Lets get straight in to it!

The your Season ended in August division 10th - 8th

No highs or lows

* Last months place in brackets

PR 10th (11th) PL 8th (14th) - Fulham

I was contemplating who should go in my 10th and 9th spots and it came down to Fulham and Sunderland, then I found it tough to work out in which order and I kid you not when I say I spent a good half an hour trying to work it out and it comes down to two things -

1) Where as Sunderland I believe have the capacity to buy a player or two in January I don't believe Fulham's coffers are as deep. The Chairman does not seem to like throwing his money about and especially not when prises are raised in January.

2) They have Bobby Zamora......... What the fuck is all this talk about Zamora for England? Have I missed something? Hearing all this ridicules talk makes me feel like Will Ferrell in Zoolander - "I feel like I'm taking crazy pills!"

PR 9th (12th) PL 10th (8th) - Sunderland

Sunderland strike as the perfect candidate for "Too good to worry about going down, not good enough to dream of Europe" Which basically means their in for another Six months of mid-table mediocrity......... Well look on the bright-side, at least your not crapping your pants that you might go down like last season!

Bruce is building something here and as long as he gets the right kind of support from the board I'm sure Sunderland will keep on progressing.

PR 8th (7th) PL 15th (13th) - Everton

Everton's poor start has cost them quite badly as they now sit 11 points off 5th spot (Europa League) and with a tough quartet of team seemingly battling it out for 4th and 5th I think they have no chance of getting in to that race.

Injuries I think are partly to blame for Everton's poor start to the season but I also think David Moyes has a lot to answer for as well. Take Sunday's game against Spurs for example - At home Moyes decides to go with one up front, that one is none other than Jo, a man yet to score a league goal this season. Now I could understand if he was in a position like Arsenal were all of their strikers were out injured but he had Saha and Yakubu sitting there on the bench, surly at home you've got to play two up front? It's not like they were playing Chelsea for Christ's sake it was Tottenham!!! COme on David, sort it out!!

The Fight for Fourth division 7th - 4th

PR 7th (8th) PL 5th (5th) - Aston Villa

Ultimately my choice for the next four spots came down to a simple "Who do I think has the best team" and Villa unfortunately for them came last..... Or fourth if you will.

I don't have any stats to back up why I think they will finish below Spurs City and Liverpool I just think they will and sometimes you need to go with how you feel.

PR 6th (6th) PL 4th (6th) - Tottenham Hotspur

I was speaking to a Spurs fan over the weekend who was convinced that they would finish above Liverpool and Villa and that the only team they should be worried about who could deny them 4th spot is Manchester City.

Well, my reply to him was that I'm sure City will finish above them because they are a better team and as for Liverpool, in the history of the Premier League Spurs have failed to finish above only two teams, one is United and the other is Liverpool......... So basically I'll believe Spurs will finish above Liverpool when I see it.

PR 5th (5th) PL 6th (4th) - Manchester City

Now I'm 100% sure City will finish above both Spurs and Villa but Liverpool I'm not so sure about. At the time of writing City sit a point above Liverpool with a game in hand, plus this weekend Liverpool play Arsenal whilst City face Bolton so that gap could well increase but ultimately I find it hard to back against one of the "Big Four" not to finish top four unless they are in REAL trouble and as of yet Liverpool are not.

Plus City's games against the bigger sides are tougher I feel in the second half of the season, they have to visit both the Emirates and Stamford Bridge, both places I'm sure would love to see them beaten.

Basically I think City have a great chance at a top four finish, but right now I'd still back Liverpool.

PR 4th (4th) PL 7th (3rd) - Liverpool

Here's my argument for Liverpool's fourth spot finish -

1) Out of the teams chasing fourth Liverpool have had by far the worse luck with Injuries, there does not seem to be a match played that involves Liverpool without one of their players being stretched off, and despite all of these set-backs they sit only three points behind Spurs who currently occupy 4th.

2) Liverpool are out of the Champions League which means in the 2nd half of the season they should have very little to distract the from their real goal of a top for finish. Yes I know they will still be in the FA Cup and Europa League but do you really think they will take either competition seriously? I don't!

3) Out of the three other teams battling it out with Liverpool for fourth spot only once have Liverpool finished a season behind any of them and that was Aston Villa way back in the inaugural season of the Premier League. Now of course there is a first time for everything but I like to keep backing a streak until it comes to a end.

The Title Race division 3rd - 1st

PR 3rd (3rd) PL 3rd (7th) - Arsenal

Now there are a lot of "If's" involved but as of right now Arsenal are still in the title race.

If Arsenal can beat Liverpool this weekend and win their game in hand they would only be two points behind United and five behind Chelsea...... Very much in the hunt.

If Arsenal can keep on wining the games they really must win like they have been and not start stocking up on the draws they will continue to be in the title race.

If they can bolster their squad with a bit of bulk in January they will continue to be in the title race.

If the can withstand all these injuries they will continue to be in the title race.

That's quite a few if's, but not enough to stop me hoping!

PR 2nd (2nd) PL 2nd (2nd) - Manchester United

What can I say about United? Written off by me, every defender baring Patrice Evra out injured, a midfield devoid of a current world class player and yet they sit there two points behind a team that has been described as a machine by more people than just me.

Should United win the league this season I think I might just give up on the Premiership until Sir Alex either retires or dies as there really would be no point watching any more. 

I'm figuring playing against these kind of odds has to backfire against you sooner or later, but then again there injured defence has to come back sooner or later and with January looming they've got to spend a chunk of that C-Ron money they got this summer sooner or later.

PR 1st (1st) PL 1st (1st) - Chelsea

I think Chelsea's defeat to City last week was just a blip on their march to the title. I think that that will be the pattern over the next couple of months, Chelsea march to six or seven wins in a row then a blip, and if that's the case I don't think anyone will be able to keep up with them.

Plus now they have that Transfer embargo lifted of them they could be in the market again in a months time adding a few spare parts to this monstrous machine.

The rest of the leagues only hope is for a repeat performance of last seasons mid season collapse but that's basically like hoping Mike Tyson does not break your face after you insult his mother, he might not give you a kicking, but chances are your dead meat!

Take care

Football Guy

To check out what my thoughts were the last time I did a Power Ranking back in September click HERE.

The Power Rankings

Right, for those of you who don't know, this is basically where I think teams will finish the season and I will be doing one every month of so during the course of the season up until about March/April.

As always we shall start at the bottom.

The Mick McCarthy division 20th

The name speaks for itself.

* Last months place in brackets

PR 20th (18th) PL 18th (12th) - Wolves

Back in September I was ready to believe that it might just be possible for Mick McCarthy to keep Wolves in the Premier League.......... Two and a half months later I've come back to my senses and know for sure that under Big Mick Wolves are going down!

Back in August I wrote -

"If McCarthy were smart he would resign, approach some other Championship team and guarantee that he will get them in the Premiership if the give him a couple of million Pound bonus for doing so.

Everyone has a skill and McCarthy's is not keeping team in the top flight but getting them there."

I'm faxing this to him as we speak in hope of getting some soft of commission.......

The Basement division 19th - 15th

For those teams looking to escape the drop.

PR 19th (17th) PL 19th (17th) - Bolton

Bolton........ It's not looking good. You just lost to the only team I rank below you in the power rankings........ Not good at all.

I'm sure the one Wolves fan out there who reads this will be wondering why a team they just beat and are above in the league table should be above them in these power rankings, well here's why -

I think Bolton have a marginally better attack and defence than Wolves, I also think that Bolton have a difference maker or two like Matty Taylor who on any given day my just smack in two from 30 yards and win you the game, but most importantly their manager is Gary Megson not Mick McCarthy which in the grand scheme of things is not "that" much of an upgrade but God dammit it's still "IS" an upgrade!

PR 18th (20th) PL 20th (20th) - Portsmouth

Had it not been for last weeks revelations about Pompey failing to pay their players I'd probably have moved them up one spot as I was sure they would buy a decent striker or two in January, but since they are finding it hard to pay wages where are they going to find the money to buy extra players?

Turns out this "Rich Arab" might not quite be all what Pompey fans were hoping for........ They were hoping for McDonald's but instead got mamas home-made burger as described my Eddie Murphy. 

PR 17th (19th) PL 16th (19th) - Hull

Gotta hand it to Hull, they've shown a little fight over the past month or so and surprisingly it started just after the previous chairman was forced out....... No doubt Phil "Golden" Brown will take all the credit and I guess I can't blame him as he takes the blame when things go wrong.

It's a shame Jimmy Bullard had to go and win last months "player of the month" award as I'm sure it brought on this new knee injury that has stuck him down for the next 8 weeks......... In other news Hull's recent good form coincided with the return of Jimmy Bullard from his previous injury............

PR 16th (16th) PL 14th (15th) - Wigan

I think I've finally worked out who Wigan are -

A poor team than can occasionally surprise a good team with their physical approach.

Plus any team that can concede nine goals to any other team has to be battling to stay in the Premiership come April/May.

PR 15th (14th) PL 13th (9th) - Burnley

Now we all know Burnley are pretty good at home and pretty shit away, problem is that that home form has been a little too good so far and I think it's only a matter of time before they start to slip.

I know it's nothing new to have a team that's good at home and poor away but the difference is SO great for Burnley that I believe things will start to go south....... I can't believe the same team who has only conceded six goals in seven home games can concede 27 in eight away games.

Basically what I'm saying is that Burnley are pretty poo but their super defence at home as covered it up....... I expect that to change.

The Looking over my Shoulder division 14th - 11th

Those teams who should be safe but should keep an eye out on what's going on behind them.

PR 14th (9th) PL 17th (16th) - West Ham

I think West Ham so far this season have been a little unlucky with how the fixtures have panned out. We all know home form is important to survival in the Premier League and the same way I think Burnley's home form is overrated I believe that West Ham's is underrated, check this out -

Out of the eight home games the Hammers have played so far six of the opponents have been Fulham, Liverpool, Aston Villa, Tottenham, Arsenal and Manchester United......... those same six teams happen to comprise six of the top eight in the league.........

Basically, when West Ham's fixtures get better at home expect them to start rising up the table.

PR 13th (13th) PL 12th (18th) - Blackburn

Blackburn have all the makings to be safe in mid-table obscurity. Their home form is sold enough (just one defeat), but their away form on paper at least looks horrible, one win and the rest being defeats, but when you find out that four of those six defeats were at Goodison, The Emirates, Old Trafford and Stamford Bridge you start to be more forgiving!

Side Note - Whenever I've watched Blackburn this season they seem to play really well and either win or lose unluckily......... Maybe I should point this out to Fat Sam and get on the Rovers pay-roll!

PR 12th (10th) PL 11th (10th) - Stoke

I've not got much to say about Stoke from a footballing standpoint, we all know who they are and how they play.

Side note - The Football Dad over the past six months or so seems to have developed a love for all things Ricardo Fuller....... I have no idea why but he keeps saying how good he is and that if his head had been more screwed on as a younger lad he could have gone on to great things........ Now I don't know about any of that tosh that's coming out of his mouth, but I do know that he's said more nice things about Ricardo Fuller over the past six months than he has said about me my whole life......... Maybe it's time I bulked up, got a earing and some tattoo's and move to Stoke.

Side note two - Tony Pullis wears that damn hat so much that when I eventually see him not wearing it I'm shocked to see he's bald........ How does this surprise me every time?

PR 11th (15th) PL 9th (11th) - Birmingham

I feel like a broken record every-time I write about Birmingham so as not to waste time I'll just copy & paste what i wrote in September - 

I very much like Birmingham's defence........ I very much dislike Birmingham's attack.

Other things I like and dislike -

I like the first Matrix Film - I dislike the 2nd and 3rd Matrix film

I like Cutters Choice rolling tobacco - I dislike Drum rolling tabacco. I've quit smoking.

I like Lady Gaga's ass - I dislike Lady Gaga's face

I like Fifa - I dislike Pro Evo (This has only been the case since they started releasing them on the next gen consoles, before that Pro Evo was king)

I like Black Sambuca - I dislike White Sambuca - Wait, that's a lie...... I love ALL SAMBUCA!!!

End of part one

come back tomorrow for the top 10!

take care

Football Guy

Portsmouth v Burnley

You'd think of all the ways to try to motivate a team at the foot of the table, NOT paying their wages would be quite low on the list........ I guess not a Portsmouth.

Well the team may be bottom of the league and their players might have picked up less money last month than you or me, but it's not all doom and gloom, they've got Burnley at home Saturday lunchtime!! The same Burnley side who's away record looks like this -

W 0   

D  1

L   6

GS 8

GA 25

Pompey might well go down this season, but surly they can beat Burnley at home?

Football Guy's verdict 3-1

Arsenal v Stoke

What the fuck happened to all of Arsenal goals? Could someone please answer that?

Obviously Van persie being out has hurt the Gunners, but what happened to all the goals that were going from midfield? What happened to the goals Vermaelan and Gallas were scoring? Why am I asking so many questions? Hope I will get an answer by Monday!

Side Note - I read an interesting stat earlier in the week about the Arsenal - Chelsea match last Sunday. The Chelsea players were on average 5in taller and 10Kg heavier than the Arsenal players....... That strikes me as a massive difference...... I know Arsene like to buy footballers with technical ability but is it possible to get one or two players like that who are say 6,2ft+ who are not Abou Diaby? PLEASE!?!!?!?!

Football Guy's verdict 1-1

Aston Villa v Hull

The big question here is -

Do I ride Hull's new found good form or do I do the sensible thing and go for a home win?

Well since I've backed Arsenal to slip up against Stoke I think I should play it safe here.

Football Guy's verdict 2-1

Blackburn v Liverpool

Now should Liverpool be worried that Blackburn put in a good performance Wednesday night against Chelsea or happy that they played 120 minutes?

Well either way this should be a tough match for Liverpool as Blackburn, despite their poor start to the season have only lost once at home.

On a separate point, I'd be worried if I were a Liverpool fan about Rafa's "Turning Point" comments from last week as that type of verbal defence was a favourite of his predecessor Gerard Houilier.

Anyway, the fact's are Liverpool HAVE won two on the spin and Blackburn DID play 120 minutes three days earlier, I'm going for an away win...... Just about.

Football Guy's verdict 0-1

West Ham v Manchester United

Upton Park and West Ham in general have not been the kindest opponents for United over the years and I'm half tempted to go with a draw but have been basically put off it due to my knew buddy Carlton Cole being injured. For The Hammers to get a draw they would need to score a goal or two and I don't trust anyone else at Upton Park to deliver the goods other than Carlton........ Cole not Banks.

The core of the United team had the week off and I think it should be enough to see them through this one.

Football Guy's verdict 0-2

Wigan v Birmingham

The Latics are unbeaten in their last five Premier League games at the DW Stadium yet Birmingham are unbeaten in their last five Premier League games. This is their best run since October 2004 and the reason I'm finding this match so hard to decide on.

I would Ideally like a 1-0 Birmingham victory with Steve Carr scoring the winner and Joe Hart saving a penalty but I'd also like to beat the crap out of Russell Brand and steal his missus Katy Perry but I don't think that's very likely, in fact what's probably going to happen is that it will be a 1-1 draw and I'll never ever meet Russell Brand or Kety Perry.

Football Guy's verdict 1-1

Wolves v Bolton

Are Wolves the worst team in the league? Well they've not one a match since September, they've not picked up a point since October and they've not kept a clean sheet since........ errrr well since they were last in the Premiership some 4/5 years ago.

Bolton have actually been better on their travels so far this season and I expect them to get a point this weekend.

Football Guy's verdict 2-2

Manchester City v Chelsea

Both these team have beaten Arsenal 3-0 in the past seven days......... Should be a good match then?

Errrr No...... You know have City have draw seven straight league matches, well that ends on Saturday, Chelsea are going to take them apart.

Football Guy's verdict 1-3

Fulham v Sunderland

Sometimes working out who's going to win a match can be a simple as this -

Fulham = Good at Home

Sunderland = Bad away

Nine out of 10 times Fulham win this match and nine out of 10 cats would agree with me.

Football Guy's verdict 2-0

Everton v Tottenham

Spurs proved yet again on Tuesday night that no matter who a "Big Four" team field, Spurs can't beat them away.

Thankfully then for Spurs Everton are playing more like they are trying to crack the bottom four than the top four and should prove to be easy fodder for this awesome Tottenham team.

(The last paragraph was brought to you by The Lillywhite Observer - No1 for Spurs news)

Football guy's verdict 1-2

The Rest

Right, first off here are the Footy Doc's predictions -

Portsmouth 3v1 Burnley

Arsenal 3v0 Stoke City

Aston Villa 1v0 Hull City

Blackburn 0v2 Liverpool

West Ham 0v2 Man Utd

Wigan 1v0 Birmingham

Wolves 1v1 Bolton

Man City 2v1 Chelsea

Fulham 2v0 Sunderland

Everton 1v0 Tottenham

Next up we have JamrockRover -

Portsmouth 2 - 1 Burnley

Arsenal 2 - 0 Stoke City

Aston Villa 2 - 1 Hull City

Blackburn 1 - 2 Liverpool

West Ham 1 - 3 Man Utd

Wigan 1 - 1 Birmingham

Wolves 1 - 2 Bolton

Man City 2 - 2 Chelsea

Fulham 1 - 0 Sunderland

Everton 2 - 1 Tottenham

And finally,  the SportBoys -

Portsmouth 2 Burnley 2

Arsenal 2 Stoke City 1

Aston Villa 2 Hull City 1

Blackburn 1 Liverpool 1

West Ham 0 Man Utd 2

Wigan 2 v Birmingham 1

Wolves 2 v Bolton 2

Man City 1 v Chelsea 2

Fulham 2 v Sunderland 0

Everton 1 v Tottenham 3

Oh, and here are Lawro's as well - LINK

The End

Take care,

Football Guy 

One thing before we start though, I started watching season two of The Wire last night and noticed that Polish/American dock boss Frank Sobotka looks like he's related to Italian/American meat-house worker and brother in law to Rocky Balboa, Paulie....... Apparently he "don't sweat you" either.

Arsenal 0 Chelsea 3

There used to be a time when Arsenal annually wiped their backsides with Cheslea, ahh yes, those were the good old days when 3pts where almost guaranteed and it didn't matter by how much Chelsea were ahead because you knew the Gunners were going to come roaring back............... It's been so long since those day's that I'm starting to believe they never happened.......

Coming from an Arsenal fans point of view I'll say the two overwhelming feeling I have today are embarrassment and dejection.

Embarrassment

Anytime you get a whooping like that it's bad, it's made worse by the fact the team that's doing it to you is not only a local rival, but a team you used to routinely whoop on yourself and have now crushed you at home twice in a row by a three goal margin.......I'm not sure I've ever felt this embarrassed as a football fan, not even when United beat Arsenal 6-1 at Old Trafford.

Dejection

To make matters worse, I don't think Arsenal did very much wrong yesterday, OK we could bemoan missing RvP but ultimately he just one player and a poor excuse if used as a reason for defeat. I think Arsenal gave it their best shot yesterday and were brushed aside with relative ease.

I truly think that Chelsea barely got out of 3rd gear and played well within themselves and still destroyed us and that's what hurts the most, being show quite clearly who's boss!

After the United and City losses I felt that Arsenal had been the better team in both matches, that we were the better side full stop and that things had just gone against us on the day. Yesterday I feel if you had replayed that match 10 times over you get the same result..... Chelsea Win...... What also adds to my feelings of utter dejection is that even if Arsenal had fielded their strongest team and we were given the choice of four Chelsea players who could not play I still think Chelsea would have won the game and that what hurts the most, knowing 100% that a team you hate is THAT MUCH better than you.

Chelsea

What can you say? Only that Chelsea looked pretty good up to this point last season and it all started to fall apart, I guess we can hope for the same but I doubt lightning will strike twice. I feel they are way to powerful physically for Arsenal and it seems teams that can match them for power (Wigan, Villa) can give them a run for their money but right now all my money would be on them lifting the title come May...... or probably earlier.....

Portsmouth 1 Manchester United 4

I guess this was a typical Pompey performance this season, create enough chances to win, lose the match..........

I read a comment during this one on the BBC from a Portsmouth fan who said something on the line off -

"I know we are bottom but I truly believe there are a few worse team than us and we are not all that bad" 

I know where he's coming from, if Pompey had a decent, not good, but decent striker in the team they would probably be a good 2-4 points above the relegation zone and I think that as long as they keep the gap to safety catchable going in to January then a striker purchase durin gthe transfer window might well save their skin.

As for United, it wasn't a vintage display, but it was certainly good enough to beat a team that needs 76 chances to score. Father time Ryan Giggs keeps on proving that against 2nd rate opposition he can still terrorise and along with Rooney was the best United performers on the day.

United now have a pretty good run of fixtures form now until the end of January and will need to take full advantage if they are to push Chelsea all the way this season.

Everton 0 Liverpool 2

This was a strange match for me whilst watching it because despite Everton having the better of the the play and chances overall, after Liverpool took the lead I kept referring to the result as a foregone conclusion in Liverpool favour, much to the chagrin of a Everton fan sitting near me in the pub.

Everton though really only have themselves to blame, they created the chances and should have buried them but as we know, if you don't take your chances they usually come back to haunt you.

It was an important win for Liverpool who took full advantage of all those in the hunt for a Champions league spot slipping up. They go to Blackburn next week before hosting Arsenal the week after, two games they could easily slip up in.

Elsewhere

Spurs deservedly get a point away to Aston Villa who themselves need a right kicking for the manner of which they played after taking the lead, you'd think there was 10 minutes to go once they had scored to take they lead they way they sat back. Anyway, Spurs made them pay and now sit above North London rivals Arsenal in the league, though they have played one game more.

Manchester City proved once again that just because something is expensive it does not make it good. Drawing with Hull was their 7th straight draw and quite possibly their most frustrating. People can talk all they want about how Hull were worthy of their point but ultimately threatened  very little and basically sat back for most of the match.

I have very little to say about the matches involving Blackburn. Stoke, Fulham, Bolton, Wigan, Sunderland, Wolves and Birmingham other than to say they were all pretty dull and combined had less goals than West Ham managed to score against Burnley who also once again proved that as long as your home form is good, it really does not matter what you do away if you want to stay up!

The Football Guy Prediction League

It was a pretty stinking week for most of us and the quicker we move on the better.

The scoring system is simple -

Perfect Result = 30pts

Correct Result = 10pts

Wrong Result = -10pts

Here's a look at how everyone did this week -

                          PR       CR      WR      PTS

Footy Doc           1          4         5         20

Jamrock              1          3         6         0 

Lawro                 0          4         6        -20 

Football Guy       0          3         7        -40

SportBoys          0          3         7         -40

Here's the complete table -

                        PR       CR      WR      PTS

Footy Doc        18       55       62       470     

Jamrock          17        55       63       430

Football Guy    10       65       60       350

Lawro              13       55       67       270     

SportBoys        12       54      69       210

Not much action at with the Footy Doc and Jamrock still pretty tight at the top, I've fallen back a bit this week but thankfully both Lawro and the Sportboys didn't fare much better.

Players you wish you had not made captain.

1. Cesc Fabregas          - 1pt
2. Nicolas Anleka           - 2pts
3. Robinho                     - 2pts
4. Emmanuel Adebayor  - 2pts

Players you should have made captain.

1. Ryan Giggs                 - 15pts
2. Didier Drogba             - 12pts
3. Shaun Wright-Phillips - 10pts
4. Dirk Kuyt                    - 8pts

Players you wish you had made captain but never would.

1. Chris Eagles      - 16pts
2. Steven Fletcher - 11pts
3. Paul Scharner    - 11pts
4. Junior Stanislas - 10pts
5. Brett Emerton   - 9pts

The Cristiano Ronaldo award for fantasy excellence.

1. Wayne Rooney "Street Striker" - 17pts

Yep, Master Rooney captain pickers walked in to quite a good week thanks to Ryan Giggs and two penalties....... I suppose he still had to score the penalties right?

The End

Right chums, I've got to dash, got work to do!

Take care,

Football Guy

Anyway, we got there and it was the usual bunch of pretentious looking knobs discussing all the latest fashion and what not when in the corner of my eye I spot two super-fit honeys talking to this rather tall black fella, would you believe it, it was Carlton Cole and let me tell you, the guy is BIG! He's not as tall as me, but boy is he broad. I joked with Spurs Pete that I should go over a mention how he's in my Fantasy Team and that I expect him to score this weekend against Burnley...... Thankfully Pete talked me out of that idea so we continued drinking the free champagne and making fun of 95% of the people there when all of a sudden I get a tap on the back by someone with a French accent asking me if I could move slightly so he could get a better look at this £10k leather jacket I was standing next to, so naturally I move out of the way without looking at who it was when Spurs Pete asks me -

SP - what's the name of Arsenal's right back?

FG - Sanga, why?

SP - He's standing right behind you.....

FG - What?

Low and behold Pete was not lying and there he was, Bacary Sagna, all 5ft nothing of him....... The same way I was shocked at just how big Carlton Cole looked in real life, I equally shocked at just how small Sagna is, I have no idea how that guy wins as many headers as he does!!

So, naturally I introduce myself to him as a big Arsenal fan -

FG - Hi Bacary, I'm a hugh Arsenal fan and I justed wanted to say hi....... (I'm such a loser)

BS - Oh, thank you!

FG - (surprised as his politeness)

SP - Hi Bacary, I'm a hugh Spurs fan and I justed wanted to stamp on your foot..... (Big Grin)

BS - Oh........... Hahaha...........

FG - (Giving Pete the most EVIL look in the world)

FG - Anyway, Bacary, don't want to take up too much of your time, just want to wish you luck on Sunday, make sure you beat Chelsea.

BS - Thank you, we will try our best!

FG - Oh yeah, and please make sure Senderos does not play!

BS - (looks puzzled) Why?

FG - errrrrrr, ummmmm, Cos I love William Gallas????

BS - .......OK.......

END SCENE

Yeah, not the most graceful meeting but hey, that's what happens when I drink almost a bottle Champagne on a empty stomach. Just as we were leaving Jermain Defoe arrived and Pete joked he was going to tell him to read what I wrote about him in this weeks Monday hangover, I called Pete's bluff and told him I was going to do it myself, but again thankfully Pete talked me out of that too.

Oh by the way, I didn't a goody bag.......

Aston Villa v Tottenham

OK Spurs fans, you've had your fun this week of the back of that 9-1 win over Wigan, it's time to come back down to earth and really I can't think of a better city for that to happen in than Birmingham, "The Boring Capital of the World".

Apparently if you were to have sex with Megan Fox in Birmingham it would be crap. Also you know all those Chuck Norris jokes you get like "Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird", well in Birmingham they replace Chuck Norris with Jasper Carrot...... It's TRUE!!!

Football Guy's verdict 2-1

Blackburn v Stoke

Right, what do I know about these two teams? Well for starters Blackburn are pretty good at home and Stoke are pretty bad away.

Infact, Stoke are so bad away that they have only scored four goals on their travels this season (Only Pompey are worse).

I like Blackburn in this one and it worries me that I should come to that conclusion so easily.......

Football Guy's verdict 2-0

Fulham v Bolton

Bolton's last clean sheet in all competitions was back in August in the league cup against Tranmere and in their last five games alone they have shipped 17 goals, that's pretty shit by anyone's standards. If they were a bank they would be Northern Rock, if they were a kitchen utensil they would be a sieve, if they were a............ Oh you get the point!

You've got to like Fulham in this one as I can't find one good reason why Bolton should get even a point out of this match.

Football Guy's verdict 2-0

Manchester City v Hull

Right these two have been on a right weird run of form of late.

City and their non-stop drawing and Hull with their goals galore picking up seven points in their last three games....... Something has got to give!!!!

Logically you've got to think City will win sooner or later and than Hull must lose sooner or later but the best way to do it is to ask yourself this question -

Do I trust Hull to go four games unbeaten more than I trust City to beat Hull.

I let you decided what i trust more.

Football Guy's verdict 3-0

Portsmouth v Manchester United

Normally I would not think twice over this one and go with a United win but we have a new wrinkle here, we have the "1st game in charge good result card" in play and it scares me. You've seen it before, team fires manager brings in new guy and the same team that could not win for love nor money get a good result first time out with new guy in charge. Plus David James seems to think Avram Grant is Yoda which also scares me but for other reasons, I always thought he looked more like Boss Nass to me.

It's a big game for United, not only will they be looking to bounce back from their home defeat to Besiktas on Wednesday, but will also see this as a good chance to gain points on either Chelsea or Arsenal who play each other on Sunday.

Football Guy's verdict 1-2

West Ham v Burnley

OK West Ham, if you can't beat statistically the worst away team this season at home then I give up on you and you deserve to go down!

I'm sure my new buddy Carlton Cole will be raring to score for both you guys and my fantasy team, you'll be happy to know he was not drinking any booze last night which must mean his fully concentration is on this match...... Well that or those two hunnies he was with, maybe alcohol has a bad effect on him downstairs?

Football Guy's verdict 3-1

Wigan v Sunderland

OK Wigan just lost 9-1 to Spurs and Sunderland just beat Arsenal....... So ipso-facto Sunderland beat Wigan right? WRONG!!

Sunderland will not beat Wigan because, errrr, well, errrrrrrrr, because they won't OK, just trust me on this one!

Football Guy's verdict 1-1

Arsenal v Cheslea

I have assurances from Bacary Sagna that Arsenal will try their best on Sunday, unfortunately he did not give me any assurances on a victory..........

On one hand I feel we can destroy anyone at home, but on the other hand I still remember that 4-1 beating Chelsea gave us last season......... What's a guy to do? Scrambled eggs all over my face!

I'm going to do a Lawro and predict a draw in this one, I'm sure that's what he did.

Football Guy's verdict 1-1

Everton v Liverpool

It's not really a good time to be a football fan on Merseyside as both of it's big teams are struggling at the moment.

Both have injuries, although Liverpool's are slightly more weird as I have no idea what's going on with either Torres or Aquaman. Are they fit, are they injured, are they human?

I think due to both teams needing some cheering up I think David Moyes should grow the Rafa Goatee and Rafa should wear a tracksuit and dye his hair ginger, at least then win lose or draw the fans would have something to smile about!

Football Guy's verdict 1-2

Wolves v Birmingham

Wolverhampton is near enough to Birmingham to be affected by it's boring cloud but not near enough to feel the full brunt of it's effect. In stead they suffer from not being able to judge how good something is.

Apparently if you have sex with Megan Fox in Wolverhampton you think it's crap and your not quite sure how to react if someone tells you a fact about Chuck Norris but then go on to claim that Mick McCarthy could do it better....... It's TRUE!!!  

Football Guy's verdict 1-1

The Rest

Right, first off here are the Footy Doc's predictions -

Blackburn 2v0 Stoke City

Fulham 3v1 Bolton

Man City 3v1 Hull City

Portsmouth 0v1 Man Utd

West Ham 3v0 Burnley

Wigan 2v1 Sunderland

Aston Villa 1v1 Tottenham

Wolves 2v0 Birmingham

Everton 1v2 Liverpool

Arsenal 1v0 Chelsea

Next up we have JamrockRover - 

Blackburn 2 - 2 Stoke City

Fulham 2 - 0 Bolton

Man City 4 - 1 Hull City

Portsmouth 1 - 3 Man Utd

West Ham 3 - 1 Burnley

Wigan 1 - 2 Sunderland

Aston Villa 1 - 1 Tottenham

Wolves 2 - 2 Birmingham

Everton 1 - 1 Liverpool

Arsenal 2 - 1 Chelsea

And finally,  the SportBoys -

Blackburn 2 Stoke City 1

Fulham 2 Bolton 0

Man City 3 Hull City 1

Portsmouth 0 Man Utd 2

West Ham 1 Burnley 1

Wigan 1 v Sunderland 1

Aston Villa 2 v Tottenham 1

Wolves 2 v Birmingham 0

Everton 1 v Liverpool 3

Arsenal 0 v Chelsea 1

Oh, and here are Lawro's as well - LINK

The End

Take care

Football Guy 

I think I'm suffering from winter depression, I say winter depression just because it's been super grey and horrible here in London of late but it well could be regular depression. Yesterday I had shit loads of stuff to do, plus I had to go to work....... Want to guess how that turned out? Well I've still got all the stuff I needed to do left to do plus I didn't go to work....... Instead I stayed in the broom closet here at Football Guy towers all day watching the Discovery Channel and ESPN Classic. It's not that I didn't want to go to work (I actually quit enjoy what I do) or that I was avoiding the work I had to do (Like write this) I just couldn't face it yesterday, I know it's probably hard to understand and sounds like I'm just being lazy, but trust me it's not.

Anyway I'm sorry for the delay in the Monday Hangover, I hope you all understand and I hope you enjoy this belated re-cap of the weekends action.

Spurs 9 Wigan 1

I suppose there were quite a few different matches I could have started with, but none of them had 10 goals in them nine of which were scored by one team!

Due to my utter disgust for the fixture list on Sunday I decided to steer clear of the pub and catch up on some reading and the only time I checked the score of this match was at half-time and that was only because I was more interested in seeing what Blackburn had got up to due to me having David Dunn as my Fantasy Football Captain....... Needless to say I was rather uninspired with Spurs 1-0 lead but I was rather happy to see that Dunn had scored!

Somehow I managed to avoid finding out what the final score had been until I watch MoTD 2 that night and boy was I surprised! They called it highlights but really it was just replays off all the goals and I still can't believe I watched it without knowing what was going to happen, it has to rank up there in my top 10 personal surprises of 2009 right alongside how Spurs managed to score nine goals yet Tom Huddlestone played the whole match and got neither a goal or a assist (he's in my fantasy team)!

The trouble I have with the result is not the fact that Spurs won 9-1, it's that when Spurs win like this they seem to lose all sense of realism and start zealously proclaiming how great Spurs are like some religious fanatic. It also bring fourth comments like - "Fourth place is assured" and "Jermain Defoe is the best striker in the Premiership"

Now the fourth place comment was a "Friend" of mine's status on Facebook and was quite over the top, but most of my Spurs chums had some soft of reference to the top four in their status Sunday evening........ Relax guys, I know you are happy with your win and so you should be, but you do know that you only got three points for it right? It's still November and there's a lot of games still to be played?    

The comment about Jermain should not be mistaken for the one Harry Redknapp made about him being the best English finisher but my counter argument is still the same - 

This season, Jermain is the leagues top goalscorer with 11 goals, Eight of which have come in two games against Wigan and Hull, two of the worst defences in the league. Now if we look at say Darren Bent, he has nine league goals this season scoring those is eight different matches, so even though he has scored to less he has scored in more games, plus three of his goals this season were match winners and not only that but he has scored now against all four of last seasons "Top 4"........ I'd say based on this season Darren Bent and not Jermain Defoe is the better striker, but how about we look back over the last five seasons, in that time -

(Based on league games)

Jermain - Games = 139 - Goals = 52

Darren  -  Games = 137 - Goals = 57

Hmmm that's interesting, that "sack of shit" Darren Bent as Spurs fans call him has a better record..............

Anyway Tottenham fans, don't think I'm trying to rain on your parade, well done for your amazing win, just don't get to carried away like you usually do!

Sunderland 1 Arsenal 0

Is it a bad omen that the first league match RvP misses due to this ankle injury is also the first league match Arsenal failed to score in? Well I'd like to think not!

I'm not going to sit here and make excuses for Arsenal, I will say that I was disappointed with the result of course, but I was not with the performance. Yes I know Arsenal were far from their best but let's not forget that Sunderland did very little for most of the match and this is not a bad team at all, remember they almost beat United at Old Trafford and did beat Liverpool. In fact the only "Top 4" team from last season to beat them so far is Chelsea.

And I guess that's why ultimately I'm not super down on the result, Chelsea are going to win the league baring some sort of meltdown at Stamford Bridge, over the course of 38 games their team is stronger than Arsenal's and really the Gunners are playing for second place. I still think Arsenal will win something this year, but I'm afraid it won't be the league.

As for Sunderland, on a personal note I'm happy at the start they have made as i predicted that Steve Bruce would have this impact on them and it's nice to be right from time to time. I hope they keep it up and push for a Europa League spot for next season!

Manchester United 3 Everton 0

So United go back second in the league thanks to a truly super strike from Darren Fletcher, your not going to see to many balls hit better than this all season and for those of you who have yet to see it check this out - LINK.

United needed the win not only to bounce back after recent defeats to Chelsea and Liverpool but to close an Eight point gap that Chelsea had opened over them earlier in the day. Thankfully for United their opposition were Everton who had only one win in all competitions since September....... Not the best run of form in the world!

Everton tried like so many other teams when they go to Old Trafford to frustrate the Champions and it worked for about 35mins or so until Fletcher broke the deadlock and after that there was really no doubt as to the outcome of the match.

I guess the only down side for United would be the missed chances that fell to Michael Owen, he had two particularly good opportunities that he failed to tuck away, I did like the defence Hansen and Lawro gave him on MoTD about how it does not really matter that he missed the chances because he was making the right runs to get the chances.......... Bull Shit...... I know it's BS because I used the exact same excuse for Eduardo after his misses against Spurs a few weeks back.

Chelsea 4 Wolves 0

At times this really didn't seem like a football match at all but rather a game of "Long Shots" involving Michael Essien and the Wolves keeper Hennessey, I swear the Ghanaian had about nine shots from outside the box, all of which were either a goal, just wide or a fine save from Hennessey.

I think Essien in his two goal must have been trying to make up for the loss of Didier Drogba and Frank Lampard because his first was a head Drogba would have been proud of and his second can only be described as a "Lampard Special" I.E. Deflection......

In all fairness Chelsea really could have won by more, but it's not this performance that has me convinced they are the Champions, it's these three statements -

Chelsea have picked up 33 points from a possible 39! That's just machine form!

10 straight shut-out's at Stamford Bridge! How can you beat a team you can't score against?

Chelsea just won 4-0 coming off the back of the international break with Didier Drogba, Frank Lampard, Deco, Michael Ballack and Ricardo Carvalho all unavailable! And Arsenal fee upset at missing RvP???????

Face it, the rest of the league will be looking up at Chelsea until May, and then they will be looking up at Arsenal, because when the season is over Arsenal top the league Alphabetically!

Liverpool 2 Manchester City 2

The first 45 minutes of this match might well have been the worst 45 minutes I have ever seen in the Premiership! I know we live in an age of Hyperbaly but really the first hapf of this match was as bad as I've ever seen. To be fair to the two teams it was a first half disrupted by Liverpool's men of glass breaking, they lost Aggar and Babel to injury, both of whom seemed to take a age to be brought off the field.

I was so bored that I decided to not watch the second half and concentrate on a puddle outside my house that I found more interesting. Unfortunately for me, whilst that puddle had been more interesting than the first half, the second was a whole different beast and sprang in to life when Martin Skrtel turned in Steven Gerrard's free-kick to give them the lead after 50 minutes.

Then for some reason Liverpool decided they didn't really want to attack anymore and City thought "screw this. let's attack." Off came Barry and on came Tevez and eight minutes later City were level when Emmanuel Adebayor headed home from Craig Bellamy's corner.

Stephen Ireland converted from close as Liverpool appealed in vain for offside, gave City a lead they barely deserved, but they were then guilty of a loss of concentration as Yossi Benayoun turned in David Ngog's deflected cross to make sure the points were shared.

It was a result that didn't really help either team in their quest to regain some form and push for fourth place, but then again has provided the casual neutral more fuel for the fire to debate who will come fourth. I for one will steer clear of that for time being and will discus the fourth spot topic when a more appropriate time arrives.

Quirky fact - This was City's sixth straight draw which equalled their top-flight record set in 1913, see, when you spend big you do set records!!!

Elsewhere

Pompey's woes continued as they were shot down 1-0 away to Stoke, they only have five more games to ensure they are not bottom come Christmas Day because we all know what that means......... It means you are getting regulated unless you hire Bryan Robson as manager, but I hear he's busy this year managing some Asian team so your lucks out!

Blackburn beat Bolton in a match I'm pretty sure is a Lancashire derby yet I don't recall it being referred to as that........ It probably is called that but nobody outside Bolton or Blackburn cares!

Burnley proved why a) they are good at home b) don't bet on Villa under any circumstances. With their 1-1 draw against high flying Aston Villa, in other news former goal scorer Emile Heskey apparently scored the equalizer, although nobody is quite sure if he meant it.

Birmingham and Fulham played out the "For the last time Bobby Zamora is fucking poo bowl" at St Andrews. Birmingham won because of a finely taken goal from Lee Bowyer, Fulham lost because they have Bobby Zamora......

Hull and West Ham played out the "Neither of us actually want to win this match bowl" in what might have been the most up and down game of the season. Amazingly both actually went up the table this weekend proving once again that shot does float!

The Football Guy Prediction League

It's back, let's see if anyone's judgement was impaired by the international break!

Perfect Result = 30pts

Correct Result = 10pts

Wrong Result = -10pts

Here's a look at how everyone did this week -

                          PR       CR      WR      PTS

SportBoys           1          5         4         40

Jamrock              1          5         4         40 

Football Guy       1          5         4         40 

Lawro                 0          5         5           0

Footy Doc           0          5         5           0

Here's the complete table -

                        PR       CR      WR      PTS

Footy Doc        17       51       57       450     

Jamrock          16        52       57       430

Football Guy    10       62       53       390

Lawro              13       51       61       290     

SportBoy         12       51       62       250

So no changes in positions, but Jamrock is now on;y 10pts behind the Footy Doc with me a little further behind.

Players you should have made captain.

1. Aaron Lennon    - 18pts
2. Michael Essien   - 16pts
3. Jimmy Bullard     - 13pts
4. Florent Malouda - 13pts
5. Antonio Valencia -13pts

Players you wish you had made captain but never would.

1. Thomas Sorenson - 14pts
2. Steven Caldwell    - 9pts
3. Ryan Shawcross   - 9pts
4. Brett Emerton       - 9pts
5. Roger Johnson      - 9pts

The Cristiano Ronaldo award for fantasy excellence.

1. Jermain Defoe - 25pts

Amazing that the week I brought back that fantasy section to the Monday Hangover we would have a record breaking week from a player! Well done to Jermain Defoe for setting the highest one match points total I can ever remember seeing, 25 points is going to take some beating!

Winners and Loser

Winners

Jermain Defoe

For scoring five goals in one match!

Tottenham

For scoring nine goals in one match!

Losers

Wigan

For conceding nine goals in one match!

The End

Hope it was worth the wait, I promise there will be a Power ranking this week as well as the usual Friday weekend preview.

Take care

Football Guy 

Before I get to this weeks predictions though, I've got a little matter that needs clearing up. Namely the whole uproar caused by a certain Mr TH14's left hand.

I'm sure by now you've all seen Thierry Henry's handball against Ireland on Wednesday night. Was not pretty and I wish it had not happened, but does this make him some sort of evil villain of Hitler-esque proportions that the media and the majority of Irish people that I know have made him out to be? Quite clearly not and if you think otherwise your either a very very very sore loser and need someone to blame or work in the media and need a story. Had this happened against some country we'd all never heard off I'm sure nobody would care in the slightest.

Yes it's annoying that a goal that denies someone a place at the World Cup should not have stood and I can understand Irish fans moaning about it but for one, lets not forget the fact the not two minutes earlier Nicolas Anelka had clearly been brought down by Shay Given and a penalty was not given...... Had the Irish gone down the other end of the field and scored after that to knock France out  would there been any calls from the media to reply the match? Would the ref be criticized? I'm pretty sure the answer is no.

I read Arseblog yesterday and I thought he summed it all up pretty well. It's ridicules to make out Henry to be some sort of evil cunt and the only real reason this is all happening is because of the opposition he's playing against. Don't believe me? OK, maybe this will prove my point -

Back in the 2004 European Championships, Croatia were playing France in the group stages, it was the 2nd match. Croatia were leading 2-1 and needed the win to keep their hope of getting through to the next round alive, all was going good until with about 15mins to go David Trezeguet runs down a backpass and blocks the kick with his outstretched arm which takes the ball back past the keeper and Trezeguet knocks in to a open net..... 2-2, Croatia robbed........ Now this was only 4 1/2 years ago at a major international tournament......... How many of you even knew that had happened? Very few I imagine, now had that been against England or Ireland I'm pretty sure we'd all still be talking about it and Trezeguet would have got the same cunt treatment that Henry is getting now. Look at the furore the Eduardo dive against Celtic caused and all it did was mean that Arsenal were 3-0 up instead of 2-0 on agg, but what about David N'gog? His dive cost Birmingham 2 points which might be the difference between survival and relegation for Birmingham come the end of the season but was he called a cheat and a disgrace by the media? Not that I remember. Again it seems to be like it does not really matter what you do, but rather who you do it against.

Again, I'd like to make it clear that I sympathise with Irish fans about the manner of your defeat, but I think from a karma point of view you had it coming.........   

I'm sure the Irish thought Maradona's handball in 86 was very funny...... Not so funny now is it?

Anyway, I hope now that real football is back on the agenda we can put this whole cauldron of BS behind us and hopefully find peace with ourselves........

Liverpool v Manchester City

So kicking off Saturday we have two teams that seem to have not won a match in months, yet both are in the top seven in the league.

I trusted Liverpool last time out and felt betrayed by their 2-2 draw with Birmingham........ Having said that I also trusted City to beat Burnley and look how that turned out!

So considering I have very little trust in either side I'm going to have to go with a draw ( I want to go with a home win) and home Stevie G does not get injured again.

Football Guy's verdict 1-1

Birmingham v Fulham

Burnley v Aston Villa

I really want to go for a draw in this one but considering I've already gone with draws in the first two games I can't go for three in a row.......... Well I could, but I won't.

 

I don't trust Villa in games I'm confident they will win since they have failed to beat four of the bottom seven. But I guess since Burnley are 10th Villa should be alright?

 

Football Guy's verdict 1-2

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chelsea v Wolves

If Chelsea don't win this game by at least four goals they truly are a poo team and not worthy of lifting the league title.  

If Chelsea don't win this game by at least four goals Roman should hire the Corba Kai from Karate Kid to "Sweep the Leg" of all the starting XI.

If Chelsea don't win this game by at least four goals Big Mick should get a payrise and a BJ from a real Wolf.

If Chelsea don't win this game by at least four goals my prediction will be seriously wrong.

Football Guy's verdict 4-0

Hull v West Ham

Big match for two teams fighting it out near the foot of the table.

I've got a new formula for betting on Hull this season -

If Hull are the away team, ALWAYS back the home team.

If Hull are the home team, have a look if the team is below them in the league, back Hull to win and go to the pub and get pissed.

I can't lose!!!!

Football Guy's verdict 2-1

Sunderland v Arsenal

As an Arsenal fan who is very confident in his team at the moment there is a distinct LACK of confidence for me going in to this match.

I don't know why, I can't think of a rational reason for Arsenal to fail to beat Sunderland....... Well other than the fact they beat Liverpool and drew with Man Utd....... But hey, Arsenal are way better then them two....... Well Liverpool at least.......

Football Guy's verdict 2-2

Manchester United v Everton

I don't care that Everton won their last game before the international break, they still stink when playing a good team, just look at what Benfica did to them......  7-0 over two games!!!

Now I don't expect United to crush them like that, but I do expect a comfortable victory.

Football Guy's verdict 2-0

Bolton v Blackburn

I find myself with a distinct lack of interest in this match and I think the pain behind my eyes that I've had for the last two days is the retina cancer that i will instantly have if I watch 10 seconds of this one....... Best steer clear.

Having said that, even though I won't be watching I would still like David Dunn score and Paul Robinson subbed off after he concedes another goal from over 25 yards out.

Football Guy's verdict 2-3

Tottenham v Wigan

If Spurs really think they can bust in to the top four then this is the type of match they simply must win...... But knowing Spurs that means a crap performance.

Come on Spurs, go out there and prove all those doubters wrong!!

Wigan...... Can we see the Wigan that beat Chelsea and Aston Villa and not the Wigan that Pompey beat 4-0.....

Football Guy's verdict 2-0

Stoke v Portsmouth

This game is the Sunday 4pm match!!! For real????

This would be like the BBC putting a Steven Seagal film up against ITV's X-Factor and expecting at lot of people to watch.

I'll catch this one on MoTD thanks and I think I will be having a pint Sunday afternoon in one of those non football showing pubs that we all know about but never enter.

Why couldn't this be the early kick Off Saturday and Liverpool v Man City the Sunday 4pm? Does that make too much sense to Sky and the Premier League?

Football Guy's verdict 2-1

The Rest

Right, first off here are the Footy Doc's predictions -

Liverpool 3v1 Man City

Birmingham 1v1 Fulham

Burnley 1v2 Aston Villa

Chelsea 2v0 Wolves

Hull City 1v1 West Ham

Sunderland 1v2 Arsenal

Man Utd 1v0 Everton

Bolton 1v1 Blackburn

Tottenham 3v1 Wigan

Stoke City 2v0 Portsmouth

Next up we have JamrockRover - 

Liverpool 1 - 1 Man City

Birmingham 1 - 2 Fulham

Burnley 2 - 2 Aston Villa

Chelsea 4 - 0 Wolves

Hull City 1 - 2 West Ham

Sunderland 1 - 2 Arsenal

Man Utd3 - 1 Everton

Bolton 2 - 0 Blackburn

Tottenham 3 - 1 Wigan

Stoke City 2 - 0 Portsmouth

And finally,  the SportBoys -

Liverpool 2 Man City 1

Birmingham 1 Fulham 0

Burnley 2 Aston Villa 2

Chelsea 3 Wolves 0

Hull City 2 West Ham 1

Sunderland 2 Arsenal 3

Man Utd 3 Everton 1

Bolton 2 Blackburn 2

Tottenham 4 Wigan 1

Stoke City 2 Portsmouth 0

The End

Take care

Football Guy 

As I'm sure you are all aware, we are caught in the midst of an dastardly international break, kind of like being caught in the middle of a Steven Seagal movie only worse! Apparently during an international break your average football fan will consider breaking the law up to eight times more than he normally would...... I have no scientific proof for that last statement but I can tell you that I know it is Scientific FACT!!!

Confession number one

Instead of breaking the law, I was going to use suicide as the gag, but considering what happened to former German Goalkeeper and living human, Robert Enke I changed my mind.

Football Guy's Robert Enke tribute

I'm not going to sit here and write as though I cared much about Enke when he was alive or pretend that it's a great loss to me personally now that he is no longer with us.

Instead I'd like to tell you a brief story of how Robert Enke became Arsenal's goalkeeper back in 2005 in my fictional word of Football Manager.

Basically, I was playing Football Manager 05, near the start of the season Jens Lehman got injured quite badly, can't quite remember what the injury was but I know it kept him out for about six months. Now this left me with two options -

1) Play this new Spanish GK who I'd never heard of called Almunia who's stats were pretty poo.

or

2) Go out and buy a new GK.

Well since I had some spare cash I thought I'd lump out £12m for this young German goalkeeper called Robert Enke who's stats were bloody awesome! I even got Jens to tutor him whilst he was nursing whatever the injury was that was keeping him out!

Anyway, as the season progressed it was becoming more and more apparent that the Enke signing was proving to be my most important one of the season. A true rubberman in goal, nothing was getting passed him and the trophy's started to rack up! About three seasons later I sold him to Real Madrid for £34m. My defensive record was never quite the same again, but ever since then, I've always had a touch of fondness in my heart for Robert Enke, I'm sure anyone who's ever played Football/Championship manager must have their own favourite players?

So whilst the real life career of Robert Enke was not so memorable to me, I'll always remember him for those three magnificent seasons he gave me in virtual football land!

R.I.P

Robert Enke

1977-2009

P.S.

Check this out.... bizzaro.

Football Guy's mailbag

As this is a popuri post, I thought it would be a good time to answer some readers questions, let's start with an old pal of the blogs -

Q: Don't you do fantasy footy reviews anymore... I liked reading about who I should have made captain, but never would..

-- IAWWT, Somewhere near Reading

FG: As you may be aware, I'm not having a particularly good season Fantasy wise, and because of that it's left me feeling quite embarrassed to even mention the word. 

I used to be rather good you know! I swear I was!!!!!

Anyway, I'll bring back the fantasy football part of the Monday Hangover next time we have one.

Q: I think you're beginning to like drinking piss 

-- Jamrock, Ireland

FG: Contrary to popular belief, I don't enjoy drinking piss.........

Q: The Lyrics to Shakira's She Wolf don't make any sense...... I hate songs with stupid lyrics!

-- Guy next to me at work, London

FG: Really? The lyrics are what you've taken as the main thing you remember from this song? I know you're not blind as I see you every day at work and I'm pretty sure you are not gay, but even if you were how is that body suit thing not the only thing you talk about when mentioning this song?

For those of you who don't know what I'm talking about watch this - LINK

On a related matter, when I become El Presidente del Mundo, I will make it law that every girl who can pull off that black leotard thing must wear it in public once a week....... I believe it might win me the Nobel peace prize!

Q: Dear Football Guy, I play for my local football team, I have done my whole career and am seen as part of the furniture around here. Anyway, this season I feel my performances have started to drop and I'm letting everyone down. What should I do?

-- Carragher J, Liverpool

FG: I know it's tough when you have been respected for so long somewhere to suddenly become obsolete, just ask Robert De Nero, Al Pachino and VHS.......

I think the best thing you can do is either blame the other players, or pretend to be injured....... Either way it should take the attention off your awful play.

Q: Hey Football PRICK, remember back in June when you said I'd be fired by Christmas? Well were just over a month away and there are at least four managers who are more likely to get fired than I am........ HAHAHA, you loser!!!

Mick, Wolverhampton

FG: I think Mick is referring to this - LINK - OK Mick, when you are wrong you say your wrong and it looks like I'm going to be wrong about you getting fired by Christmas. But let's not gloat too much, you are still 2nd from bottom in the league........

World Cup Playoff predictions

Just for fun, here's my brief take on this weekends 1st legs -

Greece v Ukraine

Due to a recent grudge I've developed against all things Yellow and from Ukraine I'm going to be cheering quite loudly for Greece.

Football Guy's verdict 1-0

Portugal v Bosnia-Hercegovina

Should Bosnia get past Portugal I swear I will go out a by a Bosnia kit and support them during the World Cup. I've been looking for a team to root for and I think they might well fit the bill + How funny will it be to see C-Ron cry?

Football Guy's verdict 2-1

The BBC thought it would be a good idea to use the headline - Can Ireland give France Les Blues.

Here is a list of other things people thought were a good idea but were wrong.

• unregulated stock markets
• Indiana Jones 4
• Betamax
• The Millennium Dome  
• Letting Scarlett Johansson sing
• Letting Elvis act
• Letting Jennifer Lopez sing or act
• Thalidomide

France have looked average pretty much since the last world cup, but having said that I still think they will have enough to beat the "Fightin Irish" over two legs.

Football Guy's verdict 0-0

Russia v Slovenia

The largest European nation to ever qualify for the World Cup finals v the smallest European nation ever to qualify for the World Cup finals........ How ironic..... Like 10,000 spoons when all you need is a knife!

Russia should really already have their place booked for the finals since they should have destroyed Germany at home in their final game. I don't think it will come back to haunt them.

Football Guy's verdict 2-0

Final Thoughts

Enjoy the weekend as much as you can, I'll be back on Monday with something I'm sure, plus next week we have November's power rankings which should be fun!

Take care,

Football Guy 

Bad News one -

I have a horrible sore throat which has kept me from doing much this weekend, I think it's a case of tonsillitis and it again reminds me of how annoyed I am that my parents never had them taken out for me. Word of advice to all you parents out there - REMOVE YOUR KIDS TONSILS!!! They will thank you for them in later life,

Good News one -

Last Monday I quit smoking and today marks the first week anniversary of me being smoke free!!! I've got to say that giving up smoking is even easier than I thought it would be (I always thought it would be easy). The only downside is that I'm finding myself spending more money than I normally would on snack food, and if this keeps up my Peter Crouch physique will be replaced with a more Dean Windass look....... Something I'm not to keen on......  

Good News two -

After months of being pestered by friends to start watching it I finally got around to watching the first season of "The Wire." (Five episodes in)

All I've heard about it is how "Original and awesome" the show is, how well written and interesting it is. Well now I've finally started to watch the show (had a lot of spare time this weekend due to sore throat) and I guess that's good news. It also leads me quite nicely on to bad new two..........

Bad News two -

After watching the first five episodes of the wire I can safely say that this is arguably the most overrated show in the history of TV!!!

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying it's crap or that I don't like it, but please people, lets not pretend that there is anything special about it. How anyone can think this show is original and awesome is beyond me!!

For starters, the shows main cop Jimmy McNulty might be the biggest clichéd character of all time........ Think about it, he's a cop who plays by his own rules, a bit of a maverick, a anti-hero? His boss hates him, he's divorced and has a bit of a drinking problem, his partner is a wisecracking black guy and he wears a leather jacket more than he should......... OMG the guy is a pastiche of every famous tv/film cop I know of, the only things he's missing are a lolly-pop, and a rain-coat for when he's not wearing his leather jacket........ whoever thinks this show is original must not watch a lot of other shows.

As for the overall plot line, it's interesting enough, but again nothing I've not seen before. Maybe I'm being a tad harsh but I've got to say that I was way more impressed with the first five episodes of Lost, Heroes, Mad Men, Prison Break and The Sopranos. Maybe I've spoken too soon and things go "off the scale" super great past episode five, but for now The Wire for me is slightly better than The Shield, which it seems to have ripped off quite a bit.

Arsenal go 2nd after thumping Wolves

It's great that even when you feel that your team is not playing all that well you have utter confidence that they will not only win, but crush the opposition. Well that's how I felt on Saturday evening (as well as pain in my throat). I thought Arsenal were far from their best but it was still way more than Wolves could handle.

You could argue that Arsenal were rather lucky with their first two goals, both OG's, but those are the kind of breaks you get when your playing well. I think the great Golfer Gary Player once said - "The better I play the luckier I get" Or something to that effect and Arsenal are definitely playing well at the moment.

I really think they have what it takes to break their run of Five tropheyless season, but as we all know, you need a bit of luck to win anything and I hope they don't use up all of theirs on beating chump teams like Wolves.

Chelsea beat United to go 5pts clear

OK, so it wasn't quite the "Statement" I had predicted on Friday, in fact it was a pretty poor performance from the Blues, in fact United probably were the better team on the day.......... But Chelsea won.

Yep, everything else really doesn't matter.

It doesn't matter that Wayne Rooney was given offside when through on goal despite the fact Ashley Cole was playing him onside.

It doesn't matter that United should have had a clear penalty when John Terry bundled over Antonio Valencia.

It doesn't matter that United who were the away team had more shots at goal (21-12 in favour of United) or the fact Chelsea failed to win one corner (7-0 to United in corner's)

All that matters is that Chelsea won and are now 5pts clear of Arsenal and United (Arsenal do have a game in hand) and now that their transfer ban has been lifted, I'd expect them to get even stronger come January and that scares me........

Elsewhere

Remember a couple of weeks back when Spurs were mugged by Stoke? Well this weekend it was like watching a repeat of that match....... Only in bizzaro-reverse land! Looking just at the scoreline you'd think Spurs won the match comfortably but under closer inspection you'd find that Sunderland were unlucky not just to get a point, but to win! 

Steve Bruce came out with quite a funny comment -

"since the beach ball incident at Liverpool we've run out of luck and we've been out of luck again today."

Luck can be a funny thing, one minute it's there and the next it's gone, I guess that's why they say class is permanent form is temporary.

Manchester City failed to beat a team that had not picked up a single point away from home this season....... Poo. I'm not sure how Mark Hughes has managed to fly so far under my radar this season but after results like this and comments like the one coming up I feel I'm going to have to be a lot more critical than I have been. Check out this load of BS from Sparky -

"We have to learn to see games out because we have drawn two games at home from winning positions."

Learn to see games out? Oh I'm sorry Mr Hughes, I didn't realize that you were managing a young inexperienced side with tons of potential but still a little wet behind the ears. I was under the impression that you were managing a team that cost over £200m to assemble........ Stop making excuses and start winning games!

Speaking of winning games, both Hull and Blackburn won very important games this weekend and both had to come from behind to do so. Blackburn beat pompey at home and really needed the win to get them out of the bottom three. It didn't start so well for Rovers as they fell behind to a 30 yard strike from Jamie O'Hara. I'm sure it will be included in goal of the month on Match of the Day, but considering it was against Paul "I can save a shot that's struck 20 yards or further away from me" Robinson I think it should be discounted...... Or at least have some sort of asterisk next to it as Paul Robinson is starting to drift in to the Tony Hibbert zone of "Everyday people masquerading as Pro Footballers." Fat Sam made some big changes at half-time, bringing on McCarthy and Roberts......... Amazing that after you bring on two of your best three players that you would start to play better?!?!?! No wonder these managers are paid big bucks to make those kind of decisions....... Anyway those two changed the game in Blackburns favour and dragged Rovers out of the bottom three. Hull's come from behind victory not only got Hull out of the relegation zone for what seems like the first time this season, but also probably kept Phil Golden-Brown his job.......... I'll let you all judge if that's a good thing or a bad thing...........

Aston Villa raped Bolton 5-1, I feel awfully stupid for predicting just a 2-1 win for Villa considering I was talking about how bad Bolton's defence is on Friday....... But hey, I knew Villa would concede!!!

West Ham found a new way to kick their fans in the teeth by losing to Everton at home on Sunday, just when the Hammers faithful thought they were turning the corner they walk right in to another brick wall........ And Everton right now are a pretty poor brick wall. I'm guessing the reason nobody is talking about Zola's job security is because everybody and their dog loves him, but surely that can only last so long?

Oh and finally, there was a football match played in Wigan, apparently both teams scored a goal, the game ended a draw and everybody went home.......... The End.

The Football Guy Prediction League

It was a pretty good week for the top three in the league....... No so much for the bottom two......

Perfect Result = 30pts

Correct Result = 10pts

Wrong Result = -10pts

Here's a look at how everyone did this week -

                          PR       CR      WR      PTS

Footy Doc           1          6         2         70

Jamrock              2         3         4          50 

Football Guy       1          5         3         50 

Lawro                 0          5         4         10

SportBoys           0          4         5        -10

Here's the complete table -

                        PR       CR      WR      PTS

Footy Doc        17       46       52       450     

Jamrock          15        47       53       390

Football Guy    9         57       49       350

Lawro              13       46        56       290     

SportBoy         11       46        58       210

The league table is not looking pretty for the old SportBoys at the moment, but let's not forget that the Footy Doc was bottom of the pile not to long ago........

Winners and Losers

Winners

Arsenal

For scoring Four more goals this weekend taking their total for the season in the league up to 36. They are on pace to score 124 goals this season which is great if you love watching attacking football........ Who doesn't?

Chelsea

Anytime you beat another big four side you have to consider yourselves winners........... Even if you don't deserve too.

Blackburn

For winning a game you had too.

Hull 

Same as above

Tottenham

For winning a match you should have won but were lucky to in the end........ Does that make sense?

John Terry

For getting away with fouling Antonio Valencia in the box, then going on to score the winner......... All in a days work for John Terry, England Captain. 

Losers

Manchester United

Anytime you lose to another big four side you have to consider yourselves losers........... Even if you didn't deserve too.

Mark Hughes

For being a poor manager........ This might become a permanent home for Sparky.

John Terry 

For being a Cunt whose mother is a shoplifter

The End

Take care,

Football Guy

It's been a crazy/busy week in my life let me tell you....... Actually, despite it being busy there really was not that much of interest other than earlier today when I had to attend a disciplinary hearing at work! I'm not going to go in to details as I know a few people from work read the blog, but lets just say it was serious enough for me to have to go in a couple of hours before work started and I genuinely thought I was leaving unemployed. Actually being unemployed might have been a blessing in disguise as it would have freed up a lot of my time and let me write more......... Though I'm not sure how my bank would feel when I stopped paying them all the money I owe them....... I guess I could have sold naming rights or something?

Anyway I hope I have your understanding and forgiveness for the lateness of the post and without further delay, here are this weeks predictions -

Aston Villa v Bolton

If you can forget Bolton's last two games (both beatings by Chelsea) they have actually been in quite a good run of form. On the surface it seems like they don't score enough but it's actually at the other end were the Trotters problems lie with only Burnley, Blackburn and Hull having conceded more....... Not exactly the kind of company you want to be keeping!

Villa on the other hand have really not been setting the world on fire and are actually winless in their last four games since beating Chelsea. I think that run comes to an end on Saturday, they are due a win and Bolton I think will still be suffering from the tonkings Chelsea gave them.

Football Guy's verdict 2-1

Blackburn v Portsmouth

I think I've got a good feel for what sort of team Pompey are and that is a team that is better than what their league position suggests and would be a lot further up the table if they had a decent striker.

Now as for Blackburn, I'm still not sure. They've looked pretty poo of late, but then again they have had to play Arsenal, Chelsea and United recently. I think I'll have all the answers I need after this match.

Football Guy's verdict 2-1

Manchester City v Burnley

Check this out, Man City sit fourth in the league yet they have not won a league match since September......... How crazy is that?

OK maybe it's not that crazy, but it is quite strange you'd have to say? Anyway, City are well overdue a victory and what better team to come knocking at your door than one who might not be able to beat a pub team should it be away from home!

I think it will be a good weekend for the Blue half of Manchester.

Football Guy's verdict 3-0

Tottenham v Sunderland

Really not sure what to make of this one, Spurs generally have been good this season against teams outside the top three but then again lost last time out at home to Stoke and Sunderland are about as predictable "The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus".

I think I should employ a new rule which states that if I have no idea what the result will be, go with a draw!

Football Guy's verdict 1-1

Wolves v Arsenal

Incredibly, Wolves are unbeaten in their last three games. I genuinely didn't believe they could go three games without defeat in any competition but yet they have proved me wrong!

Well done Wolves, I'd savour it for as long as you can, because that run is coming to an abrupt end Saturday evening when the "goal machine" that is Arsenal comes rocking in to town!

I expect a beating and anything less than three goals for the Gunners will be considered failure!

Football Guy's verdict 0-3

Hull v Stoke

Stoke have pissed me off in my predictions the last two weeks so I'm going to back them to lose this week out of spite!

But putting vendettas aside for just one moment, as mentioned earlier in the post, I today almost lost my job........ It was a scary thought being unemployed this close to Christmas and I'm relieved to not be on the dole line. Anyway, this experience has made me realize that I should not be rooting for Phil Brown to get sacked as that would be wrong. So Phil, I'm really sorry and hope you keep your job.......... Instead die of skin cancer you sunbed loving twat!

Football Guy's verdict 2-1

West Ham v Everton

Bleeeargh...... I'm not really high on either team at the moment, although West Ham did get a much needed win Wednesday night. It was actually their first win at home all season long and considering Everton are looking like a right mess at the moment I'm going to say The Hammers make it back to back wins.

PS, these pictures of Katy Perry also swayed my mind......... I hate Russell Brand!

Football Guy's verdict 2-1

Wigan v Fulham

Ladies and Gentlemen, may I present your Gameweek 12 winner of the "Most un-interesting game of the week" award!

Football Guy's verdict 2-2

Chelsea v Manchester United

Right, I think Chelsea make a big statement this week..... A BIG STATEMENT!

This United team fully fit for me is still a pale comparison to the ones of the last few years, now throw in the problems they have at the back and your asking for trouble and this Chelsea side are not the team I'd like to meet when not at the top of my game.

Don't be shocked when you see United crushed on Sunday, just remember you heard it here fisrt!

Football Guy's verdict 3-0

Liverpool v Birmingham

Right Liverpool, you have two options -

1) Win this game and start to get your season back on track

2) Fail to win this game and be killed by the media (figuratively) and by your fans (literally).

As Master Yoda once said - "Do or do not, there is no try" and for Liverpool there can only be one result.

Football Guy's verdict 2-0

The Rest

Right, first off here are the Footy Doc's predictions -

Aston Villa 2v1 Bolton

Blackburn 2v0 Portsmouth

Man City 4v1 Burnley

Tottenham 3v1 Sunderland

Wolves 1v4 Arsenal

Hull City 1v0 Stoke City

West Ham 0v1 Everton

Wigan 2v0 Fulham

Chelsea 2v1 Man Utd

Liverpool 3v1 Birmingham

Next up we have JamrockRover - 

Aston Villa 2 - 1 Bolton

Blackburn 2 - 1 Portsmouth

Man City 3 - 0 Burnley

Tottenham 2 - 2 Sunderland

Wolves 1 - 4 Arsenal

Hull City 1 - 2 Stoke City

West Ham 2 - 1 Everton

Wigan 1 - 1 Fulham

Chelsea 2 - 1 Man Utd

Liverpool 3 - 0 Birmingham

And finally,  the SportBoys -

Aston Villa 2 v Bolton 1

Blackburn 2 v Portsmouth 2

Man City 3 v Burnley 0

Tottenham 2 v Sunderland 1

Wolves 0 v Arsenal 3

Hull City 1 v Stoke City 1

West Ham 2 v Everton 1

Wigan 2 v Fulham 1

Chelsea 3 v Man Utd 0

Liverpool 2 v Birmingham 0

Oh, and here are Lawro's as well - LINK

The End

Have a wonderful weekend, take care,

Football Guy