Now I know that I'm the type who will lead the reader on, drawing them so far into my blog post so as they have to read more.  Usually I do this with my blog titles.  I mean, my favourite post I've written is 'Shock! Leeds finish runner up in Champion's League for fourth straight year'.  You want to read that, don't you ... no?  OK, but make sure you read this post, which is as blunt and to-the-point as ... well, its so blunt and to-the-point that similes would make it less blunt and to-the-point, so I'll just move on shall I?

Yes we played AZ last night, and we were outplayed until our first goal, Koeman had an organized midfield that would drop very deep when we had the ball, thus making it nigh on impossible for us to pass our way through, and their last line of defense was very disciplined and we found it hard to break down on the counter.  To the credit of Arsenal the lads took the shot as soon as one presented itself, which is something I like to see.  Rockin' Robin was impressive for mine, he should have scored from a header but he took some good shots and that free kick was impressive.  But this brings me onto my first gripe.  When we get free kicks we are impotent.  Cesc allegedly said over the summer that arsenal need some football Viagra, I'm not sure where this is purchased or how it works, or if Cristiano Ronaldo bought the entire stock when he moved to Spain when he thought it was a special Viagra for footballers, but Arsenal need it for free kicks.  RVP just doesn't seem to be clinical from them, we have scored some this year because Vermaelen gets in there, but I would like to see a lot more free kicks from RVP in the 'threatening' category, and less in the 'tame and headed out' category.

When RVP went off and Vela (who was hacked down in the box, pen for mine) came on I knew that Cesc or Arshavin would be taking the free kicks, so I thought 'hmm, good to see this, I've wondered if Cesc is the natural FK taker in the team.'  But I was wrong, Cesc puts them in too high, and too floaty, the easiest ball to take for a goalie because it gives him time to get into position and take the ball at the right time.  Cesc needs to deliver the ball in with more speed otherwise it's easy pickings for the goalie, RVP needs to deliver the ball in to somebody.  Who is Arsenal's best free kick taker ... I don't know, I just don't know.

On to the defense, and an admission, my friends.  I'm a goalie, and everybody knows that in every goalie, is a frustrated striker, which is why I can coach strikers, because I spent my entire watching the attackers, but I'm not great at coaching, or analysing defenders.  Essentially, I can tell you if a striker had a good game, not so much defenders.  But there was not much that needed in depth analysing in the last few minutes of the AZ game, twice our entire defensive line was caught flat footed.  The first time our defense showed signs of worry the AZ player darted in to shoot wide, and the next was in the 92nd when AZ equalised, I would have liked a win today, but because Song didn't move with his man it left our defense weak and then everything snowballed to the goal.  

However, you all know this, what do we do about it?  Well, a return to the old Arsenal offside trap would be nice, the old walk and down dance, I like doing the Arsenal offside trap dance at the pub, unfortunately some people mistake it for line dancing and ask me if I'm a fucking poof.  I should mention that that was all lies so we shall continue.  But the defensive line need to prioritise and visualise runs that are going to be made, and have a bit more communication needed, and above all, look at the players hips.  To mark a player look at their hips, don't stare at the ball, watch it when it is kicked, work out if it is going to be a threat and then follow your man in.

Well that's it from me, no training this week due to the dreaded lurgy, all right.

IN OTHER NEWS
beachball, that is all.  Ha, you fools thought I was going to talk about it.  No, I've absolutely no interest in it.  I must admit that Arsenal's defending isn't as bad as Rafa's zonal marking system, I think the conversation went down in the dressing room after the Sunderland game

Rafa: What the Hell was that, were you having a laugh, it's not bloody rocket science!

Carragher: Can we skive off and do some rocket science gaffer? its just easier.

What a funny man I am.

Best. Goon

Now there are 3 types of weblogs, commonly known as blogs.  The 'Who, What, When, Where' type.  The 'writes 4 posts' type.  and the Analytical type.  The Goonbag is the more analytical style.  Which is why I don't update as regularly as other blogs may, I wait until the world is waiting for my input to a situation, then, once they are thirsting for it so, that they can only yell and rip out their hair, do I give them my opinion.

I have managed, through about 15 minutes of web trawling, to find the 2009/10 regulations for the Champion's League Competition.

Here they are.

Now, a number of people I have talked to do not understand these new rules.  Each club registers 25 players.  Lets take Arsenal

We send this list into UEFA.  Almunia, Fabianski, Mannone, Clichy, Gibbs, Vermaelen, Gallas, Toure, Djourou, Sagna, Eboue, Denilson, Diaby, Fabregas, Arshavin, Song, Nasri, Walcott, Rosicky, Ramsey, Wilshire, Van Persie, Adebayor, Vela, Bendtner, Eduardo.

Now, this is where it gets tricky, and I will have to do some analysing.  eight players must be 'locally trained players' at least four of these blokes must be 'club trained players' and at most four must be 'association trained players'.  Don't worry, Simon Clifford is not fainting yet.  Lets break this down, with HTML and MS Paint.

This is my explanation of the new rules, simply.  Now, exactly what is a 'club' and 'association' player?

A club based player has been registered with the club for three whole seasons, while he was between the ages of 15 and 21.  Any age, any nationality, lets look at who fits the bill for the Arsenal.  Cesc Fabregas, Theo Walcott, Denilson, Alex Song, Johan Djourou, Vito Mannone, Nicklas Bendtner, Armand Traore.  Seven players,  and we have 1 association trained player (been registered for any team or teams registered in The FA for three whole years between the ages of 15 and 21) in Aaron Ramsay.  so that is the eight players we need to compete in the Champion's League.  Don't be surprised to see Arsene Wenger bring in one or two association based players just in case injuries strike again.

But due to the gaffer's brilliant mind and forward thinking, we do not need to do a Chelsea or buy a full-back for 18 million, when he is worth 8.  Our youth policy has done us well, think about that next time you bag Arsene Wenger.

In other news

it only takes a fortnight to grow a decent beard.  If your wife tells you that your beard has to go, say no, if she asks with more force.  divorce.

This is a pearl of wisdom from 'The Beards' www.thebeards.com.au

Check them out

I'm out

'til next time, The Bag

It’s been some time between drinks, my gratitude to my ISP who have willingly screwed us over for the past 2 months, it may be more time between aforementioned drinks, as again, the internet has dropped out leaving me effectively cut off from civilisation.  That and a possible Kaka move may go through today; luckily I am heading out to uni where all should be revealed (even though a certain ‘red-top’ made up the story).

In the world of Arsenal the fallout continues from last season, with some blogs taking an aggressive stance against Wenger, some backing him, and some are undecided or pending decision.  Most other news from Arsenal is that people are heaping praise on Alex Song.  While Song has played brilliantly for the second half of the season, from February on, I would like to express caution.  People, even 20 year olds, have form fluctuations, and we have no guarantee that he will remain in the ‘zone’.

I do not, however, believe that we need an experienced centre mid, in fact, I think we can sell Song to get a reasonable price for him.  It seems as though at the moment our midfield has a lot of players, let’s count them.  Rosicky, Arshavin, Nasri, Walcott, Cesc, Song, Eboue, Denilson, and this is not taking into account, Coquelin, Ramsay, Wilshire and Emmanuel-Thomas.  Assuming all are fit that is a selection I don’t want to make, if we added a Toure or a new unspecified Frenchman, how would that look?  A best team for Arsenal through the mids would be:
Nasri                      Rosicky                 Cesc                       Arshavin.

Unfortunately with this midfield we can only play 4, when Wenger tried 4-5-1 it failed, and apart from it being the most negative formation in the world, I don’t think Arsenal played it well.  When we played 4-5-1 against Man U they played 4-6-0.  So when we had the ball they would camp in their half, but we couldn’t play the ball in, so Cesc dropped deeper and deeper back, the full backs couldn’t get up because Man U can hit them too easily on the break and Adebayor, while not trying to get the ball, was closed down when he did. A 4-4-2 situation would allow for Adebayor to dump and roll with RVP.

Well time to peruse the morning lies.
lie 1) Cesc is Barcelona’s top target this summer, courtesy of AS and goal.com (as they both lie they are essentially the same entity)
lie 2) Eboue on way out (this one may be true) apparently Inter are interested after a less than barnstorming year for everyone’s favourite right back/mid
lie 3) Adebayor to Milan for 15 million courtesy of the Sun, I’d prefer a bit more for him really.

Enough lies, in my opinion every rumour is a lie until you see the player in the strip playing for the team he went to.

 Best, Goon

Tell you what, Arsenal, one of these days, are going to give me a heart attack.  Being engaged in a game of Risk, which ultimately I lost, I missed the first half.  And from what I've been told I'm quite happy I did miss the first half.  Now let's not beat around the bush, the best Arsenal blog out there is arseblog.  I read it religiously, and he has a rather intense hatred of Silvestre or who he calls Sylvester.  And I know some Arsenal fans who feel the same way and we're not happy when Djourou got injured, because Silvestre had to be introduced into the fray.

 

So we had Bendtner upfront -- which is always a recipe for disaster, as you'll remember from my last post, if you wnat him to score, wait a year or two -- a five-man midfield, which Wenger has never played well, and a defense that included Kieran Gibbs and Silvestre.  Up against team like Wigan, who have been good this year, we could've been rooted, so speak.  I did get to see five minutes of the first half, proving that I was lying to you earlier, we were almost playing like we did in the final 10 minutes of the Aston Villa game earlier in the season.  And when we came out for the second half we look like a totally reinvented team, so Wenger must have kicked some of them up the arse.

I'm incredibly frustrated first of all because I'm using a dictation program and I have to teach it all the words, such as Wenger -- which I have pronounced with the W -- and there is music blasting through my house so somehow it gets worse like ' hanging ' mixed up with 'down with the sickness '.  But I'm more frustrated because when we are playing Wigan we get a chance to show our dominance immediately, and at the same time we would've given a warning to [let's see how Dragon speaking likes this] Villareal.  [That's stunning it got it the first time round].

One of these days the Arsenal football club will give me a heart attack, when it comes to these games that we have to win to keep the pressure on Chelsea and Aston Villa, and with 60 minutes in, playing like shite, and losing to Wigan, I was just thinking 'holy crap, we are boned'.

When Theo hit that goal, I made up a little song.  I shall indulge you

[the cheering of 'we are going on a bear hunt']

when Henry left he took 14, Theo, Theo
you'll see him running down the wing, Theo, Theo
he got a shoulder injury, but he'll be back, and then you'll see
that he's Theo Walcott, Arsenal's speedster king.

Brilliance isn't it?  I know it is because I wrote it myself.  The next three goals were just amazing, just watching them was stunning.  Silvestre's goal was one of the best goals I have seen this year.

In conclusion, while 4 -- 1 is a brilliant result, I feel that if we hadn't had such a shite first half, we could impose ourselves a bit more Villareal.

In other news the Society for the Appreciation of Nicklas Bendtner's Crap Finishing but Great Build-up Play or SANBCFGBP is now taking members, I may even make a shirt.

Till next time, the bag.

Wednesday, February 11
In which our hero realises that the fallout from Eboue’s send off continues

Checked that latest cartoon on studs-up.com, laughed, the one about Eboue and fish. Was taken back to that horrific incident, it was almost hypersensory. I had travelled back from a gruelling weekend in Sydney, I was knackered, falling asleep where I sat, yet his first yellow, I just called him an idiot, I mean, arguing your way into a yellow is a no mean feat. But the second, I remember my mate talking to me, I just said ‘fuck’, before adding ‘pardon my language’. It was so disgraceful that at half time, I logged on to the internet, and posted an angry, insomnia fuelled rant, at Mr E. Booue.
Wednesday is my favourite day of the week, because it is then where I have a 1.5 hour long open and humorous forum, punctuated by strenuous exercise, about the week’s football action. I had to endure numerous questions about Eboue, perhaps the most hurtful was from a Spurs fan. ‘It looks like Arsenal have their own Pascal Chimbonda’ he quipped. Ouch.

Thursday, 12 February
In which our hero watches ‘Mike Bassett, England Manager’ and Arsenal Football Club bury their heads in the ground.

I don’t think the AFC understand how angry Arsenal fans are at the moment. Sure there was the apology from Eboue, and the message from Wenger, but I for one am livid at Eboue. Spurs, one of the biggest games of the year, and he goes and gets sent off for two incidents that anyone of secure mental health would not have got involved in, can you imagine Cesc doing what Eboue did? Arsenal wants this to blow away, but it won’t. Some of us still harbour resentment to Eboue when he did his best to lose the game against Wigan.
Less about Eboue, I was on Soccerlens.com today, why are there so many stories on Soccerlens about football losing its soul and becoming a sandbox for rich folk? I decided that I am going to write a piece about how football is in great condition and how the money was there at the start of the Football League. Hell, Arsenal’s first chairman, Henry Norris, bribed us into the first division and was banned for life from football after under the table deals to give Herbert Chapman the best players. I like football nowadays, and as much as Soccerlens try to tell me otherwise I don’t think it is the root of all evil.
I can’t wait for Eduardo’s comeback; I think we have been missing his vision and movement in the final third, especially with Adebayor thinking of the warm beaches of Milan while playing in the cold winter of Islington. After being a vocal dissident during the Arshavin transfer I am now a convert. I hope he does well and could be just what we need in the final third. Against West Ham we were atrocious with no movement or players looking to make a spark. We are desperately missing Cesc and Theo.

Friday, 13 February
In which our hero is not remotely worried by events of the supernatural, but more by the appointment of Guus Hiddink to Chelsea.

Guus Hiddink is an Australian Hero (yet he still comes up as an unknown word in the Microsoft spell-check). He got Australia to the World Cup; he got us to the knockout round. But then a greasy Italian bastard ruined it. I was very angry when I found that it was Abramovich’s millions funding Hiddink’s move to Russia. I suppose I should point out that the time here is 0143 hours and I may be slightly inebriated after a night of Karaoke and chips with a side of a heart attack. I love Hiddink so to see him going to CSKA Chelsea is very disappointing, he has the best technical mind going around, It will be interesting, however, to see how he fares at Chelsea’s team of millionaires and egos. At the World Cup his man management was criticised after the tournament.
The Interlull has me pining for some proper football, Australian v Japan was a horrific failure and I wish never to look at such a display again. I would prefer to watch the A League because at least the blokes there can take a hit. We are lucky to support Arsenal, we are exciting and mildly physical at the same time, a rare combination. Our next big game is the FA Cup replay against last year’s finalists Cardiff. Hopefully Enckelman is not in such fine form as he was last game. The FA Cup is a great chance for silverware, there is no reason at the moment to think that Arsenal cannot win games. What people don’t realise is that it is still up for grabs, just like it was in May 1989.

Saturday, 14 February
In which our hero has no Valentine, plays Championship Manager

Ah cruel world, why hast thou giv’n me the affliction known as Championship-Manageritis. To make things worse my mate has left for a far off city for 6 years, and I watched all the Premier League games at his place. Looks like it’s back to unspecified broadcasting website for me. The FA cup replay nears, why they couldn’t have scheduled the game for today I do not know. I guess we have to trust that the F.A. has the best interests of the game at heart...[stifles laughter]...oh, sorry, I have been reading another one of those attack-dog style books, like the type you would read on Soccerlens. Still going to write that article about how excellent football today is. This weekend is going drudgingly slowly, in fact the only reason that I have hauled myself away from, wait, what am I doing at the moment? It’s that kind of day.

Sunday, 15 February
In which our hero prepares to play cricket, in footballing weather. He also makes a prediction

Yes my friends after a summer of heat that would melt tungsten we have a temperature of 14 degrees C to rise to a very uncrickety 20, I am somewhat disappointed as it was touching 40 last week, now all I hear are crows. Vermin of death. More importantly is the game on Tuesday (my time). Prediction for the starting team goes like this. Fabianski, Clichy Djourou Gallas Sagna, Merida Coquelin Denilson Jack Wilshire, Eduardo Vela. No explanations, just predictions. It looks like Ramsay will be fit, but I don’t think he’ll start. Enckelman is injured so Cardiff will be playing young Tom Heaton.
Cricket time happened. So many Chelsea fans, I may have called one or two of them glory hunting scum. Does that make me a bad person? No, it does not. They told me to pick a team in the top 5, once a gooner always a gooner, right? Glory hunters. It’s just the common life of a gooner.

Monday, 16 February
In which our hero did nothing to contribute to society, watched crappy tv shows

Nothing happened today (please note my time difference of +10), Except I forgot that I had a meeting, and the meeting convenor was a Tottenham fan, blimey. If only the Premier League was like the NBA where they play games every 3 days. The game is at 0600 hours, and unspecified broadcasting website will be broadcasting live to my house. I also became aware of the ‘the offside’ fiasco with Netresult. As they take away football clips on the net I say to them. Twenty clubs,

Netresult, I hate you, I guess I did contribute to society.

Tuesday, 17 February
In which our hero wakes up early, loves Eduardo, expects a letter from Netresult

Eduardo, what a hero, brace on his return, or, as Arsene would have us believe, his debut. We played like Arsenal of last season this morning, I loved it. I have just three worries. Firstly, Alex Song went missing in midfield. Secondly, Bendtner again was unconvincing, should have had a hat-trick. Thirdly, we still aren’t taking shots from outside, and the two that we did were crappy little toe pokes after control was lost. We cannot keep on trying to run the ball into the back of the net. But apart from that I felt very confident about our performance considering that Cardiff were last season’s runners up. The passing and build-up play was like when we were winning last year and it just stunned Cardiff into defending, our defence was compact and assured. I feel very happy about this morning. The team was somewhat like I had predicted, so I’m feeling quite happy with myself, the only problem is that there are murmurings about Usmanov.
While I won’t go as far as to say that I hate him, I’m not a fan, just like he isn’t a fan of Arsenal FC. I have always been happy that we are not run by a dictator, and I hope it stays that way.

Wednesday, 16 February
In which our hero finishes up his blog about 1 week from the eyes of an Arsenal fan, gets angry at Wenger.
I love Arsene Wenger, read previous posts, but today I am rather angry at him. Wenger has sent me three emails about Eduardo, I have read, none. I’ve heard it all before: ‘new signing...mental strength...fantastic goals...never lost hope...’ I would much rather read the transcript of happenings in the Australian Senate. The 90 minute football forum was less this week, fitness test, I don’t mean to brag, but it was easy. Everton loving friend seemed to think that Everton was going to beat Arsenal, don’t think so. Eduardo and Arshavin will be better than Henry and Bergkamp (I’m lying ). Well that is the perspective of 1 week as an Arsenal fan. Pain, laughter, anger. Well, as it says in the Pirates of Penzance ‘when Arsenal fan’s duty is to be done, to be done. An Arsenal fan’s lot, is sometimes a happy one.'

I've had enough.  We forgave Eboue for stuffing up against Wigan, we cannot forgive him again.  Eboue is now the Hossam Ghaly of Arsenal.  I hope he never plays again, I will not go back on these remarks.  Too many times I have supported him while he played like crap.  No more, I have never been a fan of him ever since he started to play in the right mid.

He is an idiot, you do NOT go around kicking out at people who run into you, I would go to jail if I did that on a daily basis, I would go to jail for that shit.  He is a friggin moron, how daft do you have to be to talk yourself into a yellow card inside 25 minutes, what an idiot.

He should never play for the AFC again.

I hate Eboue more than I hate Wollongong.

Now lets get one thing straight.  I'm not a fan of sleazy agents.  And so in true cliched style, a rewriting of the poem If

If you can keep your head when all about you Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust your agent when all men doubt you But rest assured of your massive paycheck too,
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting, Or being lied about, and deal with spurs,
Or being hated by communists, don't give way to left wings, And your agent don't look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream of Real--and not make dreams your master,  If you can think--and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Levy and Ramos And treat those two impostors just the same;If you can bear to hear the truth your agent spoken  Twisted by knaves to make a trap for you
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken, And stoop, leave them to the highest bidder:

If you can make one heap of all your money,And risk it all on one turn of agent toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings, And pray they don't breath a word about your disloyalty;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew To serve your turn long after your agent is gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you Except the agent which says to them: "only 40 000?"

If your agent can talk with crowds and keep your virtue, Or walk with the boardsmen--nor lose the sleazy touch,
If neither communists nor hangers-on can hurt you;
If all men count your money, but none too much,
If you can fill the unforgiving month With sixty days worth of media rumours,
Yours is the money and everything that's in it,
And--which is more--you'll be  Dennis Lachtered, my son!

apologies to Rudyard Kipling, I really do like this poem.  And to the Arsenal board: we pay the players wage, can you tell us if we have signed him?

I have just finished watching the Portsmouth v Aston Villa game, Villa won, just.  But of more consequence is the table, this moves Villa onto 47 points, so we must win to stay in touch.  As my Everton loving friend stated to me; Chelsea are being pulled into this top 4 battle.  Chelsea are up against Middlesbrough.  Aliadiere needs to use his one good game a year to win it for Middlesbrough.  Liverpool too have a tricky tie with Wigan.

Crisis, what is that word?  Every team in the big 4 has been in 'crisis' at some point this year.  Now it is the final run, down to the finish.  If there is a 'crisis' at the moment it is our injury crisis.  I don't think we need Arshavin and more a Flamini style midfielder, Steven Appiah anyone?

So 3 points against Everton is Vital, and although it may hurt my fantasy team, that is a risk I am willing to take.  Also I will never hear the end of it from Arteta shirt wearing friend.

 Arsenal has not had the roll of the dice this year, then again, many teams havn't, yet some teams have: Aston Villa...Aston Villa etc.  We cannot dwell on this but only move forward, trust that Arsene knows what he is doing, he is NOT a madman, and he will deliver.

Natajak to read my foolish and possible libel attracting comments.

Check the team here with Natajak.

Well I normally write about Arsenal matters, those of an Arsenal related theme or why the F.A. loves chelsea and Fergie.  This week is different.

I am inclined to ask, is there something strange going on in the Englandland?  is the water funny, or the air, or the beef?

Manchester City have signed, and there is no other way to put this.  Craig Bellamy.

haven't people worked out that he is psycho, unstable, and just plain crap?  what on earth is going on up there,  do people not read into the stats, I think the most goals that he has scored in one season is 13, 13? I am dumbfounded, its like Titus Bramble, haven't people learnt yet, GOD, I am so incensed I cannot write anymore.

Craig Bellamy is a douche, and cannot play football, maybe (since he is welsh) they are just going to ask him to sing, oh, what happened the last time he did Kareoke?

Hello and welcome to the Goonbag for another week, even though I do not actually do this on a weekly basis, more when I start to lose on Championship Manager.

If you have per chance happened to read any other Arsenal blog today you may as well go on with your online musings, as this is pretty much the same as all of them, except for this; today the Goonbag is brought to you by Natajak. A free service that sends free Arsenal team news, match reports, latest scores and other miscellany straight to your mobile, along with your least favourite Arsenal blog, the Goonbag. I guess the best things in life really are free, except for that sugar free lemonade that sends cold chills down my spine. But Natajak is free and awesome.

Onto news now. Bolton, we got three points, which regular readers (myself) will know, was all that I wanted. Sagna is becoming one of my favourite players, but that spaghetti hair creeps me out, imagine touching it...God have mercy on us. I feel sorry for his hairdresser, but, he can play football. I love seeing Diaby play, his legs are just so huge, he really is Patrick Viera, without the passing accuracy, consistency and with a few more studs up tackles.

I can understand why the manager isn’t picking Vela at the moment, with too much riding on the present, playing a playing who hasn’t proven himself in the Premier League is just too much of a risk.

The Transfer season is again all bark and no bite, until about 9:00pm on the 31st. I have been reading a delightful book by Xavier Revoire, ‘Arsene Wenger The Biography’ It seems that Wenger enjoys buying benched players from big clubs just as much as getting 16 year olds from the youth academy, Bergkamp, Viera, Henry, and more recently Silvestre. We need to do this again this window to make sure that we are challenging for the top place come May.

In other news, you should register with Natajak so you never are unsure as to whether Eboue is playing or if you think Arsene has decided to do away with whatever position he is playing. I hope we do not underestimate Hull, but not overestimate them like we did to Bolton, if we get the estimation just right we will win. As Arsene said

‘Aston Villa won again but I am not too concerned about that, for us it is just important to win our own games.’

The only problem with the book about Arsene, I think that he was a greater and more patient man than Mother Theresa, they should get Kevin Davies to write a bit in there, except that I hate him. Til next week, or until Leeds lose the Champions League Again

http://natajak.com/mbn1d/home.jsp?affiliate=281479288484789