Behold this ridiculous quote from Real Madrid chief Ramon Calderon that accompanied the news of Iker Casillas and Raul signing contract extensions to stay for life.

"Iker Casillas and Raul have both agreed to stay with the club for the rest of their sporting lives.

On this day, which is Valentine's day, Iker, Raul and Real can say they love each other, they need each other, and complement each other and will commit for life." 

Well, fantastic stuff really. You don't hear things that candid anymore from official sources, nevermind unofficial ones.

And I lied a bit in the title, Guti hasn't yet signed, but is scheduled to do so soon. Calderon said - "Next week, it will be the same with Guti, another symbolic player for the club. We haven't signed yet because he is a little lazier, but it will be with the same conditions."

Well how nice.

26 year old Casillas has signed a massive extension until the summer of 2017.

30 year old Raul has signed a 1 year extension to his deal, until the summer of 2011.

31 year old Guti has done the same, and his deal now goes until 2011 too. I am also shocked that Guti is 31... seems like he got very old very fast. 

Carlos Tevez has been confirmed as having agreed to join Manchester United. The transfer fee is rumoured to be £20 million and it is expected that he will be signed and unveiled after Argentina's Copa America campaign is complete. West Ham are trying to do everything in their power to keep him, and will try to challenge this. Legally (technically, rather), they still own the player, but as was exposed by the Premier's League's investigation a few months ago, they really don't own or control him. Tevez has previously been seen showing up at a news conference in a Man United shirt, so it doesn't come as a huge surprise that if he had his choice of clubs, he picked United.

This leaves Manchester United with an army of attacking midfielders/strikers - Anderson, Tevez, Giggs, Scholes, Rooney, Saha, Nani and Cristiano Ronaldo, and it's thought that the last of those will finally be on his way to Real Madrid. All throughout last year Real kept chasing him and releasing statements about how they wanted him, and he in turn was completely non-comittal towards United. But he signed a new 4 year deal, amidst much celebration from the club, fans and the media. However, those with elephant-like memories might remember both his agent and Real Madrid making statements afterwards that went something like "one should never rule out a transfer". Well, this might still happened, or might have even already been agreed. It's possible the new contract was signed because they wanted full focus and as much high morale as possible to maintain their title run. It's possible also that they made an agreement with Ronaldo that he could leave (and maybe even with Real Madrid). Remember also, that Manchester United are financed completely by debt, and that they don't have Roman Abramovich to give them unlimited cash. The Glazers are money-makers, and on Tevez, Hargreaves, Nani and Anderson, they have spent a massive £70 million. Fake Ronaldo going the other way for £30-40 million would make the deficit more reasonable.

And lastly, Christian Chivu, who has been linked with both Barcelona and Real Madrid is quite possibly on his way. Real however are the more likely destination since Barcelona signed powerhouse left-back Eric Abidal (who can also play in the centre when needed). The Madridistas are also more in need of a solid centre-back than any other club, and Chivu would be perfect for them. Roma have spoken of late about how Chivu is not going anywhere, and how they don't want to sell him, but it's gone somewhat unnoticed that they've signed the excellent Brazilian international centre-back Juan from Leverkusen. Juan is not the kind of player that you keep on the bench, so unless they plan to let Philippe Mexes go (unlikely), they have already prepared for Chivu's departure.

Apparently, there is some sort of clause in the Beckham-Galaxy contract that might allow Real to hangon to him .

HAHAHAHA if that happens... anticlimax of the century.

After already emulating Diego Maradona with his brilliant goal against Getafe, the littler little man has gone a step further by emulating the the infamous Hand of God against Zaragoza in the most recent round of play in La Liga. Some might even say that without it, Real Madrid might have won the title today, and if they lose it next week, then Messi's "goal" will be even more crucial and controversial. Video below:

Have to say that Messi, despite his brilliance must go down as a quite brazen, dirty little cheat after this, and questions must also be definitely asked of the referee, who had a good enough view of the incident (in my opinion).

So assuming that the Real Madrid circus was a reality TV show - one of the ones where the useless ones get voted off (and the even more useless ones win), let's take a look at who should/would survive from the current squad.

Should I Stay or Should I Go?
(Let me know who you think should be chopped-and-changed at Real using the comments below)



STICKING AROUND

1. Mahamadou Diarra
   Unquestionably solid, essential player, that should be the first on any team-sheet. If Real Madrid want solidity, he is probably more important than anyone else. And it's not just his toughness or reading and control of the game - he's a more-than-decent technican, can pass the ball well, and pops up with important goals. Is best played however with a an aggressive workhorse partner, while he sits deep. Emerson is currently too similar to him.
   
   
2. Sergio Ramos
   Quick, incredibly athletic, very spirited, and soon to be one of Europe's finest defenders. That of course depends on whether he gets the right mix of coaching and experience. You should've gone to Arsenal.
   
   
3. Ruud van Nistelrooy
   The ugly, cheating, horse-faced one has been terrific for Real this season, showing all his old ability after being released from his nightmares in Manchester. Not really part of a long term plan, but is 25 goals a season guaranteed.
   
   
4. Fernando Gago
   Still not completely sure about him, but is a definite talent and a classy player. A bit taller, but very much like Cesc Fabregas, Gago represents a new generation of midfield talents. To bring the best out of Diarra, I think he needs to be in a system like he was at Lyon - 3 central midfielders, him sitting deep, Essien rushing around charging down everything, and Juninho pulilng the strings in front of them. I think Gago would be perfect for that system, and could flourish in the Juninho role.
   
   
5. Iker Casillas
   An unquestionably brilliant shot-stopper, but not a commanding keeper, and he's short. I don't think he needs to be replaced, but when you have a keeper that's not good with crosses, free-kicks and corners, then you need commanding centre-backs, and Cannavaro and Helguera are not the answer. Ramos has a good leap, but is still on the shorter side, and all three lack presence. Casillas' ability needs to be maximised, and to do so Real need to sign not just an imposing centre-half, but one with the personality needed to command the defence at Real, and take the pressure off the 'keeper.
   
   
6. Guti
   Just the kind of player Real need right now, one who is talented and hard-working, but doesn't need to be a star, and doesn't need to overcomplicate the game. Guti has been shifted around in a lot of positions since he made his debut, and he's now a versatile player with a gifted left foot. Some people might say that stars win championships, but that's equally true of good squad members who make the team better.
   
   
   

1. Raul
   I am one of Raul's biggest fans, make no mistake, but it's time for him to face the facts and leave. He is one of the most effective, resourceful and deadly strikers in the game, but he has suffered with Real's galacticos policy. He is the heart and soul of the club, but he has let his game suffer in order to try and accomodate the players around him. The arrival of Ronaldo saw him drop deep and out to the left, and the further arrivals of Robinho, Cassano, Van Nistelrooy and now Gonzalo Higuain have provided a team that doesn't know how they are playing, with a collection of attackers that don't know where to play. Raul needs to be at the forefront, leading the line, sniffing for chances, and prowling around the penalty box, not doing the dirty work (like he did for Ronaldo) at the expense of scoring goals, which is what he does best. I would love to see him at the Arsenal, but he could do far worse than go to Valencia. Should they accept one of the expected multi-million offers for David Villa, logic would dictate signing Raul, so he could be reunited with Fernando Morientes, the partner with hom he did so well for both club and country. When they played together, they were both equally deadly, and made the team very threating. He would have as much chance of winning La Liga and the Champions League in Valencia, and would re-form one of the best striking partnerships of the last decade. I fear though that he will continue to toil away in Madrid.
   
   
2. Fabio Cannavaro
   The most undeserving winner of World Player of the Year in recent times. A great defender, but he's been average for a few years now. For Italy, he played for a defensive team, with Buffon behind him, and Pirlo in front of him. He was good in the World Cup but not great. In Serie A he played for the cheats, once again with Buffon behind him, but also with Thuram, Zambrotta, and Emerson alongside him. He's past it, and it has shown at Real. In La Liga, where there is more attacking, he has less help, and more to do, and he has struggled. Plus, he has not shown much commitment.
   
   
3. Helguera
   Another great servant to Real, but he has struggled in recent years. What many people forget about Helguera, is that he used to be a midfielder and sometimes quite an attacking one as well. He could run with the ball, and pass it, and anctipate the opposition perfectly. Then, the season that Real won the Champions League in 2000, he played as a weird version of a defensive midfielder/sweeper, sometimes in front of the two centre-halves, sometimes behind. But he excelled; he read the game perfectly, glided out of defence with the ball and improved those around him. For many, he was man of the match in a final that Real won 3-0. Well since then things have slowly gone down. Real started playing a back 4 to accomodate los galacticos and Helguera started to play as a conventional centre-half. He did well, anchoring at the back and scoring vital goals, and still making an occassional midfield appearance. He was still highyl rated at the time, Arsenal making a big offer to Real because they wanted him to replace Manu Petit in midfield, and Juve also showing interest. But Helguera stuck on, and bit-by-bit things have gotten worse. He has shown clearly that he was not meant for central defence, and after being destroyed twice by Ronaldinho, his confidence and poise both seem to have suffered. He looks weary and desperate at times, and needs to move away and get back to the midfield. The fans don't seem to appreciate him anymore either.
   
   
4. Roberto Carlos
   Old, over-rated, and just unsuitable for the team. He may be a legend, but that's all that he is now.
   
   
5. Robinho
   There is too much pressure in Madrid, too many stars, too much chaos, and zero organisation. Robinho has suffered badly under Capello, but hes also suffered because there are 20 players to play in each position, and the coaches have all played him in 20 different positions. Another coach will arrive in Madrid, and i'm sure he will be replaced by another one quite soon, and so on. They will sign more players, have more squabbles and elections, and the circus will never stop. Robinho is a big, big talent, but needs guidance and stability. Arsene Wenger and Arsenal might be the perfect place for him, but I think he could do well to go to Germany or France or a smaller La Liga team on loan for a season. Villareal maybe?
   
   
6. Cassano
   Very talented player, who was a cheap signing. He could be of use, but it would be a waste of his talents, and with his bad attitude and temper he is not going to be content with a place on the bench. They have too many other players, and he needs to go to a smaller club where he can control the play and be the star that he wants to be.
   
   
7. Jose Antonio Reyes
   Somewhere in his head, there exists a brain. Unfortunately he has probably forgotten it at his mother's house, perhaps when he went there to make her tell him a bedtime story, or to help him tie his shoelaces. He could potentially be a footballing genius (and for 5 months in London he was), but he needs to get his head right, and stop acting like a child and a mama's boy. His loan will finish, and I don't think Real will want him. Arsenal won't want to keep him either, and he doesn't want to be anywhere but Spain, so it all depends on who can finance his purchase.
   
   
8. Alvaro Mejia
   When Reyes was still playing at Sevilla, he tormented the Real defence so much that Mejia started to cry. When you have been made to cry by the world's biggest crybaby, then something must be wrong.
   
   
9. Pavon
   Francisco Pavon, of Zidanes and Pavones fame, is a lanky error-prone centre-back who is as bad as Mejia if not worse. Maybe they both will improve as they get older, but they are not going to get better by sitting on the bench. Real are better off buying experienced backup in that position, and letting these boys go and develop their game elsewhere.

And then there's the "others": Salgado is a good solid player, who would be good to keep, but who also wouldn't be missed much if sold. Cicinho is an exciting player, but inconsistent, and like Salgado, wouldn't be missed. It doesn't help that they both play in the same position. Higuain is a talent, but quite young, and largely unproven. He needs another season, like Marcelo, the exciting young Brazilian left-back who has been struck down by injuries.Raul Bravo is an average defender, who will always be back-up. He can fill in effectively at left-back, and not as effectively at centre-back.

Real desperately need a new coach as well, maybe Mourinho, maybe Rafa Benitez, but Mourinho would do a top job. And I would recommend them signing a busy central midfielder to complement Diarra and Gago in the middle. Michael Essien is out of reach, but Gattuso, De Rossi, and Lucho Gonzalez are all excellent options, ESPECIALLY Lucho. Emerson, although looking visibly aged, is still an experienced winner, and if he stayed, would be an important member of the squad.

So tell me, WHAT DO YOU THINK THE CHANGES SHOULD BE AT REAL THIS SUMMER?

I watched Brazil vs Chile the other day. I watched Brazil trounce them 4-0. I watched Kaka glide past players and look like he was just floating through the game doing anything that he liked. I saw Ronaldinho score 2 goals and throw in his usual blend of trickery. I saw Gilberto Silva quietly mop up everything and nonchalantly offer up the ball to the playmakers. I saw Fred work hard up front, trying to help the team with scant reward.

I also saw Robinho play an entirely useless second half, time and time again Brazil were in great attacking positions, but lost all their impetus when the ball came to Robinho. Either it was taking too much time, or trying his usual obsession of pedalas, or just sloppiness. When Brazil were counter-attacking in the second-half they seemed like they might score 5 or 6 goals, but Robinho's inadequacy put paid to that. At a time when a lot of people are wondering about Robinho coming to Arsenal, his performances for club and country are closely resembling those of Jose Reyes - full of talent, but eventually incapable of really doing much besides trying a trick, falling down, and losing the ball.

So the question must be asked - is Robinho good enough? At Santos, he was mesmerising, a truly unique talent in the world. But since leaving he's done nothing. In Spain defenders have taken care of him quite easily, for Brazil he's never really looked certain about what he's doing. His present situation doesn't help - Capello has destroyed his confidence, and he's only had a few patches in which to shine.

If it is confidence, it should only matter to a small extent. The true greats - it doesn't matter what team they're playing in, and in what conditions - they adapt, and they eventually excel. Robinho was always thought to be destined for greatness, but a lot of people are probably having a bit of a re-think now.

Arsene Wenger is probably the perfect manager for him - he works with players to concentrate on their strengths, to fit into styles of play, and to achieve their potential. Robinho needs him right now... but do Arsenal need Robinho?