The Chelsea Planet... nee Times
Thursday, 21 May 09, 06:15 PM · Comments (38)
Well folks, here we are again for another edition of The Chelsea Times, which I’m rather inclined to rename The Chelsea Planet simply because it sounds... less stuffy. Thoughts anyone?
What a strange old week it’s been as well. A perfunctory win over Blackburn kept a tiny bit of pressure on New Leeds, who could trip up against Spurs this weekend, whilst we travel to the wilds of the North East to play relegation threatened Sunderland which should guarantee a feisty affair. Such a shame that West Brom have ruined a potential North East Relegation Grand Slam. Although we’ve relied on Spurs before it’s never worked out because we all know just how dodgy they are. If Spurs win then that might mean Europa League football for them and one can picture Harry Redknapp pulling his best ‘bulldog licking piss off a nettle’ face at the thought of that.
I’m sure for most of us it’s been one of those weeks where in part we’re sort of glad that the Premier League has drawn to a close, glad because Liverpool didn’t win it, yet unable to share in the bunting filled street parties apparently taking place the length and breadth of the country to celebrate Great Britain United winning their third title on the bounce prior to taking on the Flamenco Footballing Emperors of Barcelona in the Champions League/Tin Pot Egg Cup final (until of course we win it). I mean surely they’re going to try and win the Champions League for Britain? They wouldn’t dream of parading all of their trophies around the country gloating, taunting and flaunting their success in everyone’s faces would they?
Strange that, when you think back a couple of seasons to when we won the Premier League back to back. I don’t recall the country unifying in their admiration. What I do recall was more than a few cursing us for our domination on the back of allegedly shady Russian roubles. Adrian Chiles and Gary Lineker duly donned hooded gowns in May 2006 and declared the Premier League dead and buried for the next decade.
Blue was bad. Blue was undermining the very cultural fabric of football, with its ethos of mechanical efficiency and its unswerving drive towards its objectives. Blue had removed the thrill and the fun from football.
Mercenary, uncaring bastards, the lot of us.
I dare say even some of our exalted and deeply dedicated Blues fans fidgeted uncomfortably in their woven hair pants at the thought of such total dominance on our part. Not me I hasten to add. I wanted the dominance, the bragging rights, the success and the sense of invincibility.
I didn’t mind the hatred and bitterness. As a true socialist of the Champagne variety I know how the politics of envy works. I also know the futility of the battle for an egalitarian distribution of wealth across this fading green and seemingly less pleasant land. In society the bulk of wealth lies with the few, not the many, and as if mirroring life itself, the self same thing occurs in football. It always has, and it always will. Occasionally in life, the small guy can work his way into the top echelons of the wealth league, or they can get lucky through gambling on such things as the National Lottery, at heart another tax on the very people least suited to paying it. Or they can get there through crime. But how often do they stay there? Life is littered with tales of people who have come from humble backgrounds, climbed the social ladders of success and power only to find the ‘system’ has a pre-programmed machine ready to dissemble that wealth and discredit them. Countries have similar issues as well. Look at Iceland (the country!) and its risky financial policies that allowed it to assault the traditional big guns, only to fall spectacularly from grace, taking hard working investors' money with it. Even the ‘nouveau riche’ of Russia are watching investments and wealth crash through the floor. Latest reports indicate that our own benefactor has seen his value diminish from £20bn to £10.5bn. One wonders how they survive.
However, as we have seen, even the most affluent of organizations can completely louse things up through utter mismanagement. And at this point we bring in Chelsea FC. We’re not the worst, not by a long shot. One only has to look at Leeds and Newcastle to see how things can fall apart in a short space of time. Spurs have arguably blown more chances than anyone of joining the elite through the revolving door policy on their managers’ office. Former Premier League stalwarts Southampton are arguably the worst as they stagger painfully towards extinction. But we did have the chance to dominate and we dropped the ball. We lost a dynamic, volatile and hungry manager. Then we replaced him with Avram Grant, an example of the triumph of nepotism over knowledge. Then came The Scolari Experiment, an exercise in blind faith over capability. This was like the time the Russians developed the ‘Concordski’ TU-144 clone of Concorde. It all started so well, it looked the part and performed the same, but then it became apparent so much was wrong and then one day inevitably and very publicly it crashed. Luckily The Benevolent One (TBO?) foresaw the parallels to this event and killed our own equivalent experiment before irreparable damage could be done.
All through this time, but especially during The Scolari Experiment, we lost our belief, despite the owner’s wealth and support. We went from nigh on invincible, not pretty, but bloody fearsome into a good but beatable and occasionally fragile unit. Teams bred into the culture of winning who once groaned when they knew they were facing us, now saw the chinks in the armour and exploited them as ruthlessly as we would have done. The seven stone weakling of SW6 had become the equivalent of Arnie’s T-101 and for all the world it looked likely to evolve further into Robert Patrick's even deadlier and ruthless T-1000. Instead it turned into a Dalek, full of bluster and threats but bought down by those who knew that throwing a jumper over its head would send it into a frenzy of confusion and panic.
All of this was our own doing. Inexperience of operating at this top level took its toll across the club, from fans to staff to players. All we could do was watch as the powers that be struggled with the seemingly universal unpopularity from all areas of the media, other clubs, retired ‘darling’ players (Platini, Cruyff et al), the football authorities and, on occasions, even amoeba brained MP’s with all the footballing knowledge of the average horse. But when combined with what seems a continuing and concerted campaign from the media and the footballing authorities one starts to see the conspiracy theories of an establishment machine busily working away to restore the status quo.
Making things like they used to be. Restoring the natural order.
As Chelsea fans are we paranoid? Has our usual bi-polarity developed into something more sinister?
Am I paranoid, or are they all really watching me?
The usual collection of facts, gossip and lies with my very own BS rating alongside where 0 is fact, 1 is possibly true and 5 is a heaving smelly dung pile of utterly rotten putrefying bullshit.
Carlo Ancelotti’s position will be clarified by AC Milan on Monday. TGBS Rating 1/5 – Very possibly true as the Italian season ends on Sunday and Milan need to beat Roma to be sure of second place and Champions League football.
Chelsea are lining up Ross Turnbull from Middlesbrough to be backup for Petr Cech. TGBS rating 1/5 – Quite likely and not a bad move. A young English goalkeeper as backup to Cech and eventually maybe proper competition is no bad thing.
Ricardo Carvalho may be off to Benfica and Ashley Cole will be subject to a bid from Real Madrid. TGBS Rating 4/5 – I think Carvalho may well leave or at best see a one year extension, but his automatic choice days are over. I would have thought Inter might be more likely. Ashley Cole recently stated on TV, very publicly his desire to stay at Chelsea. Lest we forget his ugly departure from Arsenal, however I don’t see us selling him.
Hilario and Mineiro will be let go after the season closes. TGBS Rating 1/5 – Makes perfect sense to me.
Edin Dzeko has been targeted by Chelsea for £6m. TGBS Rating 2/5 – I don’t know much about this guy apart from some people here think he’s OK. He’s at Wolfsburg so maybe the good Kaiser can shed more light.
Yuri Zhirkov will make up his mind about a move to Chelsea after meeting Roman Abramovich. TGBS Rating 4/5 – Sounds iffy to me. Roman actually seeking the players out? Isn’t that Kenyon's job? He’d be a good prospect mind, but hardly a volume shirt shifter... that’s SHIFTER for those with poor eyes.
And finally, the culture spot, lyrics dressed as poems, with a tangential relationship to Chelsea at best.
Nothing ever rocks
And nothing ever rolls
And nothing's ever worth the cost
Keep the Blue Flag Flying High!
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38 Comments · Add yours
Good read again Tony, and so right, on so many levels with regard us and the footballing media. To think that winning back to back titles was total domination, but Utd winning 11 titles in 17 years is good for football and the PL.
There is no doubting RA fell for the continued press crap, bleating on about boring efficient Chelsea.
So many "Gazzillions" spent... he deserved to see "Harlem Globetrotters" football as opposed to "Del Boy Trotters" football.
All will be well with the world when the usual footballing royality are rightfully competing in the top competitions, and the rest of us can scrap for the odd domestic cup from time to time.
Just a thought on your new blog title... How about
The Bi-Polar Express :-)
Good stuff as usual Tony!
And, a new thread so I don't have to scroll all the way to the bottom on my phone. Yay.
Can't say any of the rumors are too interesting- the front office must be doing a good job of keeping a tight lid, as the club is rife for speculation. A new manager for sure, an announced 5 in 5 out policy, Man City's millions to duel with ours, Adebayor out of favor, and Tevez to be bought- you would think the press would be eating it up. Alas.
Having looked a bit at Dzeko, I'm quite high on the guy. Will he make the transition to the Prem well? Who knows- it could be immediate, it could be the "standard year" or it could be never.
But, from what I've seen he has quite a few tools, and appears to be a great fit at center forward. He's a big, young poacher with a very, very good shot, and a Torres-(Lite?) esque ability to create space to shoot in traffic.
I can't imagine he'd cost more than 20M, and I think he's worth it from what I've seen. I would love to know more. But he does seem to be Sarah's darling. Sarah are you Bosnian?
As for Ancelotti, I wish it would go away. Nothing but rumors and innuendo. Apparently Becks likes him. Woo. But as of now we know very little about him, no idea how he would fit, etc. It won't get better soon, and it won't get better even if he is appointed until he has the team out playing some friendlies. As will be the situation with any new manager. So I find it all a bit tiresome- until I am watching the team in Baltimore in June.
Also, Riccy posted to his blog on CFC today. There is no way that he's leaving of his own volition it appears. Nor do I want him to yet- as much as we are bullish on Alex, Branislav and Mancienne, Carvalho is truly a magnificent player, and I dare anyone to say he isn't in the handful of exceptional centerbacks playing the game right now. I'll miss him when he's gone.
Just saw this on BBC sport.
"I know that many people who are not Barca fans admire the club for its brand of football," he said.
"We deserve the title for the football we have played throughout the year. We deserve this reward." -Messi
LINK
Interesting that they are talking about punishing Terry and Boswinga for comments very similar to those made by Barca players after the first leg. I'm sure I've just missed all the reports about how their players are also going in the dock.
Paranoid? Too fucking right and with very good reason.
Anyone see Chelsea Player of the Year last night?
It was hosted by Matt Smith (ITV) who was truly appalling and all of his attempts at humour fell flat and were followed by an eerie silence that made me want to hide behind the sofa.
@Dio No, I am not Bosnian :) ...but I highly value Dzeko and some of the Bosnian players, together with their national team coach- Ciro Blazevic.
Nice stuff Tony...
I agree about the goalkeeper and about Carvalho- he played great all these years ,on the same perfect level...this season was exception, because of his age... Due to respect for the player, even that he has almost no chance of being in the first 11 , we should keep him unless he wants to go.
My opinion about Ancelotti- said it about hundred times...:)
I think Zhirkov would be a good buy and the reason Roman is negotiating with him is because of Russian Connection.. .And after remembering what did Kenyon do with Robinho, maybe this is good thing .I don't like Abramovich ...but if he makes Zhirkov sign for us -that's great thing.
Frank Lampard as player of the year...yes he has been good this season but I think award should go to Essien... I know he was injured but his comeback after the injury has been fantastic. But Lampard isn't the bad choice, OF COURSE :)
KTBFHH
Reply to Mark25:
Luckily i Sky+ it and started watching it at 10 enabling me to fast forward the awful ITV standard of presentation. Great for JT, Essien, Ashley and Lamps to get their awards. They are our best players after all so it's only right they claimed a clean sweep.
Had I known about this I would have saved The Planet (or maybe The Bi-Polar Express - I do like that Clive) until today.
Wonder why Deco never got a prize ;-)
"Uefa charges Drogba and Bosingwa" just read on BBC, damn bastards. Well we all know how it ends they will be found guilty in some sort of misconduct and banned from Champions League football for some time. And this prick Ovredo will be cautioned or something like that.
"My friends at Chelsea tell me it will be Carlo," Mourinho said. "Some players [at Chelsea] are asking me the typical question: 'Gaffer, will he be good for us, do you think it will be positive?' I responded that he seems to me to be a very well prepared coach, very close to his players who can create an atmosphere of great empathy with his players and if he adapts well to Chelsea, he has a group of players who are waiting for a good coach in order to win because it is a squad that wants to win."
You have to love Mourinho...... His use of the word 'Gaffer' in the above sentence just reminds everyone how close he was to the players, and leaves no doubt in my mind that one day he will be back....Not yet though...Give him 1 more year in Italy and then a couple in Spain!
Reply to Blue_MikeL:
If it is 5 games as some reports claim we will take it. Ovrebo will get his retirement package.
Reply to Blue_MikeL:
Guus has spoken!
LINK
Some up to date OPTA stats for your viewing pleasure....LINK
I just wonder what Frank has to do to be mentioned in the same breath as Stevie Me.
Reply to Clive:
Cheers for that Clive, interesting reading; the 'key passes' stat is the one that stands out a mile - but according to the muppets and nay-sayers, Frank isn't a creative midfielder... Mikel's accuracy in passing is also something that has gone completely unnoticed.
Not particularly surprised by the UEFA charges; as we knew at the time, after all the hoo-ha and moral outrage has died down, there isn't actually a great deal to charge us with. Ballack was punished at the time, JT said nothing that wasn't said in a similar manner by various Barcelona players after the first leg. DD was out of order and will get a 3-6 game ban, fair enough - might be reduced on appeal, Bosingwa maybe a fine and a short ban and the club a chunky fine and possibly some sort of suspended sentence (game behind closed doors if it happens again etc.)
And now Platini has the nerve to come out and suggest that he's concerned about the final being held in Rome. Quite unbelievable.
Reply to Clive:
Amazing stats for Frank, cropping up in so many categories too. Only it's not amazing to us, we're used to it and the petty ignorance of the football 'community' that chooses to ignore him.
Still, it's a set of incontrovertible proofs, if any were needed, that he has to remain the central figure in the midfield for the next few years. Taken with his overall performance level: fitness, regularity, consistency etc, he is, as Sir Alex said, a freak. A very good freak and one we are blessed to have. Our next manager must be salivating...
And it seems sure to be Ancelotti. Jose says so, Guus more or less has said so in his last comments: "a very experienced manager" etc. I'm sure he is a man who studies such factors as the stats too. I'm sure, despite the "stick your Ancelotti up yer arse" chant at the last game, he will be warmly received when its finally announced this week.
LINK
I just read that we are interested in this goalkeeper
Mourinho is constantly mocking Ancelotti... making fool out of him... So we will have to satisfy for ''second best'' for 3rd time in post-Mourinho era (Grant,Scolari were all worse coaches than Mourinho... I think that Ancelotti is too, but trophies speak differently) .
KTBFFH
...sorry for being such a pain in the neck...
but just to say as an info...carlo ancelotti ,in 8 years with Milan , from ''big '' throphies won ONE Serie A and two Champions Leagues... is it sufficient to say that in these 8 years he had one of the best players in Europe? Sorry, but thats not much.
sorry for being so painful, just saying my opinion :)
Not the biggest fan of the Ancelotti idea personally, but one Serie A title and two Champions League is hardly chicken feed when put in context.
Inter have been particularly strong during the last few years; two titles were scrubbed out (one awarded to Inter) after the Calciopoli scandal, and whilst Milan may well have Kaka (and more recently Ronaldinho) in the ranks, their net spend in recent years has been fairly small in comparison to some of the competition. Philippe Senderos on loan from Arsenal was one of their more notable summer arrivals last season, for example. Have reservations about the guy, but taking his record in isolation isn't really giving the full picture.
It's a perfectly valid opinion Sarah that I'm sure many of us share. Apart from the thrashing of Man Utd three seasons ago now in the Champs Lge, he does not seem to have made any great advances with the squad he has there. Jose will have mocked him as he mocks all rivals he knows he can get at, but it seems he has made some kind remarks about him to JT and the boys who have rang him for an opinion. Whatever we think though, it appears it's who we have got as our next manager. So we had better start looking for positives or we'll all get depressed about it before this season even ends.
No arguments here about Frank.
More interestingly, over at the Times the fink tank has Cech as their player of the year. Can't link to it, but it is on the main football page.
Following Sarah's link to Dzeko in the previous post made me wish I'd watched more of the Bundesliga stuff on Sultana.
He certainly seems to be a real prospect if someone can lure him to the PL.
Can also see why he'd prefer Italy though - much less pressure on the ball than here.
With regard to my earlier link for the stats. I was watching Soccer Saturday earlier on, where the pundits were reviewing the season.
They stumbled onto the best player, and no guessing it was Stevie Me who has now been regarded as the best midfielder in the world, and to quote "he's as good as Zidane was."
Just as well I'd finished my lunch as I'd probably would have choked on it (that might have pleased a few bloggers if it had happened) Anyway it's that old addage... if it's said often enough people will believe it.
LINK
Well Carlo has to think twice. Chelsea is the club where there are shoes to fit and one must stay the expectation. We are definitely one of the great, but most demanding accolades in the football world right now! Now add to it last on the SB "You can stick your Anceloti up the arse". Will he, Anceloti, better to fit the job description of Chelsea! I have some other thoughts regarding the recent developments, which I am going to put on paper tonight.
Stiff competition for Cech?
LINK
Surely this guy should be going North to join Arsen and Arshavin...
David Beckham on brink of returning to English league with Chelsea
LINK
even if it's the english press, it's a bit much.
but..what if...
will the press still hate us, or will we finally have a chance of getting the player of the year award...:D
If David Beckham comes we are screwed... but I think thats typical Ancelotti: bringing grandfathers when renewal of the squad is needed.
I mean we kicked the guy's ass 4:0 this summer with SCOLARI for chrissake...
The positives - no scandals, like Scolari had ...quiet guy ,a bit boring , capable of sucking up to Abramovich and keeping his ego big...I am not sure thats a positive...but at least he is not going to get a boot
He definetly has an experience , and didn't always pursue boring football... Bought Pato, prefered Borielo over Inzaghi and Pato over Inzaghi until Inzaghi got injured...
I mean, if he comes, I will feel a bit better than when Scolari came... H will have to suppot him. Or at least, pretend to support him :D.
still, this is far from an ideal solution.
Reply to Sarah:
agree, Carlo is far from ideal, by my opinion as well.
The Beckham story looks so far-fetched that the Brothers Grimm would have binned it on the grounds of implausibility.
Reply to Blue_MikeL:
Are the quotes in this article Ancelotti demonstrating his bi-polar credentials to fit in nicely with us?
As for the Beckham story - the journalists' 95% made-up bollocks is going into overdrive early this summer [I hope].
milan lost against roma, which means they are going to fire him 95 %...
LINK
It says that our scouts made profile of Dzeko, saying that he worths 25 million pounds????Are they nuts?!
The scout agency also said that he is young and perspective player who has characteristics of fully developed player. We should buy him...they say... because the borders of his development is unpredictable.
also...we are interested in samuel aguero... and our transfer budget for next season is going to be 75 mil.
Reply to Blue_MikeL:
Interesting comments on Ancelotti. he doesn't seem to be anyones favourite choice across the Chelsea spectrum, bar the single most important person at the club.
However I also think that choosing the manager based on romanticism and what the fans want is dangerous. The most clear example of that is Newcastle, now deservedly relegated, who sacked a very astute and worthy manager in Sam Allardyce in order to go down Romance Avenue with Keggy Keegle. I don't think there's a supporter anywhere who thinks Newcastle would have been relegated under Big Sam if he'd been allowed to re-build the club. The fans who were crying today were the same bunch who wanted Alllardyce out because he didn't play the right type of football...presumably the type of listless, uninventive, dispassionate bollocks football they served up today.
I also wonder how much of the Ancelotti speculation is mis-information being fed out by the club, after all they did a pretty good job of keeping the Scolari appointment under wraps.
Finally, congratulations to Nic Anelka for a well deserved Golden Boot award with a stunning finish. If we are getting rid of a striker then it SHOULDN'T be him. Without his goals we would have been some way off of 3rd place.
Quite agree with regard the barcodes Tony, and if they continue with an experienced manager in the shaper of Shearer, they could well slide down another division.
We may be a club that borders on lunacy at times, but Newcastle are certainly in a league of their own when it comes to madness.
If the term existed, their fans would be tri-polar
I meant in experienced
INEXPERIENCED we need a bloody edit button :)
Reply to ChelseaTony:
Definitely a congrats to Nic. Quite a goal, and quite a bag of goals!
Today seemed up and down- there was some decent play, but not a lot of focus. More thought was given to scoring goals than to making sure the game was won. Sunderland were contemplating their mortality, while for us the game was little more than a friendly.
A few times they attacked with intent, and it was only a bit of luck and skill, but not focus and determination, that kept more goals out.
Good play by Malouda, and a good goal from Kalou. I think we'd be nuts to ship Florent. He really has started to fit in.
In other news, Jose wants Riccy to come to Inter. I just don't quite know what to think of this. If he can get healthy, I'd love for Ancelotti to make him our Maldini- we'd be premature to get rid of him. Maybe not- this is why I don't run the club.
Exciting, yet stupid news about Dzeko. Why list a valuation of the player? Now if we offer 15M, they can say "no thank you." As Arsene says, "Shut up!"
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Congratulations to Anelka on winning the golden boot and thank god that joke of a club Newcastle has been extinguished from the Prem
Newcastle appointed Shearer because they love him and he loves them...I know Big Sam was a good coach for Newcastle, but Shearer is an integral part of Newcastle and should be given a chance ...
Congratulations to Anelka!!! wHEN he arrived , I wasn't thrilled ...thought we need younger and different striker, wanted Villa... when he missed the penalty I was angry but I understood him...somehow, weirdly... I understood him... but chose not to believe him again...and now, in the best way possible he proved to all the sceptics (including me) he is a great striker, and like Tony said, if we are getting rid of a striker that definitely shouldn't be him!