The Carling Cup: Pensioners outwit kids shocker!
Monday, 26 February 07, 04:04 PM · Comments (27)
Someone help me out here. I thought us Brits were fond of a good, old-fashioned ‘have-a-go hero’. You know the story; 85 year-old granny with two new hips fights off thugs using hatpin and shopping trolley, that type of thing?
Well, now I’m baffled. In Cardiff this weekend, our team of elder statesmen battled away and repelled a gang of marauding kids, but the pesky youngsters seem to have become the heroes of the hour.
David Cameron will be wanting to hug them next.
I’m sure this Arsenal obsession with kids and youth actually contravenes the law of the land. Aren’t there regulations about not overlooking elderly folk in favour of someone younger if they are still capable of performing the job? Lauren and Pires could probably sue.
The Sky coverage predictably droned on about the nation’s new favourite youngsters, with Richard Keys, Andy Gray and co. doing passable impressions of those simpering middle-class parents who can’t stop harping on about how their little angels are 'just that little bit brighter for their age' than everyone else’s.
(They didn’t mention what it would have been like on the Arsenal coach down to Cardiff though, did they? A bloody school trip, that’s what. Two hundred litres of fizzy pop, jammie dodgers, snot and vomiting accompanied by lots of crying. Bugger that.)
The first half seemed to follow the script perfectly. Arsenal’s toddlers zipped around the field like Wenger had hidden their Ritalin. Chelsea seemed slightly bemused by it all, with the thirty-somethings wearing wistful “remember when we were like that?” looks.
Cech, or the Cat in the Hat as he shall now be known, had already made a couple of smart saves when little Theo Walcott burst forth from his amniotic sac to give the Gunners a deserved lead after eleven minutes. Things, it seemed, were not good. I can’t imagine what Keys (who reminded me of the easily-aroused bear from ‘Bo Selecta’ on the subject of the Arsenal Kiddies) was wiping from his fur at that point.
A nation rejoiced.
But as those of us who’ve been around for a little while know, youth and innocence generally tends to get trampled upon by those with a bit of experience and guile up their sleeves. Hard-hearted buggers that they are.
Drogba, not even half a cornrow offside, latched on to a perfectly weighted ball from Ballack, another elderly chap with a bit of nous about him. Much waving at the linesman ensued as Didier slotted home his twenty-seventh goal of the season.
After a fairly torrid first half in which Mourinho’s men lacked any real outlet, Robben was introduced for Makelele to inject a bit of much-needed youthful pace into the Blues’ game. Arsenal continued where they had left off. Cech denied Diaby, Fabregas shot wide. This, I started to suspect quietly, may not be our day.
If the game hadn’t been particularly enjoyable for the average Chelsea fan until then, what happened next turned the stomach. John Terry, not looking at his best after a seemingly miraculous recovery from his midweek injury dived to meet Robben’s corner and met the full force Diaby’s boot coming the other way.
The reaction of players on both sides spoke volumes about the gravity of the situation. Credit to Gary Lewin, the Arsenal physio who was in attendance within seconds; seven minutes and a spinal board later Captain Marvel was on his way to hospital. Concentration on the rest of the game became rather tricky in the circumstances.
But we forget that JT is actually the Keith Richards of the football world. Indestructible — no quarter given, none expected. Unconscious and hospitalised at 4.30; back at the ground celebrating by 6.00 having discharged himself. Rumours that he had to push the ambulance the last half mile are as yet unconfirmed.
I can’t describe the winner as anything other than perfection; the perfect illustration as to why Chelsea’s name is on the cup and why the Arsenal kids are left with spoils of a supposedly ‘moral’ victory. Over-elaboration met brutal simplicity and Drogba met Robben’s perfect cross with Senderos nowhere to be seen (again). Didier, where would we be without you?
Then the toys left the pram. The Goonies showed the classic symptoms easily recognised by any parent after a busy day; as the fracas ensued, you could almost see Wenger roll his eyes and mumble “overtired…” as he went to sort his charges out. Bed with no tea or cartoons for Adebayor, Toure and for some reason, Mikel. How Eboue and Fabregas (a boy in serious need of an ASBO) fare on the basis of video evidence is open to question.
And so the Blues lifted (hopefully) the last major English football trophy in Cardiff. Five pots in under three years and still in with a fair shout of another three. Several of the Blues on the pitch were under twenty-five years of age, first team regulars and in many cases fully capped internationals, not that anyone bothered to mention it. Too busy telling the losers how they hadn’t really lost at all, no doubt. Modern parents, eh?
History, football or otherwise, is littered with talented nippers who are keeping thirty-somethings out of the first team or passing physics ‘A’ levels when their contemporaries are still filling nappies. Some fulfil their potential. Some are destined to spend their lives winning friends in the Carling Cup. As a PR exercise, the Arsenal kiddies are faultless. As a football team, they still have some way to go.
One final thing — do we really have to cheer Liverpool on next weekend?
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Cheers Clive and TG - odd, the Cat in the Hat thing - I saw a Dr. Seuss video the other day and that bit stood out for some reason
And I didn't even get on to Fabregas and his fear of celery...
Cheering for the murderers, no way. I will be hoping and in expectancy but cheering is just to much to ask.
Rumours that he had to push the ambulance the last half mile are as yet unconfirmed. I could not stop to laugh simply great piece of writing!!!!!!!!
:-D
This news say it all!!!
John Terry partied until 0300 GMT with his Chelsea team-mates despite being knocked out by a kick in the head during the game in Cardiff. (The Sun)
But Arsenal midfielder Abou Diaby will be out for two weeks after injuring his ankle in the same incident. (The Sun)
Great article.
The cat the cat meeowwwww...
This is the first official attempt at writing a new chant for the extremely quick reflaexed nine lives Petr Chech.
Maybe "he's got nine lives and he wears a hat, meoww meoww it's Petr Chech, Meowww..." Actually i'll leave the writing to you guys.
I for one will be supporting the floppy collared red team who could give us more of a chance at the prem.
As for Arsenal kids they are are a really good team but completely shot themselves in the food (with a super-soaker) when they starting pushing our boys and saying "what you looking at? Don't look at me".
JT Is superman, he should wear a special superman edition of the Chelsea kit with a blus S on the front.
KTBFFH.
Great article JD.......
About time a bit of perspective was put into the young v old debate.
Personally I think the kids are great going forwards but have no idea how to defend, and just like the Arsenal first team, they will not win very much until they follow Chelsea's lead and build their game plan around a defence that rarely concedes.
I too love "The Cat in The Hat"........ A perfect description, with a lovely reference to the original Cat ( Peter Bonetti), for those that have been around for long enough to recognise it.
27 Comments · Add yours
Fantastic JD spot on and very witty, and I'm still giggling over the "Cat in the Hat" reference.
And yes I'm afraid we will have to cheer on Liverpool next Saturday, but I've asked the wife to use my pressure washer to clean my mouth out afterwards!
Excellent JD - I may have to put my creative pen aside this week - its good to have you back! Mine was turning into a diatribe about the hateful anti-Chelsea bias from Sky and no doubt the rest of the Dirty Digger's supine media outlets.
Apparently ITV weren't much better although I reserve judgement until tonight when I watch their highlights show, so conveniently broadcast at 23:15. Good to know that ITV Sport (an oxymoron if ever one existed) take it seriously then...or are we really the only ones?
Cat in The Hat has to stick and a campaign might be required to spread this around SB. I have some Gooner "friends" at work and to be fair they haven't moaned about it, although I did do some baiting on Arseblog last night, but that' just a fun thing I like to do anyway. It's a bit like hitting a wasps nest and then running away to safety. Just watching the stupid, frustrated , irate and moronic twats buzz around looking for the perpetrator is such fun. Childish enough to get me a place on the Arsenal team coach maybe.