I don't know why I was so surprised by some of the comments from Sir Alex Ferguson in the aftermath of the Arsenal v Manchester United game; surely we are all used to the petulant rantings of football managers by now, no matter how slight the offence - real or imagined.For me though, Ferguson really took the buiscuit. I didn't see the match properly, I had to go to South Wales unfortunately (in more ways than one!), but I watched it on Match Of The Day and it seemed a game short on scandal and incident. This match has history after all; a points docking in the late nineties, pizza-gate, the list goes on...

Because of this lack of incident, it seems poor Sir Alex was really struggling to find something to rant about. I mean, look at this quote...

'Our own bench were getting abuse from people two or three feet away. There is a lack of security here. It is absolutely disgraceful the abuse you and your staff have to take. All sorts of things are screamed and shouted at you. There is an absolute danger here.'

Now I'm not one who normally swears, but what a prick! I had no idea that Sir Alex, Knight of the Realm, was such a precious and fragile flower. I had no idea that a bit of abuse from a few passionate Gunners was enough to uspet his gentle and loving disposition. I'm sure that United's peaceful gaffer was glad he made it as a football manager, as his pacifist nature would surely never have lasted in the rough-and-tumble masculine environs of a Glaswegian Shipyard.

Come on Fergie! What is wrong with you? You've been in football for a long time, surely you have heard far worse than anything you heard at the Grove yesterday? It seems to me like a case of sour grapes, after conceding that last-minute equaliser. I wonder, if William Gallas hadn't lashed the ball into the net, and the Mancs had won 2-1, would Fergie still have whinged and whined like he did? Somehow I doubt it.

But, to look at the other side of the coin, if Sir Alex was a good loser, would he be so succesful. His infantile rant about a complete non-issue may sound to us something akin to a spoilt child complaining because his brothers portion of pudding is slightly larger than his, but lets be honest, would you really want a manager at your club who accepted defeat with good grace? I know I wouldn't.

I'll end with some quotes from a guy called Vince Lombardi. He was an American Football manager or something. I don't really follow that sily sport, but I knew a good quote about the nature of losing, and whilst looking up to see who had said it (this Lombardi guy) I found that he had a whole raft of wisdom.

"You show me a good loser, and I'll show you a loser"

"If it doesn't matter who wins or loses, then why do they bother keeping score?"

"If you can accept losing, you can't win"

And perhaps most relevent, considering the nature of Arsenals equaliser...

"We didn't lose the game, we just ran out of time"

I've recently changed jobs, and as a result of this I have just spent seven weeks in the North East of England. I siezed this oppurtunity to watch a little bit (well, quite a lot!) of Premiership football. In this post I shall tell you all what I thought about the quality of football, and the matchday experience in general.

First up I hopped on the train down to Middlesborough to watch the derby match with Sunderland, due to underestimating the time it would take me to get to Boro I missed the first two minutes, and thus missed the first goal. I was unaware there had been a first goal, so when I arrived the place was a cauldron, really buzzing. I had baulked at paying £35 to see this game, but I was glad I had. The atmosphere was electric.

When Julio Arca scored a scrambled headed goal in I thought Boro had taken the lead. I wasn't in my seat at this time. Being a Plymouth fan and a Bideford fan I am not used to sitting at football matches, so I went to the disabled section at the back of the stand, and asked a guy in a wheelchair if I could hang my coat from his handles. I got chatting to him, and to all the stewards I looked like his helper, or mate or whatever, and wasn't made to move on to my seat.

I did take my seat for the second half however, as I realised it was right at the end of a row, really close to the  Sunderland fans. I was so glad I did. I don't know about you, but it always seems to take me about 60 minutes of a football match to go from being a neutral observer to a vitriolic supporter of whichever teams fans I am stood with, so when Stuart Downing rifled in a long-range screamer I cheered and jeered those dirty mackams with the rest of the Boro boys. Equally, I shared their grief when that filthy Man Utd reject Liam Miller scored a (admittedly quite beautiful) equaliser just shy of full time.

Now despite being astonished at the simian like qualities of the average Mackam fan during the Boro game, it was to the Stadium of Light I went for my next taste of North East football. Now the game - a 2-1 defeat to Blackburn - was a dissapointment, and the main stand-out for me was the complete and utter lack of a first touch from Kenwyne Jones. The ball seemed to bounce of any part of his body with equal lack of control, he really was a terrible player.

No, it wasn't the game which I enjoyed about my trip to Sunderland, it was the pre- and post-match entertainment. One of the guys I was knocking around with told me "they have strippers before a game in Sunderland", and so despite him being a fully signed-up member of the Toon Army, he was roped in to act as a guide to myself and the 4 other lads who made the trip with us. The whole stripper thing was fantastic, and there is - in my opinion - no better way to get into the big match mood than watching beautiful naked blondes gyrating around a pole whilst drinking beer. Suddenly the natives of Sunderland didn't seem so ape-like and unevolved.

After the game the whole naked woman thing went up a notch, as whilst myself and a Northern Irish lad had gone to the game, the others had waited for us in a lapdancing club called Minxxx. Now I'd never been to one of these 'gentlemens clubs' before and I found the whole experience sublime. In no time at all I found it quite natural to be sat next to a beautiful half-naked woman, and as for the private dances.... well, this is a football blog, so I'll leave it there, but to the girls of Minxxx, Sunderland... I salute you!

Finally I'll talk about one of my trips to Newcastle. I'd watched the 3-2 win over Everton, but it was the game against Tottenham last Monday which really captivated me, for several reasons. Firstly, I love watching football under floodlights.. It just seems to add a whole new dimension to a football match, and for this game I found myself sat in the Upper South Stand. Against Everton I'd found the Geordies to be surprisingly quiet, but against Spurs they were far more vocal. The whole stadium seemed to rock as the Geordie faithful shouted 'TOON! TOON! Black and White Army! TOON! TOON! Black and White Army!"

The football was of a good quality also. I enjoyed the direct running of Obafembi Martins, and the quality of the Newcastle defence had gone up too, with some good new signings having been made after the dark days of Titus Bramble and Co.

At the end of the game, I got up a couple of minutes early, and walked slowly down the steps right from the back of the stand. The Geordies were shouting "You're getting sacked in the morning, sacked in the mor-ning, you're getting sacked in the morning!" to beleaguered Martin Jol, and before me, and to my right the two massive stands of St James Park rose up before me. I stood and soaked up the atmosphere, and it seemed to me like all eyes were on me, and as I gazed around at the 50,000 or so fans, I honestly felt like I had a little tiny taste of what it would be to play in a place like that. 

The front cover of the monthly English football magazine 'When Saturday Comes' features on it's cover a photograph, with humorous quotes in speech bubbles, rather like a cartoon. On the September issue, Sven Goran Eriksson peers through his trademark glasses, whilst next to him Rolando Bianchi holds his new Manchester City shirt, a shy smile on his lips. In the Italians speech bubble, he asks 'Is Thaksin a fit and proper person?', to which Sven replies "Of course, he's a billionaire.'

In an open letter to Richard Scudamore, Chief Executive of the Premier League, Human Rights Watch said that 'widespread, serious and systematic human rights abuses...' rendered Shinawatra an unfit and improper person to own one of the biggest football clubs in England. The letter tells of 'numerous extrajudicial executions, "dissapearances", illegal abductions, arbitrary detentions, torture and other mistreatment of persons in detention, and attacks on media freedoms.'

This all makes uncomfortable reading for an Englishman, so any Manchester City fans should be deeply ashamed, given that on the whole the Thai has been welcomed with open arms. The Human Rights Watch chooses to focus on one area of Shinawatra's crimes, that of his War On Drugs. In the first three months of this campaign, by the admission of Shinawatra's own government, more than 2,275 people were murdered by Thai security forces. The owner of Manchester City Football Club had the following to say:

'There is nothing under the sun which the Thai police cannot do, because drug traders are ruthless to our children, so being ruthless back to them is not a bad thing . . . It may be necessary to have casualties . . . If there are deaths among traders, it's normal.'

Sobering reading, I'm sure you will agree. And this is just one instance of the brutality which pervaded Thailand during the Shinawatra Premiership. There were many more. Enter 'Tak Bai Tragedy' in a search engine to read more on the evils carried out by this Fit and Proper Person.

And so on to Sven. The Swede was castigated in the British press during his tenure as England manager for a string of sexual dalliances, but when he took the Man City job, and with it Shinawatra's money (or should I say the Thai peoples money) hardly a word was mentioned. These skewed morals should be to the shame of every football fan, especially those in England, and particularly those of Manchester City.

Svennis has made his first foray into the transfer market since taking over at Manchester City by swooping for Reggina striker Rolando Bianchi. According to the BBC the fee is £8.8 million, which is a fair wedge of cash by anyones standards. What can we learn about this player from a quick Google search?

Well he is 24 years old, a good age for a striker, one at which youth combines with a certain level of experience. He is 6ft 2inches tall, which is certainly reasonably lanky. He started his career with Atalanta, playing 20 games without scoring. He spent the first half of the 2003/2004 season on loan at Serie B Cagliari, where he bagged a meagre 2 goals in 14 appearances. He returned to Atalanta for the second half of the season and played only one game.

Not the brightest start to a career so far! Anyway, our hero Rolando moved to Cagliari on a permanent basis for the 04/05 season, but this too was not a success. Despite playing 25 times for the Sardinian club, he managed only two goals. Poor Rolando was sold again, and had to pack his belongings into a little waterproof bag and begin the long swim east to Reggio Calabria, to play for Reggina.

This move was the making of the young Rolando, and his career took of with a vengeance. He finished fourth in the Serie A top scorers chart last season, an impressive feat when you consider that Reggina finished only one point away from relegation. Rolando's star was in the ascendency, and like Ulkrika Jonsson, Faria Alam and Nancy dell'Olio before him he caught the eye of Sven Goran Eriksson.

Now, call me a cynic, but a career of mediocrity followed by one season of glory is not exactly top credentials, but Svennis has a proven track record of success at club level, so perhaps Bianchi will set the premiership alight.

Something else of note for Manchester City fans is the fact that Bianchi has stated it is his ambition to play alongside Francesco Totti. One would imagine signing for Manchester City would have stymied that ambition, unless Sven is yet to unleash his trump card. Long term Roma man Totti playing in the biancocelesti of Man City anyone...?

Naah, me neither! 

Here is my team of the tournament. I didn't watch all of the games, and paid a bit more attention to some teams than others. This is just my choice, and probably not at all accurate. I chose a 4-4-2 formation, as I am an Englishman and that's what I was brought up on. Here we go!

 GOALKEEPER - SCOTT CARSON

I have long been impressed with this young man, and his performances in this tournament have done nothing to dispel this opinion. I have seen him linked to various clubs in the press for a fee of £5 million, which for a goalkeeper with his potential is a snip!

RIGHT BACK - ANTHONY VANDEN BORRE

Maybe he wasn't the best right-back in the tournament, I don't know, but I thoroughly enjoy watching him play, I am a big fan of Belgian Football and he played a beautiful diagonal ball to set up Kevin Mirallas in the group stages. Top player.

LEFT BACK - ROYSTON DRENTHE

Cast Iron choice this one. Revealed himself to be a player of tremendous ability and marvellous potential. I had never heard of him before this tournament, but he has featured many times for Feyenoord so I am sure he is not a mystery to lots of people. This tournament will have made his name, and I expact to here a lot lot more about this young man in the future.

CENTRE BACK - STEVEN TAYLOR

A player already making a bit of a name for himself in English football, but playing in a team also containing Titus Bramble is enough to make my Nan look a decent centre-back. Gains his place here primarily for his heroic penalty in the semi-final shoot-out with the Dutch. Obviously in terrible pain be blased a great strike into the net and joined Terry Butcher as a great Englishman playing through the pain barrier.

CENTRE BACK - MIGUEL VELOSO

Although the Portugese were knocked out in the group stages this chap looked a solid, reliable player, and also managed to score twice in the three games he played. He played regularly for Sporting in the previous season, and will certainly be on many of the top clubs shopping lists during this transfer window.

RIGHT MIDFIELDER - BOSKO JANKOVIC

Not my choice to be honest. I was struggling to think of a top-drawer right winger in this tournament that wasn't from one of the two sides that stuck most in my mind (England and Holland) so Bosko gets in on the strength of his standing in UEFA's fantasy football tables for this tournament. Cop out I know, but there we go.

LEFT MIDFIELDER - NANI

Chucking in this lad on the strength of one performance, Portugals final group game in which he played like the player I'm sure Alex Ferguson is hoping to get, rather than the Nani I saw in the first two games, who would have had the florid Jock holding his ruddy head in his hands. Made Israel look ordianary single-handedly, and could turn out to be a great player

CENTRAL MIDFIELDER - ALBERTO AQUILANI

Wow, is all I can think to say about this midfielder. He seemed good in the tackle, grabbed two goals and looked worthy of all the hype circulating around him. AS Roma have a player of undeniable quality here, and I am sure he will become a fixture in the Senior Italian squad very soon.

CENTRAL MIDFIELDER - HEDWIGES MADURO

I had heard lots and lots about this player for about a year before this tournament, without ever having seen him play, and in my opinion he was one of the main resons the Dutch won the competition. His vision and range of passing were a joy to behold, and the Ajax machine has churned out another great player.

FORWARD - MACEO RIGTERS

Undoubtedly the revelation of the tournament, he had played very little first team football before this competition, and is now being linked with some very good sides indeed, such as Newcastle and Celtic. Without a club pedigree behind him he could well prove to be a one-tournament wonder, but he is certainly one to watch in the coming season.

FORWARD - LEROY LITA

I include this young man with a blush to my cheeks, as after a penalty miss and a shocking miss in front of an open goal I derided him. If memory serves I called him a miss-meister, but he proved me wrong with three well taken goals, and certainly showed the mental strength to come back after what was a poor start to the finals. If Darren Bent is really worth £15 million, this lad can't be too far behind.

And there we have it. Manager of the tournament is Foppe de Haan, for making me laugh when he ran on the pitch to try and force Taylor to take a penalty. Partizan loyalties aside, he was probably right. If Taylor was well enough to finish the match he was well enough to take a penalty, as the Englishman proved. Has led the Dutch to consecutive under-21 victories now. Well Done Foppe!

Well I have been feeding my football fixation with the UEFA Under 21 Championship, as I said in my last post, and two rounds into the group stage lets see what I think....

I missed the first half of the opener, between Holland and Israel, taking some birdwatchers on a sunny coastal cruise. Don't think I missed much, because the second half was dire. Anyway, the Dutch won with a goal from Hedwiges Maduro. I believe his name means 'mature warrior' which is an excellent name! My name means 'God has Judged a red-head' which isn't half as cool!

The second game was almost as bad, but I enjoyed it more as I know a bit about Belgian football, and it was nice to watch them dominate a fancied Portugal side. It ended 0-0, but not through any lack of effort on the part of the Belgian lads. I was particularly taken with a striker called Kevin Mirallas. He was quick and lively, and was easily my man of the match.

Day Two and the first game was England vs The Czech Republic. Another dull game, another 0-0 draw. England had plenty of possession, but a distinct inability to turn it into meaningful chances. Dave Nugent had a couple of half-decent efforts, but in the end it was Leroy Lita missing an 88th minute penalty that cost England dear.

Next up was tournament favourites Italy. I was interested in Italys performance, as Forza Football had told me 'they should walk this tournament' or words to that effect. They played Serbia, and although Italy played nice passing football, they spurned their chances, and Serbia grabbed a second half winner from Dejan Milanovic. It was a triumph for counter-attacking football, and although I was tempted to feel sorry for Italy, in the end I just laughed.

So, four games with two goals, and I was sorely tempted to give up on this snooze-fest of a tournament. But this was the only football I had to watch, and despite being dull it was more exciting than Henry-to-Barca stories, and the hilarious Bent-to-West-Ham for £18 million story.

And so I watched my Belgian boys face off against Israel. Marouane Fellaini was sent off harshly for a couple of nothing yellow cards after only eighteen minutes, but despite being a man down for the majority of the match the Belgians bagged a win thanks to my new friend Kevin Mirallas scoring a peach after latching on to a geometrically beautiful pass from Anthony Vanden Borre with only eight minutes left.

Next up that evening was Holland versus Portugal, which sounded a promising fixture, and so it turned out to be. Admittedly this had been a dull tournament, but this was the first game to raise my pulse above resting levels, and for that I was grateful. Ryan Babel - a player linked with Arsenal recently, and playing well in this game - slotted home a perfect penalty after 33 minutes to give the Dutch the lead, which they increased after Rigters finished wonderfully after good work from Drenthe. Miguel Veloso bangs in a lovely free-kick a couple minutes later, but it ends 2-1. The Dutch are in the Semis, and it looks like the Portugese are going home.

I missed the first game of the next day through work too, but caught the highlights. Serbia win following a last minute goal from Bosko Jankovic, and the Czech Republic look to be all but out.

Next up was my own personal most-anticipated match of the group stages. England versus Italy. England started wonderfully, Leroy Lita finding himself one-on-one with the keeper, rounding him with quick feet, and yet still conspiring to miss. Silly sod! Dave Nugent gave England the lead after 24 minutes, and miss-meister Lita doubled it two minutes later. Italy were looking dead and buried, Englands high-tempo football proving irresistable. But it is on small things that football matches change, and when Chiellini bundled in a corner ten minutes before half time, the complexion of the game changed entirely.

Now it was England on the back-foot, and Italy playing the scintillating football> it came as no surprise to me when after 69 minutes Alberto Aquilani equalised with a grass-cutter from distance. The final 20 minutes were a feast of Italian passing, but the game ended 2-2. It had been a wonderful game, and I was pleased as punch with both teams, who both now hang precariously from a thread as far as the tournament goes. England have 2 points, but play Serbia, who have won both of theirs. The Italians only have 1 point, but play a poor-looking Czech team.

I will miss the final round of group games, off to sea again, but I think I will be able to report on the semis, which I predict will look like this:

NETHERLANDS vs ENGLAND
BELGIUM vs SERBIA

Now perhaps I am not the best man to start a post to follow the European Under-21 Championships. Among my friends I am considered something of a football guru, my sole qualification for such an accoldade being an awareness that non-Premiership teams don't just laze around in Barcelona or Milan, waiting to be drawn against an English team in the Champions League, but actually have domestic football of their own to concern themselves with.

This knowledge may bestow me with Statto-like knowledge in the eyes of my friends, but amongst the learned members of this excellent community I am but a babe, ready to learn from those with more footballing intellect than myself. So a mere smatterer I may be, to coin a phrase from Isaac Newton, but it seems the only person to start discussing this competition, which begins on Sunday with a game between The Netherlands and Israel.

The finals feature eight teams, divided into two groups. Group A consists of Netherlands, Israel, Belgium and Portugal, and Group B contains the Czech Republic, England, Serbia and Italy. I shall peruse the squads, discuss the players I am aware of, and then hopefully fellow members will fill in any gaps in my knowledge.

GROUP A

THE NETHERLANDS

One name jumps out at me from this squad list, that of Calvin Jong-A-Pin. I know nothing of this player, but I so badly hope he makes it big, and I swear I will passionately follow any team he plays for, just to have a replica shirt with his name on the back, although I said that about Jan Vennegor of Hesselink. A wikipedia search on this lad tells me he played for Volendam for a season, making four appearances and grabbing one goal, before moving to Heerenveen last season and making six appearances. He is a Defender, and thats the extent of my analysis.

Elsewhere in the squad I see Ryan Babel, a player whose name I have seen around for quite a while, and who has been constantly linked to great things. Marco van Basten himself has touted Babel as the next Thierry Henry, but as we all know that is as much of a curse as a blessing.

ISRAEL

My interest in this squad revolves around one player - Toto Tamuz. Born in Nigeria, Toto moved to Israel when his father Clement Temile moved there to try and make his name as a footballer. His parents moved back to Nigeria in 1991, leaving their 3-yr old son in the care of Irit Tamuz, a team-mate of his father. He has scored for the senior Israel side against Andorra, and if memory serves me correctly he played quite well in the 0-0 draw with England.

BELGIUM

As a Genk fan, I'll tell you about their players in the squad. Genk have an excellent youth development system, and produce many great-ish players, with Thomas Chatelle and Kevin Vandenbergh sticking out in my mind. Logan Bailly makes the squad for the tournament, an excellent little keeper I have had the privelige of watching play. Sebastien Pocognoli is a quick left-back, who is hand from free-kicks and corners. Faris Haroun is - in my humble opinion - destined for great things. He grabbed 5 goals in six games during the season just past, and will only get better and better.  

PORTUGAL

In the Portugese squad I'll be looking out for Joao Moutinho and Nani. Moutinho I'm interested in because he is excellent on Football Manager, and I look forward to seeing if he is as good in real life. A regular for Sporting Lisbon, his inclusion in the under-21 squad is indicative of the strength in depth that Portugese football enjoys. Nani we'll all be looking at, following his signing for Manchester United. The last Portugese Ferguson signed turned out to be half-decent so it will be interesting to see if he has done it again.

GROUP B

SERBIA

A difficult team for me to write about, as I recognise none of the names, and none of them make me chuckle either. UEFA's website tells me that nine of the squad reached the semi-finals in 2006, so one presumes that a year later they are more experienced, and will be a threat this time round as well.

ENGLAND

Managed by Stuart Pearce, recently given the boot by Manchester City, England have what looks to me a very strong squad, if only because I recognise all the players. Leighton Baines is a rising talent, and not far off the full squad. David Nugent has been in lightning form this past season, and James Milner too should be one to watch. Missing will be Theo Walcott, joint-top scorer in qualifying, and I believe that ex-Arsenal and current-Blackburn player David Bentley will be missing too, which is a shame, as he has impressed me whenever I've seen him play.

CZECH REPUBLIC

I have a similar problem here as I had with the Serbian team; namely I recognise none of the players, and have nothing to say about this squad. To try and cover up my lack of knowledge, I will Google the one player in the squad whose name stands out for me, Michal Papadopulos. A Banik Ostrava player before joining Bayer Leverkusen, Papadopulos spent the 2003/2004 season at Arsenal, but obviously didn't impress as he never popped up on my radar. UEFA's website says he will be a star of the future, and he's a striker. Thats all I have to say on the Czechs

ITALY

I'll talk about the Italian team, but I'll be looking to more knowledgable Ole'ers (do we have a collective name yet?) such as Forza to enlighten us all. Giampaolo Pazzini will be a player I look forward to seeing, after his hat-trick at the new Wembley, and also Alberto Aquilani is another player I have heard mentioned in dispatches. They are managed by Pierluigi Casiraghi, a great player I remember from my earliest days as a football fan with Juventus, whose career was ended after a cruciate injury sustained whilst playing for Chelsea

I have discussed the Unofficial Football World Championship in this blog previously, and this post is to update you on the title decider between the holders Italy and plucky contenders the Faroe Islands.

The weather in Thorshavn was abysmal, but that didn't stop the Faroe fans from turning out, eager with anticipation, thrilled by the thought that their team could become the World Champions.

Pippo Inzaghi scored a goal in the first half, and then another at the start of the second to give the Italians a two goal cushion, but Rogvi Jacobsen scored a superb header in the 77th minute, and the Faroese were denied an equaliser when Gigi Buffon pulled off an excellent save to deny Christian Holst.

Italy coach Donadoni said of the match 'We started well but the weather didn't help. In the end we are going home with three points and that's the most important thing for sure.'

Goalscoring hero Inzaghi didn't say 'I am thrilled that my goals have helped retain the UFWC for Italy. Italy won the World Cup last summer, I have just won the Champions League but retaining the Unofficial World Title beats the lot', but I'm sure it was at the back of his mind.

This victory puts Italy into eighth place in the all-time UFWC standings with 26 successful defences. A victory against Lithuania tonight will move them level with Germany, but all these johnny-come-lately nations have a lot of work to do in order to catch up with all-time leaders Scotland, with an amazing 86 successful defences.

This evenings game will be Lithuanias first UFWC title game, and I will be rooting for them, as in 2003 I lived and worked on a mink farm with a gang of Lithuanian lads, and they were the salt of the earth. Mantas, Mindaugas, Valentinas, Darius, Svajunas and Tomas, I'll be rooting for you (even though you all liked basketball and thought football was stupid!)

Hot off the press!

RONALDINHO IS A LAZY GIT! SCREAMS BOSS

Brazil manager Dunga says Ronaldinho needs to train more. "Kaka is the best player at the moment, Ronaldinho has the ability to return to the top and Robinho could be up there. Ronaldinho lacks pace at present. He lacks that initial burst of speed that allows him to get away from rivals."

This echoes the sentiments of the Barcelona fans and press, who have accused the Brazilian of being overweight, unfit and missing training. I don't follow the Spanish leagues closely enough to pass my own opinion, but I don know that he is the top scorer in a team very close to winning the league title. Can he really have been that bad?

LIVERPOOL FANS ARE A BUNCH OF SAVAGES! SAYS UEFA SPOKESMAN

UEFA mouthpiece William Gaillard has caused possibly irrevocable damage to Scouse/Swiss relations today by saying Liverpool have the worst fans in Europe. 'This is not about saying Liverpool are the worst club,' lied the Frenchman, 'There have been over 25 incidents involving Liverpool supporters since 2003, some of them small, some of them worrisome.'

I feel sorry for Liverpool here. We have seen a suspension of all football in Italy after the murder of a police officer, anti-semitic Paris St Germain fans chasing a Jewish Hapoel Tel-Aviv supporter and being shot by a policeman trying to protect him and only recently a massive riot in Greece between Panathanaikos and Olympiakos fans. Who are UEFA trying to kid?

Admittedly there is a Liverpool fan in jail in Hungary for murder, but common consensus is that he is innocent, and another Liverpool fan has admitted carrying out the attack. I'm not saying Liverpool fans are saints, I'm just saying there are other areas where UEFA should be shining their Searchlight Of Justice. Football tribalism is sometimes an ugly fan, but I cannot see why UEFA have chosen to highlight Liverpool. But this is from an organisation that fined Luis Aragones a pitiful £2000 for calling Thierry Henry a 'black shit'.

AND FINALLY...

No screaming  headline for my last point. Twelve football fans were killed in a stampede for free buses after a African Nations Cup Qualifier between Zambia and Congo in Chililabombwe. African football has a long list of stadium disasters, and it is something that needs addressing. Football is a global community, and many of the worlds most talented players are Africans. We should not forget the fans that make African football what it is especially with an African nation hosing the next World Cup.

Many African footballers are great philanthropists. Former Ajax and Arsenal player Nwankwo Kanu has set up the Kanu Heart Foundation in his native Nigeria, and George Weah was very nearly voted in as president of Liberia.

These solo efforts are good, but it is also the responsibility of the larger European clubs to help build a decent infrastructure, and with linkups such as that between Ajax and Ajax Cape Town, and Charlton Athletics links with ASEC Abidjan and their excellent community work in both Cape Town and Johannesburg it seems that progress is already being made, although probably for altruistic reasons as much as social ones.

My local team are very small, we only have 250 fans on average. Games are family affairs, and young children can often be found playing mini-games on the grass next to the stands. During boring games my attention is sometimes drawn to these little tykes. During one particularly boring game I watched to little kids practising their skills.

'Lets practice penalties!' says one enthusiastic little urchin.

'Now lets practice tackling!' says his mate.

'Now lets practice diving!' says the first. My jaw hit the floor. There was no humour in their diving drill, no sense of irony. It was just another of a modern footballers skills that they wished to improve on, and I watched in mild disbelief as they took it in turns to tumble theatrically over each others outstretched leg.

It is generally accepted, by people of my generation anyway, that 'diving' was invented by a guy called Johnny Foriegner. He was either Argentinian or Italian, no-one is quite sure which, and diving was introduced to English football in 1997 by Jurgen Klinsmann. The first reported incidence of diving in England took place on Klinsmanns debut, when after scoring a goal he dived on his belly - simulating a simulation, to coin FIFA's term for the phenomenon - and in one fell stroke legitimised diving in the English game.

Scientists and historians have traced the start of an even more outlandish trend - the 'legitimate' dive - to the World Cup of 1998. At that tournament, Michael Owen took a theatrical tumble to win a penalty for England. All over the land people didn't stand up in protest or revulsion as was the case when a foreigner took a tumble. The next day the news papers were devoid of protest, as Beckhams crafty kick at Simeone, and Englands subsequent defeat stole the headlines.

A good example of the legitimate dive is that of Wayne Rooney, when he tumbled over a chunk of dense air which was hovering some six inches above Sol Cambells outstretched leg, thus winning a penalty which ended Arsenals glorious 49 game unbeaten run.

The howls of anguish from Gooners the land over could be heard in space, and cosmonauts on the Mir space station hit the panic button, thinking their antiquated Russian tin can was earthbound. I agreed, it was a shameless piece of diving, and when Rooney gave an article in the Sun where he said 'I'd never dive. I like to think of myself as an honest player. That's the way I play. Football doesn't need it' I held my head in my hands in despair. It was 'legitimate' diving at it's very worst. Why the reported didn't pull  him up on his blatant lie was beyond me, but I expect his nationality may have had something to do with it. After all, Englishmen don't dive.