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Footballers Haircuts - Issue Two

Friday, 19 June 09, 04:31 AM · Comments(4)

Hi and hello Football fans, it's your old pal Roko the Football Guy, whats going down? I hope all is well wherever you are! As it's Friday I thought I'd give you a treat to kick start the weekend - Footballers Haircuts, Part Two - Yes that's right!

Back in early December I did a column featuring some of the best/worst haircuts known to Football (yes I know, not very original) and it has since become my most viewed post racking up over 47000 unique hits.......... I'm guessing people like to look at pictures........ So I thought I'd do a Part Two over the summer and here it is.

To check out part one click HERE

Tony Daley - Short back and sides gone wrong

There was a time back in the early 90's when I thought Tony Daley was cool.......... Looking back, I'm not sure why.

I remember getting him in a 90/91 Football League sticker album and being well happy as I enjoyed watching him play and thought he had an awesome haircut. Well I still think he has an awesome haircut, but not for the same reasons I did back as a younger chap.

The thing that really kills this haircut for me is that little quiff at the front which adds at least +10 to the ridicules scales.

Don't worry Tony........ It looked good at the time.

Kazuyuki Toda - Flaming Mohawk

There have been quite a few renditions of the Mohawk over the years, but none quite as "in your face" as Kazuyuki Toda's at the 2002 World Cup.

I know it was a chance for Japan to show off some of their talented players but this might not have been the best idea to get yourself noticed.

Well, to be fair to Toda it did catch the eye of a certain team in North London, but judging by the colour he chose it was the wrong one. Unfortunately for Toda it was not Arsene Wegers eye he caught but rather Glenn Hoddle's who signed him for Spurs.

Well needless to say it didn't work out for him and after just one season in which he played just four times he was shipped of to Holland where they are much more liberal on such matters as haircuts and drugs.

Rene Higuita - Drug Barron's Henchman

After my recent trip to Barca I was given the nickname "El Guapo" which, if you have ever seen me fits perfectly. Likewise our old pal Rene was nicknamed "El Loco" which if you think about it also fits perfectly!

Not only was he crazy enough to go to Brian May's hairstylist, he also was the only goalkeeper I've ever seen to do this against England.

Rene, you scorpion kicking legend.

Alexei Lalas - Jesus

No some might tell you that Jesus was actually Jewish and so would look more like Yossi Benayoun than the fair skinned depictions you see it churches around the world.......... NOT TRUE.

People have been waiting for the second coming of Christ for years but I'm afraid he's been and gone.

Back in 1994, the US of A put on a show and hosted the World Cup for the first time and as to not be out done by Diana Ross, Lalas treated us to the second coming of Christ...... Sort of.....

Bobby Charlton - Combover

There was a time when a United winger didn't need half the world supply of hair products to make sure his hair was right. All Bobby needed was a comb!

I've ranted against the bile that comes out of Bobby Charlton's mouth recently but at least now he might have an excuse since he is old and probably losing his marbles. No such excuse can be made during his playing days.

Note to all men, never have a combover......... Just except your bald and deal with it.

Christian Ziege - Tire tread

http://www.bbc.co.uk/liverpool/fun/2004/02/footy_haircuts/4.jpg

As the title goes, this is not so much a Mohawk as it is a tire tread. In recent years I've seen quite a few black players in the Premiership have a similar haircut, most notably William Gallas.

Now I think there is a reason why black players can pull it off, the contrast is not so bad. If a black guy had this haircut you'd barely notice it, but put it on a pock-faced German and he looks like a prick....... Sorry but it's the truth. It's just like how Eddie Murphy had a tash for most of his career but if you think of Eddie Murphy you don't immediately think of a tash...... But Tom Selleck on the other hand........

Marouane Fellaini - The Screech

http://img.skysports.com/08/11/218x298/MarouaneFellaini_1507230.jpg

Anything that makes you look like "Screech" from "Saved by the Bell" is bad.........

Marouane Fellaini - The "I'm not Screech"

http://www.evertonfc.com/assets/_files/images/mar_09/efc__1237044746_Fellainis-new-hairstyle.jpg

I appreciate the effort to not look like Screech, but cornrows were not the best choice......

Benoit Assou-Ekotto - The Skunk

http://images.mirror.co.uk/upl/m4/nov2008/6/5/BF401BEB-9A62-5B38-6EA9454CCBDA5AD1.jpg

Pepe le Piu eat your heart out, there's a new ladies man in town and he too has a French sounding name.

As is the Elmer Fudd's hat style Afro was not bad enough he's also got some sort of streak running through it that can only make me think of a skunk stripe.

No wonder nobody takes him seriously as a footballer.

Romania - 11 non blondes

http://www.independent.co.uk/multimedia/archive/00040/romaniateam1998_40266d.jpg

A lot of crazy B.S. goes down at World Cups, perhaps the most bizarre has to be the whole of the Romanian squad bleaching their hair.

I remember Jimmy Hill defending it before England played them saying something on the lines off "It will help them pick each other out" whilst Hansen, O'Neil and Lineker pissed their pants........... Well Romania went on to beat England and set up a second round match against Croatia, who I'm proud to say defeated them.

Till Next time

Well that's your lot for now, I hope you all have a wonderful weekend.

Take care

Football Guy

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Tags: Premier League 08/09, Manchester United, Arsenal, Liverpool

Topics: Premier League 08/09, Manchester United, Arsenal, Liverpool

Posted by Football_Guy | Comments (4)

4 Comments · Add yours

1. Martin Race Wrote: | 08.15BST | Jun 23, 2009

There's something about Higuita that makes me imagine him in an all white suit nodding his head to 80's music in a gaudily coloured club run with drug money.
I guess essentially i seem to have cast him as the baddie in a south american Steven Seagal film. (a Latino 'Screwface' - the baddie from Hard To Kill)

2. Football_Guy Wrote: | 10.13BST | Jun 24, 2009

Did you know that in Poland "Die Hard" is translated as "Hard to kill"?

So what is "Hard to kill" then?

3. The Sportboys Wrote: | 13.22BST | Jun 24, 2009

This is a weird one. Literally speaking Die Hard would translate as hard to kill, but the films are actually called 'Glass Trap'! This is because hard to kill still isn't quite right as a translation so they just took the Nakatomi Towers aspect of it. Little did they know that there would be sequels. So now we have Glass Trap 1,2,3 & 4!

Prison Break is called 'Sentenced to death'!

4. Martin Race Wrote: | 08.37BST | Jun 25, 2009

Reply to Football_Guy:

Did you know that in Poland "Die Hard" is translated as "Hard to kill"?

So what is "Hard to kill" then?

steven seagal is hard to kill.

Glass trap is a piss poor title. They put no effort into that. I'm surprised they didn't call it 'Stupid German Crims Getting Fucked Up By Dude In Vest'
for the sequels they could just change the 2nd and 3rd words to suit whichever villain. That's probably what they did in Japan.