My advice to readers make a concerted effort to consume booze whilst watching this match was in hindsight a masterplan.

That was one of those niggly, nothingy sort of games that never really threatened to spark and ultimately didn't.

I have also reached the conclusion for the umpteenth time that our sky blue kit is a thin, cheap looking polyester nasty and whoever sanctioned it is needs a change of career path. Word from the Megastore is sales have been abysmal - so not just me.

On a positive note, the one player that did catch my eye was their bloke in the Edgar David's wig. He was tip top. And yes, I do know who he is. Cheers.

Gomes 7 Confidence boosting game.

Gunter 6 Coped well at that level.

Woodgate 7 Marshalled things nicely. Halls Soother.

Dawson 6 Disaster / insane outburst free appearance.

Bale 6  Unconvinced he's match fit. Get him on the Centrums.

Bentley 6 Dwelt on the ball. He urgently needs a plan.

Zokora 5.5 Another Zokora shift. He's making me increasingly tetchy. Pass the Gaviscon.

Huddlestone 6 Struck down with Narrowpitchitis and Badpassing's Disease.

O'Hara 7 On the Fishermen's Friends. Arguably our most notable player.

Campbell 6 Could have done with some Tunes to help him shoot more easily or better service.

Bent 5 Worse than the Blackburn game. He is probably suffering from mild depression.

Lennon 5 Did well enough but didn't change the game. Disappointing.

A rose by any other name ...and this is the pre match prattle for NEC Nijmegen away.

The occasionally tired eyes of Tottenham fans will be eager to see that the UEFA campaign has been downscaled in favour of the more pressing issues ahead aka advancing away from danger and derision in the Premiership.

"We have to be honest, the league is what is most important to us," said 'Arry.

And so Ledders is rested. So combine that with injuries and a three man cavalcade of cup tied players and downscaled is where we is at.

'Arry has consequently loaded the minibus up with Dairylea Lunchables and Toothkind Ribenas to accomodate the inclusion of messers Adam Smith, John Bostock, Yaser Kasim, John Obika and Ryan Mason.

Almost all of you reading this will not be there. I am told our allocation is only around 600. The bulk of you will have displayed magnificent ingenuity in the workplace and be seated avec une cold one before you come the witching hour of six o'clock. This lot's stadiam only only holds 12,500 and the TV won't add to the atmosphere.

May I humbly suggest getting mein host to turn the bloody thing up, forget it's a school night and have a proper slurp.

NEC's match preparations were allegedly been hit by heater failure at the stadium and training ground, meaning snow had to be removed manually.

"The whole team cleaned it so now we are a bit tired," their manager Mario Been told Sportinglife. He's a card.

A 0-3 win with Bostock to score at anytime double will yield at around 12/1. Why not?

BIOYC!

Please don't get me wrong, four - nil against anybody is a good thing. And here's the 'but'. But be under no illusions this game needs to be filed along with the pre season friendlies in terms of form value.

Zagreb didn't really show up. Dinamo's fans turned up alright. They were the bare chested mentalists letting off flares and singing Wagnerian choral verses to the tune of Yellow Submarine. 

And a small group of Spurs fans will meet with the North London Sanity Commission today to explain why they felt the need to sing about Jermain Defoe when ...they had Darren Bent in front of them scoring repeatedly.

Oh how we chuckled when the issue of player confidence was raised...

Morale wise this game won on two fronts. 'Arry showed he could box clever and find the balance between Europe and the Premiership commitments. And for the squad, another cohesive performance and another game moving on from the Ramos quagmire.

And here's a torrent for the whole game CLICKY

Anyway, get your laughing gear round this. Ryan Mason, John Bostock  Dorian Dervitte are tipped, amongst others of course, to feature this evening.

Which will make this a game where 'Arry stamps his authority on proceedings and sends out a couple of clear messages. Our Premiership campaign will not be compromised by 'other' tournaments. And that we have talent beyond our first eleven which ought to be utilised.

Redschnapps told Sky Sports, "I'd love to get some of the youth team into the first team, that is the long-term aim. " Which is a far cry from Wendy's 'them and us' approach.

Of Bostock in particular 'Arry said, " He's on the bench and I'd love to get him on the pitch," Redknapp said. "He's only 16, a kid with terrific talent and a lovely left foot." I bet it's replusive compared to Miss Zagreb's,  but I digress.

'Arry's attitude is refreshing in that there is an air of openess and common sense. Not knocking him for a second bu saying this, but he's making the sort of decisions 90% watching the games would make. Despite the feel good factor we urgently need to stop mucking about and get out of the relegation zone sharpish.

'Arry is on the case. "I've never seen a tighter league and it may take more points than normal to stay up.

"At the moment the ambition is to make sure we get out of the bottom group of the table, then you can relax and play with less fear."

So to the game itself. Stats bore me be here's a goody.  This lot have never won on English soil.

I had a bit of luck with my last Lennon anytime scorer bet so we'll revisit that happy hunting ground this time out at 10/3. Score? Heart says 8-0 obviously, head says 2-1.

Oh yeah and the press to give Gomes a break.

COYS!

Paul Barber was emailing people two days ago saying, "I can confirm that at this stage we do not anticipate any live television coverage of the above match on either satellite or terrestrial channels."

The THFC Press Office added yesterday,"The Dinamo Zagreb UEFA Cup game is not being broadcast live on any UK channel. There will shortly be an announcement on coverage via Spurs TV Online."

The transmission only costs £1.99 and you can always cancel immeadiately afterwards if you feel it isn't for you. And no, I'm not on commission.

The implication from the Official Site is that as they haven't sold the transmission rights to this match so will be no conflict ...and subscribers will be able to watch this game regardless of their location. There has been a fair amount of disinformation floarting around on this fixture so I hope this sheds some light on things for everyone.

Do you know anywhere showing the game?

CLICK

Do not post links to streaming sites here. Thank you! 

So then. Tottenham travel to Italy to meet Serie A's second place team Udinese. This lot have scored 14 goals in 7 games so far, spilt equally home and away. Compare that to our 2 home goals so far in 8 games...

Pasqualle Marino their manager issued an interesting quote, ""I expect concentration and that we play at a good rhythm," he explained. "I want a ball possession which allows us to play the ball short to be able to be as aggressive as possible." Perhaps we should get someone to give the same advice to our lot today. Sound instruction.

The squad isn't worth predicting given the limitations that are upon us from all angles. King has travelled. My guess is he will play and Ramos' gambit is to hoist him off in the second half if we are a goal up. The masterplan being to try and wheel him out again against Bolton on Sunday.

Obviously Pavluchencko and Corluka are cup tied but all our league banned mob are available.

My gut feeling is we'll be very lucky to nick a draw here. The only way we will trouble this lot is ny outplaying them in midfield and that means Modric & Co supplying Bent witrh the killer balls he needs.

Frankly I'm sceptical if only on the basis we've failed to do this anywhere other than in the preseason matches. Hopefully the Italians will afford us some space and let us play.

The Wisla Krackow game was abysmal for many reasons. One positive on today's game will be the atmosphere. There will be one.  

Ralph Coates joined Spurs for £190,000.

"I heard the fee and said, 'Don't be stupid, no player is worth that. All I needed to do was agree personal terms with Bill Nicholson."

"It was the record straight cash deal at that time." Coates went on to met and iron out the details with the Spurs supremo at the Moat House Hotel near Stoke.

Beal is a real character. "I didn't realise how bad I was until people like Glenn Hoddle, Steve Perryman and Jimmy Neighbour told me. Steve said I used to crucify people and Glenn said he wouldn't even come into the dressing room because he knew he'd get so much stick."

These chaps are from a truly golden age from our history. And they are loaded with unique anecdotes and tales of Nicholson, MacKay, Gilzean and even Joe Kinnear I shouldn't wonder!

This is also a fund raiser for a local voluntary football club. So enjoy yourself and help someone out at the same time.

Give Paul Coates a bell to organise your tickets on 07876528886.

COYS!

What can I tell you? It wasn't great viewing. The fact that Channel 5 had it should have been warning enough. The Poles were Primark - yet they didn't have to do much in order to rattle us. 

Yes, great that we scraped through. Well done everybody. Everton are out and we are still in. But once you transfer the quality of yesterday's performance into the prospective Premiership clashes against Hull and yes, even Stoke it's difficult to see us beating either of them.

I don't have much to offer in the way of explanation other than a number of players are having the worst form of their lives.

Gomes 9 Quite simply the best thing since sliced bread

King 5 Stannah Stairlift commercials await. 

Dawson 6 Game suited him. Came on bayonet fixed with his trousers tucked in. Did well. 

Woodgate 6 The look of despair on his face at times wasn't encouraging.

Bale 4 Why is he making everything look so difficult this season.?

Gunter 5 Mediocre. That's a fair appraisal.

Zokora 4 Another masterclass in running lots and pigeon scaring.

Jenas 4 Ran his socks off. Unfortunatley all he's doing is costing us a fortune in socks.

Lennon 4 Hopeless passes and too much falling over looking hard done by.

Modric 6 Looked threatening but not on the ball enough.

O'Hara 4 Non descript.

Huddlestone 4 Can't recall much more than him actually coming on.

Frazier 6.9 Don't understand why he came off looked lively.

Bent 6 God loves a tryer. God has Benty's picture on his bedside locker in a heart shaped frame.

Coutesy Of 101greatgoals.com here are some, ahem, highlights:

http://www.101greatgoals.com/videodisplay/1624476/

http://www.101greatgoals.com/videodisplay/1621627/

http://www.101greatgoals.com/videodisplay/1621718/

And here's the whole game:

http://rapidshare.com/files/150380079/UC.W....part1.rar.html
http://rapidshare.com/files/150382827/UC.W....part2.rar.html
http://rapidshare.com/files/150385720/UC.W....part3.rar.html
http://rapidshare.com/files/150388432/UC.W....part4.rar.html
http://rapidshare.com/files/150391202/UC.W....part5.rar.html
http://rapidshare.com/files/150393798/UC.W....part6.rar.html
http://rapidshare.com/files/150396304/UC.W....part7.rar.html

90' (+1):

Spurs win.

Goodnight Gracie. 

90': Polish fire in but wide. F*ck'em I say.

86': 86th minute then!

85': Polish attack, but Edwardwoodwoodgardengate equal to it.

84':

Last five minutes.

WAahooooooooooooooooooooooo! 

80': It's all gone very 82nd minuteish.

78': We must win this = news just in Jamiespurs is alive!

74': Who is this Scottish twat who keeps going ON AND ON AND ON about Bent 'leaning' on his marker? Please, f*ck off.

71': Bentastic!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

70': King clutching knee.......

68':

Substution. 

Mmmmmnnn. 

66':

Oh look out, they've had a pop.

Nothing...... 

65': It's all gone a bit nothingy

61': Spurs need a bloody goal. If I come up with any other great ideas I'll share 'em.

60': I miss my slippers

59': Campbell makes a great chip to Bent but not to be...

59': Campbell sliding tackle. Oooooooooooooooh!

57': Overhit by Gentley Bentley but Spurs look lively...

56': Poyet snarling like.......... a snarly thang behind Campbell & O'Hara's ears...

55': Bent's goal was 400 yards offside. Oh well.

54': Bentley is a star...

53': Polish attack but nothing really..

52':

Campbell on.

I am a mystic.

52': Spurs extinguish Polish attack

49':

48': Time for Campbell?

47': Spurs put the ball across the face of goal c/o Dos Santos.... nothing.

45': Spurs in all fairness don't look hungry - they look starved.

43': Looking forward to my p*ss break...

42': Yellow to a Pole. No idea why. Probably for his hair.

41':

Just watching the replay. Bentley's goal was really really good'

Our defending was abysmal for their leveller. 

40': Hopeless. Poles unlucky. No one picked them up. Corner. Gomes does it.

37': Bentley. From The Lane.

36':

Polish fans getting vocal.

Saucy mares. 

34':

This will require minerals of the highest grade.

COME ON YOU SPURS.

34':

Fucksake.

77seconds between the goals.

33':

1-1.

I feel used. 

32': Tottenham Hotspur 1, The Other Lot 0.

32': FUCKING GET IN BENTLEY YOU STAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

30': Great scenes pitchside, Poyet giving it loads to the boys...

26': My ace in the whole is the pasta I made at 5.30 will be tip top at half time.

25': Ramos sporting short back n' sides...

24': Lennon really is getting stuck in.

24': That was over hit but Jenas looks good folks...

20': The big corner!

19':  Bent denied by clearance. Great cross from Bentley...

18': Bale made all but no one on the end of his near post ball.

16': Spurs attack like nuts. Gunter's cross poor. You can sense the urgency.

13': First header out from Woodgate. 20 yards and to a Spurs shirt.

11': Bentley looks super lively. Dos Santos confident.

10': Crowd very good. Bentley to King came to nowt but good cheers...

5': Wild shot from the Poles...

5': Bentley's hair looks immaculate. Offside knows no style...

4': Faced paced stuff. Spurs giving little space.

Before Kick Off: Good evening sports fans..........

Before Kick Off:

Yids very vocal.

JR's Blue & White Army....

Before Kick Off: Early attack. But no one on Jenas cross.

Before Kick Off: Spurs fans in singing shock....

Before Kick Off:

Before Kick Off: Oh and I'm back

Before Kick Off: Testy testy

Before Kick Off:

JGM warming up.  Apron on. Blood sacrifices made.

Before Kick Off: Still 0-0.

Before Kick Off:

Welcome friends to the Harry Hotspur Experiment.
 
The object of the exercise is to provide blow by blow coverage of this evening's game. 

Quite how this pans out is anyone's guess, but kick off is 2010hrs!