Hi and hello football fans, it's your old pal Roko the Football Guy, whats going down? I hope all is well wherever you are! Things are not good here in the broom closet at football guy towers, I now have a bad back to go along with my chronic tiredness and to top it all off I had arguably one of the most horrendous days ever at work yesterday which has led to me deciding I need a day off today.

On the bright side I had not planed on writing anything today but since I'm not going to work I felt obliged to at least do something semi productive.

The idea for this article came from the only plus point from yesterdays horror show that was my job. I was browsing Google and came across this article called "The 13 Most Unintentionally Disturbing Children's Toys".

I fully recommend you read it as it made me laugh and hopefully will do the same for you.

So without further delay, in no particular order, here are some of the worst gifts I could find that are football related.

1. The Arsenal Wallet

For starters, it's not even made out of leather and the colour scheme is all wrong. Surely it should be Red with a White trim right?

It looks like one of those knock-off's you could find at any market stall scattered around and tourist destination that English people would frequent.

The only saving grace it that it's quite authentic and by that I mean it comes with no money inside to spend, yes like the real team.

Find it here

2. Eric Cantona Holographic Footprint

OK, here's the scenario - You have a cousin who's a United fan, you want to get him something to do with the team he loves and you are willing to spend up to £100............ Well look no further than the Eric Cantona Holographic Footprint!

What the FUCK?

That's what you want to spend £100 of your hard earned pounds on? A Holographic Footprint?

I can honestly say, if anyone and I mean ANYONE!!!! Be it my parents, girlfriend, best friend, good friend or the Pope ever....... EVER..... Spent £100 on a Denis Bergkamp Holographic Footprint I would smash it in their face as soon as I unwrapped it.

The way I see it for £60 you could buy a great seat at Old Trafford and still have £40 left over to spend on booze. That sounds like a good time, hell, even I would like that. What am I supposed to do with Cantona's footprint? Compare it to my foot?

Find it here

3. Newcastle United Football Archive Book

If you feel Newcastle fans have not been tortured enough in their history  and feel that them being relegated last was not all that bad, then how about spending £50 on a book of Newspaper clippings of their history from 1905 to present day.

The only reason you would want to buy this for anyone is if you really hated them and to be fair, if that's the case there are plenty of cheaper ways to hurt them.

This book is the equivalent of me forcing my mate Stew (Liverpool fan) to watch my 1989 Liverpool v Arsenal DVD over and over again except you have to read instead of watch.

Find it here

4. Bolton Fan - House Plaque

5. Any Goalkeeper kit for you son or daughter

Right, the way I see it, unless you son/daughter actually plays in goal for a youth team there is no reason as to why you should buy them the goalkeepers kit of their favorite team....... FULL STOP.

No kid wants that. They want the home of away kit. Hell they would prefer the 3rd kit and maybe even the training kit to the goalkeepers.

Not only is it bad enough that it's the keepers, but on the whole GK's kits are usually horrible and have some god awful colour scheme, don't torture your child, it's not fair.

Side note - Should any parent EVER buy their kid a fake GK kit, you know what I mean, one of those one's that Sunday league teams play in, Social services should be called in immediately and the child be taken in to protected custody.

I will not be providing a link for where you can buy one as I don't want to held accountable as an accessory to child abuse.

6. Tottenham Hotspur Passport holder and luggage strap   

On the surface this seems like quite a good gift, but then you realize it's for a Spurs fan and it make you wonder how much use they would get out of it following their team around Europe......... Nit much is the answer.

It kind of reminds me of the special prize in cult TV show "Bull's Eye".

You remember when Jim Bowen would show them what they could have won and it was always something like a speedboat or a caravan. Not for me, a man who lives in central London and does not have a car, what to Fuck am I supposed to do with either of those? Plus, do you know how much fuel a speedboat uses? It's a lot!

Find it here

7. An incomplete sticker album

HERE IS an incomplete Panini English Football 92 sticker album......... WOW, I've always wanted that!!!

It actually has 33 of the 276 stickers present in the album....... AWESOME, even better!

Who would buy this? I could understand if it was complete but it's less than 1/5th full for god sake!

What a crap gift!

Side note - I actually own this particular album and mine is 19 sticker away from completion, I wonder if 19 of the 33 stickers in this album are the ones I need?

Find it here

8. Chelsea: A 100-year History

Something tells me that the first 95 years are covered in the first 6 pages of the book and the rest follows the recent exploits of the Fulham Blues.

Really, I can't imagine it's that good a read and baring their title in 1955, there can't be that much to talk about up until 2004.

If you think I'm being a tad harsh on Chelsea let me end on one point - There is a reason why opposing fans sing "Chelsea wherever you maybe...... Chelsea ain't got no History......".

9. Norwich City Personalised Diary

Here's one for our resident Norwich City fan, Mr Martin Race.

A Personalised Norwich City Diary is the best way for you to keep track of all those League One grounds you will be visiting next season.

Don't worry, there not all little backwater dumps, you get to go to Elland Road.......... Wait......... That's in Leeds!

For you Martin....

Find it here

10. FIFA World Cup Germany 2006 Football Pump

Pictue this scenario -

It's July 2009, Your friend has a Sunday league team and pre-season training is about to start.

He tell's you over a few pints that everything is ready fro the new season apart from the fact he needs a new football pump for training.

You go home slightly drunk and decided to sort his problem out (he bought most of the rounds).

"I know" say's you, I'll get him an authentic Germany 2006 pump........ He'll love that!

So you order it off Ebay for £1 + P&P and a few days later in arrives, you wrap it up a go off to meet him after work to give him his new gift.

Your buddy proceeds to unwrap the pump and just as he does, you say - "no need to thank me, it's the least I coul......"

That being the last sentence you utter as he proceeds to jam the funnel end into your eyeball and starts to inflate your head.

Sound like it could happen? I think so.......

Find it here

So to sum up......

OK these might not be the 10 worst gifts ever........... But I have to leave some spare for the next time I need something to write about!

Take care

Football Guy

Less than 48 hours after being relegated from the Premier League Newcastle owner Mike Ashley has shocked the God fearing people of the world by announcing the club will be hiring the dark one himself  to help change the fortunes of the club.

Ashley, who's popularity with the Newcastle fans is at an all time low was quoted in the News of the World (The underworld favorite newspaper) as saying -

"In the past we've brought in Kings, Chosen ones and Messiah's and none have really work. The lack of silverware has shown me that the club needs a chance of direction so instead of the Messiah I've decided to change course and go with the Devil"

Ashley's change in club policy has raised a few eyebrows as the Devil has no previous experience of managing a Football club but the Newcastle owner hit back at that with -

"Neither did Alan Shearer"

It's not the first time Ashley has looked to the underworld for help, he had previously hired Devil Spawn Dennis Wise to an Executive positions at Newcastle to mixed reaction and now will have to justify bringing in the little man's father as manager.

Satan meanwhile has kept a pretty low profile over the years was too available for comment -

"People say I've got no experience in managing a football club, now whilst that may be true I do have a lot of experience in running a football club".

"I've owned Manchester United for years, why do you think they are called the Red Devils"?

"Also I'm managed Hell for the past 6,000 years and let me tell you, the pressure of running that place is nothing compared to what these football managers go through"!

Ashley's move, whilst divisive in footballing circles has managed to quell sectarianism in Christian society with the Archbishop of Canterbury and the Pope agreeing for the first time ever in condemning the move. In a joint statement released from Luxembourg which is about half way between Canterbury and the Vatican -

"What kind of example is this setting for the kids of today? How can they hire the route of all evil to be their manager? Haven't they seen all the killings he's caused in Northern Ireland"?

Not only has Ashley hired Satan, he's given him free reign to hire his own backroom staff by firing Ian Dowie, Chris Houghton and Joe kinnear. Already rumors of Adolf Hitler, Josef Stalin and Darth Vader have surfaced as possible number two's but bookies favorite is former Aston Villa manger John Gregory who is already known as the most evil manager in history and kind of looks like the Devil already.

Time will tell if Ashley has made the right decision, but in all fairness, it can't get any worse right?

Hi and hello Football fans, it's your old pal Roko the Football Guy, whats going down? I hope all is well wherever you are! Quite appropriately the sky's above Football Guy towers are Grey, it's as if even the weather knows the football season is over (well not quite, still have today's Championship play-off final, Champions League final and a FA Cup final to go).

I decided to take in the last day of the Premier League season from the comforts of the broom closet as I had been out on the sauce the previous two nights and was not feeling all that good. I managed to find a link on the net to some German channel which would cut from game to game as a goal went in, so for example - It started off showing the Hull v Man Utd match for the first five minutes then it cut to Villa Park, then in the 8th minute when Caicedo scored for Manchester City it cut to the City v Bolton match. It's a pretty cool channel to watch an afternoon like yesterday's if you are a neutral as you don't miss any of the action. I would mention the name of the channel and the website link but I know Oleole.com frowns upon such things and would prefer not to rub them the wrong way, but if you already know which sites to look at for such stuff then just find the German channel....... There is only one that I know off!

Boro and Newcastle down

Well, I thought Hull would give Newcastle at least a chance at survival (I know I predicted a draw for Hull, wished I could have had that back straight away).

But nevertheless the Geordie's could not capitalize and I'm not surprised as they barely managed to create a single chance in 90 minutes. Their midfield is completely abject of any form of creativity and I would argue that is the worst in the Premier League.

Where did it all go wrong?

Well this morning I've read quite a few articles where people are saying they should never have fired Fat Sam as he would have got them out of it............. Well it was him who started them on the road to this so that dose not make any sense to me. Where it really when wrong was the day Mike Ashley took over. Since then Newcastle has become an even bigger soap opera than it was before, check this for a surreal list -

Ashley watching away games in the crowd

Whilst wearing wearing a Smith-17 shirt, why Alan Smith?

Fire's Fat Sam and brings back Kevin Keegan

OK, this was a sound move. It also meant a chance of shirt ofr Ashley from Smith-17 to King Kev 1.

Hires Dennis Wise in a executive role

Why? Why would you do that?

Keegan Quits

That's what happens when Dennis Wise is involved with you team in an "executive" role

Ashley tires to sell the team

In an attempted to get his money back Ashley puts the team up for sale, but nobody will pay what he's asking for....... In hindsight he probably should have sold then for what ever the price.

Newcastle relegated

You've got to say, that even for a team that I've branded a joke before, they really have managed to reach new levels of craziness. I'm really going to miss this train-wreck team.......

I think on the whole you really can't argue with the three that went down, I don't feel the football they played for most of the season was good enough to be in the Premier League. I'd also include Hull in that, forget there good start to the season, in the last five months I think they have picked up five points and that's just not good enough (well I guess it was good enough since they survived, but you see my point). Hull remind me of Bradford City when they were in the Premiership - Everyone thought they would go down but against all odds they survived and even beat Arsenal in the league on the way (although Hull did it away) Their kits a quite similar too, but all the joy from the first season was soon sucked away when reality hit in year two and they went down - That's Hull's destiny, just wait and see.

Fulham in Europe

I must say I was rather surprised that Fulham lost to Everton, but hey it was still enough as Spurs as expected got turned over by Liverpool.

I do hope that Europe does not prove to big a distraction for Fulham who next season should still be aiming at staying in the Premiership, we've all seen too many teams fall back hard to earth after impressive seasons.

Bank Holiday fun

Now I know for most of you out there you've got the day off, well the Football Guy does not have the same luxury as he is off the Barcelona on Thursday for his best buddies wedding and therefore needs the hours at work...... Why am I telling you this? Cos just like last week, the Monday hangover will be in two parts as I don't have the time to complete it this morning

Take care

Football Guy

Hi and hello football fans, it's your old pal Roko the Football Guy, whats going down? I hope all is well wherever you are! Things are chilly here in the broom closet at Football Guy Towers despite the fact the sun seems to be shining outside, oh well.......... I'm sure the sun must be shining up in Newcastle after last night vital three points over rivals Boro!

Newcastle 3 v 1 Middlesbrough

If like me, you missed the first half of last nights game you can check out the highlights here.

So yeah, I got home from work a little before 9pm and straight away fired up Portuguese Eurosport and enjoyed the show and what a good show I found it to be!

After the seeing the highlights of the first half I'd say Boro were a tad unlucky not to be leading at the break, unfortunately for them, dread locked striker Emmes finishing let him down (no surprise there for a Boro striker) after creating the chance for himself.

Now here for me is where the turning point came. Picture the scene, your in either dressing room, it's halftime, you need the three points and have 45 minutes to make sure of that, you need some inspiration, what manager looks more likely to inspire you?

On one hand you have Alan Shearer, living legend in the city you play for who is not only the manager of any football team but his boyhood team, the one he love probably more than he loves his wife and kids................. Or you have Gareth Southgate, who I'm sure is a nice guy but looks as though the local kids in the neighborhood where he lives would pelt him with eggs when he goes down the shops and put dog poo through his letter box............... I know which one I'd choose.

As soon as the second half started Newcastle began to push Boro back and the key goal looked like it was on its way, but wait, still one more problem..... Newcastle had a imobile overweight front man who's way passed his best messing things up....... No..... Not Mark Viduka, but Michael Owen! Less than a minute after bringing on Martins for Owen Newcastle got the goal they needed after Viduka somehow won a header he had no right to win and I can only guess the Boro defenders were so amazed by the fact Viduka won the header that they seemed to stand still and watch Martins beat one man as slip finishing in to the bottom corner......... Game set and match, well after they scored a 3rd it was!

I feel that Boro have now been mortally wounded and wont recover, as for Newcastle, they move out of the bottom three for the first time in seven weeks and have their destiny in their own hands. One more win might be enough as I don't see Hull picking up four points from their last two fixtures or over turning the goal difference deficit they have against Newcastle.

Just wait when West Brom pick up six points and gate crash the party!

Take care

Football Guy

Hi and hello football fans, it's your old pal Roko the Football Guy, whats going down? I hope all is well wherever you are! Things in the broom closet at Football Guy Towers are not that great, I've developed a nasty little cough which is bothering me just slightly. I hope it says like that and does not turn in to a cold...... Or even worse..... Cancer!

Did anyone watch the game last night?

Millennium Magpie v Portsmouth

I did and I can honestly say I was very disappointed with the Millennium Magpie's.

To get out played by a good team is not sin, but to get out played at home by Pompey should be No11 on the 10 commandments, kind of like an unwritten rule. How they expect to stay up after a performance like that is beyond me.

Even when Pompey generously gifted them with the games best chance, all Michael Owen could do was hit the ball straight at David James when clean through.

It could have been a lot worse for the Magpies had Mike Riley, who of late seems to not want to give penalties of late, pointed to the spot when Peter Crouch was clearly bundled over by cousin IT from the Adams family, or when Richard Hughes header hit the post when it looked like it was looping in.

I'd say that this point for Pompey should all but see them safe, the Millennium Magpies on the other hand have four matches left to save their hides, starting with Liverpool away next weekend, don't see much joy in that match for them. That leaves two home games against Boro and Fulham, Boro have lost their last 10 away matches in the Premiership and Fulham have only managed two away win's all season, if six points are not picked up their I think that will be all she wrote. Their last game of the season is away to Aston Villa who may or may not have anything left to play for come then, but I'm sure Martin O'Neill would love to finish a season which has fizzled out on a high note.

I still think Big Al and the boys can do it as I can see Hull losing all their remaining fixtures, but time is most certainly running out!

 

Barcelona v Chelsea 

On the whole, meeting between these two in the Champions League have been pretty exciting affairs.

All in all their have been 29 goals in the last 8 meetings between the two, that works out to over 3.5 goals per match....... Let's hope tonight is not different.

Here's a quick overview of how those games went -

April 5th, 2000: quarter-final, first leg: Chelsea 3, Barcelona 1 GOALS FROM Gianfranco Zola and Tore Andre Flo (two) put Chelsea 3-0 up in eight first-half minutes at Stamford Bridge but Luis Figo grabbed an away goal in the second half.

April 18th, 2000: quarter-final, second leg

Barcelona 5, Chelsea 1

RIVALDO AND Figo scored in the first half to put Barcelona 2-0 up and level on aggregate, but Flo made it 2-1 in the second half to edge the Blues ahead. Dani scored with seven minutes left to level the tie and two minutes later Rivaldo had a penalty to put Barca through. He missed, sending the game into extra-time, during which he atoned for his error by scoring from the spot before Patrick Kluivert finished the job in the 104th minute.

February 23rd, 2005: last 16, first leg

Barcelona 2, Chelsea 1

AN OWN goal by Chelsea’s then Barca defender Juliano Belletti gifted the Blues the lead but second-half goals from Maxi Lopez and Samuel Eto’o put Barca in front. Didier Drogba was controversially sent off by referee Anders Frisk in the 55th minute, an incident which earned the official some vitriolic abuse from Chelsea fans and subsequently prompted his retirement.

March 8th, 2005: last 16, second leg

Chelsea 4, Barcelona 2

GOALS FROM Eidur Gudjohnsen, Frank Lampard and Damien Duff in 11 first-half minutes put the Blues in the ascendancy but Barca hit back with a double from Ronaldinho. With the Spaniards set to progress on away goals, John Terry grabbed the decisive fourth goal 14 minutes from time.

February 22nd, 2006: last 16, first leg

Chelsea 1, Barcelona 2

ASIER DEL Horno was sent off in the first half but Chelsea went ahead in the 59th minute through a Thiago Motta own goal. Terry then put through his own net and Eto’o grabbed a late winner.

March 8th, 2006: last 16, second leg

Barcelona 1, Chelsea 1

A LATE Ronaldinho goal all but clinched it for Barca, rendering Lampard’s injury-time penalty a consolation.

October 18th, 2006: group stage

Chelsea 1, Barcelona 0

DROGBA earned the Blues three points at home.

October 31st, 2006: group stage

Barcelona 2, Chelsea 2

DECO PUT Barca ahead early on but Lampard equalised with a brilliant chip. Gudjohnsen then scored for the hosts against his old club but Drogba netted an injury-time equaliser.

When you think that just in the last round, both teams managed to score 5 and 7 goals respectivly over the two legs, who knows how tonight will turn out.

Football Guy's verdict 2-1

Take care

Football Guy

U

Hi and hello Football fans, it's your old pal Roko the Football Guy, whats going down? I hope all is well wherever you are! Things are busy here in the broom closet at Football Guy Towers and by things I mean ME. That's why this post is being.... errr... well posted late in the afternoon and it might also mean I miss the match tonight........ I know I'm called the Football Guy, but sometimes there are more important things to worry about, like study my ass off for this course that will help me get a job in the field I want instead of this two-bit crummy job I have now! Arsenal might just have to wait!

Having said all of that I will most likely just stream the game off my CPU whilst using it to study at the same time, see, multitasking is fun!

Football Guy v Mark Lawrenson

As I ran out of time yesterday to post mine and Lawro's result, I shall post them today. Remember that the two FA Cup matches did not count, they were just for fun.

This Week

Football Guy - PS 1 CR 4 WR 4

Lawro           - PS 0 CR 4 WR 4

Love the Stormtroopers analogy.
if Newcastle survive then i reckon that makes Alan Shearer Han Solo and Iain dowie Chewbacca. they will have steered a battered old vessel which had seen better days through to survival against the odds. The Millennium Magpie perhaps?

In honor of this comment, I will from now until the end of the season refer to Newcastle as the Millennium Magpie...... Top stuff.

Take care

Football Guy 

Hi and hello Football Fans, it's your old pal Roko the Football Guy wishing you a Happy Easter! Hope you all had a marvelous weekend. It was pretty quite here in the broom closet at Football Guy Towers, nothing really much to report. I had one beer over the weekend and that was whilst watching the first half of the Stoke v Newcastle match in my local public house and in their I ran in to an old friend of mine, Geordie Danny, who as you may have guessed, was watching the Toon Army and getting rather annoyed...... Although I say annoyed, but really I think he's gone past the point of caring about Newcastle anymore after the emotional stress they put him through on an annul basis..... Well the point I wanted to make with this story is that he finally gave me a definitive answer as to why Newcastle fans are called "The Toon Army".

(If you already know, skip the next paragraph)

It's because in Newcastle "Toon" is the way they say "Town" and hence, "Toon Army" is really "Town Army"...... I guess, anyway I'm glad that's been cleared up unlike Newcastle relegation fears!

The way I see it, Newcastle to survive will need at least three more wins, so the question is with six games remaining - Where is Big Al going to find the points from?

Let's start with the three remaining away games for Newcastle, Tottenham, Liverpool and Aston Villa with Villa being the very last game of the season. I don't see them getting anything from Spurs next week and Liverpool already destroyed them this season in Newcastle which leaves them with Aston Villa, a team which to be fair is hardly in great form themselves at the moment. I guess it depends on what Villa have on the line come the last day of the season and I think Newcastle fans will be hoping that they are either stuck in 5th or 6th spot, so maybe they can get something from that.

There home games are all winnable and two of them are against teams they will be fighting against to stay up, Pompey, Boro and Fulham. The first two they have to win, because if you want to stay up you need to beat the teams around you and as for Fulham, they have only managed two wins away from home all season (one of which came this weekend) so the games and the chances are there for them to survive, but will they do it? I'm going to say yes, but it will be close and I think they will most likely need something from that last game against Villa to retain their Premiership status.

Boro picked up a vital three points at home to Hull this weekend keeping their hopes of avoiding the drop alive. For me Boro, like Newcastle will need nine points to stay up, but unfortunately for them they still have to face Arsenal and Manchester United!

I think they will live and die by their strike force, which has been the worst in the Premiership this season, but three goals at the weekend could go a long way to restoring some confidence to an attack bereft of it at the moment.

As for the rest, I think Stoke are all but safe, as long as they can pick up one more win from their last six games they should be fine. So that leaves us with Hull. Blackburn, Sunderland and Portsmouth fighting it out to keep Newcastle and Boro where they currently lie. For the neutral it will be fun to watch and I'm sure there will be a few more twists and turns yet before it's all said and done.

The Title Race

As for the title, Liverpool kicked off the weekend in fine form as they crushed Blackburn 4-0. It really could have been more as Liverpool squandered a hat full of chances. They did produce however two of the best goals of the weekend. Fernando's first reminded me a bit of Van Basten's goal form Euro 88 just it was not from as tight an angle and as for Daniel Agger's..... Have Blackburn ever seen Agger play? That's not the first time he's cracked one in from distance when given space.

United had there 17 year old C-Ron look-a-like to thank for them returning to the top of the league. These last two victories have been absolutely massive for United in their quest to equal Liverpool's league title record.

Chelsea kept there slim hopes alive after cruising to a 4-0 lead at home to Bolton and then almost blowing it! That's what happens when Frank Lampard leaves the field!!!

Just to show I'm fair

Arsenal got away with one of the most blatant Red Cards you shall see this season (I'm an Arsenal fan don't you know). How Gibbs was not sent off for hauling down Valencia I will never know. I could maybe understand if the ref had not given a foul because then at least he could say he didn't think it was a foul, but to give it and produce only a yellow is a disgrace, the guy was through on goal!!!!

I do honestly think Arsenal would have come back anyway, but as Steve Bruce said in his post match interview, "It's a lot easier to beat 10 men than 11".

Football Guy v Mark Lawrenson

Shock Horror! Lawro managed to beat me this weekend, not that it will change much in the long run but I do have to congratulate him on a very good weekend of predictions.

This Week

Football Guy - PS 2 CR 6 WR 4

Lawro           - PS 2 CR 8 WR 2

1	Better Than Milan 89	Football Guy	62	1738
2	FC Pizdets	Sportboy P	52	1687
3	Cesc's Superstars	Sportboy T	43	1621
4	Armegadon	Amer - Podcast	55	1602
5	Lilly White 49'ers	Peter - Spurs fan podcast	44	1595

As you can see, it's looking pretty good for me. Sporboy T has come 2nd in the league the last two seasons is in real danger of dropping to 5th, oh how I would laugh if that happened!

Players you wish you had not made Captain

1. Steven Gerrard         - 0pts - did not play
2. Cristiano Ronaldo     - 1pts - did not start - The choice of those "NOT" in first place
3. Emmanuel Adebayor - 1pts - did not start

Players you should have made Captain

1. Fernando Torres - 13pts
2. Frank Lampard   - 13pts - My choice!
3. Andrey Arshavin - 12pts
4. Didier Drogba     - 10pts

Players you should have made Captian but never would

1. Daniel Agger      - 13pts 
2. Abdoulaye Faye - 11pts
3. Niko Kranjcar     - 9pts
4. Alex Song          - 8pts

The Cristiano Ronaldo award for fantasy excellence

1. Clint Dempsey - 16pts

Well done Clint, slightly annoyed it was not Danny Murphy who IS part of my team.

OK kids, that's your lot for today, enjoy the rest of the bank holiday and I shall be back tomorrow with a Champions League preview.

Take care 

Football Guy

Hi and hello Football fans, it's your old pal Roko the Football Guy, whats going down? I hope all is well wherever you are. Things have been moved around in the broom closet here at Football Guy Towers, due to me having no work this week I was driving myself crazy yesterday trying to stave off chronic boredom, so I reconfigured the lay out of the broom closet and now have a little extra space to be bored in........ Woohoo........ I've also developed a nasty little sore throat which as long as in stays just a sore throat will be dealt with just fine.

Return of the king

Now, if only I was as good as my good friends the Sportboys at photoshop, I could have knocked up a little pic of Big Al as Aragorn from Lord of the Rings...... Unfortunately I have better things to do with my time (like re-arranging the layout of the broom closet).

I always though Big Al was putting off becoming Newcastle manager because he was smart enough to realize he'd probably be shit and tarnish his rep on Tyneside.

So now with him finally getting the job (until the end of the season) have I changed my mind? Not one little bit!

You see, for me I think Big Al see's this as a no lose situation as there are only two things that can happen from here to the end of the season.

Newcastle go down

Oh well, I came in and tried my best but the team was crap and I didn't have enough time to change that.

Big Al rep is still intact as no one from the Toon Army would blame him for Newcastle going down as they were crap and looking like going down when Big Al arrived....... No lose.

Newcastle stay up

Look at me, the savior, swooping in to rescue the club from it's darkest hour in many a year!

If Big Al keeps Newcastle up he becomes an either bigger legend and everyone is happy...... Well apart from Stoke or Hull...... Big Win.

So you see, Big Al has nothing to lose here, go down and nobody will blame you, stay up and you become bigger than Jesus. 

*Note - Big Al in Newcastle is already on par with JC in Newcastle, this would push him over the top.

England v Ukraine

I watch Croatia play Ukraine in Kiev a couple of days after England beat Croatia 4-1 and I can honestly say Ukraine are a poor team.

Croatia drew 0-0 but really should have won that match easily (probably suffering from the England beating)

I fully expect England to win this one comfortably and walk away from Wembley in a commanding position.... If they were not already.

Football Guy's verdict 3-0

Italy v Rep of Ireland

Ireland blew a golden opportunity to keep pace with the World Champions in their group.

Now they will have to go through them if they are to stop them pulling away.

But who better to stop the Italians than an Italian? The Irish secret weapon might well be the man on their bench, Mr Trapattoni.

To be fair I just talking shit here as with Trapattoni or without Trapattoni Ireland are not beating Italy in Italy and I doubt they will even get a draw.

Italy are never prolific in qualifying, but always do enough and I expect them to do so tonight.

Football Guy's verdict 2-0

Northern Ireland v Slovenia

So, the "Fighting" Northern Irish got a big three points at the weekend, the question is, can the follow it up with three more tonight?

I don't see any reason why not, Slovenia are no better than Poland and I expect Northern Ireland to play better than they did on Saturday.

Having said that, I expect Slovenia to play better than Poland did as well.

Football Guy's verdict 2-1

Scotland v Iceland

Massive game for Scotland, they must put what happened in Holland behind them and concentrate on picking up a vital three points at home to a team which if they think they can qualify they should beat.

I feel pretty confident the Tartan Army will get the job done tonight....... (Big Jinx.... Sorry)

They just have to beat these teams and the rest will take care of itself.

Football Guy's verdict 2-0

Wales v Germany

Fool me once, shame on you, Fool me twice....... No chance!

I'm never backing Wales to beat anyone ever again apart from San Marino or Liechtenstein. They are just about better than them.

To be fair, Wales are just the kind of team this Germany side will pound and that's what I expect to happen.

Ballack and co are going to enjoy themselves tonight....... John Toshack will not.

Football Guy's verdict 0-3

OK peeps,my throat has got worse since started writing this and I think I off back to bed.

Take care

Football Guy

Hi and hello Football fans, it's your old pal Roko the Football Guy, whats going down? I hope all is well wherever you are. Thing's are OK here in the broom closet at Football Guy towers, I'm not sure whats up, but I'm feeling a little down today....... :-(

Maybe it's because another exciting weekend of Football is in the books and we only have another eight league games left this season..... Or maybe it's the fact that we have an annoying international just when the title race is heating back up...... Or maybe it's the come down from this weekends substance abuse? Who knows? I'd say it's probably a combination of the first two!

Liverpool 

Whats happened to Liverpool in the last two weeks?

It's as if they have gone all Marion Jones on us and started using some PED's (performance enhancing drugs) because I don't think too many people saw these performances coming after they lost to Boro 2-0.

But seriously, if Liverpool were a sprinter right now they would be the guy who used to on his best day do around 10 seconds flat/just under 10 seconds in the 100 meters and now all of a sudden is running sub 10 seconds all the time...... WE'D BE ASKING SERIOUS QUESTIONS!

So basically Rafa, please tell me what PED's you put in the lunch room or what kind of Hulk mutant serumn you have been injecting Dirk Kuyt with so we can rest assured in the fact that your management skills had nothing to do with it........ Only kidding, Liverpool do look great at the moment and after speaking to my buddy Stew this weekend who's a massive Liverpool fan, he was very impressed with them too, he said that "I have not seen them looking so hungry and every player wanting the ball for a long time". 

I think Stew's right, Liverpool do look like they have a burning in their eye right now (roid rage) and every player does want the ball (I think that comes from the fact Dosenna scored against Real and United so every player is like - "well if that piece of crap can score that why can't I?").

But despite how well Liverpool are playing at the moment, call me a party pooper but I'm waiting for it to all go wrong as it has done in the league for the last 19 years.

Manchester United

I've talked a lot in the last few weeks about how fast things can change in Football (mainly directed at Aston Villa) but I never thought I would be directing that at Sir Alex and I'm sure he know it.

What's surprised me though has been the amount of abuse Fergie has received from fan's on the radio and internet. All of a sudden Fergie is no good, has lost the plot and how these "fans" knew this would happen because Fergie has been playing hte wrong players all season.......... SHUT UP!

United have looked tired and far from their best in their last two games but ultimately could have in the second half score a few and changed the game completely, but sometimes in Football it goes against you and at the mo it's going against United and thankfully for them they have had a points total large enough to allow for a slip up or two.

It's still United's title to lose but it's a lot closer than I thought it would be 7/10 days ago.

Steven Taylor/Newcastle

How Steven Taylor was not shown a Red card for what was basically assault on Arshavin on Saturday evening I will never know?!

He looked quite clearly at the tiny Russian and landed an elbow square in his face deliberately and the ref gave a free kick, which means he saw it happen and yet didn't even produce a yellow let alone a Red..... Poor.

I said the other week that Newcastle were in trouble and after this weekends result..... THEY REALLY ARE IN TROUBLE!

I don't think Blackburn will go down and with Stoke winning at home and having two of their next three games at home things could get worse for the Toon army.

They go to Stoke in a couple of weeks and I think that match will have a massive influence on who survives.

Football Guy v Mark Lawrenson

I should basically copy and paste what I'm about to write here each week as in seems the same story all the time.

Another week, another win for the Football guy..... Lawro's pride is disappearing quicker than Rooney's composure this weekend.

This Week

Football Guy - PS 2 CR 6 WR 4

Lawro           - PS 1 CR 5 WR 5

The Cristiano Ronaldo award for fantasy excellence

1. Steven Gerrard - 20pts

I've got to say a big well done to Pavel from the Sportboys who brought him in in our Fantasy league, thankfully for me he did not make him captain!

OK peeps, that's your lot

Take care

Football Guy

Hello all, never underestimate how important a good sleep is. I finally had one for the first time in a couple of night and I feel all the better for it!

Now, before I get on to the predictions I would like to quickly clear up a few issues from yesterday, first of all it seems that Lawro DID in  the end do a preview as was pointed out to me by the Sportboy in the comments section yesterday. Now I can categorically tell you that when I looked on the BBC's football home page yesterday at 11.00am (the time I started writing) it was nowhere to be found! And that's a fact...

Secondly, I hate being write about something I wish to be wrong about.... Do you follow?.... Yesterday I questioned my OWN decision to drop Kenwyn Jones from my fantasy team in favor of Jason Roberts..... Turns out I was right to question my silly decision, I still fell Jason Roberts will do me good but I think I should have dropped Zaki for him.... I guess time will tell.

Thirdly, Congratulations to Manchester United for setting a new record of 11 games without a conceding. What makes this run all the more impressive is the fact United have used about 10 different players at the back due to injury and suspension with only Nemanja Vidic being ever present. Speaking of Vidic, I was thinking about him last night and came to the conclusion that in a year with no real stand out attacking performances (e.g. Ronaldo's 42 goals last season), is Nemanja Vidic in pole position for PFA and FW Player of the Year? If I had a vote in the matter he would get it from me and I will say this, even if you don't agree the Vidic should definitely win I would ask you to give me a case for a player who is 100% definitely more deserving..... I might have to wait a while.

Chelsea v Middlesbrough

Boro have not won a league game since the 9th of November.... That's quite a long time and spans 10 matches, I'm pretty sure we can add one more to that list.

Chelsea on the other hand have no clean sheet in their last six league and cup games and have been on a very uninspiring run of form and to be honest, it's quite difficult to give you a good case as to why I think they will win this match but it basically comes down to this - Boro are currently POO and until otherwise notified I'm backing against them!

Football Guy's verdict 2-0

Manchester City v Newcastle

Not been the best 10 days or so for young Robinho, firstly he up's and leaves training which ended up netting him a £300k fine and this morning we find out he's been arrested over an alleged sex assault,as I said.... Not the best 10 days or so.

All you really need to know about the Toon army's changes of a win tonight are that they have claimed just two points and scored two goals in their last five visits to Manchester City and with only one fit striker don't expect that form to get any better.

Football Guy's verdict 3-0

Wigan v Liverpool

Wigan might need a few games to adjust to life without Heskey and Palacios and Liverpool really need to take advantage of this. 

Should be interesting to see how Wigan Egyptian boys hook up up front and I'm sure Steve Bruce will be hoping that the Zaki/Mido partnership can be as effective as the Heskey/Zaki one was.

Wigan have also never beaten a "big four" club EVER.

Football Guy's verdict 0-1

Blackburn v Bolton

Fat Sam host a second former club in as many league games and will no doubt be hoping for for a similar outcome to the 3-0 home win he enjoyed last time against Newcastle.

I'd be quite happy with that too as it would mean two goals for the latest addition to the "Better than Milan 89" fantasy football team which has won two title's in as many years!

I don't really think Blackburn are any better than Bolton but I have to go with the form team here.

Football Guy's verdict 2-1

Everton v Arsenal

I fear for Arsenal in this game, They were saved last season turning round a 0-1 deficit at half-time with some Eduardo heroics.

Everton welcome back Fellaini from suspension and I can see him scoring from a set piece as he is about 5in taller than any Arsenal player and defending crosses is definitely not their strong point.

Having said that the Gunners have been on a good run of form and will really need Adebayor and Van Persie to lead from the front if they are to keep pace with the four teams ahead of them.

Football Guy's verdict 1-1

West Ham v Hull City

Five straight league defeats for Hull..... Worrying times. I think they will be fighting for their Premiership lives before the season is out.

By contrast, West Ham have been on quite a good run of late and are unbeaten in their last four league games winning three of them.

I think they will notch up another one tonight despite the fact Hull have a 100% winning record in London this season.

Football Guy's verdict 2-1

Take care

Football Guy