Now I know that I'm the type who will lead the reader on, drawing them so far into my blog post so as they have to read more.  Usually I do this with my blog titles.  I mean, my favourite post I've written is 'Shock! Leeds finish runner up in Champion's League for fourth straight year'.  You want to read that, don't you ... no?  OK, but make sure you read this post, which is as blunt and to-the-point as ... well, its so blunt and to-the-point that similes would make it less blunt and to-the-point, so I'll just move on shall I?

Yes we played AZ last night, and we were outplayed until our first goal, Koeman had an organized midfield that would drop very deep when we had the ball, thus making it nigh on impossible for us to pass our way through, and their last line of defense was very disciplined and we found it hard to break down on the counter.  To the credit of Arsenal the lads took the shot as soon as one presented itself, which is something I like to see.  Rockin' Robin was impressive for mine, he should have scored from a header but he took some good shots and that free kick was impressive.  But this brings me onto my first gripe.  When we get free kicks we are impotent.  Cesc allegedly said over the summer that arsenal need some football Viagra, I'm not sure where this is purchased or how it works, or if Cristiano Ronaldo bought the entire stock when he moved to Spain when he thought it was a special Viagra for footballers, but Arsenal need it for free kicks.  RVP just doesn't seem to be clinical from them, we have scored some this year because Vermaelen gets in there, but I would like to see a lot more free kicks from RVP in the 'threatening' category, and less in the 'tame and headed out' category.

When RVP went off and Vela (who was hacked down in the box, pen for mine) came on I knew that Cesc or Arshavin would be taking the free kicks, so I thought 'hmm, good to see this, I've wondered if Cesc is the natural FK taker in the team.'  But I was wrong, Cesc puts them in too high, and too floaty, the easiest ball to take for a goalie because it gives him time to get into position and take the ball at the right time.  Cesc needs to deliver the ball in with more speed otherwise it's easy pickings for the goalie, RVP needs to deliver the ball in to somebody.  Who is Arsenal's best free kick taker ... I don't know, I just don't know.

On to the defense, and an admission, my friends.  I'm a goalie, and everybody knows that in every goalie, is a frustrated striker, which is why I can coach strikers, because I spent my entire watching the attackers, but I'm not great at coaching, or analysing defenders.  Essentially, I can tell you if a striker had a good game, not so much defenders.  But there was not much that needed in depth analysing in the last few minutes of the AZ game, twice our entire defensive line was caught flat footed.  The first time our defense showed signs of worry the AZ player darted in to shoot wide, and the next was in the 92nd when AZ equalised, I would have liked a win today, but because Song didn't move with his man it left our defense weak and then everything snowballed to the goal.  

However, you all know this, what do we do about it?  Well, a return to the old Arsenal offside trap would be nice, the old walk and down dance, I like doing the Arsenal offside trap dance at the pub, unfortunately some people mistake it for line dancing and ask me if I'm a fucking poof.  I should mention that that was all lies so we shall continue.  But the defensive line need to prioritise and visualise runs that are going to be made, and have a bit more communication needed, and above all, look at the players hips.  To mark a player look at their hips, don't stare at the ball, watch it when it is kicked, work out if it is going to be a threat and then follow your man in.

Well that's it from me, no training this week due to the dreaded lurgy, all right.

IN OTHER NEWS
beachball, that is all.  Ha, you fools thought I was going to talk about it.  No, I've absolutely no interest in it.  I must admit that Arsenal's defending isn't as bad as Rafa's zonal marking system, I think the conversation went down in the dressing room after the Sunderland game

Rafa: What the Hell was that, were you having a laugh, it's not bloody rocket science!

Carragher: Can we skive off and do some rocket science gaffer? its just easier.

What a funny man I am.

Best. Goon

Oh yeah, how bout that one, we can even go the next line, 'and the CESCficial signs' (apologies to Simon and Garfunkel).  Very sorry all, that was a bit Murdoch-esque of me.  In any case I loved the game against Blackburn, strangely whenever Arsenal go down, I worry, but I wasnt worried when N'zonzi scored, I just knew that we could get back.  Zoom, Arsenal are no longer their own worst enemy.  However there are a few problems I would like to discuss, the first is Diaby.

Diaby

Ah Vassiriki Abou Diaby.  I like the boy, he is tall, french and has the long legs, he reminds me of another Arsenal legend, Anelka. I kid of course, but I have one or two problems with Diaby that make me nervous whenever he plays.  Don't get me wrong, on his day he is really really good, it seems that he either scores two goals, or none at all.  He will track back and get forward quickly, he will tackle hard and get involved in play.  But, when he gets the ball he has slow thinking and terrible passing.

Last night I watched the Arsenal play (whoop my brother the webmaster has let me stream games again) and Cesc was magical, I'm talking making grown men cry.  When Cesc had the ball he knew where he wanted it to go and he put it there very quickly.  But when Diaby has the ball he seems to get the ball, then scan the field before deciding where to pass it, and sometimes, by the time he gets around to passing the ball the player has moved.  When we have three through the midfield we cannot take chances of giving the ball away cheaply, which we didn't for the most part, but a couple of times I thought that Diaby was just a few seconds behind, maybe not the sharpest knife in the drawer if you know what I mean.

Diaby needs to lift, not his workrate, he is like Ray Parlour in that respect, but his concentration rate.  Last year when I coached my youth team I told them that as a referee I should not be expected to ref more than one game a day, because while we dont run as much as players, we have to concentrate every second, I don't know when someone is going to lose their rag and punch someone, but I need to be ready.  The players in my charge would not think ahead, they ran and ran all day but didn't achieve much.

Diaby just needs to concentrate a bit more, move the ball faster and just put in the extra 10% that will turn him into a regular fixture in the Arsenal first team.  At the present time, I think when Nasri comes back he will have the left mid spot.

Cesc

I would like to speak of Captain Cesc.  I was on the MSN with everton friend, we were watching the game, unfortunately he was watching on his Foxtel and I was doing the honourable thing and streaming it live.  I'm not putting my cash into Murdoch's wallet.  The result of this is that my stream was about a minute behind, so I knew what would happen before it happened.  Just before Cesc's amazing left footed volley I messaged him saying that Cesc is the best CM in the league, this was in response to his unbelievable cross to RVP.  Cesc impressed me last night, more than any other game I have seen him play, he set up every goal that he was on the field for.

He played the ball back to Vermaelen who lauched a rocket past Robinson, he saw the gap to play in RVP, he did exactly the same thing for Arshavin, he passed the ball so smoothly to get into a position for his goal, and then selflessly passed across the penalty area when he could have taken the shot to play in Theo who made no mistake.

And then there was his goal.  I could watch it all day.  He muscled out a Blackburn defender and attempted a tricky pass back to the running Arshavin, but Blackburn had the bus parked so his pass couldn't get back to Arshavin, but he managed to turn his body fast enough to keep his feet and move away from the two Blackburn players on him before they could even move, he shaped to shoot before passing to Rosicky, the pass was blocked, but Rosicky knew that Cesc would keep going, so Rosicky flicked the ball over his head, Cesc leaned back to cushion the ball into where he wanted it, he let the ball bounce while Blackburn just stood there watching the symphony unfold, he then got his left boot and placed the ball into the right hand corner of the goal with Robinson dumbstruck.  Two men, left seven  players chasing their tails, not knowing where to go next.  After the goal, Cesc runs toward the Arsenal fans, and the seven Blackburn players, who could not supress two Arsenal players, turned toward each other, none of them could explain what they just saw, none of them could say 'I am blameless' because each of them should have taken the ball from Cesc and Tomas, but none of them could compare to the beauty and liberation of Arsenal's football.

After I watched Cesc play that game, I say 'thank you Cesc' for the joy that you bring us, and while we pay your wages, you give us something that money cannot buy.

In Other News
good to have Theo back, good to see him scoring goals as well.  Why does nobody want to join Macclesfield Town, I've got them to the Championship for petes sake.  Why are all our keepers a bit mad?  Fabianski and Don Vito seem to charge at the ball at every available opportunity, we almost had to play 'ctrl+v' (thats the only way I can spell Sceznzyzy).  I hate Harry Redknapp, always putting in his 2 cents, hopefully he won't be doing that for some time, as he had to give those 2 cents to the government.  The FFA are a bunch of idiots, they want us to play the 1-4-3-3, who lists the goalie???

best, goon

I could make up some lies, oh yes.  I'm good at that kind of thing, like Kranjcar going to Spurs or whatnot.  But I shall not.  But then I think, the only reason that people are not drinking themselves into a steady stupor is due to the fact that they want to be mildly conscious when Arsene has a massive (yet not fatal) brain injury that leads him to believe that Arsenal should sign Messi, and the corpse of the late, great, Johnny Warren.  As such, they trawl the internet looking for the news of the latest bid, therefore, it would be irresponsible for me, the Time's Person of the Year winner from 2006, to not lead you astray with my complicated web of lies.  However, in a mind-bending and boring paradox, I have no real interest in deadline day.  Mainly because Arsenal never sign anyone, save Arshavin, but that was exceptional.  So I will report my usual story, but inside that story I will post some lies that you can tell your mate, or the Sun can report as a 'source deep inside x'.

I digress however.

What I actually want to write about is a subject I've had on my mind for some time, indeed the title of this blog should not be the title that you read above, but 'If we can see it, so can Arsene'.  As I can mentally see you all closing this page in Mozilla (anyone who uses IE is not allowed to read this blog), time for a lie, methinks.  however, I will do this in a more scientific way than most of the tabloids.  I have in my hand Rothman's for 09-10, I will open it to a random page, pick a player, then open it to another random page, and say that the player will transfer to the club on the second random page.

20 year old Sunderland player Jamie Chandler will move to Barnsley for 850 000 quid.

Too often I watch Arsenal games in frustration.  This is unfortunate, yet true, especially after last year.  And I will often think that a player is not good enough for Arsenal, say Denilson or Diaby.  I like both of these players, but at the moment I don't think that they are up to the Arsenal calibre.

29 year old Brentford midfielder Adam Newton will move to Dundee United for 150 000 quid

Denilson seems a bit anonymous and Diaby is a player that is only good at a certain time.  however, as I pondered what I was to do for my next blog entry and wondered how many people will take notice or care (0) I thought.  If we can see this, so can Arsene.  If we can see what we think are problems in the Arsenal side, he can see them clearer, if we think a player is not good enough for Arsenal, he sees it more accurately.  In short, Arsene Wenger is the only manager that Arsenal should have, and if things go balls up like they did last year, then I am behind the manager, and will not waver in that.  Arsene Wenger is a hero of mine and I hope that Arsenal fans remember this when we next have a disappointing game.

In other news

I stayed up to watch the first half of the Arsenal Man U game.  As I went to bed I thought, 'tomorrow, I should do a blog about Diaby, and why I don't think he is good enough for Arsenal.'  I wake up, Diaby, OG 63rd minute.  Bow down and worship my footballing knowledge which is matched only by my ego.

Joey Barton (this should be good) to League 1 side Colchester United for 3.5 million, which Newcastle will pay in installments over the next two years.  

Best, Goon 

Good day fellow Gooners, I am quivering with excitement, the demo of CM2010 is due for release in less than 24 hours.  But also because I got my first ever issue of Rothman's Football Yearbook, I have lost my Rothman's virginity.  Lastly, I am quivering because Everton have one available centre half.

The fear that Joseph Yobo thrusts into my heart is roughly equivalent to say, my fear of getting run down by an old Catholic priest in a modified Volkswagen Passat, non-existent.  A man who played 27 games in a defence that was tight, but will be without Lescott (Moyes hates him) and Jags.  So they will have to use a 17 year old or a reserve player.  Happy days.

I would love it if we beat them, mainly because I have a mate who likes the Everton away shirt.  Unfortunately I don't have anywhere I can watch the game, my brother (the IT guru in our family, everyone has an IT guru) has blocked the site I normally use to watch games.

Less about me, the defender situation is looking shaky at the moment, we have a couple of defenders listed in Rothman's, the best young lad coming through is Kerrea Gilbert who had a decent season with Leicester City last year so he may start in a few games.  If we do get a week 33 to 35 scenario we are royally screwed.  I think we may need one or two more defenders, maybe it is time for Arsene to give way to popular opinion...

Not much more tonight, I'm going for a few Gin and Tonics.  Yes, I am an old man.

I am sat at my uni library, and friends, I am downcast.  A fellow student may walk by and ask if I was crestfallen, yet I would reply yes, although I just have a naturally crestfallen face.  they would have to look only at my Arsenal beanie to realise the true meaning of my mood.

Normally after a player has been sold I will look at our reserves, pick out a few with the best names and, voila, we have a replacement.  Or I could point out that over the course of the season last year we had many injuries, and that losing a centre-half will not matter.  Or I could point out that Silvestre was in poor form, and that he still has a few years in him.  Or I could point out that our young squad is maturing, and that the overall sum of improvement in our young players will be equal to losing one experienced player.  But this time, I won't.  My heart tells me to say these things.  But my head disagrees.

Now I realise that I may not be the most knowledgeable man in football, and that many others have supported Arsenal since long before I was born.  But I feel that losing Kolo Toure will hurt Arsenal.  If we got 15 million for him, as some reports say, then we have that amount to add to our backline of Gallas, Senderos, Djourou, Vermaelen, Clichy, Sagna, Gibbs, and Silvestre.  Now most people would look at that and say that we are fine, no problem with that as it is.  Let's look at Manchester United: Erva, Brown, Ferdinand, Vidic, Fabio, Rafael, John O'Shea, Johnny Evans, Gary Neville and Danny Simpson. Ten top class players, even though they are all wankers.  Chelsea has nine and Liverpool has nine.  We have eight, and one of those isn't up to the job, and another has just come from the Dutch league, and will inevitably need time to adjust.  Each of the big four has one great bastion in defense.  Terry, Vidic, Carragher and err...Gallas.  No disrespect but he is hardly Tony Adams, he had the captaincy stripped and allegedly threatened to score own goals against Chelsea if a move was not forthcoming. 

I would love to see Wenger bring someone in, not Hangeland but a young lad, with some coal on his face.  How much for David Wheater?  Firstly because he is a good young defenders and secondly because that would piss off a boro fan I know.  Will Wenger buy? Who knows.  What I do know is that Arsenal do have a chance to win, yesterday I claimed that I would put money on Arsenal winning the Carling and FA cups.  Then someone asked if I would put $50 on it (25 quid), I replied that I would not, as the odds are very long.  But we do need a bit of investment back there, we have the money, hell, we have 40 million from transfers alone.  A good bit of transfer business from Arsenal could see this season be our most productive in six years.

In other news, I am currently writing a report on ownership of football clubs, what is the current feeling towards Usmanov versus Kroenke?  Arsenal will do a deadline day deal for a young defensive midfielder.  Watch Arsenal this year, we will surprise many people.  Also a quick F Off to The Daily Mail (saying we will not finish inside the top four) The Sun (same reason) and especially the racists at Talksport.  How I hate you all, I wish ill on you.

Now there are 3 types of weblogs, commonly known as blogs.  The 'Who, What, When, Where' type.  The 'writes 4 posts' type.  and the Analytical type.  The Goonbag is the more analytical style.  Which is why I don't update as regularly as other blogs may, I wait until the world is waiting for my input to a situation, then, once they are thirsting for it so, that they can only yell and rip out their hair, do I give them my opinion.

I have managed, through about 15 minutes of web trawling, to find the 2009/10 regulations for the Champion's League Competition.

Here they are.

Now, a number of people I have talked to do not understand these new rules.  Each club registers 25 players.  Lets take Arsenal

We send this list into UEFA.  Almunia, Fabianski, Mannone, Clichy, Gibbs, Vermaelen, Gallas, Toure, Djourou, Sagna, Eboue, Denilson, Diaby, Fabregas, Arshavin, Song, Nasri, Walcott, Rosicky, Ramsey, Wilshire, Van Persie, Adebayor, Vela, Bendtner, Eduardo.

Now, this is where it gets tricky, and I will have to do some analysing.  eight players must be 'locally trained players' at least four of these blokes must be 'club trained players' and at most four must be 'association trained players'.  Don't worry, Simon Clifford is not fainting yet.  Lets break this down, with HTML and MS Paint.

This is my explanation of the new rules, simply.  Now, exactly what is a 'club' and 'association' player?

A club based player has been registered with the club for three whole seasons, while he was between the ages of 15 and 21.  Any age, any nationality, lets look at who fits the bill for the Arsenal.  Cesc Fabregas, Theo Walcott, Denilson, Alex Song, Johan Djourou, Vito Mannone, Nicklas Bendtner, Armand Traore.  Seven players,  and we have 1 association trained player (been registered for any team or teams registered in The FA for three whole years between the ages of 15 and 21) in Aaron Ramsay.  so that is the eight players we need to compete in the Champion's League.  Don't be surprised to see Arsene Wenger bring in one or two association based players just in case injuries strike again.

But due to the gaffer's brilliant mind and forward thinking, we do not need to do a Chelsea or buy a full-back for 18 million, when he is worth 8.  Our youth policy has done us well, think about that next time you bag Arsene Wenger.

In other news

it only takes a fortnight to grow a decent beard.  If your wife tells you that your beard has to go, say no, if she asks with more force.  divorce.

This is a pearl of wisdom from 'The Beards' www.thebeards.com.au

Check them out

I'm out

'til next time, The Bag

As some of my more regular readers (nobody) may know, my expertise, football wise, stretches far beyond the great Arsenal Football Club.  Indeed, the most viewed post I have written was about jurisdiction in football.  In fact, if you were to type 'jurisdiction in football' into Google you would find my post.  So I thought I would write less about Arsenal and more about Real Madrid (today only).  When a mate was over at my house we decided that Real Madrid were being stupid and buying too many players.  So we drew up their best team.

                           4-4-2 formation

                           Casillas

Ramos       Pepe              Heinze           Marcelo

                           Gago

Ronaldo                                              Robben

                             Kaka

             Raul                        Benzema

Complaints? I didn't think so.  So who are we leaving out

Lass Diarra, signed for £20 Million 7 months ago
Gonzalo Higuain, £12 Million 3 1/2 years ago
Daniel Parejo Munoz signed for £18 Million 7 months ago
Guti, vice captain, played over 350 games for Real Madrid
Metzelder, signed on a free, possibly gone to Besiktas, still not sure
Raul Abidol, new man, replaces Heinze?  £13 Million this window
Miguel Torres, played 14 games last season
Javi Garcia, 15 games after being signed for £3 Million
Mahamadou Diarra, signed 3 years ago for £22 Million

This is only those who aren't Dutch.  You see, in the past few years Real Madrid have gone Dutch.  They signed Sneijder £23m, Robben £24m,  Drenthe £12m, Huntelaar £23m (this is particularily disappointing for The Sun because whenever he scored they would scream 'PURE KLAAS' I would've loved to read that), van der Vaart £13m, and Ruud van Nistelrooy £15m because Fergie hated him.  6 Dutch players, 8 Spainiards on this team.  Arsenal sign Frenchmen, Liverpool sign Spainiards, Real Madrid sign Dutch.  They have a bigger Dutch fascination than Australia.

My point?  Real Madrid are spending too much, on too many.  They pay money for players, who are their assets.  But because they have too many assets they will not be able to get the most value out of their assets.  So I come to a conclusion, they are buying players for marketting alone.  Not much of a shock after Beckham but that is irellevant.  I have so far stopped short of saying G*l*c**c*s.  But Real Madrid will not do well in the League or Champion's League.  Their Midfield has totally changed, save Gago and Robben, Ronaldo comes from a counter attacking side, Kaka comes from a defensive side, Raul has played with Madrid for years, so when two players come in and want the team built around themselves he is going to have to adapt to two players playing different styles, Benzema is going to have to get into a style a long way from the small town of the French Ligue 1.

So, lets put everything together.  The Dutch players have been pushed out, great players who deserve playing time, which is difficult because if they played together they could work very well because they have been taught under the same people, they are buying and not selling, thus lowering the return they will get from their assets, and they are buying players that will expect (due to their fee) that the team will be based around them, players who have different styles of play that will eventually confuse and complicate Madrid and unsettle the team.

In other news, the Arsenal are boring boring, the press are too interested with Madrid to worry about Arsenal.

Best, Goon

It’s been some time between drinks, my gratitude to my ISP who have willingly screwed us over for the past 2 months, it may be more time between aforementioned drinks, as again, the internet has dropped out leaving me effectively cut off from civilisation.  That and a possible Kaka move may go through today; luckily I am heading out to uni where all should be revealed (even though a certain ‘red-top’ made up the story).

In the world of Arsenal the fallout continues from last season, with some blogs taking an aggressive stance against Wenger, some backing him, and some are undecided or pending decision.  Most other news from Arsenal is that people are heaping praise on Alex Song.  While Song has played brilliantly for the second half of the season, from February on, I would like to express caution.  People, even 20 year olds, have form fluctuations, and we have no guarantee that he will remain in the ‘zone’.

I do not, however, believe that we need an experienced centre mid, in fact, I think we can sell Song to get a reasonable price for him.  It seems as though at the moment our midfield has a lot of players, let’s count them.  Rosicky, Arshavin, Nasri, Walcott, Cesc, Song, Eboue, Denilson, and this is not taking into account, Coquelin, Ramsay, Wilshire and Emmanuel-Thomas.  Assuming all are fit that is a selection I don’t want to make, if we added a Toure or a new unspecified Frenchman, how would that look?  A best team for Arsenal through the mids would be:
Nasri                      Rosicky                 Cesc                       Arshavin.

Unfortunately with this midfield we can only play 4, when Wenger tried 4-5-1 it failed, and apart from it being the most negative formation in the world, I don’t think Arsenal played it well.  When we played 4-5-1 against Man U they played 4-6-0.  So when we had the ball they would camp in their half, but we couldn’t play the ball in, so Cesc dropped deeper and deeper back, the full backs couldn’t get up because Man U can hit them too easily on the break and Adebayor, while not trying to get the ball, was closed down when he did. A 4-4-2 situation would allow for Adebayor to dump and roll with RVP.

Well time to peruse the morning lies.
lie 1) Cesc is Barcelona’s top target this summer, courtesy of AS and goal.com (as they both lie they are essentially the same entity)
lie 2) Eboue on way out (this one may be true) apparently Inter are interested after a less than barnstorming year for everyone’s favourite right back/mid
lie 3) Adebayor to Milan for 15 million courtesy of the Sun, I’d prefer a bit more for him really.

Enough lies, in my opinion every rumour is a lie until you see the player in the strip playing for the team he went to.

 Best, Goon

I've had enough.  We forgave Eboue for stuffing up against Wigan, we cannot forgive him again.  Eboue is now the Hossam Ghaly of Arsenal.  I hope he never plays again, I will not go back on these remarks.  Too many times I have supported him while he played like crap.  No more, I have never been a fan of him ever since he started to play in the right mid.

He is an idiot, you do NOT go around kicking out at people who run into you, I would go to jail if I did that on a daily basis, I would go to jail for that shit.  He is a friggin moron, how daft do you have to be to talk yourself into a yellow card inside 25 minutes, what an idiot.

He should never play for the AFC again.

I hate Eboue more than I hate Wollongong.

Now lets get one thing straight.  I'm not a fan of sleazy agents.  And so in true cliched style, a rewriting of the poem If

If you can keep your head when all about you Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust your agent when all men doubt you But rest assured of your massive paycheck too,
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting, Or being lied about, and deal with spurs,
Or being hated by communists, don't give way to left wings, And your agent don't look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream of Real--and not make dreams your master,  If you can think--and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Levy and Ramos And treat those two impostors just the same;If you can bear to hear the truth your agent spoken  Twisted by knaves to make a trap for you
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken, And stoop, leave them to the highest bidder:

If you can make one heap of all your money,And risk it all on one turn of agent toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings, And pray they don't breath a word about your disloyalty;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew To serve your turn long after your agent is gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you Except the agent which says to them: "only 40 000?"

If your agent can talk with crowds and keep your virtue, Or walk with the boardsmen--nor lose the sleazy touch,
If neither communists nor hangers-on can hurt you;
If all men count your money, but none too much,
If you can fill the unforgiving month With sixty days worth of media rumours,
Yours is the money and everything that's in it,
And--which is more--you'll be  Dennis Lachtered, my son!

apologies to Rudyard Kipling, I really do like this poem.  And to the Arsenal board: we pay the players wage, can you tell us if we have signed him?