Premier League preview: Chelsea v. Liverpool; thieves in the temple...
Friday, 08 February 08, 04:52 PM · Comments (52)
It is of course a coincidence that during the week of the Liverpool game, my thoughts have turned to theft and skulduggery. Have you noticed how much pilfering has been going on of late?
From the grand level of pinching whereby an insouciant Frenchman seems to have ‘lost’ his employers a few billion Euros, to a spot of pastry theft in the European City of Culture, someone, somewhere has been on the take. In fact, I’ve had your wristwatch while you’ve been reading this.
But the best 21st century thefts are always the ones which are spun as progress. News emerged yesterday that all 20 Premier League clubs had gathered round their communal trough and pondered how to get their hands on some more cash.
Well, you have to fund your star player’s next hyper-expensive sports car, tasteful 48 bedroom dwelling and pay-off for the old slapper he shagged up the arse while off his noggin in a nightclub toilet somehow, don’t you?
Apparently, the few million Brits whose hard-earned cash is dwindling faster than the number of people with any principles in the beautiful game simply aren’t sufficient to keep pace with such strenuous financial demands.
That includes those of you that supported your team and the national game during the years when the mention of English football teams travelling abroad was either banned completely or viewed more as a threat than a business opportunity. Thanks for your support.
So the proposal (still in its infancy, we are assured) is that they play some games in such locations as China, the Middle East and the good old US of A. Sadly, I’ve looked at my Travelcard and it appears that I can’t get to the Shanghai Stadium or Wrigley Field on my Zone 1-6 ticket.
But of course, we now have the marvellous option of consumer choice to soften the blow - should we spend our hard-earned income on a season ticket, Sky with the sports package, Setanta or just the occasional £14.95 to view Chelsea v. Arsenal kick off at 2am in Peking?
Similar to the NHS Patient’s Charter whereby one can choose which hospital you want to contract C.difficile in, but without the added entertainment of a bed bath at half time.
Several Premiership figures, including idiot in chief Richard Scudamore and porn king David Gold have made the inevitable noises about it being ‘the right time’ for the scheme which is a ‘logical progression’, presumably oblivious to a few hundred thousand dissenting voices. I do so love being told its raining whilst someone is pissing down my back.
Unfortunately, it seems that the growing sound of a few hundred million Chinese eager to consume Premiership product is clearly loud enough to drown us out.
We would hope that this frankly obscene suggestion by the bean counters would attract the attention of Sepp Blatter, so often a critic of the evils of big money and its polluting effect on the beautiful game, to make a suggestion that might focus the minds of those intent on franchising the national sport out to the highest bidders.
Would it not be a good idea for global football’s most powerful man to insist that the richest league on earth donate a large portion of the receipts from the Manchester United v. Liverpool clash in Dubai to the local football association to aid such luxuries as development, decent facilities, training and funding for stadia refurbishment and building? How about compensating the local clubs whose attendances will inevitably suffer when the Premiership Globetrotters roll into town?
An event about as likely as spending this coming Sunday afternoon at the Bridge and not hearing words ‘history’, ‘five times’ or ‘Istanbul’, I’d imagine.
Which brings us nicely on to Sunday’s opponents, who have also suffered at the hands of thieves this week as previously mentioned.
News of the theft of Jamie Carragher’s 30th birthday cake didn’t come as a huge shock, it has to be said. But aside of the obvious regional stereotypes, it might be an idea to ignore the usual suspects and employ a spot of Cracker style psychological profiling in order to catch the culprit.
We’re clearly looking for someone with a huge appetite for cake. Someone who is a bit overweight, possibly? Could be comfort eating to mask disappointment or stress? Trying to hide any tell-tale signs of weight gain (as a friend of mine remarked, men in their forties only indulge in odd goatee beard type experiments to cover up an extra chin or two)?
So has anyone actually checked Rafa’s office for tell-tale chunks of marzipan? That’s all I’m saying.
After such sorry tales, a small beam of light appeared in the form of Fabio Capello, a man who clearly retains a few old-fashioned values and principles. The England boss apparently isn’t keen on losing football matches, bad manners, lateness, WAGs or boozing. Does he view the England job as aversion therapy?
But welcome to England Fabio - if you haven’t been hounded out of the job by the xenophobes in two years, enjoy the flight to Peking to watch half of your squad knacker themselves out before the next tournament you’ll be slated for exiting at the quarter-final stage.
Team news for Sunday is, as ever, on the BBC website if you want chapter and verse, but as far as we’re concerned Mikel should be back, Lampard could appear at some point while Drogba, Kalou and Essien are presumably still in Africa licking their collective wounds and hoping to restore some pride by clinching third place in the Africa Cup of Nations. Shevchenko is still an expensive, malingering pillock who needs a 5-wood shoving firmly up his fairway.
For the visitors, who last scored at Stamford Bridge about five years ago, Torres is out with hamstring trouble joining Agger, Voronin, Arbeloa and Aurelio in a fairly crowded treatment room. Alonso is suspended while the Cake Thief is hoping that someone remembers to take Mascherano out of the overhead locker when his flight from Los Angeles lands sometime today.
Prediction: Rafa will be first to the post match buffet, but he’ll be disappointed and comfort eating again.
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Cake thief?
Now you have me laughing silly Cake thief...Hhahahahaha...
Good one there...
We have been given the chance to beat the Cake thief and his wheatabix....
Hahahahahaha
The reality is that if the twenty Premier League clubs decide that they want a few extra million pounds income then there's probably very little we can do about it.
The groups that profess to represent the fans can talk themselves hoarse about revolutions and votes etc., it will not make any difference. If season ticket holders decide not to renew their tickets in protest, it will not make any difference - there will always be plenty more waiting in the queue to replace them, particularly at bigger clubs. Money v. Fans. Money wins by three clear goals every time.
I suppose the one thing in the fans' favour is that it affects all twenty clubs, so the possibility is there for us to put aside our rivalries and form a consensus to try and do something about this madness. I remain pessimistic though.
As far as I'm concerned, the whole thing is unworkable and destroys the concept of a competitive league. In fact the more I think about it the more laughable it becomes. Let's just hope FIFA does something about it. I don't live in hope because I suspect a large slice of the income earned by the Premier League from this plan will probably find its way into the coffers of world football's governing body.
I'm interested to know what our international readers think about Scudamore's plan for world domination.
I just read Fergy was disappointed about the Prem games being played abroad. Or rather the fact that it was published in the press and wasn't discussed and made certain between the club owners and directors.
Maybe the early leak will help suppress this idea.
I'll start with my take on the 'Premier League abroad'. First and foremost, why have 20 clubs been consulted ??? What the hell has it got to do with Derby County what happens in the Premiership in a few years ?? They'll be playing Championship football quicker than it takes to stuff a Victoria Sponge in your under-crackers.
A ridiculous idea for some many reasons it's untrue. The rumour is the games will count to the league. What happens if, say, it's a 3 horse race in the league and two of the contenders fly to Auckland to play, only for the game to be called off for one reason or another. Never mind, come back next week lads.....
Secondly, you'll never be able to guarantee a glamorous fixture every time, so I can hardly see Heinz Field in Pittsburgh being sold to capacity for Sunderland v Bolton. Pointless.
Mr Scudamore, if you're reading, here's what you should do. Milk even more money from the Premier League by selling even more TV rights to Money-is-no-object-istan, add an extra game to the fixture list and limit the entry prices to £10 for everyone, or specifically open the gates for non-season ticket holders.
On to Sunday. I'm still not convinced Torres is out. It'll be a tough game. With only Mikel back, things wont be much different for us. Based on his questionable temperament, I reckon Stevie Me will be winding him up all game.
This sounds bad, but I wont be disappointed with a point. It's too easy to say they're missing so-and-so, but useless planks like Kuyt and Crouch will no doubt turn into World Beaters for 90 minutes on Sunday. And we hardly looked amazing against Pompey last time.
On a positive note, Essien, Drogs and Kalou will be back early next week. Bit of a blessing it's Huddersfield in the cup where they may not be needed for 90 minutes - so a rest and then everyone is focussed on Olympiakos a week Wednesday with only JT still out. I hear Sheva's playing in some charity golf tournament. Again.
Finally, not sure why I've thought of it, but are we due a new home shirt next season ???
It is all very depressing. From the other side of the coin, maybe I don't have the mentality of an overseas fan, but if I was a baseball fanatic and followed the New York Mets, personally I couldn't imagine anything more dull than going to see them at Wembley or the Oval; the whole point is (or maybe was) the experience of going to the place where the legend has been made. I suppose that becomes less important as clubs move to newly built identikit stadia; all part of the brand rather than anything else. I'd mark this out as a very sad day for football.
And the thought of watching a title / relegation decider played out 3,500 miles away - horrible.
AS an australian who is going to marry(fingers crossed) a spuds fan(booo) i find the whole international thing ridiculous. i became infatuated with the game from a little street just of the kings road when i was 19 and all i can see benefiting from this is those with their hands firmly in the pie.
one extra game? gee fingers crossed we get derby? it's prostitution of the players and the fans. sure, i would love to be at more premier leaugue games, but until i get another working visa/married, i will have to watch it on tv.
chelsea winning the title in china as a consequence of arsenal losing to everton in sydney? no thanks. i'd rather not be a part of that(mainly cos i hate sydney).
in drunken short, no. no thanks. i love the EPL. i love it because of the fans and the environment that the english create. lets not globalise EVERYTHING
im drunk
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Maybe Roman's private jet will fly Drogba & Co. back in time for the Sunday match.
LOL, I now have to email all known cockney reds!
I'm not supprised by the proposed plans of playing matches abroad. Anything to raise money and the bank balances of the fat cats is never a suprise. All the flying around the world will take a much greater toll on the teams also playing in europe. Imagine having to fly to L.A in the busy christamas period just after the europian group stages, then having to play ever 2-3 days for a month.
I'm sure the players on top wages are happy enough without the extra air miles, even if it does mean an increase in wages.
My prediction for this weekend is a chelsea win and Fat-Raffa to get the boot.
K.T.B.F.F.H