Holy Moley! Hope your kids weren't watching the match today, as if they did, they would be needing some therapy after this one.

Rather than make a separate post for the Hannover 96 match, I figured I would make a post for both that match and the match on Saturday at Werder Bremen. It was rather prescient on my part because how would I know that they would turn into a horror double feature.

Game 1: Arminia Bielefeld 0-2 Hannover 96

To be fair, Bielefeld did not play bad against Hannover, and the stats showed that as both sides were virtually identical in every regard save the goals. The point of contention in the match was, of course, the handball by Wichniarek which gave the penalty to Hannover. As Ernst Middendorp states, it completely changed the course of the match, which, despite several close headers by Mathias Langkamp and Andre Mijatovic, not to mention a tricky shot by Wichniarek which hit the bar, Bielefeld couldn't equalize. A goal by Altin Lala on a nice counter attack set the score line, which did little to show how well Bielefeld played in the aftermath of the Schalke match.

So, in order to keep with the entry title, I guess this match would be considered the Attack of the Helping Hand.

Overall, I wasn't too enthusiastic about the trip to Bremen, but I was sure they would acquit themselves well... 

Game 2: Werder Bremen 8-1 Arminia Bielefeld

As the match began, I was pleasantly surprised to watch Bielefeld hang in with Werder, who seemed to have found their form coming into the match. Andre Mijatovic's header put Werder on noticve, but unfortunately nothing came out of it as minutes later Peter Niemeyer's goal caught everyone by surprise. The pitch began to tilt in Werder's direction, Mijatovic went off with an injury, and then they finally were rewarded for their efforts with a goal by Hugo Almedia, who had 2 shots stopped by Matthias Hain in the preceding minutes. I was a bit bummed by the goal but I knew they had it coming. However, the emotions changed radically when Wednesday's goat Wichniarek rifled in a shot just outside the box to cut the lead in half. In my game notes I had written...

37' Wichniarek scores! Lead's been halved... can they build on this and draw level?

Werder took a weak shot immediately after but Bielefeld began to press and Bernd Korzynietz won a free kick in the attacking half, and in the aftermath Werder promptly took the ball down the length of the pitch to make it 3-1 on a nice shot by Boubacar Sanogo, who got his double right before halftime to make the score 4-1. For me, the game was over already, but I hoped the scoreline would remain the same, if not a goal by Bielefeld to make it look respectable.

Snap. 

The second half continued right where the first left off with Werder completely in control of the match, and the Bielefeld back four were at their mercy. It's not really necessary to go into too much depth from here as the match ended up being a succession of Bremen rushes leaving Bielefeld defenders in their wake. What else can you say when you lose 8-1? Well, I guess I could give props to Diego for that free kick at the end. That was one nice shot.

With the goalfest complete, it's only right to say that this was a regular Eight Deadly Shots. I'll stop my movie title comparisons right now if you don't mind.

What I can say is that a priority going into the January transfer window is a serious bolstering of the back four. Bielefeld's problem isn't going forward, looking at the talent that's there, as well as the rumour of Iraqi International Hawar Mulla Mohammed being looked at by the club. (Link auf Deutsch) The problem remains at the back, which the retirement of Marcio Borges didn't help. Of course, in the time being, the folks back there need to step up, especially with Hamburger SV in the cards before the October international break. Though with that said, it seems that the game plan against Hamburg is to stop midfield Rafael van der Vaart if their statistics are to be believed. Let's hope so.

One last thing. YouTube has the footage of Artur Wichniarek leading the crown in the after game festivities from the Hertha Berlin match. Today wasn't too good, so let's leave the blog post on a good note. Here it is:

Next match: 6 October vs. Hamburger SV 

Since I started this blog, I've received several e-mails questioning me why exactly would I waste so much time writing a blog that centres on a club that virtually no one in the English-speaking world's ever heard of. So, rather than respond to these questions individually, I figured I'd put on my teaching cap (since it's what I do five days a week anyway...) and begin a not-quite-regular series on the history of the club, aptly named "die Arminiageschichte," or "Arminia History," for those who have even less of an understanding of German than I do.

With that said, supporting Arminia Bielefeld isn't so much a matter of supporting a club as it is a matter of the metaphysical. After all, is it possible to support a club from a city that does not exist?

Sparrenburg Castle: A figment of your imagination...or is it?

It is a question that has perplexed folks from around the world since at least 1995, when a Usenet post brought up the question of the city of Bielefeld's existence (Link auf Deutsch). As the poster noted, despite the government's statistics showing Bielefeld as one of Germany's 20 most populated metropolitan areas, a rather well-attended university, and two Autobahns connecting nearby, the city of Bielefeld did not exist. After all, as he noted, no one seems to have ever been there, met anyone, or claim to have lived there.

If this was the case, then there was no other conclusion-- Bielefeld did not exist, at least not how the German government portrayed it. The site of Bielefeld was obviously Germany's Area 51: Home to Ailens, Elvis, Jimmy Hoffa, and JFK too! Bielefeld's existence was merely a facade to cover up the goings-on there. The Train station? A mock up. The university? Made up too. The fact that Bielefeld was hit with an eleven-ton bomb in World War II? The history books were doctored. Arminia Bielefeld, the city's football club? A group of actors hired out for the government. After all, if they were a real football club, as one German noted, why else would they be so anonymous?

Actors. Every one of them.

The Bielefeld Conspiracy or die Bielefeld-Verschwörung, has been a mainstay of Germans on the Internet since Achim Held's post in 1994, and any time the city is brought up, it usually goes like this...

Innocent Person: Say, you're German. Have you ever been to Bielefeld?

Your Average German: Bielefeld does not exist!

Innocent Person: Why do you say that?

Your Average German: Are you from there?

Innocent Person: No.

Your Average German: Know anyone from there?

Innocent Person: No.

Your Average German: Ever been there?

Innocent Person: Why yes! I wa...

Your Average German: You're just a part of the Conspiracy...

Poor Bielefeld (about the size of Montgomery, AL, Peoria, IL, or Anchorage, AK for comparison) has been the butt of jokes across Germany ever since, and the municipal government has spent hundreds of thousands of Euros trying to point out the fact that Bielefeld does exist, and is a very nice place to be. What doesn't help Bielefeld is, in fact, its location. Other cities its size in Germany are a part of a larger metropolitan conglomerate (Bochum, Wuppertal), or were important enough to be noticed on their own (Bonn). Bielefeld, on the other hand, sits in a rural area of Germany between Dortmund and Hanover, and has little in the way of tourist traffic because of the fact that it is off of the beaten path. Germany's ICE train line zips through on its way to more popular spots and the Autobahn runs around the town, giving passers-by little chance to stop by.

Bielefeld's Courthouse: Doesn't exist either!

Of course, Arminia's relatively anonymous status in the Bundesliga does little to help either. So, until Elvis, Jimmy Hoffa, and Bigfoot all escape from their cages to frolic in the Westphalian countryside or Arminia make some serious noise in the Bundesliga, Bielefeld's status will remain in doubt, making supporting die Blauen not just a question of dedication, but also a question of the fabric of the universe itself.