head the ball back across goal. Lehman
clawed it away, and Anelka opportunistically knocked the rebound in. Oh, and you know that rule about how strikers always score against their former clubs, well it's beginning to piss me off?
Anelka with 3 against us since he signed for Bolton, and he had another 3 or 4 when playing for Man City. Annoyance!
Ok, i've had enough of this writing business for the day. I'll sign off, but first I must mention Freddie Ljungberg. He looked committed and threatening all game, but most importantly he seemed to
step up a gear and try and drive the team on once we went a goal down. He never let our heads drop, and was important today even if he missed his scoring chances.
Finally... a bit of an oddity/treat. If you're using IE, then highlight the image below with your mouse. If you're not using IE, then use IE for this. Then once you've seen it, please explain it to
me:
Friday, 13 April 07, 06:55 PM
Judging by the rumours going around, Julio Baptista might will be here next season. Myles Palmer over at ANR seems to think that Arsene Wenger is in love with the big Brazilian (does this count as bestiality? ok, yuck), and wants him to stay.
Baptista himself has said that he has no clue.
As for Arsenal fans, I don't think any of them want to see any money spent on Baptista, a player who has looked SO inept that some even want to see the prolific Jeremie Aliadiere ahead of him on the team sheet.
I think he might settle in time, and have a lot to offer, but he has looked like a clumsy clown this season, offering up shades of what fans thought of him at Sao Paulo where they laughed at his clumsiness.
Sunday, 08 April 07, 09:19 PM
Those of you who've watched Arsenal this season, will have known the eventual outcome within 15 minutes of the start of yesterday's game against West Ham. It was the same old story. Arsenal created a glut of chances and didn't score. You wondered whether West Ham would pinch one off a counter-attack, and sure enough on the stroke of half-time they did. And then Arsenal continued to create a glut of chances but to no avail. SAME. OLD. STORY. One-nil not to the Arsenal.
There was all the intricate passing, pretty football, and scintillating build-up play and movement that you'd expect of Arsene Wenger's sides, but nothing at the end of it. To take Arjun's “just can't score” metaphor a step farther, this
Arsenal team have all the foreplay imaginable, but when it comes down to getting the job done, they just can't raise themselves to the task. There's far too
much fannying around, and the look completely impotent without their big guns. Excuse me for that series of puntences
please. I just couldn't help myself.

The point is that Arsenal can't really find a goal from anywhere at the moment with Robin Van Persie and Thierry Henry both out for the rest of the season. Judging by his overall lack of mobility and effectiveness, Julio Baptista has proved to be more of an “immovable object” than an “unstoppable force” - talk about the biggest let down of the season.
Emmanuel Adebayor, is always a threat, but is not prolific, and can't be expected to shoulder the goalscoring burden alone for long periods. He does so much, so well, but needs people around him to finish. Aliadiere? Well he's quick, slippery, works hard and holds up the ball well, but has all the threat and accuracy of a water pistol. And that's about it.
It was a 3rd straight league defeat, and things are becoming pretty serious now. They are 5 points behind Liverpool, and 3 ahead of Bolton, and barely clinging onto that last Champions League spot with a game in hand. The problem is that there is absolutely nothing to look forward to in terms of personnel, because everyone who could be fit right now is fit, they're just not good enough to score goals, and ultimately that is the basis of football. Wenger might wax lyrical about how Cesc, Hleb, Rosicky, Denilson and Freddie pass and move and dribble, and how unlucky Arsenal are to not be winning, but he's not fooling anyone. It's the old cliché of “goals win games”, except by having a team devoid of finishers, he's in a way responsible for them being unlucky. Some solution will have to be found to solve this problem for the remaining league games, then come the summertime, it's time for some investment.
Wednesday, 31 January 07, 12:06 AM
Thursday, 11 January 07, 08:02 PM
On Spurs with great chance to win Carling Cup runners-up medals, after demolishing Arsenal's reserve side