Roman's hunt for The Apprentice continues...
Tuesday, 03 June 08, 10:19 PM · Comments (253)
In a parallel universe not far from here, the nation will tune into ‘The Apprentice’ tomorrow night and see Roman Abramovich setting the five remaining future C-listers the task of appointing a new manager for Chelsea FC.
“I said to this Grant bloke, good Jewish boy you may be but it don’t cut the kosher chicken with me, sunshine — I’ve seen no results from you and no indication that you’re going to deliver, so… you’re fired.”
Cue much footage of teams Alpha and Renaissance in gleaming people carriers, asking whether Ron Atkinson is working at the moment as Nick and Margaret (or Bruce and Peter) pull their best thin-lipped assassin faces.
Thankfully, the real world isn’t quite like that. Whilst there are reservations about the recruitment process and those making the decisions (more of which later), given our recent history, Chelsea FC isn’t about to become some sort of “Manager Idol” fly-on-the-wall show just yet.
A handful of people within the club know who the targets are, and if a couple of weeks waiting means the difference between making a knee-jerk appointment and sifting through a pile of CV’s to make a considered decision for the long-term benefit of the club, then so be it.
For those who want it, there is plenty of speculation in the media as to who will take up the reins / poisoned chalice (delete as appropriate) down at Stamford Bridge. The usual names will be thrown about, some interesting, some not so and some whose agent is looking for better terms on their client’s current deal.
We’ve seen enough close season lunacy and unseemly public haggling in the Abramovich era to last us a lifetime (the Essien transfer, anyone?), so the fact that we aren’t being treated to hourly updates with pictures of Peter Kenyon outside the gates of various different clubs trying to entice their current manager away is surely a good thing?
All that said, a stable managerial environment has hardly been a natural state for Chelsea in the past and the situation is not showing any signs of improvement; Roman is fast becoming Ken Bates without the slightly barking charm or the acerbic programme notes.
Why is this? The previous incumbents all had their flaws which the owner tired of. Grant did an excellent job of looking after the ship but was never the right man for the role in the long term; Mourinho delivered almost everything but fell out with the wrong man and Ranieri, well, he was just Ranieri.
(And whilst we’re fretting about our future, it should be noted that come next season when Juventus play Inter Milan, two former Chelsea managers will be on opposite sides of the dugout. Not something we’d have expected in the days of Bobby Campbell and Ian Porterfield.)
The missing piece of the ever-complex Chelsea jigsaw appears to be the cup we came within a coat of paint and a patch of wet grass of winning in Moscow. The Champions League trophy, and more specifically the cachet and riches that accompany it, are fast becoming Roman’s all-consuming obsession in life.
Whilst he probably isn’t locked away in the attic of one of his vast mansions, fashioning replicas of the big-eared urn out of toothpaste, mud and chopsticks like Richard Dreyfuss’s character in “Close Encounters…” or annoying the executive floor of Stamford Bridge by repeatedly playing the competition’s theme tune on his Stylophone, it is fair to say that he is unlikely to rest until his hands are firmly wrapped round club football’s biggest prize.
The concern is that the pursuit of football’s Holy Grail is starting to affect the judgement of those making the decisions. Track record seems to carry more weight than potential if the current list of managerial targets, containing some confirmed names and a few fairly obvious 2+2=5 speculative conclusions, is to be believed.
Former Champions League winner seems to be one of the key criteria. Enter Carlo Ancelotti and Frank Rijkaard.
The Dutchman is unemployed after a fairly turbulent and trophy-free season at the Nou Camp. His demeanour in the final months was that of a man who needed several weeks in a darkened room rather than the Stamford Bridge hotseat, but his ‘brand’ of football would certainly be an attraction.
Ancelotti’s recent confirmation that he has no interest in the job is unsurprising, despite Roman’s best efforts; he has shown little interest in leaving Italy during his career and AC Milan’s previous dismissal of Chelsea’s approach suggests that they are in no mood to do business.
The other attraction both candidates have in common is their connection to players like Ronaldinho, Messi and Kaka.
It would be harsh to suggest that the appointment of either would be the equivalent of inviting the slightly overweight lady to your party on the premise that she brings her more attractive and glamorous friend along, but it isn’t entirely impossible that the thought hasn’t entered the collective headspace of our oligarch and his retinue.
Cases can be made for and against the other candidates that we currently believe are in the frame; Scolari, Mancini and to an extent, Eriksson are proven winners at the highest level whilst Mark Hughes is well respected for his work at Blackburn, but looks certain to make the short move to Eastlands.
But if the owner can be persuaded to think a little longer term, there are interesting candidates who could be worth talking to — my personal favourite would be Thomas Schaaf.
Having spent his entire career at Werder Bremen, it would be difficult to persuade him to make the trip over the North Sea, but he is relatively young, experienced (and proven) in Germany where he has won a league and cup double and taken a previously relegation threatened club into the Champions League every season since 2004. He is almost slavishly devoted to attacking football; flying full backs, plenty of goals and with his number 10, Diego, he has shown that he knows how to use the kind of creative player required at the Bridge if we are to play the fantasy football Abramovich craves.
Schaaf may be happy to stay in Bremen, but if he has ambitions to further his career, a move to the Premier League might be just what he (and we) are looking for. If we are already trying to prise nigh-on impossible targets like Ancelotti away, then why not take a chance on someone like Schaaf?
A final thought on the subject: whilst Roman scours Europe waving obscene salaries and transfer budgets at any managerial candidate who might possibly deliver him his night of European glory, it is almost certain that the “money can’t buy class” jibes will resurface.
In these PR obsessed times at a club that has cringed at the behaviour of a former manager, eventually replacing him with an anodyne, uncontroversial yes-man, who will tell the owner that a demonstration of whispering wealth and thoughtful planning might be preferable to his money talking at an increasingly irritating volume?
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Simply by the reasoning that no one seems to be about to step into the breach would suggest to me that it is going to be dear old Gus Hiddink or 'Big Phil'. Neither of whom I fancy to be honest. They are both tied up at the moment and obviously there is no way they are going to allow themselves to be distracted whilst they are involved in the Euros.
What I cannot understand is why would Hughes go to City?? It is NOT a step up nor a step down. More a sideways movement. For someone that wants to go to a bigger job, it seems a strange move. He only has to see what happened to SGE to see he could be out of a job this time next year.
"And whilst we’re fretting about our future, it should be noted that come next season when Juventus play Inter Milan, two former Chelsea managers will be on opposite sides of the dugout"
Interesting point JD..... Unfortunately I would take either of them back (and no, I don't mean Campbell or Porterfield!), ahead of everyone currently on our list except Hughes, who for some mind-boggling reason appears smitten with the Thai 'human rights activist'.
Also read somewhere yesterday (sorry, can't remember where) that Laudrup has agreed to take over at Panathanaikos, so that is another we can cross off our list.
Personally, I think the deal has already been done with either Scolari or Hiddink. There can be no other reason for holding back the announcment than waiting for the Euros to end.
If they really still haven't made a decision, God help us!
Another one to cross off the list.....
It's not Sven... He has just been announced as Mexico's new boss, as expected.
Luciano Salletti is THE man for Chelsea and will be appointed before Friday
We can't know what the board is thinking at the moment. Each morning's headlines brings a new favourite for the job, whilst 'Sky Sports News Sources' seems to base their BREAKING NEWS on names picked blindly out of a hat containing 10 or so managers.
However it is strange that Sparky has come all the way down to London to speak to a Man City representative despite him living in the NW. Surly it's more convenient to take a short drive to Eastlands rather than a couple of hours down the motorway to London? Or is he hoping to 'accidentally' bump into Kenyon tomorrow as he happens to find himself walking around the Bridge megastore? But the debate of PTR vs Young and talented, experienced vs inexperienced rumbles on. The board seem split according to Sky Sports News between Ancelotti and Hughes (but who can believe them) but personally i'm unsure who'll get through our interview process with Sir Alan's, i mean Roman's, trusted lieutenants:
Will it be the young, surprisingly talented in recent weeks, style conscious Alex(Michael Laudrup)?
Will Sir Alan plump for the younger, slightly rough round the edges Lee (Mark Hughes)?
Or could it be the agressive, short-tempered yet ultimately disappointing when faced with the toughtest challeneges Helene (Mancini)?
Don't rule out the loud, brash yet strangely successful favourite of Sir Alan, Claire (Scolari).
Or will it be the dark horse, quirky, left-field one with a unique appearance Lucinda (Luciano Spalletti)?
Two must be picked, and i believe the final choice will be between Alex and Claire, which equates to the young up and coming Laudrup who seems to have gone off the radar in recent weeks (20/1 shot) vs the wise old head of Scolari who despite winning the world cup has many drawbacks in my opinion (can't speak English, NEVER experienced running a club side in Europe...). In the end i think we'll pass on Lee/Mark Hughes (too big a risk, not polished/stylish enough for the board and our brand which i hope has a better reputation than Amstrad). I think that every member, advisor, hanger-on, friend, assistant, scout, servant of Roman will have a different choice but i agree with JD. I think that for someone to have made £11Billion, you can't be an idiot, and i believe that Roman would have learnt from his past mistakes of short term fixes (Avram) and over the hill stupid signings (Sheva, Pizarro...). That's why i feel it will be someone unexpected. Laudrup would be my bet, but a Spalletti, Schaff could also make it. My choice would still be the Laudrup/Zola combo i've been longing for since Avram's departure.
I have many regrets this season (Jose leaving, the sale of Robben, the buying of frees instead of quality youngters...) but my biggest regret is the board's incompetence in September. When we had the chance to bring in a new manager we had two of the three best young coaches in the world available: Klinsmann and Van Basten, the third being Laudrup. All of these three young coaches are talented, have style, earn immediate respect after their playing days and believe in new coaching methods (just look at Klinsmann's staff which include psychologists, nutritionists...). But we hired a short term caretaker manager knowing that we'd need a long term solution this summer. Only now, both Klinsmann and Van Basten have decided against waiting around for us and opted to revolutionise Bayern and Ajax. In my opinion if we don't get Laudrup, we'll be settling for second best, whoever we get, and the board only have themselves to blame for the lukewarm reaction they'll receive to whoever is appointed out of Scolari, Rijkaard, Mancini, Ancelotti...
Whether it's arrogance from the board expecting managers to sit around waiting for the call from Kenyon or just incompetence, we seem to be the most indecisive club in the League at making a decision. They should, in my opinion, just bite the bullet and take a risk on Laudrup. He is a long term solution and would fit perfectly to the brand. And as assistant Zola really should be given a chance. Just look at how Van Basten has made Bergkamp part of his assitants at Ajax due to his status and the knowledge of attacking football he'll bring to them. That's why for me it has to be Laudrup and Zola.
KTBFFH
@ Lee
You seem very certain about this.. care to name your source...
Don't be surprised if Sparky turns his attention to Chelsea IF PK knocks on his door. If I was Sparky the choice would be easy... manager at Man City appears to have even more fragility to it that Chelsea and working with RA who at least knows something about the game will be a better bet. The question is will PK be knocking on his door for a chat or have they another plan and will spring a surprise...
KTBFFH
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I hope that Deschamps comes, or Zola :)
And I hope Mancini,Ancelotti and Rijkaard ...burn in hell ...
Magic JD, absolute magic. Glad to see the point of track record vs potential being raised here. Its an interesting left-field choice you propose as well, but in all honesty I can't see the club taking such a daring route...even though it has the potential of being our "Wenger" appointment as we spend a season with people, including many blue-clad ones, saying "Thomas who?". As Commander Data might say...'intriguing'.
Frankly after the JM/AG debacle of this season I'd not be unhappy with such an 'avant garde' choice. However if 'potential' is part of the ...ahem...succession planning ethos at Stamford Bridge (no, stop laughing, please) then I think, nay hope, that Laudrup would move to the top of the list now that Sparky has apparently taken the bait of the Baht. Such a criteria might also bring Deschamps back into the betting odds, and again I'd be happy with that - again the parallels with Wenger hove into view, French, professorial, good football theory, no PTR to speak of in terms of big trophies etc.
However, the Sodium Pentathol then kicks in and my true thoughts come to the fore about what WILL actually happen and I see the name Scolari being written across the sky by a cartoon murmuration of Starlings, because he won a World Cup once, at some distant time in the past, with a team of untouchable world class superstars. Anyone see what might be running through The Dear leaders Mind? Its the old Proven Track Record Numbskull Platoon (see Beezer's passim) invading and defeating the Czars Own Common Sense Numbskull Regiment currently occupying the disputed territory of Romans Brain. What we need is a pre-emptive strike by the several battalions of Future Potential Special Numbskull Forces to bolster the incumbents and defeat the knee jerk excesses of the invaders.
I must stop watching The History Channel.