If you were sitting in front of the television, watching a football-based fictional soap opera called ‘St. James’ Park’, you would be screaming at your screen; “This is ridiculously unrealistic, this would never happen in real life, not at a Premiership football club.”

Here’s a good one for you, so new Newcastle interim boss Joe Kinnear turns up on Football Focus, drops a swear word, started speculating about some arabs or Africans buying the club, then inadvertently puts Alan Shearer in line to be his own successor. Something that Shearer himself denied in the same days BBC programming.

Mr. Kinnear then states, surely to club owner Mike Ashley’s delight, that he is using this job to get himself back into football, because nobody else would give him a chance, assumingly because other chairman realised he would conduct his interviews like a backwards, bumbling, old-eccentric uncle who’s had one too many to drink, always.

Something tells me either Mr. Kinnear has been advised badly, or the so-called ‘Cocky Mafia’ failed to realise he is a walking-talking PR disaster.

Good ol’ Uncle Joe confirmed the supporters’ suspicions that the club was the front of London-based criminals by disassociating himself with ‘the Cockney Mafia.' He exclaimed he was a proud Dubliner, and played for Ireland his whole career, in a Del Boy drawl, visibly struggling not to use any rhyming slang.   

Kinnear isn’t the sole reason the club is perceived as a laughing stock. Owner Mike Ashley was blissfully unaware that upon signing the ‘Irishman’ for a reported £50,000 a match, he will not actually be allowed anywhere near the touchline for the first three of his six games in charge, due to an FA ban he received four years ago whilst failing with Nottingham Forest. The ban renders half of his tenure utterly pointless. I do mean the half of his tenure where he will be allowed in the dugout.

Reports state that when Kinnear flew to Newcastle to accept the job, the club actually forgot to send him a car to pick him up from the airport.

In an embarrassing show of a lack of organisation at the club, their new manager had to wait in the queue for taxis with his new Geordie faithful. Luckily he wasn’t mobbed, as none of them knew who he was.

In fact, the majority of the players also had to be informed of their new gaffers past achievements. Newcastle’s misfits could be forgiven for not wailing with delight on finding out about a sixth place Premiership finish with a club who are no long in existence, in an environment where the inmates ruled the asylum, where the only way of raising the spirits of the ‘Crazy Gang’ attitude was to shout and swear at them.

Shouting and swearing was something Kinnear was proficient at, but eventually lead to inevitable heart-problems. God knows what his physical condition will be at the end of his six games at Newcastle, sorry, I mean Keegan knows.

Something tells me that the verbal abuse tactic may not work with the delicate temperament of the current crop of Toon ‘talent.’ Potentially it could make things a lot worse, as the initial problem which needs to be addressed is team discipline.

The current level of discipline shone through in the home defeat against Hull City, when Danny Guthrie confused his on-pitch tackling with his alleyway-outside-a-nightclub-at-3am tackling, proving that it probably wasn't a productive initiative to give scouse compatriot Joey Barton the responsibility of coaching tackling lessons.

We all knew Newcastle were a bit of a joke in the past, pumping millions of pounds into the bank accounts of overrated foreign imports and rejects from top clubs, while simultaneously operating with a transfer policy of signing any players available who had proven attitude problems and disruptive personalities.

Astronomical transfer fees for the likes of Jean-Alain Boumsong and Albert Luque seems like excellent business, and Kieron Dyer and Lee Bowyers on-pitch brawling seems like good team morale, compared to what is going down at St. James’ nowadays.

With the 50,000 strong, disillusioned, over-expectant Toon Army baying for Mike Ashley’s blood simply because he tried to implement a European-style club management structure, the owner is desperate to sell the club quicker than he could chug a bottle of Dom Perrier.

In my opinion, it serves Ashley right for trying to flaunt and maraud himself as a Toon fan when he couldn’t follow it up by letting King Keegan have free reign of St. James’ Park. The Newcastle supports soon discovered he was just a cockney.

With a consortium of Nigerian business men on the horizon, let’s hope they are more Geordie than Ashley ever was, or things could get considerably more controversial. One thing is for sure, Mike Ashley will be desperate to get the hell out of Newcastle to the delight of the locals.

That is unless, after the next six games, there is an incredible turn of the clubs fortunes, they get a few victories, and the fans on the terraces are signing in unison for ‘King Kinnear.’ Have stranger things happened? They have at this football club.....