Last week in Villaland

Yes, it's killing me too. Three weeks without a game, and not even Carling Cup punch-ups or the intriguing rematch of Messrs Curbishley and Pardew can alleviate the tedium for us Villans.

So did last week's events carry any significance for us Villaphiles? Maybe, just maybe - but we have to search hard....

1. Mr Coppell and his Reading board revealed that - depending on which newspaper you read - Steve Sidwell has either a) turned down or b) is stalling on a new ?25,000-per-week offer at the Madejski.

We know that Martin O'Neill is an admirer of the flame-haired midfield dynamo, and I can only presume that his admiration grew with Sidwell's near single-handed demolition of the claret-and-blues a couple of weeks ago, so does this signal that O'Neill is closer to bagging this particular copper booty than we thought? Time will tell.

2. Craig Bellamy's almost poetically roller-coaster career lurched once again from the ridiculous to the sublime as he first got trousered and hit John Arne-Riise with a four-iron, then scored one and made one in Liverpool's historic defeat of Barcelona at the Nou Camp.

I tend to think the press has missed the biggest story of them all here - as apparently the row was "over karaoke"!? The mind boggles; did Riise give an insultingly ironic rendition of Shirley Bassey's "Goldfinger", only to be attacked by Bellamy for deriding the darling of the valleys?

Did Bellamy pour oil on the flames by sending up Morten Haket in a deliberate AHA spoof? Benitez only knows!

Anyway, rumours are that Bellamy's time at Liverpool is running short, and we all know his Celtic connections. Could he be on his way to Villa Park? Better warn the greenkeeper at The Belfry ...

3. Alex Ferguson announced that Alan Smith is close to a recall to the United bench. Hold the back page! Now, I've been watching football for a long time, and this is either a) a recognition that Ferguson still believes Smith to be the genuine replacement for Roy Keane as the anchor and talisman of the Red Devils' midfield or b) a thinly-veiled message to O'Neill and Lerner that Smith's price-tag is going to rise by a million or two every Saturday from now until the end of May. Take your pick - but I go for the latter.

4. West Ham's abject defeat to West Ham, sorry, to Charlton, means that they are surely for the high jump and will be playing local derbies against Colchester next term. Nigel Reo-Coker isn't going to go for that, and I think he would be a great replacement for the tiring McCann. He'd even get the same colour shirt, so it just makes sense - doesn't it?

5. In the most bizarre story of the week, it was reported that David Villa of Valencia was the subject of an ?18m bid from Aston Villa.

Presumably, this supposed bid was based on poetry alone, and the hope that the Spanish superstar has a big latin hot spot for namesakes.

Rumour has it that Villa's contract demands 125m Euro compensation for breach, and also that Chelsea may be preparing a ?75m bid, more in hope than expectation. All red-top talk, and as such stuff-and-nonsense - but maybe ?18m would secure Villa's right leg at least. Well, every little helps.

So, you see, plenty has been going on behind the scenes. But before I have to write such nonsense again, for God's sake bring on the Fulham game!

Up the Villa!