1 man went to bed, went to bed with Ashley, 1 man and his mobile phone, went to bed with Ashley

I was fortunate enough to get tickets for the last home game in the Grove's debut season, and the atmosphere was tremendous yesterday. Unfortunately a certain cowardly left-back failed to appear - not on the pitch, on the bench, and not even in the stadium. It was disappointing because fans had probably been preparing all season for this moment, and all the songs that had been prepared had scant opportunity to be sung, but i've decided to theme this post accordingly.

2 men went to bed, went to bed with Ashley, 2 men, 1 man and his mobile phone, went to bed with Ashley

Arsenal once again showed all their failings of the season, and Chelsea showed their strengths. Arsenal went under the cosh from the kick-off, but recovered well to have a strong spell of posession, and then one the stroke of half-time when Julio Baptista broke free of the last man and was brought down in the penalty box, Gilberto duly tucked away the penalty. As a bonus, Boulahrouz was also sent off for being the last man. Arsenal had the initiatve now, and for the first 10 minutes of the second-half they had bags of chances.

3 men went to bed, went to bed with Ashley, 3 men, 2 men, 1 man and his mobile phone, went to bed with Ashley

And that was symbolic of the season really; Adebayor, Hleb, and notably (and unsurprisingly) Baptista all squandered chances, and Arsenal conceded an equaliser from a cross - sloppy marking as usual, Michael Essien heading in at the near post. Chelsea had shown great resilience in coming back into the game, and as the fullbacks pushed up for Arsenal, they somehow managed to dominate possession with their 10 men.

4 men went to bed, went to bed with Ashley, 4 men, 3 men, 2 men, 1 man and his mobile phone, went to bed with Ashley

Some good singing on the day - "F*ck Off Mourinho", "Shit Club, No History", "Liverpool", and "Ashley Cole, is a f*cking arseh*le" amongst others. I did enjoy the "Sacked in the summer, you're getting sacked in the summer" whenever Jose Mourinho began his histrionics.

5 men went to bed, went to bed with Ashley, 5 men, 4 men, 3 men, 2 men, 1 man and his mobile phone, went to bed with Ashley

Chelsea almost stole it later on in their period of dominance, when neat footwork from Joe Cole saw him place the ball high into the top left corner past Lehmann, when facing almost away from goal. But it was rightly disallowed for an offside in the buildup. Arsenal poured forward in the last 10 minutes, squandered several chances, and then with almost the last kick of the game Eboue was played in on the right, and he wound up and unleashed a high, hard shot that thumped off the crossbar. Chelsea played well, and deserved their draw, but a winner would have been nice, because Arsenal had been the brighter, more attacking force throughout.

6 men went to bed, went to bed with Ashley, 6 men, 5 men, 4 men, 3 men, 2 men, 1 man and his mobile phone, went to bed with Ashley

I can't for the life of me understand why Khalid Boulahrouz even bothered to foul, or try and win the ball off Julio Baptista. Anybody who watches football knows that when the Beast is clear through on goal, he either softly caresses the ball into the keeper's midriff or sends it somewhere near the corner flag. Silly man, deserved his red card for being stupid.

7 men went to bed, went to bed with Ashley, 7 men, 6 men, 5 men, 4 men, 3 men, 2 men, 1 man and his mobile phone, went to bed with Ashley

As I said, the game was symbolic of Arsenal's failings - inability to finish chances, to cope with pressure, and to concentrate and defend properly. The other side of the coin was displayed by Fulham's other team who with 10 men fought their way back into the game, and almost won it. Incredibly irritating, incredibly resilient.

8 men went to bed, went to bed with Ashley, 8 men, 7 men, 6 men, 5 men, 4 men, 3 men, 2 men, 1 man and his mobile phone, went to bed with Ashley

Even my dad, who was watching his first ever football match in person, said quite confidently that the Arsenal looked pointless up front, and needed a winger, preferrably a left winger. This is the same thing that fans have been saying all season, and if my dad who knows very little about football found it obvious enough to give such confident punditry, then it definitely is obvious. This of course means that in the summer we will sell two wingers and sign a central midfielder. What do I know anyways?

9 men went to bed, went to bed with Ashley, 9 men, 8 men, 7 men, 6 men, 5 men, 4 men, 3 men, 2 men, 1 man and his mobile phone, went to bed with Ashley

Watching the lap of honour after the game, there were some interesting things to be noted. For one, it was called a "lap of appreciation", which I guess is fair enough when you are not competing for any honours at all. Mathieu Flamini seemed alive and well, which was nice considering that many of us suspected that Arsene Wenger had drowned him in the hydrotherapy pool. I also noticed (albeit from a great distance) that Jeremie Aliadiere seemed to be wearing spectaces. Strikers with bad eyesight are about as valuable as goalkeepers with no hand (no disrespect meant to the fine participants of either the Blind or Disabled World Cups).

Anyways, the season's done. Tied for 3rd place on points, but in 4th on goal difference, I feel the team has moved up a level from last season. With the kids blossoming in the background, all that's needed is 1 or 2 good experienced players (left winger included), and things could be very, very interesting next year. Seriously. Last season Arsenal only got 4th spot on the last day of the season, and stuttered throughout. Of the 6 league games played with Man Utd, Chelsea and Liverpool, they lost 4, drew 1 and won 1. Pathetic. I was worried at the end of last season.

This year, of the 6 league games played with those 3, we've won 3, drawn 2 and lost 1 (to Liverpool). Both draws were against Chelsea, and both involved them coming from behind to equalise for 1-1 (and one of those was in injury time). Add to that 3-1 and 6-3 away wins over Liverpool in the FA and Carling Cups and 2 wins and 2 draws over Tottenham in 4 games, and Arsenal have dealt comfortably with the big teams. It's the small teams that have posed the problem - losses to West Ham (x2), Man City, Sheff Utd and Fulham have been unacceptable, and you add those up and it's 15 points more to the total. This is not unrealistic because in each of those matches, Arsenal dominated (sometimes 20 shots to 1), but just allowed the points to slip away. Add to those results the pairs of draws against struggling Newcastle (1-1 and 0-0) and Middlesborough (1-1 and 1-1) and that would be another 8 points. It all adds up - that's roughly 20 points, with those added to our total, we'd be contenders. All we need is to gain experience and be clinical.

10 men went to bed, went to bed with Ashley, 10 men, 9 men, 8 men, 7 men, 6 men, 5 men, 4 men, 3 men, 2 men, 1 man and his mobile phone, went to bed with Ashley

Manchester United and Chelsea both advanced to the semi-finals of the Champions League today. Whilst Arsenal haven't managed to score against either West Ham or Newcastle, United thumped 7 goals past Roma at Old Trafford to win the tie 8-3 on aggregate. Chelsea dominated slightly superior opposition away in Spain, coming back from a goal down to win 2-1 in stoppage time, and 3-2 on aggregate. Gutting stuff really.

Not only that, but assuming they overcome their semi-final opposition, there is the distinct prospect of a Manchester United vs Chelsea Champions League final, and FA Cup final. YUCK!

To add to that, if things stay as close as they are, then Wednesday May 9th might very well see the Premiership title decided in 1 game, when Manchester United play Chelsea at Stamford Bridge. It's almost like 3 cup finals in a row, and the only thing that could make it worse would be if Spurs reach the UEFA Cup final.

Meanwhile Arsenal, with 2 wins in their last 11 games in all competitions are still trying to figure out how to score a goal and not let the season completely fall to pieces. I don't think a single person is in Wenger's corner anymore, and certainly no one is going to put up with another "The boys have shown tremendeous spirit, and you can see that the quality is there, and they are learning and next season we will see the benefit of that and the team will be much stronger". It's a dangerous game to play, to keep building up the merits of the next season, because too long without success and the entire project will have failed, because the youngsters will want to leave.

Millions of fans around the world aren't paying hard-earned money to see a team be slowly educated, they are doing so to see a challenge take place. The education of youngsters is supposed to be something that's happening in the background. Maybe it's just the frustration of today, and maybe i'm ignoring the big picture, but Arsene has left himself with far too much to do, and unless there is serious rebuilding in the summer, a lot of people will have no faith at all come next season. All deficiences have been clearly exposed this season - the inexperience, the lack of goalscorers, and the lack of effective players - and Arsene Wenger, with his fondness for youngsters, perception that goalscorers aren't important, and penchant for buying technicians, dribblers and passers, is to blame for all of them.

But deep down I think we all still suspect, despite his best efforts to confuse us, that Arsene still knows. Make it happen next season Boss. Please.

So explain this to me - while fans all over the world are gettin hunted down and banned, and clubs being fined for their misbehaviour, why were Chelsea fans allowed to throw things on the pitch all game and get away with it?

Okay, yes, we know they are a bunch of classless, ignorant pigs, mostly Johnny-come-latelys and plastic fans, and even the traditional sort that were basically trashy drunks, were only slightly better than Spurs supporters to begin with. But even then, on an occassion like this - a cup final against a major rival, with millions of people watching (yes, millions of people watched, that was the effect of Arsenal's FOOTBALLERS reaching this final), you would have expected them to behave.

Instead, things were thrown onto pitch all game long - food, paper, plastic, all kinds of nonsense. Cesc Fabregas was hit by a piece of celery when taking a corner kick, several others players had to dodge and throw-away stuff. Manuel Almunia, the most non-controversial nice-guy figure that you could ever find was even struck by something from the crowd, and required treatment from the physio. (This was right when Arsenal had conceded the corner from which John Terry got kicked in the head, and it was because the Arsenal physio was close by treating Almunia that Terry's life was not jeoparised). It's funny that Chelsea get away scot-free again. In 2002 at Highbury, when a pound coin got thrown at Jamie Carragher, the fan responsible was hunted down and banned for life. Can you imagine any such thing being done by Chelsea? No chance. Why? Same reasons again, primarily a sheer lack of class, and additionally a lack of control, and a lack of standards being set by a club that despite breaking all the rules, persists with a siege mentality like no other. You have shameful people like Abramovich and Kenyon who have broken every rule in the book, and then bragged about it, and you have the ultra- (but very talented) Mourinho, and they've created this bizarre pseudo-posh yob culture at the club. It's honestly quite painful.

"Where were you when you were shit?"


Cesc holding up celery that the Chelsea fans threw

I watched Ashley Cole make his Champions League debut against Sparta Prague as a second half substitute for Silvinho, and he gave a zippy energetic performance. 3 days later, he scored his first goal for the Arsenal, starting the game against Man City because Silvinho was still injured, from a well worked set piece in a 5-0 win. Sometime later, he started against Bayern Munich in an important game, and was absolutely fearless and effervescent. That was the birth of Ashley Cole at the Arsenal, the Londoner who wore his heart on his sleeve, who was a Gooner through and through, and who claimed that he used to cry as a little boy when listening to the radio to matches that Arsenal lost. He was a rarity for Arsenal as well as England, a talented English youngster, who had come through the youth ranks and provided a left-footed, left-sided option to both club and country when they needed it most. The fans made him a hero - we loved loads of the players, but he was special because he was an Arsenal boy. He was being touted as a future Arsenal captain, and the heart and soul of the club. What a load of shit.

Ashley Cole is nothing but a fucking pretentious, dirty, money-grubbing, two-faced disgusting chav. He betrayed the club for money, lied all the time, jeopardised some of our most important games and moments, and showed disrespect to everyone including his teammates, all so he could make a bit of cash.

And he sunk to new lows on Sunday at the Carling Cup final. Although Ashley didn't play, he was warming up during the second half, and in the course of doing his warmups came close to the Arsenal fans section several times. It wasn't just enough to see his pathetic face during a final where Arsenal were having such hard luck, but Cashley Cole had the audacity to repeatedly make a point of kissing his Chelsea badge and grinning at the Arsenal fans everytime he was running past them. It's shameless and it's classless, and it's exactly what you'd expect from a pathetic, misguided cunt like that. We're all a bit bitter, we're all a bit sad, but hey... We've got William Gallas! Fuck off Ashley, you're lucky the Arsenal fans aren't as badly behaved as that bunch of monkeys at Chelsea, or you'd have had a bottle or two smashed over your head by now.

Back when he didn't have Roman Abramovich's mobile phone stuck up his arse:

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