Never fear, Amaury is here
Monday, 06 October 08, 03:12 PM
I'll have to be brief. I realise I'm not posting very often, but the global financial meltdown is keeping me busy.
Arsenal.com brings us word that Amaury Bischoff is set to make his reserve team debut tonight against Stoke. Hurrah! We can relax, everything is going to turn out alright. If I am honest, I think I may have been premature in renaming this blog to the Jack Wilshere Centre for Worship. I should have dedicated to Amaury instead. I think we all know that he is going to be the future, and I’ll certainly be watching keenly tonight. Jack is dead, long live Amaury!
Welcome to The JACK WILSHERE Centre For WORSHIP!
Friday, 26 September 08, 04:15 PM
It's a special day.
I have worked hard for a long time to bring you this blog, and it finally is here. 'Blog, my arse' is no more, but 'The JACK WILSHERE Centre For WORSHIP' is here in its stead, and I think you'll agree, it is a more than fair exchange.
This blog will be your first stop for everything Jack Wilshere. New features will include:
- The Jack Wilshere Stalking Diaries.
- Jack Attack - The latest Jack Wilshere clips, accompanied by the freshest rap music from America.
- Whos Jack? - Jack lookalikes
- And many more.
One new feature of the blog which I will be commencing today is the JACKFACT with every blog entry. The JACKFACT will be immediately apparent, as it will be highlighted with the red bar below. Here's our first JACKFACT.
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Finally, to celebrate the launch I donned my Jack Wilshere jersey (I was so clairvoyant that I got his name put on the back last season) and downed a bottle of my favourite whiskey. Mmm!
Oh, I'm not wearing the shirt backwards. My arms just go that way. Til next time!
An ode to Jack Wilshere
Thursday, 25 September 08, 10:16 AM
And every cross you make
Every time you break, every stride you take
We’ll be watching you
Every single game
And every pass you spray
Every match you play, every team you slay
We'll be watching you
Oh, can't you see
We belong to thee?
How the defence quakes
With every stride you take
Every shimmy you make
Every dummy you fake
Every shot you take, every ground you shake
We'll be watching you
Since you played we've loved that special grace
We dream at night, we can only see you race
We look around, the defence is giving chase
The ball flies in, it comes straight from your boot lace
We keep chanting Wilshere, Wilshere please,
Oh, can't you see
We belong to thee?
How the defence quakes
With every stride you take
Every shimmy you make
Every dummy you fake
Every shot you take, every ground you shake
We'll be watching you
Giant inflatible beef cannons go pew pew
Thursday, 18 September 08, 08:45 PM
So spurred on by my number one (and only) reader Sam, I’m writing a new blog post after a month of work and laziness inspired inactivity.
So, what’s new in the world of Arsenal? Well, quite a lot. I can’t really be bothered going into it though. You’ve read about it all on the BBC, F365, SSN, arseblog, ANR, arse.com, oleole, the broadsheets, the rags, the other blogs... you get the picture. No recap necessary or desired.
One thing that I do want to write about though is Jack Wilshere. As you might gather I quite like the little fella and have high hopes for him. When he made his debut against Blackburn and set his record, I made a thread on another forum about him. Someone replied that they reckoned the thread might end up turning into a Wilshere shrine, where I would obsessively post every little detail about him, even though nobody but me was interested. Nobody else would reply but I would continue to post non-stop, talking to me, myself and I in a way that would best belong in the loony-bin.
I didn’t like the sound of that. Not one bit. So this is what I’m thinking: I’ll rename this blog to 'The Jack Wilshere Centre for Worship’ or ‘Jack Wilshere is the Greatest’, so I don’t have to risk a moderator closing my thread over mental health concerns. I’m not 100% sure about either of those names, but the rest of the plan is completely kosher. Why?
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Wilshere is almost gauranteed to be a big star (Arsene says so!), so my blog will get more readers.
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If it doesn’t get more readers, then I don’t have to worry about people having me sectioned, and I can obsess in peace.
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If it does get more readers, who then go on to say: “Hey! You’re creepy! You’ve made a blog that obsesses over a teenager!”, I can say: “Hey! Carlos Vela News did it first!”
So all angles are covered. All I need is a name. The Wilshere Wide Web? Hmm. I dunno. Suggestions are certainly welcome.
Anyway, I just burnt my finger on the cunting oven grill while taking my food out, so I’m going to discontinue typing further. Just one question – anyone like The Ting Tings?
Boo-ing Adebayor is fine by me
Wednesday, 20 August 08, 01:04 PM
Greetings from not-so-sunny Spain!
I keep hearing that boo-ing the badgekisser "hurts the team". Well, I know something else:
Adebayor's antics over the summer hurt the team.
Adebayor's antics over the summer hurt the fans.
They have the right to hurt him back. He deserves to be booed. How else are the fans supposed to tell him that his behaviour over the summer was completely unacceptable? It's the only way to reach these millionaire footballers who live in their warped little bubble world, utterly disconnected from the reality of the average fan.
I keep hearing from holier-than-thou retards that you aren't a real fan if you boo Adebayor. No real Arsenal fan would ever boo a player. What a load of crap. Adebayor took the club and the fans for a ride over the summer. He treated us like chumps and as soon as he got his big money deal, he was back proclaiming his love for the club and kissing the badge.
Frankly, if you're singing his name after that, then I'd have to question YOUR support of the club.
What's that sound?
Thursday, 14 August 08, 01:07 PM
That's the sound of me being right.
Not a great performance last night by any means, but there are still plenty of positives to take from it, including an all important two-nil win. The hysterical Arsenal fans of the world will have to wait til another day.
I'm off to Spain for 10 days today so I probably won't be making any new posts before then. You'll just have to control your anticipation!
Fabregas out for Twente - we're all going to die!
Wednesday, 13 August 08, 10:05 AM
When you’ve been supporting a team for a while you start to notice patterns and cycles. What might have excited you before doesn't excite you as much now, and what might have scared you before doesn’t do so the next time round. So it is tonight.
Three and a half years ago Chelsea came to Highbury and played out a 2-2 draw. Arsenal were the better side, but Chelsea went on to win the league with a record 95 points. Arsenal started with a 17 year old and a 20 year old in central midfield that day. Sound familiar?
Five months ago we beat Milan 2-0 in the San Siro with Diaby and Eboue on the flanks. The teams we fielded those days were stronger than the one we will field tonight, but then so too were Milan and Chelsea stronger than FC Twente, or West Brom to come.
So my message is this: Chill the fuck out.
Of course I’m a little concerned. That is only natural when venturing into the unknown. But mostly, I’m excited.
Jack Wilshere's career in tabloid headlines - PICTURE SPECIAL
Tuesday, 05 August 08, 11:45 PM
A teenage Jack Wilshere scores a brace against Manchester United to win Arsenal the title.
Jack Wilshere becomes a national hero when he saves a penalty in a crucial World Cup qualifier after England's goalkeeper is sent off with all substitutions already made.
Jack Wilshere becomes a national villain after he misses the crucial penalty in a World Cup quarter final.
Arsenal provide a timely boost to Jack's shattered confidence by giving him a new mega deal to keep him at Emirates for the rest of his career.
Having picked up a serious injury and a massive pay rise, Jack Wilshere's career threatens to go off the rails as he starts to hit the party circuit.
Jack Wilshere overcomes his injury and lifestyle excesses to drive Arsenal to another league title.
Jack Wilshere pops up in the box to score the goal that wins England their second World Cup title.
Well, he won England the World Cup after all. You'd have to be fucking special to do that.
Having won it all and being widely recognised as the greatest player in the history of the world ever, Jack Wilshere calls it a day.
'Preparing a bid'
Tuesday, 05 August 08, 09:56 AM
Seriously, what the hell does that even mean?
Wenger prepares to pick up the telephone? Ken Friar prepares to key in Real Madrid’s fax number? Exclusive - Secretary’s assistant goes to the stationery shop to pick up some headed A4 paper! Big money bid on the way!
It’s one of those phrases that are commonly used in newspapers without actually meaning anything. Another is “set to bid for”. Every time I hear it I imagine the club manager and his board sitting in a board room staring at a telephone, daring each other to dial a number.
“Go on Rafa, give O’Neill a call.”
“No Rick, you do it.”
“No way, I don’t want to talk to him. Let’s send them an email.”
“Okay. Who types it?”
“I dunno. Let’s hire someone.”
“Bueno. I’ll place an advert for a copy-writer.”
“Good idea. The newspapers might get word that we are set to bid for someone though.”
Sorry, but it’s a **** morning and newspapers printing bollocks like this bugs me.
Also, if I see the term “midfield schemer” on skysports.com again today, I might just have to scratch out my eyes.
A few thoughts / Arseblog -vs- ANR
Tuesday, 29 July 08, 02:33 PM
The Denilson and Ramsey midfield pairing
Ramsey is strikingly similar to Fabregas at 17. He will certainly feature in the Premier League this season, and could replace Cesc in gimmes like Hull at home. That £5m looks very well spent.
Denilson is the most natural partner for Fabregas at the club. The only question is whether he is mature enough yet to play regularly. Technically and mentally, he is fully capable. Some people seem to think that because he can pick a pass, he’s an attacking midfielder and too similar to Cesc. They’re wrong. He’s Xabi Alonso with balls. He’s a young, Brazilian Roy Keane. Wenger described him as a cross between Rosicky and Gilberto, which is apt. He has the defensive mindset of the latter and the technical ability of the former. This pre-season, Wenger has played him in the holding role alongside the Fabregas-like Ramsey, and that is telling.
Jack Wilshere
There is a lot of excitement about this boy, and with good reason. Were he at another club, Wenger would probably spend a few million to bring him here, like he did with Walcott and Ramsey - he is on their level. With his twisty-turny style, deft touch and diminutive frame, he reminds me a lot of Joe Cole. His vision and link-play reminds me of Pires. In time he can be in that league.
Francis Coquelin
Yes, I was taking the piss. He’s looked useful, but comparisons to Patrick Vieira and claims that he has made a ‘stunning’ start to his Arsenal career are absurd.
Kopparberg Pear Cider
Summer-y.
Arseblog –vs- ANR
Finally, is anyone else enjoying the little tête à tête going on between arseblog and ANR over the past few days? It does seem like there’s a bit of a beef there, and it is great fun to watch, although maybe that’s just me. I suppose I was always the kid in school who would be seen shouting “FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT!” whenever anyone got into an argument.
For those who haven’t noticed, it has gone like this:
- Myles Palmer posts a pessimistic article on Arsenal’s finances.
- Arseblog slags off said article, and tags in Arsenal-Truth. Pow!
- Myles follows up on the original article, clarifying his comments.
- Today, Myles writes: Why William Gallas should remain Arsenal captain
- While arseblogger writes: Why William Gallas shouldn’t be Arsenal captain next season
Coincidence? I hope not!
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On Never fear, Amaury is here