I recently saw a TV program that referenced self-immolation, which is what sprung to mind in last night's defeat at Udinese.

A crude and flippant comparison, but the Tottenham players are committing football suicide, and in the first group match of the UEFA Cup, in the most drastic way possible.

Heurelho Gomes botched attempt to deal with a regulation back-pass and Jamie O'Hara mindless sending-off were the epitomes of self-damage on a football pitch. The players are not quite setting themselves on fire (although Gomes wincing and balling at the slightest knock suggests he is), but our season is rapidly going up in flames. What can be drawn from the wreckage of another listless defeat?

Confidence is low. Obviously. We started well, passing the ball well and demanding it off each other in a manner that suggested the players were no longer hiding from it and failing to take responsibility.

We should have taken the lead when Jermaine Jenas surged into the box and teed up Darren Bent. His limp header went straight to the keeper.

A lack of confidence was Five commentator Ray Houghton's diagnosis.

The opening goal drained any purpose the players had Spurs didn't attack with any real threat again, apart from when Bent made the keeper work a little harder with another header in the closing stages.

We clearly didn'texpect to get back into the game and this lack of confidence was compounded by poor decision-making.

Gomes should have just hacked the ball clear after stumbling and perhaps would have done if he was surer of himself and clearer of thought, although it was worrying that he seemed to gesture to Ledley that he could do nothing else but dribble the ball clear. Our skipper pointed to row Z. Gomes is clearly a strange one but again displayed a shot-stopping ability that suggests he will come good.

That is what we hope of all the players, that they will start showing their potential. The current problems the lack of confidence, clear thinking, leadership and quality are all signs of under-achievement and the players have little idea of how to improve things.

They confuse the need to stand up and be counted with flying into challenges; they confuse the need to show composure with dawdling on the ball in defence; and they confuse the need to change things on the pitch with offering inane sound-bites to the press.

If we play like we did in the opening 20 minutes against Udinese in the league, things will turn round. If we play like we did for the rest of that match, they will not.

Harry is right in saying that we must show only support (a change in board or management structure would not immediately solve anything), but the players must take their responsibility and let Juande light the fire of recovery and not continue stoking their own funeral pyre.

So then. Tottenham travel to Italy to meet Serie A's second place team Udinese. This lot have scored 14 goals in 7 games so far, spilt equally home and away. Compare that to our 2 home goals so far in 8 games...

Pasqualle Marino their manager issued an interesting quote, ""I expect concentration and that we play at a good rhythm," he explained. "I want a ball possession which allows us to play the ball short to be able to be as aggressive as possible." Perhaps we should get someone to give the same advice to our lot today. Sound instruction.

The squad isn't worth predicting given the limitations that are upon us from all angles. King has travelled. My guess is he will play and Ramos' gambit is to hoist him off in the second half if we are a goal up. The masterplan being to try and wheel him out again against Bolton on Sunday.

Obviously Pavluchencko and Corluka are cup tied but all our league banned mob are available.

My gut feeling is we'll be very lucky to nick a draw here. The only way we will trouble this lot is ny outplaying them in midfield and that means Modric & Co supplying Bent witrh the killer balls he needs.

Frankly I'm sceptical if only on the basis we've failed to do this anywhere other than in the preseason matches. Hopefully the Italians will afford us some space and let us play.

The Wisla Krackow game was abysmal for many reasons. One positive on today's game will be the atmosphere. There will be one.  

Ralph Coates joined Spurs for £190,000.

"I heard the fee and said, 'Don't be stupid, no player is worth that. All I needed to do was agree personal terms with Bill Nicholson."

"It was the record straight cash deal at that time." Coates went on to met and iron out the details with the Spurs supremo at the Moat House Hotel near Stoke.

Beal is a real character. "I didn't realise how bad I was until people like Glenn Hoddle, Steve Perryman and Jimmy Neighbour told me. Steve said I used to crucify people and Glenn said he wouldn't even come into the dressing room because he knew he'd get so much stick."

These chaps are from a truly golden age from our history. And they are loaded with unique anecdotes and tales of Nicholson, MacKay, Gilzean and even Joe Kinnear I shouldn't wonder!

This is also a fund raiser for a local voluntary football club. So enjoy yourself and help someone out at the same time.

Give Paul Coates a bell to organise your tickets on 07876528886.

COYS!

What can I tell you? It wasn't great viewing. The fact that Channel 5 had it should have been warning enough. The Poles were Primark - yet they didn't have to do much in order to rattle us. 

Yes, great that we scraped through. Well done everybody. Everton are out and we are still in. But once you transfer the quality of yesterday's performance into the prospective Premiership clashes against Hull and yes, even Stoke it's difficult to see us beating either of them.

I don't have much to offer in the way of explanation other than a number of players are having the worst form of their lives.

Gomes 9 Quite simply the best thing since sliced bread

King 5 Stannah Stairlift commercials await. 

Dawson 6 Game suited him. Came on bayonet fixed with his trousers tucked in. Did well. 

Woodgate 6 The look of despair on his face at times wasn't encouraging.

Bale 4 Why is he making everything look so difficult this season.?

Gunter 5 Mediocre. That's a fair appraisal.

Zokora 4 Another masterclass in running lots and pigeon scaring.

Jenas 4 Ran his socks off. Unfortunatley all he's doing is costing us a fortune in socks.

Lennon 4 Hopeless passes and too much falling over looking hard done by.

Modric 6 Looked threatening but not on the ball enough.

O'Hara 4 Non descript.

Huddlestone 4 Can't recall much more than him actually coming on.

Frazier 6.9 Don't understand why he came off looked lively.

Bent 6 God loves a tryer. God has Benty's picture on his bedside locker in a heart shaped frame.

Coutesy Of 101greatgoals.com here are some, ahem, highlights:

http://www.101greatgoals.com/videodisplay/1624476/

http://www.101greatgoals.com/videodisplay/1621627/

http://www.101greatgoals.com/videodisplay/1621718/

And here's the whole game:

http://rapidshare.com/files/150380079/UC.W....part1.rar.html
http://rapidshare.com/files/150382827/UC.W....part2.rar.html
http://rapidshare.com/files/150385720/UC.W....part3.rar.html
http://rapidshare.com/files/150388432/UC.W....part4.rar.html
http://rapidshare.com/files/150391202/UC.W....part5.rar.html
http://rapidshare.com/files/150393798/UC.W....part6.rar.html
http://rapidshare.com/files/150396304/UC.W....part7.rar.html

Frasier Campbell announced earlier today that he, 'believes total concentration on the job in hand is what it will take.'

And Hampshire Old Bill responded by saying that Sol Campbell's probe had been launched.

You couldn't make it up.

With only hope in our hearts and with what Bowie reffered to as 'just a beer light to guide us', so then, to the football.

Wisla Krakow will not unreasonably expect to win this. They left The Lane with a goal and will be reminding themselves that it was by one goal they dispatched Barcelona earlier on. They will also be aware that their support will be nothing shy of fierce on the night. This for them is every inch a home game.

Team selection?

To Jenas or not to Jenas I guess is one quandry. There aren't many others. King will play. Pav and Corluka are personae non grata or similar (I wanted to be a judge but I didn't have the Latin) and we sold half a dozen or so good ones to other clubs in the last window.

I'd play Bent and Campbell upfront from the off. Maybe tell Campbell to hold a little deeper unless he wants to break. Ooer. This business of them being too similar to pair is not only daft, but a luxury we can't afford to indulge right now.

This is football, not budgie breeding. just tell'em to go out there and  flamin' well score.

Spurs to go in at half time 0-1 down and win 1-2 is as good as 30/1 with Boylesports. Jamie O'Hara to score at anytime doesn't look too bleak at 5/1 with the same firm.

What do I want? A bit of daring do. This isn't a rehearsal. So lots of forward thinking and forward balls. On the ground. You know, like that smashing lot, what were they called? How they used to play. The Lilywhites.

Push and run. Not nudge a little bit, say excuse me a few times then go home again.

So not exactly a world beating performance but what we call in the business a good start. Man of the match was Bentley. His attitude is very much 'let's bl**dy well get on with it.' Combine this with his ability to occasionally find the net we have a potential superstar on our hands. He and his barman mate Bale are good news, people. Campbell looked excellent and Lennon was in fine form. More please.

Gomes 6.5 Some seem determined to knock him - let's get real.

Bale 6.8 Always a threat. The right stuff

Woodgate 6.1 Much more like it

King 6.0 Last seen having his knee bound in brown paper and string

Gunter 5.9 Alright

Zokora 5.0 God knows

Jenas 6.2 Not impressed with his hands in the air routine

Bentley 7.2 Goalscorer and whipping boy for the oafs at Setanta

Lennon 7.1 Zipped and fizzed everywhere

Dos Santos 5.9 Looked lightweight frankly

Bent 6.9 Hungry like big unfed starving thing

Essou Ekotto 5.9 Alright

O'Hara 5.8 Alright

Campbell 6.9 Very lively debut provided the cross for Benty

90' (+1):

Spurs win.

Goodnight Gracie. 

90': Polish fire in but wide. F*ck'em I say.

86': 86th minute then!

85': Polish attack, but Edwardwoodwoodgardengate equal to it.

84':

Last five minutes.

WAahooooooooooooooooooooooo! 

80': It's all gone very 82nd minuteish.

78': We must win this = news just in Jamiespurs is alive!

74': Who is this Scottish twat who keeps going ON AND ON AND ON about Bent 'leaning' on his marker? Please, f*ck off.

71': Bentastic!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

70': King clutching knee.......

68':

Substution. 

Mmmmmnnn. 

66':

Oh look out, they've had a pop.

Nothing...... 

65': It's all gone a bit nothingy

61': Spurs need a bloody goal. If I come up with any other great ideas I'll share 'em.

60': I miss my slippers

59': Campbell makes a great chip to Bent but not to be...

59': Campbell sliding tackle. Oooooooooooooooh!

57': Overhit by Gentley Bentley but Spurs look lively...

56': Poyet snarling like.......... a snarly thang behind Campbell & O'Hara's ears...

55': Bent's goal was 400 yards offside. Oh well.

54': Bentley is a star...

53': Polish attack but nothing really..

52':

Campbell on.

I am a mystic.

52': Spurs extinguish Polish attack

49':

48': Time for Campbell?

47': Spurs put the ball across the face of goal c/o Dos Santos.... nothing.

45': Spurs in all fairness don't look hungry - they look starved.

43': Looking forward to my p*ss break...

42': Yellow to a Pole. No idea why. Probably for his hair.

41':

Just watching the replay. Bentley's goal was really really good'

Our defending was abysmal for their leveller. 

40': Hopeless. Poles unlucky. No one picked them up. Corner. Gomes does it.

37': Bentley. From The Lane.

36':

Polish fans getting vocal.

Saucy mares. 

34':

This will require minerals of the highest grade.

COME ON YOU SPURS.

34':

Fucksake.

77seconds between the goals.

33':

1-1.

I feel used. 

32': Tottenham Hotspur 1, The Other Lot 0.

32': FUCKING GET IN BENTLEY YOU STAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

30': Great scenes pitchside, Poyet giving it loads to the boys...

26': My ace in the whole is the pasta I made at 5.30 will be tip top at half time.

25': Ramos sporting short back n' sides...

24': Lennon really is getting stuck in.

24': That was over hit but Jenas looks good folks...

20': The big corner!

19':  Bent denied by clearance. Great cross from Bentley...

18': Bale made all but no one on the end of his near post ball.

16': Spurs attack like nuts. Gunter's cross poor. You can sense the urgency.

13': First header out from Woodgate. 20 yards and to a Spurs shirt.

11': Bentley looks super lively. Dos Santos confident.

10': Crowd very good. Bentley to King came to nowt but good cheers...

5': Wild shot from the Poles...

5': Bentley's hair looks immaculate. Offside knows no style...

4': Faced paced stuff. Spurs giving little space.

Before Kick Off: Good evening sports fans..........

Before Kick Off:

Yids very vocal.

JR's Blue & White Army....

Before Kick Off: Early attack. But no one on Jenas cross.

Before Kick Off: Spurs fans in singing shock....

Before Kick Off:

Before Kick Off: Oh and I'm back

Before Kick Off: Testy testy

Before Kick Off:

JGM warming up.  Apron on. Blood sacrifices made.

Before Kick Off: Still 0-0.

Before Kick Off:

Welcome friends to the Harry Hotspur Experiment.
 
The object of the exercise is to provide blow by blow coverage of this evening's game. 

Quite how this pans out is anyone's guess, but kick off is 2010hrs! 

Forget all the gloom and doom.

Well at least try and embrace the odd welcome distraction from it.

I'd say it's fair comment that some of the wit on here is pretty unrivaled on occasion.

Elsewhere... COYS is certainly one of the best Spurs forums. For no more reason that it has stealthily swerved so many know it alls that infest the net and worked very hard to cultivate a genuinely friendly atmosphere. These then are some fruits of their latest labours... Well done.

"AIM listed,
la la la,
AIM listed,
la la la."


"My old man,
Said be a Tottenham fan,
I said f*ck off b*llo*ks,
I'm an accountant."


"Daniel Levy's In-the-Black armeee!"

"Cos if you know your share prices...

(sang to the tune of 'Grand Old Team')


"Oh when the cash comes rolling in, Oh when the cash comes rolling in, I wanna see telephone numbers, when the cash comes rolling in"

"Sound financial structure
We've got a sound financial structure
Sound financial strrrutuuuure
We've got a sound financial structure"

"QUID-OOH, QUID-OOH"

"QUID-Army!, QUID-Army!"

"Jingle tills, jingle tills
jingle all the way.

Oh, what fun it is to see
Spurs stash it all away - oi!"

"YOUR GONNA GET YOUR f*CKIN SHARES CASHED IN!"

"COOOOOME ON YOU SHARES!"

What can I tell you ? Modders is crocked and there is an element of Cuptiedaphobia in the camp. My guess is Dawson will be binned and that the fielded team will look a lot like this.

Gomes

Zokora King Woodgate Bale 

Lennon Jenas O'Hara Bentley

Dos Santos  Bent

Needless to say but I shall anyway, this lot need beating for two painfully obvious reasons. One to ensure our continued involvement in the competition. And secondly to avoid any civil disorder from the Home fans if they are forced to sit through another Drossathon so quickly on the heels of Monday night's fiasco.

Gomes is undoubtedly a superb goalie. It's essential that we station some adults in front of him for this match not to mention those to come. Any more repeats of the 'to me to you to me to you' Chuckle Brother nonsense and we'll only turn him into the same class of shell shocked zombie Paul Robinson now is.

Tactically, the boys need bringing up to speed and pronto. And I'm not talking about squad election. Bent needs a foil and the obvious choice is Dos Santos. If Bent is left on his own again and we repeat our hoofs up to him we may as well throw Ramos in the river and get Mido & Jol back. No thank you.

Bentley and Lennon to beat their men and cross supported by Jenas and O'Hara with a touch of Bale for good measure.

Spurs need to get their wound licking out the way and come out and play some push and run football. Ball on the floor, ready and willing to create space and opportunity. 

Substitutes? Huddlestone flagged emotionally on Monday and as a result needs to regroup himself. If we're ahead then let him burst back in an make his mark again. But this time I want some bottle out there from the off and O'Hara will in some measure supply this. 

Let's play some good football and flamin' well move on. 

BIOYC!

And that's to them and us.