Hi and hello football fans, no time to dispense with the regular pleasantries as I have a lot to cover and very little time to do it all in.

There was supposed to be a Monday Hangover column yesterday but unfortunately I was otherwise engaged stuck in South London (those of you who know me know how much I hate South London). On the Sunday I had gone to a 70's vs 80's BBQ (original I know).

As you can see in the picture to your Left I had decided to go as 70's Italian football player and had a very good time talking with 80's punk rock guy who you can see there and Magnum PI/Ray Liotta guy who I don't have a picture of.

Anyway, as the day turned in to night I got more and more drunk and decided I kinda could not be bothered to leave so I used a little charm (as much as a drunk Croatian masquerading as an 70's Italian could have) and managed to share a bed with a girl who lived near by and basically woke up there the next morning with a big hangover........... So that's my excuse why everything I wanted to to over two days will no be crammed in to one big portion.

So anyway, let's get started -

As you know I am hosting a predictions league here on the site between me, JamrockRover, The SportBoys and the Footy Doc.

Oh and Lawro of course

The scoring system is simple -

Perfect Result = 30pts

Correct Result = 10pts

Wrong Result = -10pts

So the table after the first round of games looks as follows-

                          PR       CR      WR      PTS

SportsBoys        3          4         3        100    

Jamrock             2          3         5         40

Footy Doc          2          2         6          20

Lawro                1          3         6          0 

Football Guy      0          5         5          0

So not the best start for your old pal the Football Guy but never fear people, there's a long long way to go.

Fantasy Premier League

Due to time constraints at my end I will not be going over the fantasy stuff from this weekend, but don't worry, all what happens midweek will be covered in the Thursday Hangover.

Midweek Preview

There are six Premier League games this week with the first two being played tonight and the other four on Wednesday.

Sunderland v Chelsea

Both Sunderland and Chelsea got the results they wanted on Saturday, although I'm not sure the manner of either teams win was particularly impressive.

The early talk is about how narrow Chelsea are looking and whilst that is true I think there has to be a bit of slack allowed for the team to get used to the formation. Some might argue that's what pre season is for but I say they are practice matches and you won't know how good you really are until you've played at least  4/5 league games.

Football Guy's verdict 1-2

Wigan v Wolves

Rodallega...... How many of you guys out there had him in your fantasy team to start the season? Well since the weekend almost 40,000 people extra have him in their teams now!

I really didn't see the Wigan/Villa result coming and Roberto Martinez could not have hoped for a better start. He now has the perfect opportunity keep that form up with what should be a home win against Wolves.

Football Guy's verdict 2-1

Birmingham v Portsmouth

I don't want to go too over the top here as it's only the second game of the season, but I feel this is a massive game for Pompey.

If they were to get turned over easily at St Andrews I could see a nose dive developing, although since that would mean their season is yet to get off the ground I might have to re-think my metaphores.

Either way, they need a performance a that's not going to be easy.

Football Guy's verdict 1-1

Burnley v Manchester United

Burnley got rolled over at Stoke on the weekend and will most likely get rolled over on Wednesday by a United side who, if not inspiring, have been effective.

Burnley really do have a horrible start to the season, after this they host Everton then they go to Stamford Bridge and Anfield............. Footballing God's are defo not on their side!

United should be fine in this one, but with Arsenal coming up at the end of the month they are going to need their first team defenders back pronto!

Football Guy's verdict 0-2

Hull v Tottenham

I'm not sure if Hull were good at Stamford Bridge on Saturday or were Chelsea just poor? I could say the same for Spurs on Sunday too.........

Anyway both teams should be happy with the way they played on the weekend (even if Hull might like to change the score) and will be looking to keep that momentum going on Wednesday.

Last season Spurs beat Liverpool at home, but lost the Hull away and to be fair...... That's like milking a cow and then kicking over the bucket when your done!

Football Guy's verdict 1-1

Liverpool v Stoke

Liverpool look poor on Sunday that's a fact. Are Liverpool out of the title race, that's not a fact! But if you read certain websites and newspapers you'd think the Reds were now going finish mid table and Rafa should be sacked......... So no over reaction?!?!?

I expect a rousing Anfield crowd pn Wednesday and an inspired performance from Boxing champ Stevie G!! Fantasy captain anyone?

Football Guy's verdict 3-1

The Rest

JamrockRover -

Sunderland 1-2 Chelsea

Wigan 2-0 Wolves

Birmingham 1-0 Portsmouth

Burnley 0-2 Man Utd

Hull City 1-1 Tottenham

Liverpool 3-0 Stoke City

The Footy Doc -

Sunderland 0 v 1 Chelsea

Wigan2 v 1 Wolves

Birmingham1 v1 Portsmouth

Burnley1 v 2 Man Utd

Hull City 2 v 0 Tottenham

Liverpool 3 v0 Stoke City

The SportBoys -

Sunderland 1-1 Chelsea

Wigan 3-1 Wolves

Birmingham 1-0 Portsmouth

Burnley 1v3 Man Utd

Hull City 1v2 Tottenham

Liverpool 3v0 Stoke City

Lawro Results

LINK

Back on Thursday

See you Thursday guy's with a hangover column covering all the midweek action and some fantasy talk.

Take care

Football Guy

Hi and hello football fans it's your old pal Roko the Football Guy, whats going down? I hope all is well wherever you are! There is a party atmosphere here in the broom closet at Football Guy towers for it's the Friday before the season start, or "Season Starts Eve"!

I have to say I'm super excited - Happy happy, Joy Joy!!!

So as readers of the blog last season know, every week before the games are played me and Lawro from the BBC go head to head in a battle of wits to see who is better at predicting the scores of the Premiership and therefore the guy who deserves to have a contract with the BBC.......... Well last season I didn't just beat Lawro, but I kicked his ass so bad that for a while I was worried he was going to send round the two Alan's, Hansen and Shearer for some pay-back........ But then I realized they probably don't care for him very much and therefore I had very little to worry about.

Well anyway, since I proved last term that Lawro is no match for my predicting powers I had to search hi and low for some competition and have found it in the form of Mr JamrockRover who was kind enough to send me his predictions as was The Footy Doc,  although those cads the Sportboys are yet to send me theirs which makes me think they want to get a good look at everyone predictions first....... Cheats!!!

As always, I have not looked at Lawro's or anyone else's predictions (I'm an honest guy!)

Fot Lawro's prediction LINK

And here we go!

Chelsea v Hull

The Football Guy's preseason favorites should get off to a good start with quite an easy fixture here in GW 1.

For those of you with Frank Lampard in your fantasy team I would recommend picking him as captain as he should do well!

Chelsea fixture wise have got a pretty good run up until October and will need to take full advantage of it starting with a win tomorrow against Phil Orange and his boys

Football Guy's verdict 3-0

Aston Villa v Wigan

Tough opening game for new Wigan boss Roberto Martinez, although saying that most away games should be tough for Wigan.

I don't really think Villa have bought well this summer and it seems to me that they are weaker than last season.

If they are to get back in to Europe next term they might find it easier to win the Europa League than do it though a high league place.

Football Guy's verdict 2-1

Blackburn v Manchester City

According to Rover's player David Dunn, Blackburn are going to "Kick lumps out of the City stars"

Although to be fair he does say -

"It's important we do our best and kick lumps out of them - fairly of course,"

How do you kick lumps out of someone fairly? Really???

I guess I should not expect any better from a team managed by Fat Sam.

Football Guy's verdict 1-2

Bolton v Sunderland

OK, this is the first fixture of the season I could not give two hoots about......... Well alright, I do kind of what to see how Steve Bruce does in his first game in charge....

Just so you know, I think Darren Bent could go on to have a good season at Sunderland and wouldn't it be funny if he should score more goals in the league than any other Spurs striker? I say YES!!

Football Guy's verdict 1-1

Everton v Arsenal

Everton Summer signings = 0

Arsenal Summer signings = 1

So basically both teams are the same and since as last season this game finished 1-1, that's what I should go for?

Well Arsenal do have Dudu back and the last time he went to Goodison he help Arsenal overturn a Halftime 1-0 deficit into a 4-1 win thanks to two splendid goals...... Here's hoping for more of the same....... Not hopeing enough though.....

Football Guy's verdict 1-1

Portsmouth v Fulham

Fulham had a lot of plus points last season......... Away form was not one of them.

Pompey didn't have a lot of plus points last season and any they had have been promptly sold.

I'm stuck between Pompey being crap and Fulham being crap away....... I was going to say 1-1 but I have to many of those already!

Football Guy's verdict 0-2

Stoke v Burnley

Stoke v Anti-Stoke? That's how I see this one, the Boxer v the Puncher and for those of you who have seen the Rocky films as many times as I have...... The puncher seems to win.

This could easily be the opening fixture for next season Championship, I'm hoping it won't be.

To be fair I would quite like to watch this game, although finding a good steam for it could be too much hassle.

Football Guy's verdict 2-1

Wolves v West Ham

Mick McCarthy, the end starts here......... Unless Ebanks-Blake become the new Andy Cole (the Newcastle version).

Carlton Cole impressed me midweek when he came on against the Dutch, he's been impressing me quite a bit over the last 12 months or so........ If he keeps it up he might even break in to my fantasy football team!

Football Guy's verdict 2-2

Manchester United v Birmingham

How nice would this fixture have looked last season fantasy wise with C-Ron in your team?

No all it looks like to me is 3pts for United.

The only case I can make for Birmingham is that United have started quite poorly over the last few seasons.......... Hope that fills you with confidence City fans!!

Football Guy's verdict 3-0

Tottenham v Liverpool

I feel that Liverpool owe Spurs some sort of payback for last season.

Not only did Spurs knock Liverpool out of the League Cup, but they also beat them at the Lane in the league inflicting the first of Liverpool's only two defeats that season.

To be fair Liverpool should have crushed them in the league encounter, but alas for them, whatever evil gods Spurs fans pray to were on their side that day.

Football Guy's verdict 1-2

The rest

Right first off here are the Footy Doc's predictions -

Chelsea 2 V 1 Hull City

Aston Villa 2 V 0 Wigan 

Blackburn 1 V 0 Man City 

Bolton 0 V 0 Sunderland

Portsmouth 1 V 1 Fulham 

Stoke City 3 V 0 Burnley

Wolves 1 V 1 West Ham

Everton 1 V 2 Arsenal

Man Utd 1 V 0 Birmingham 

Tottenham 1 V 3 Liverpool

Next up we have JamrockRover - 

Chelsea 4-0 Hull City

Aston Villa 2-1 Wigan

Blackburn 1-1 Man City

Bolton 1-1 Sunderland

Portsmouth 0-1 Fulham

Stoke City 2-0 Burnley

Wolves 2-2 West Ham

Everton 1-2 Arsenal

Man Utd 3-0 Birmingham

Tottenham 1-2 Liverpool

And finally, like the mooks they are I have received the SportBoys predictions -

Chelsea 4-0 Hull

Aston Villa 2-1 Wigan

Blackburn 2-1 Manchester City

Bolton 0-1 Sunderland

Everton 1-2 Arsenal

Portsmouth 0-1 Fulham

Stoke 2-0 Burnley

Wolverhampton 1-1 West Ham

Man Utd 2-0 Birmingham

Tottenham 3-2 Liverpool




So there you have it, let the best man win, good luck and all that other bull crap!

Take care 

Football Guy

Hi and hello Football fans, it's your old pal Roko the Football Guy, whats going down? I hope all is well wherever you are! I've been in a state of limbo these last few days........ As regular readers of the blog will know I quite often moan about lack of sleep or feeling tired (I sleep really poorly). Well since Thursday night I've really been struggling sleepwise and I'm starting to feel like Ed Norton in Fight Club which not a good thing............ Things got so bad that I had to take Monday off work because I was such a zombie I was scared I would start attacking people in my office. Well thankfully I managed to catch some Zzzz last night a feel relatively refreshed today, but I still might start a fight with myself in my bosses office if things continue like this!

Anyway, I'd like to apologise for my lack of activity on the blog over the last week and I;m hoping things will get back to normal now the season is upon us.

Before I get to the Power Ranking I would like to address a few readers questions and other issues -

Darren Wrote: | 10.36BST | Aug 6, 2009

16th - Hull

I would be quite happy to see the Tiger go down as long as they have Phil Orange in charge, unfortunately I think they might survive and that will mean the Tango Man keeps his job.

I could understand Phil's horrid tan a lot more if he said something like this -

"The team plays in Orange, so I shall be Orange too"

One can only hope.

The Looking over my Shoulder divison 15th - 11th

Those teams who should be safe but should keep an eye out on what's going on behind them.

15th - Wigan

Maybe I'm making a big mistake here, but I think Roberto Martinez will do OK.

I've instantly regretted writing that last line.

Martinez could well become this seasons Paul Ince - Good at lower leagues - Poo in the Prem.

Give it a month and I'm sure Wigan will be in the previous section.

14th - Bolton

Bolton will be the team we think they are and what they have been since Megson took over.

Your not going have a lot of fun this year Bolton fans........ But at least you wont go down.

13th - Stoke

Home form, Home Form and some more ......... You guessed it, HOME FORM.

That was the backbone of Stoke City last season and if they can repeat that then they should be fine.

Pullis has turned Stoke in to quite an effective team, might not be pretty to watch but they get the job done.

12th - Blackburn

I expect Fat Sam to keep Blackburn up. I expect Blackburn to be disliked. I expect Blackburn to be dirty.

It will be interesting to see if Benni McCarthy has a bounce back season and I from a personal note will be looking at how well Nikola Kalinic does in his first season in the Premiership.

11th - Fulham

I have a lot of questions about Fulham this season -

Will Europe effect them?

Will their defense be as good as last season?

Will Murphy be as good as he was last season?

I guess I will have to wait and see.

The your Season ended in August division 10th - 9th

No highs or lows

 

10th - Sunderland

I think most regular readers know I quite like Steve Bruce and I will be rooting for him to do well.

I expect him to sort things out at the Stadium of Light and their defenders could be quite good value fantasy wise.

9th - West Ham

West Ham wont have much to shout about this year, they are pretty much the benchmark for 16 out of the 20 teams in the league - Am I better or worse than West Ham

If better than you should have a good season!

West Ham do have to interesting Fantasy Football sleepers in Savio and Jimenez, keep an eye out for those two!

The Europa League division 8th - 5th

I think you can guess what this means

8th - Aston Villa

Villa have lost Martin Laurson and Gareth Barry this off season and have replaced neither.

They have though bought Stuart Downing (out until November) and 19 year old Fabian Delph........... Oh and Habib Beye, always a good idea to buy defenders from a team that went down.

Villa's squad is still to small for my liking and I think the same problems that affected them last year will pop up again.

7th - Tottenham Hotspur

Spurs have made some interesting signing this off season -

Bassong - See Habib Beye.

Peter Crouch - I don't mind Peter Crouch if he is your 3rd choice striker but if he's your first choice where are you going?

If Spurs can get off to a good start (something that's cost their last two managers their jobs) then they should have a good season.

6th - Everton

Moyes did a great job last season without any real strikers. SO now that they have Saha and Blakubu back from injury and Jo for a whole season things should be better right?

Moyes does though have some worries, Fellaini's fitness. Apparently Skreech has lost a lot of weight due to a virus which beg's the question - How much does he weight now? Because he was hardly a heavyweight to start with!

5th - Manchester City

This song is all you need to know about City.

Do I think City's cash will lead to a league title? Yes!

But not this season.

The Big Four division 4th - 1st

Same as it ever was.

4th - Arsenal

Despite my prediction of 4th I do think the Gunners could have a good season but they need a few things to fall in place first -

Better defense

One out of Arshavin, RVP and Eduardo has to score a 20+ goals in the league (hopefully all three)

Might be short of players and Center back and Def-Mid if hit with injuries.

3rd - Manchester United

Unlike me in Fantasy Football Sir Alex will not be getting a fouth league title in a row this season and you can quote me on that!

I don't care what anyone thinks, losing C-Ron is going to be to big of a blow.

They will be there or there abouts but C-Ron has pushed them over the edge in the last couple of seasons and I don't see Rooney, Berba or Owen doing the same.

2nd - Liverpool

Sorry Liverpool fans, make that 20 years without a league title.

They did really well last season and still came short and I think they are weaker now they have lost Alonso.

But still, I would not rule them out and as you can see I think they have a better chance than United which must mean something right?

1st - Chelsea

This is by no means a forgone conclusion. I have questions about Chelsea -

How will the 4-4-2 diamond work?

What happens if Drogba or Anelka miss a lot of the season?

Is Petr Cech even in the top four best keeper in the Premiership anymore?

Is being that one year older going to effect some a few of their key players?

I think on the whole the top four are weaker and right now my money would be on Chelsea but remember it's August............ There's still a lot of football to be played yet.

Take care

Football Guy 

Hi and hello football fans, it's your old pal Roko the Football Guy, whats going down? I hope all is well wherever you are! Things are a  little messed up here in the broom closet at Football Guy Towers. For starters it's early August and I'm at home in London...... Usually I'm off on Holiday in early August and end up missing the beginning of the season so I guess that wont be a problem this year, on the other hand though, instead of being in a beach side bar somewhere hot I'm stuck in a office in muggy overcast London......... Boo.

Also had some issues with the Football Dad this weekend who was taken to hospital with chest pains after exercising too hard......... Don't worry, he's fine, but it goes to show that exercise will kill you sooner than you think........ Or is it because he smokes a lot? I don't know, but either way it's been a slight distraction to say the least.

Anyway, I'm sure you don't wont to hear me moan about personal stuff and would much rather read me moaning about real stuff....... Like Football!

Fergie writes off Liverpool

Sir Alex has had a lot to say this summer, in fact he's been running his mouth off more often than a gangster rapper does when he writes a song to diss a fellow artist (he better be careful as there might be as drive-by at Old Trafford soon)

This off season he's called Manchester City a small club, question Arsenal's finances (despite his team only spending 1/4 of the money they got for C-Ron) and today according to the Sun he has said Liverpool have no chance of winning the league.

Maybe he's scared he's team wont have what it takes now that C-Ron has left....... Maybe he's bored and feels he needs to run his mouth? Whatever the reason he does go on to say one really strange thing in the article in the Sun -

"It has to be Chelsea as the main threat. Ancelotti will change how they play."

"They will play the Milan way. It brought him two European Cups - it should have been three, because they should never have lost to Liverpool. So why should he change?"

Now whilst he is right, Milan could well have won three European Cups under Ancelotti, they only won ONE league title under him and considering Fergie is talking about how Ancelotti will improve Chelsea in the league talking about Ancelotti's European record is slightly moot if you ask me.

 

Rooney and his Vacuum Cleaner

Sticking with United, The Daily Star reports that Wayne Rooney is apparently being attacked by a Ghost that keeps turning his Vacuum Cleaner on and off during the night.......... WOW....... Why would you tell anyone this?

Collen goes on to say -

“If it was the spirit of someone I knew, I would quite like it if they came to visit.”

Now I have a theory on who it may be.

Remember when Rooney got busted for going to that brothel where he banged that old lady? Well she was by all accounts an "Old Lady" so I'm thinking she kicked the bucket and now in the afterlife is pining for some Rooney love......... Either that or she's trying to tell him his house is a mess.

Xabi Alonso to Real

How did Xabi go from unwanted a year ago (well other than by Arsenal who could not stump up the cash) to this £30m luxury item?

Real and their silly money have made Xabi this summers most expensive central midfielder and I'm not sure he's worth it. Don't get me wrong, I think he's a very good player but not a £30m player. How much does that mean Cesc is worth who for me is a better player and is five years younger?

It will be interesting to see who Liverpool bring in to replace him as they will need to if they have any sort of aspirations of breaking their 20 year wait for a league title.

Just so you know, I  don't think Lee Catermole is the answer.

Football Guy losing love for Croatia

Now as some of you might know, I'm quite a passionate Croatia fan due to both my parents being from there. But I'm starting to really hate quite a few members of the national team.

It all started last summer with Corluka and Modric going to Tottenham......... As far as I'm concerned they are dead to me. But now bright young forward Nikola Kalinic has sign for Blackburn for a fee of up to £12m which means he teams up with the 2nd most hated manager in the Premiership (yes 2nd as Phil Brown is still at Hull).

If this trend keeps up I might just have to boycott international Football altogether............ But to be fair since I don't think Croatia will get to next summers World Cup I think that will be what pushes me over the edge.

10 days to go!

That's right football fans, we are only 10 days away from the start of the season..... WOOHOO!!!!

So with that in mind on Friday I will be releasing the first Power Rankings of the new season.

Basically if you don't know what that is, go through my archive to find some from last season or just wait until Friday and all will be revealed.

Till then

Take care

Football Guy

Thanks to Daniel for reminding me to let you know the fantasy league I'm talking about. It's the Official Fantasy Premier League

So here we are, nearly at the end of this Fantasy Football trilogy + one. 

In Part One we covered the "must haves" and the "have not"

In Part Two we covered the defence and goalkeepers

In Part Three we covered the plan for filling the rest of your midfield and attack with affordable/useful players.

In Part Four we will be looking at the general strategies for the season. How to pick your Captain, when to use your Wild Card, Double-Bubble's (I'll explain that in a bit) and so on.

So let's get the ball rolling........

Captain Choice

This is most probably the most important decision you will make each week for your fantasy team as your Captain will score double the amount of point he would normally score and over the course of the season will really determine how well you do.

In Part One we talked about the must haves, players like Lampard and Gerrard, players who most weeks will come up with a goal, assist or some bonus points and players who you need in your team to be Captain.

I remember a few seasons ago I had C-Ron as Captain when they crushed Newcastle. I believe C-Ron scored three, assisted one and got three bonus points which worked out to 21 points but since he was my captain you double it so he scored 42pts. Now basically any score in the 40's is a decent score for the week for your whole team (decent, not great). Now if one player out of your staring 11 scores close to 40pts as captain you can pretty much guarantee your going to have a good week and that's why captain choice is so important.

The basic premise for deciding who will be your captain is this - Your best player Vs the weakest opposition. 

If Chlesea are playing United away and Liverpool are playing Wolves at home you should probably go with Gerrard as captain not Lampard (presuming that you have both). It's a percentages game, Gerrard is more likely to have a better game against Wolves then Lampard is against Man Utd.

Up until this season though you had to worry about your captain maybe being rested by his manager, Gerrard would often be rested by Rafa before a big European game against lesser opposition so you would have to way up the gamble of if he would play or not. This season that's not a problem as you have a back up captian. I'm not totally happy with this rule change as it takes away a bit of the skill from picking the right captain, but oh well.

Your back up captain is decided by either your most expensive player or the most inform player, I'd still predominantly go with most expensive.

Double-Bubble

The Double-Bubble is a term coined by my friend and reader of this blog (although he has not commented in a while) The man from Leeds.

It refers to when two or more teams play twice in the same game week due to fixture rearrangement. They are a great way for you to make some serious ground in you league as if you have any players from a team playing twice in the same gameweek they will score points for two games and everyone else we score for just their one.

Basically look at the league table, if a team has a game in hand, find out when they will be playing it and start to look for way to bring in a player or two from that team. If you have quite a few players playing twice in a game week you can really score some massive points. I remember my highest ever points totally for one game week was 119pts helped buy me having Stevie G as captain and over the two games he scored me 27pts but as he was my captain it doubled to 54pts + I had quite a few other players who played twice as well.

Be careful though not to bring in to many average players just because they will be playing twice for one weel, you will still have them in your team next week and it could disrupt your team for weeks to come.

Transfers + Injuries

Keep an eye out for players who are playing well and not in your team, don't be scared to make a change. But be careful though as players value's change over the course of the season. If let's you have Fernando Torres and he has been playing really well for a couple of months and then he gets injured and will miss three games, do you transfer him out for the next three games?

Well lets say his value has gone up by .6m and you have had him from that start of the season, that would mean his value to buy back would be £12.1m but the problem is that if you own a player who's value has gone up when you sell them you sell for only have of what they went up for. So you would be selling Torres for £11.8m but buying him back for £12.1m. Make sure you will have enough money to bring him back in if you want to get rid of him!

Wild Card

Each week you can make one transfer for free (every aditional transfer will cost you 4pts).

This season you can stockpile transfers - E.G. if one week you don't make a transfer you get two the next, but you can never make more than two for free.

So basically if you don't like your team it can take you quite a few weeks or a lot of points to change this around, that's where the wild card come in.

Once a season you can play the Wold Card and change your team around as much as you like. It's basically like pre season all over again.

The problem with the Wild Card is that too many people are scared of using it, they feel they should save it till later in the season......... I say use it when you need to!

The best example I can give you was last season. I was on holiday for the three weeks leading up to the start of the season and therefore my team was not very good from the start and after three weeks I was about 100pts behind everyone in my league. I knew I had to change things fast so I played my Wild Card in week four.......... I became the laughing stock of my league (despite winning it the past two seasons) People were saying stuff like "The Football Guy has lost it" "He's gone mad!" and "only a fool would use his Wild Card so early". Well three weeks later I believe I was top of the league and went on to win it for the 3rd season running.......... Who's the fool now?

The point is to use your Wild Card when you need to. If your team stinks use it, that's what it's there fore!

General Stuff

This four part preview has been designed to build you a team that will do well, to build you a team the way I build and play the game. It's worked very well for me over the years and if you combind the four parts hopefully it will work well for you too.

The basic premise is big hitters and cheapo numbers men, that's how I play.

But remember, fantasy football is ultimately about having FUN!!!!

There is no law that say my way will work for you. The way I play has done well for me but maybe wont work for you. Make sure above all else that YOU are happy with YOUR team because after all....... YOU will be the guy playing with it for the next 10 months.

I hope this info will prove of benefit to anyone who reads it and I hope everyone who is playing with me in a league enjoys the competition and has some fun.......... That's what it's all about right?

So my friends, use what advice you need from me and if you are up against be in a league......... Get ready for the beating of your life from yours truly!

Take care

Football Guy

Thanks to Daniel for reminding me to let you know the fantasy league I'm talking about. It's the Official Fantasy Premier League

So with Part One and Part Two in the books it's time to move on to........ That's right, Part Three!

In Part One we looked at the "Must Haves" and "Have Not".

In Part Two we looked at building a defense and who to buy in goal.

Now presuming you have followed parts one and two you are now going to need to fill the remaining spots in midfield and attack.

We'll start with the men in the middle.

Midfield

The most important thing to remember with buying midfielders is that - "Good in real life does not mean good in fantasy!"

I really can't understand the people who bring in good defensive midfielders for about £6-7.5m..... They are great in real football but in fantasy do don't do enough to justify there price. In fact the best defensive Midfielder last season was Phil Neville who scored 140pts but considering he was counted as a defender on Fantasy Premier League the bulk of his points came from clean sheets, something players counted as midfielders get a lot less of.

Let's say for expample you have Lampard, Arshavin and Ashley Young as three of your midfield 5. Now you are not going to be able to spend big bucks on the last two guys because you need the cash elsewhere. But don't worry, the idea is that Lampard, Arshavin and Young score the big points in your midfield, so just make sure the other two guys are cheap and play. The point is that -

A. These guys need to be cheap to allow you to spend money elsewhere

B. All they need to do is play, a crap, cheap midfielder can score about 80-100 points just by playing each week and that's all you really need from these guys.

C. Don't buy a defensive midfielder unless he's dirt cheap or really, really, really worth it.

The midfield ultimately should be where most of your transfer budget is spent. Some people prefer to go with 5 guys in the £7-9.5m range, I prefer to go with 2/3 big guns and the rest cheap.

Corners, Free Kick's or Penalties

Do make sure when you are looking at who to bring in that you check what they do for their club. Someone who takes a clubs corners is more likely to have a few more assists over the course of the season than a player who does not.

The same applies to Penalties and Free Kick's except were talking about goals now instead. Gareth Barry added a lot of points to his season totals each year at Villa because he was their main Penalty taker plus took his fair share of corners and free kicks, will he take as many at Manchester City? I'm not so sure he will.

Midfielder who's really a striker.

Also, keep an eye out for these guys. C-Ron was the best example - He basically played upfront for United but was classed as a midfielder and my argument to those who say "No he is a midfielder and didn't play upfront" is - In what way then has Rooney been sacrificed these last few seasons? Because if C-Ron was playing in the midfield he would not be encroaching on Rooney territory as a forward.

Anyway, I'm getting off point. All I'm trying to say is that each season there are guys like this, some better than others.

Recommendations
 

Here are a few recommendations for cheapo's

Seb Larsson - Birmingham - £5m

Last time Seb was in the Premiership he scored 118 points with Birmingham and I expect him to do the same this year. 

As far as I'm aware Seb takes corners and free kicks for Birmingham!

Fabrice Muaba - Bolton - £4.5m

At £4.5m he's in the cheapest price bracket you can get for a midfielder. Last two seasons he's scored about 80 or so points which sounds crap but so what? He plays for Bolton pretty much every game and for you he should be no better than you 5th best midfielder which means he will be on the bench at all times, but if he needs to come on for whatever reason at least you know he will pick you up a couple of points which is all you should really expect from a 5th midfielder.

Birmingham, Burnley and Wolves

We know at Birmingham Seb Larsson is the main man, but find out who those guys are at the newly promoted teams.

Look how well a player like Giovanni did for newly promoted Hull last year, if you find the new Giovanni before everyone else he will be cheaper for you.

Attack

The first thing I would say about you attack is, NEVER HAVE TWO GUY FROM THE SAME TEAM IN YOUR ATTACK!

Right, glad I got that out.

It's was a very poor year fantasy wise for front men last term with only ONE player scoring more than 150pts. I would expect that to change this season.

Strikers can be a trick proposition and an expensive waist of time since their price tag is often determined by their reputation and who they play for.

Take a look at Wayne Rooney (Someone who I think will do great this year) the last two seasons he's cost £12m and £11m and neither time has he broken through the 150pts mark......... That's a lot of dosh to blow on such a little return in points.

Michael Owen

As of today, he is the second most selected Striker in the game behind Fernando Torres........... And he's not going to be starting most of the games he plays........... 

Don't get me wrong, should something happen to Berbatov or Rooney then every man and his dog will bring in Owen, but until that happens your going to be paying £8.5m for a guy who will be coming of the bench more often than not.

Stratagy

Personally, because of the way I've built my teams over the years I've usually gone with one expensive striker, one medium price and one cheap. I've found it works best.

But if you've blown your transfer budget on MID and DEF there's still value to be had.

Agbonlahor is priced at a cool £8.5m but unlike Owen he will be playing week in week out. I'd love Tevez at the same price as Agbonlahor but like Owen, I can't guarentee he will be first choice. Which means if you want a City striker I'd go with Robinho, he's got more to work with this season and I think it will show in his points total.

I love Beattie or Ricardo Fuller from Stoke for £6m and I think both will have solid seasons. I like Doyle and Ebanks-Blake at Wolves (Even though I'm sure they will go down) £5m.

Carlton Cole was good value last season but at £7m I don't think I will be buying him this time around.

The most important thing you need to remember with your strike force is don't be afraid to change them. Strikers go in and out of form during the course of the season and it's up to you to identify them.

Tomorrow

Tomorrow we will look at stuff like captain choices, wild cards and general stratagy.

Take care

Football Guy

Thanks to Daniel for reminding me to let you know the fantasy league I'm talking about. It's the Official Fantasy Premier League

Right, in part one we looked at the must haves (and have not). The haves all came from Midfield and Attack and the two or three of them that you put in your team will be your money men in more ways than just price. But now you need to back them up with some "meat and drink" your defence and goalkeepers.

A well thought out DEF and GK can turn an average week in to a good week, a good week in to a great week and good team in to a league winning team. You probably wont lose a fantasy league based on your DEF and GK (lack of good captain choice and big points scores will do that) but they sure can help you win.

Now because you have spent quite a large portion of your transfer budget on your must haves it means you have to think carefully about who you pick up at the back. You probably wont be able to afford the likes of Vidic and Lescott in your side but that's OK. I have owned Vidic in the past but I have never ever had Lescott and I've never finished worse than in the top 20,000 (out of over 1.5m) and in fact the last two seasons I've been 6000 and 3000 (pretty good right?).

The fact is that players like Vidic and Lescott score well but ultimately stop you from affording the real players you need. And remember, If Vidic is keeping a clean sheet, so our the rest of the DEF and GK of United and that's the key, find the cheapest DEF of United, Liverpool or Chelsea and put them in. 

For example - Last season I started with Evra but when he get injured £5.5m John O'Shea came in to my team and he scored over a hundred points. Alex and Chelsea was another great example of that last season.

The point is you can compensate for the lack of the Vidic's and Terry's and Lescott's buy picking up the cheap guy who plays with them. Instead of £7m Lescott who last season scored 172 points I had £6m pound Phil Neville who scored 140, plus Lescott's value rose a lot last season, where as Neville's didn't which means that he was affordable whenever you decided to bring him in (Phil Neville is classed as a MID this season).

Now I would say that you need two/three big four DEF (don't worry about GK, I'll come to that) and then two/three cheapo's. The cheapo's are the guys like the Fulham players last season. Picking them before the season starts is always quite hard but no problem, you can always buy them a few weeks in to the season as they will still be cheapo's.

Anyway, here are a few recommendations.

BIG FOUR

Arsenal

I usually steer clear of Arsenal DEF as they are unreliable, and this season everyone who looks like they will be first team is £6.5m, not great considering that only Toure, Clichy and Sagne just about broke the 100 point mark last season.

But if you look closely, Alex Song is classed as a DEF this season and at £5.5m would be a steal. Now a lot of this is down to if he plays in the first team, but remember he does not need to be play in defense for Arsenal, he just has to play FULL STOP.

Now, should Wenger not bring in a defensive midfielder this summer, Song might well be the man to partner Cesc in the middle and instantly make him worth a lot more in fantasy than his £5.5m suggests!

I know that's a lot of if's and but's but to be fair, I'd steer clear of the Gunner's DEF unless Song is playing.

Chelsea

Anyone following my master plan might find it hard to afford any Chelsea DEF this season as all the first teamers are a minimum £7m. That's a lot of wonga.

But if you feel the need to go with one I'd look at their new signing Yuri Zhirkov.

Like Song he is classed as a midfielder, but unlike Song he is of the attacking sense and will be playing on Chelsea's left wing, which mean's goals and assist for a defender which make's fantasy owners very happy!

The problem is that at £7.5m he could be out of reach so I'd recommend if you are going to buy him do it before the season starts and see what happens. You can always sell him and bring in someone cheaper. But if you don't start with him and he plays well, you might be out of luck trying to bring him in later.

Liverpool

Last season you could have got good value out of Liverpool's full back as they were relatively cheep for a Big four team. This time round both Aurelio and Johnson are £7m or over and that make's them too expensive in my books.

So what you are going to have to do is take either Agger or Skertel. One of those two will partner Jamie C and CB and bring you in a steady stream of clean sheet points.

I;d go with Agger right now just because Skertel has an Injury, but keep your eye on the situation because Agger was almost sold last season and Skertel might well be a bargain at £6m.

Manchester United

The decision here is quite simple........... Who ever is first team right back is you man!

Problem is I don't know who that will be. It's between Neville, Rafael and Wes Brown with the first two being only £5.5m, so whoever it is should be in your first team.

I'd gamble with one of them and not worry about it, if you are wrong you can always bring in the other for pretty much the same price.

Plus with United, Rio seems to have a bad back which causes him to miss a couple of games at a time through the course of the season so keep your eyes open because £5.5m Johnny Evans will be the man coming in.

Big Four Injuries

As I said with Rio, look out for any injuries to first team big four DEF as it will mean bargains to be had!

DEF Cheapo's

The important thing to remember with these guys is that they don't really need to score you a lot of points as most weeks they will be on your bench. Just make sure they play first team and cost no more than £4.5m.

If you find this seasons Fulham then great, but if not don't worry as you can always bring them in later. 

As I said, don't worry to much about these guy's, they will be on your bench most weeks!

Just as a recommendation, I think Sunderland could have a decent season and their DEF could be quite good Cheapo's

Goalkeepers

I tend to not spend money on GK, mainly because I can't due to not have enough cash left because I've spent in elsewhere. But Cheapo Gk's can be good value as what they lose in clean sheets can be subsidized in Saves. Remember that you get a point for every three saves your keeper makes!

Last season you had three GK's within 30 points of the best GK all who cost £4.5m or less........ BTW the best points scoring GK last season was Schwarzer who started the season at £4m.

The only exception I'd make for spending good money on a fantasy GK would be if you want Petr Cech, because the rest of his DEF is so expensive one of your Top Four DEF could be him instead.

But what ever you do, make sure one of you GK's cost £4m otherwise you are wasting money as only one of them can play each week so whats the point having someone who cost more than the minimum on your bench?

Overview

So if you are following the master plan - So far you have two/three players from the must haves in part one.

Plus now you have out of the Seven players at the back (2 GK + 5 DF) you have three from the big four and the rest cheapo's and I hope you are not speading unnecessary money on they Cheapo bench players!

Tomorrow we will look at who is going to fill the reaming spots in you midfield and attack and then after that we will look at strategies.

But until then

Take care

Football Guy 

Edit -  Thanks to Daniel for reminding me to let you know the fantasy league I'm talking about. It's the Official Fantasy Premier League

It's never a good thing to spend too much time without any real Football. Clinical fact! I'm sure if you bothered to research it that more Football fans die in June/July than any other month due to withdrawal symptoms and boredom. It can get so bad that during really harsh summers (the one's without an International football tournament) that we start to convince ourselves that Cricket, Athletics and the Tour de France are really interesting and sometimes we even fool our brains into believing we care about the outcome, care about who's got the Yellow jersey, who's taken more wickets or who can pole volt the highest.

Really, when you think about it, all we are doing is supplementing our need for Football with mediocre replacements.......... Like the a heroin addict, we must not fill our bodies with crude, unpure filth.

If Football be our Heroin, then Cricket, Athletics nor the Tour de France will give us the same buzz we require. So what do us addicts who can't get enough of Football do during the "cold turkey" summer? Well, the Heroin junkie has Methadone and we have Fantasy Football.

That's right, Fantasy Football is the Football fans Methadone, it keeps us from stealing car stereo's, from mugging old ladies and from caring about who Lance Armstrong is!

But knowing what drung to use still does not mean you know how to use the drug properly! As proved in the movie Pulp Fiction, Uma Thurman a.k.a Mrs Mia Wallace, misused a drug and ended up needing John Travolta to stick a needled full of adrenaline in her heart on Eric Stoltz living room floor. Many people misuse Fantasy Football, they pick the wrong players, choose the wrong captains and in the end begin to blame the game for their lack of knowledge of Fantasy. They end up with mediocre points totals and find themselves flaming others who know what their doing, calling them Fantasy geeks and begin to hate what could be really fun and help them forget how bad their real life team is.

But never fear ladies and gentleman, for over the next couple of days I will be bestowing upon you some pointers on how to run a successful fantasy team, so you most of all have fun and don't need John Travolta to stick any needles in to your hearts!

The game plan

"Stars and Scrubs" that's the motto. Every year I see too many people fill their teams with players who are in the £7-£9.5m range. Your much better off having a team loaded with a few super expensive players and a bunch of cheepo's.

Trust me on this. I heard so many time last Season the C-Ron was too expensive and noway worth the money he cost. Those same people would rather have Luka Modric and Mikel Arteta in their team instead of C-Ron. Now, take a look at this -

Last Season

Modric -  139pts

Arteta -   129pts

C-Ron - I don't have his points total since he is not longer on fantasy football but I know he got at least 200

Right, so Modric and Arteta together out scored C-Ron, that means they are better right? WRONG! How many times did those same people pick Modric or Arteta as Captain? Probably not most of the time where as the guy who had C-Ron probably had him as Captain at least half of the games he played so that would bump up C-Ron's points total to 300+. See where I'm going with this, then if you add in someone like Giovanni who was around for £5m last season and scored 126 points you are absolutely killing your opposition. 

C-Ron - 300 (as captain half the time)

Giovanni - 126 

Equals = 426

Now add Ashley Young to Modric and Arteta

Modric - 139

Arteta - 129

Young - 153

Equals =  421

See what I mean? Admittedly, Modric, Arteta and Young's score would be a bit higher as you would have gone with them as Captain sometimes but you would not have picked them that much and besides, that's 3 players and compared to just C-Ron and Giovanni.

No more C-Ron

So with C-Ron in Madrid, who do I turn to? Never fear, there are still fantasy monsters out their and in part one of this preview, I'm going to outline which guys you need regardless of cash. Most will be obvious, but the point is, a lot of people wont pick them because they think they are to expensive, I say you wont win you league or beat me without at least 3 of these guys in your team!

Buy me regardless of price!

 

Frank Lampard - £12.5m

Fat Frank, back bone of many Fantasy Football teams. You know what you are getting with him - Goals, Assist and Bonus Points.

Last season Frank got 12-10-46 in those stats and if you look over the last three seasons his goals and assist have been about the same so I don't think you have much to worry about in that regards. He did have a lot of bonus points last term which might go down a bit but regardless, he's good for 200+ points and when you consider he will be a Captain choice quite often that's a lot of points for your team.

Steven Gerrard - £12.5m

Like Lampard, Gerrard will be a Fantasy stud for you as well. In the last three seasons Gerrard has played less minutes each season yet his goals, assists and overall points have gone up each season and most amazingly, each year he has scored 35 bonus points on the nose.

I expect another big season from Stevie G and looking at it logically there is no reason to doubt it.

The only worry you have with Gerrard is Rafa and by that I mean you never really know when Rafa might decide to rest him, but since this season there is a back up captain option it means you wont be punished as badly when you have him as captain and Rafa thinks he needs a rest.

Andrey Arshavin - £11m

I expect big things from the small Russian this season!

In 990 minutes last season he scored 87 points which basically works out to 7.8 points per game........ AWESOME!

I think he will be the man and if you can get him + the two above in you fantasy team I think you have a powerful middle with a good choice of Captains each week.

Only thing that scares me is that since he plays for Arsenal it means he could have his leg broken at any time!

Fernando Torres - £11.5m

His fantasy output was halted by injuries last term but I expect El Nino to bounce back this season and not only win the golden boot, but be Fantasy Football top points scoring striker.

Torres will get you goals and he will get you bonus points, if only he got a few more assist he'd be a fantasy force!

Wayne Rooney - £11m

There has been a lot of talk about how the impact of C-Ron leaving will mean Rooney will have a better season. Now whilst I do believe Rooney will have a better season, I don't think it will be the second coming of Pele like some would have you believe.

Having said that, Rooney has averaged 13G-10A-24BP over the last three season's and you have to figure that that will be going up now that C-Ron has left.

Could be a great year for Rooney and a great Fantasy year for you too if you buy him.

Who do I pick out of them?

Well that's up to you, buy I will say if you are going to score well you will need minimum two but I'd go with three out of these five.

Don't buy me I'm too expensive

Just like the five guys above you must be in your team regardless of price, here a a couple of guys who are the exact opposite.

Nemanja Vidic - £8m

Now £8m might sound cheap as chips compared with the guys above but when you consider that Vidic is the most expensive defender in the game you can see why he's here.

It's not that I think Vidic will have a bad season, I just think £8m is way over priced and you can get better value. 

The reason Vidic is so highly priced is because he scored a whopping 187 points last season, but that was because A. He avoided injury B. United went on a record breaking run of clean sheets.

Now whilst he might avoid injury again, do you really think he will real of 10-12 clean sheet in a row again this season? I don't think so! So if you take that record breaking run away £8m starts to look quite ridicules.

Stephen Ireland - £9m

At £5.5m last season I loved him.......... At £9m this season.......... Not so much.

Ireland had a fantastic season last year but in all honesty, how many of you think he will be repeating that again? Especially with the signings City have made this summer.

He cost's more than Ashley Young,  Tim Cahill and Mikel Arteta...... All of whom I'd rather have in my team than him.

Nicolas Anelka - £10.5m

The most uninspiring Golden Boot winner since Dion Dublin. I really feel that if you fail to score 20 goals in the league you should not get the golden boot and if no one does then so be it.

It's not necessarily that I think Anelka will have a bad season, I just think he wont score you that much more than a lot of other players who are valued a little bit less than him.

Also I had him for large parts of last season and even though he was the top goal scorer I never felt like making him captain and was always thinking about selling him and that was when he was worth a cool £1m less!

Didier Drogba -£10.5m

Failed to score more than 100 points each of the last two season.......

For more info - See Nicolas Anelka.

Seriously, he's been injured for most of the last two seasons and now at 31 why would I think that's going to change?

MUCH better value to be had elsewhere.

Tomorrow.......

Right then, that's it for part one, hope that's given you some insight. Remember though, there is a master plan to all of this. Part one was about which guys you must and must not have in your team. The first five guys are a must and coupled with the rest of the weeks plan it should give you a good team with which to destroy your fantasy opposition......... Unless that opposition is me!

Take care

Football Guy

Hi and hello football fans, it's your old pal Roko the Football Guy, whats going down? I hope all is well wherever you are! Things are not good here in the broom closet at football guy towers, I now have a bad back to go along with my chronic tiredness and to top it all off I had arguably one of the most horrendous days ever at work yesterday which has led to me deciding I need a day off today.

On the bright side I had not planed on writing anything today but since I'm not going to work I felt obliged to at least do something semi productive.

The idea for this article came from the only plus point from yesterdays horror show that was my job. I was browsing Google and came across this article called "The 13 Most Unintentionally Disturbing Children's Toys".

I fully recommend you read it as it made me laugh and hopefully will do the same for you.

So without further delay, in no particular order, here are some of the worst gifts I could find that are football related.

1. The Arsenal Wallet

For starters, it's not even made out of leather and the colour scheme is all wrong. Surely it should be Red with a White trim right?

It looks like one of those knock-off's you could find at any market stall scattered around and tourist destination that English people would frequent.

The only saving grace it that it's quite authentic and by that I mean it comes with no money inside to spend, yes like the real team.

Find it here

2. Eric Cantona Holographic Footprint

OK, here's the scenario - You have a cousin who's a United fan, you want to get him something to do with the team he loves and you are willing to spend up to £100............ Well look no further than the Eric Cantona Holographic Footprint!

What the FUCK?

That's what you want to spend £100 of your hard earned pounds on? A Holographic Footprint?

I can honestly say, if anyone and I mean ANYONE!!!! Be it my parents, girlfriend, best friend, good friend or the Pope ever....... EVER..... Spent £100 on a Denis Bergkamp Holographic Footprint I would smash it in their face as soon as I unwrapped it.

The way I see it for £60 you could buy a great seat at Old Trafford and still have £40 left over to spend on booze. That sounds like a good time, hell, even I would like that. What am I supposed to do with Cantona's footprint? Compare it to my foot?

Find it here

3. Newcastle United Football Archive Book

If you feel Newcastle fans have not been tortured enough in their history  and feel that them being relegated last was not all that bad, then how about spending £50 on a book of Newspaper clippings of their history from 1905 to present day.

The only reason you would want to buy this for anyone is if you really hated them and to be fair, if that's the case there are plenty of cheaper ways to hurt them.

This book is the equivalent of me forcing my mate Stew (Liverpool fan) to watch my 1989 Liverpool v Arsenal DVD over and over again except you have to read instead of watch.

Find it here

4. Bolton Fan - House Plaque

5. Any Goalkeeper kit for you son or daughter

Right, the way I see it, unless you son/daughter actually plays in goal for a youth team there is no reason as to why you should buy them the goalkeepers kit of their favorite team....... FULL STOP.

No kid wants that. They want the home of away kit. Hell they would prefer the 3rd kit and maybe even the training kit to the goalkeepers.

Not only is it bad enough that it's the keepers, but on the whole GK's kits are usually horrible and have some god awful colour scheme, don't torture your child, it's not fair.

Side note - Should any parent EVER buy their kid a fake GK kit, you know what I mean, one of those one's that Sunday league teams play in, Social services should be called in immediately and the child be taken in to protected custody.

I will not be providing a link for where you can buy one as I don't want to held accountable as an accessory to child abuse.

6. Tottenham Hotspur Passport holder and luggage strap   

On the surface this seems like quite a good gift, but then you realize it's for a Spurs fan and it make you wonder how much use they would get out of it following their team around Europe......... Nit much is the answer.

It kind of reminds me of the special prize in cult TV show "Bull's Eye".

You remember when Jim Bowen would show them what they could have won and it was always something like a speedboat or a caravan. Not for me, a man who lives in central London and does not have a car, what to Fuck am I supposed to do with either of those? Plus, do you know how much fuel a speedboat uses? It's a lot!

Find it here

7. An incomplete sticker album

HERE IS an incomplete Panini English Football 92 sticker album......... WOW, I've always wanted that!!!

It actually has 33 of the 276 stickers present in the album....... AWESOME, even better!

Who would buy this? I could understand if it was complete but it's less than 1/5th full for god sake!

What a crap gift!

Side note - I actually own this particular album and mine is 19 sticker away from completion, I wonder if 19 of the 33 stickers in this album are the ones I need?

Find it here

8. Chelsea: A 100-year History

Something tells me that the first 95 years are covered in the first 6 pages of the book and the rest follows the recent exploits of the Fulham Blues.

Really, I can't imagine it's that good a read and baring their title in 1955, there can't be that much to talk about up until 2004.

If you think I'm being a tad harsh on Chelsea let me end on one point - There is a reason why opposing fans sing "Chelsea wherever you maybe...... Chelsea ain't got no History......".

9. Norwich City Personalised Diary

Here's one for our resident Norwich City fan, Mr Martin Race.

A Personalised Norwich City Diary is the best way for you to keep track of all those League One grounds you will be visiting next season.

Don't worry, there not all little backwater dumps, you get to go to Elland Road.......... Wait......... That's in Leeds!

For you Martin....

Find it here

10. FIFA World Cup Germany 2006 Football Pump

Pictue this scenario -

It's July 2009, Your friend has a Sunday league team and pre-season training is about to start.

He tell's you over a few pints that everything is ready fro the new season apart from the fact he needs a new football pump for training.

You go home slightly drunk and decided to sort his problem out (he bought most of the rounds).

"I know" say's you, I'll get him an authentic Germany 2006 pump........ He'll love that!

So you order it off Ebay for £1 + P&P and a few days later in arrives, you wrap it up a go off to meet him after work to give him his new gift.

Your buddy proceeds to unwrap the pump and just as he does, you say - "no need to thank me, it's the least I coul......"

That being the last sentence you utter as he proceeds to jam the funnel end into your eyeball and starts to inflate your head.

Sound like it could happen? I think so.......

Find it here

So to sum up......

OK these might not be the 10 worst gifts ever........... But I have to leave some spare for the next time I need something to write about!

Take care

Football Guy

Hi and hello football fans, it's your old pal Roko the Football Guy, whats going down, I hope all is well wherever you are. Sleep has become somewhat of a waist of time for me here in the broom closet at football guy towers. No matter how much of it I get I still seem to be tired, which is starting to worry me as I think I might have some sort of energy sapping disease, kind of like what afflicted Adebayor last season. If this keeps up I "might" have to go to the old Doctors to find out WTF is going on.

Anyway, before we go any further I just want to let you know that on Monday I will be posting somewhat of a Fantasy Football Preview. I'm not sure yet if I will be doing it in multiple parts or just one big serving. But whichever way I do it I would advise that you take notes and heed my advice because it's not every day you get free advice from a master of anything, let alone something as important as fantasy football. Maybe I'll give away some basic stuff for free and charge for the really good info!

Chelsea 2 - 0 Inter Milan

Chelsea, to my knowledge, played the first half decent friendly match of pre season and managed to get one over on old boss Jose.

From the highlight that I've seen it looks as though Chelsea dominated much of the game and deserved their win with the goals coming from Drogba and Lampard.

Fantasy owners should take note that Lampard not only scored (penalty) but also assisted for Drogba's goal. Fat Frank, Mr Consistency.

Drogba also it seems has signed a new deal with Chelsea, extending his contract till 2012.

Carlo Ancelotti had this to say about his start striker -

"He's irreplaceable, as no other striker in the world can do the same job."

Well, 94 goals in 216 games for Chelsea hardly sounds like someone who is irreplaceable, but who am I to judge?

Steven Gerrard, the Boxing Footballer

Liverpool footballer Steven Gerrard "totally lost it" and hit a man "with the style and speed of a boxer" during a row over music, a court has heard.

Here is the footage.

Now I know the video is not the best, but does that really look like a punch thrown with the "Style and Speed of a boxer"?

Looked more like a drunk man's left hook to me, maybe the witness who said this in court had been watching too many Audley Harrison fights and does not know any better.

Anyway, I don't think Stevie G will get any jail time over this. He might be Scouse, but he's not Joey Barton.

Samir Nasri breaks leg

So Nasri breaks his leg in training........... Great.

At first I thought he must have tripped over his teeth........ I knew his inability to close his mouth would come back to haunt him at some stage.

But alas, it seems his teeth had nothing to do with it and instead, Arsenal's own Alice the Goon Abou Diaby done him over with a bad tackle. Maybe Diaby felt his position was under threat after seen Samir play in central midfield a couple of time last season and decided to take matters in to his own hands?

Apparently the Arsenal medical staff seem to think he will be back in three months time, but to be fair, that's like Bernie Madoff telling you your money is in safe hands. Remember, this is the same medical staff that told us Edurado would be back last October and for about a year told us Rosicky was 2/3 weeks away from coming back every 2/3 weeks.

I'll believe he is back in three months when I see him playing.

Fulham sign Riise's brother

Fulham are a team I really expect to go backwards this season. 

I know they had a great time of it last term but lets face it, there not really that good and I no way believe they are the 7th best team in the Premiership.

Interesting to see that Bjorn Helge has the same box head as John Arne, but why is he not Ginger? Me thinks some peroxide has been used to cover up family genes.

Anyway, that's your lot for today.

Take care

Football Guy