A vicious, depressing and debilitating funk got me in it's clutches at some point between four and six o'clock yesterday afternoon.

Having had a shufty around the t'interweb I see I wasn't alone. Must have been that magnetic pull of the moon I have heard mention of. But I am also aware that there are few things of less interest in this life than other people's woes, so you'll be relieved to here I not about to share mine.

So am I instead about to spin you some happy clapper spiel, then? No, not really. Just relate a few facts and hopefully shed a little reality on to proceedings.

So we lost. The facts are we weren't very good and truth be told they weren't (outside of their three successful attempts on goal) all that jaw droppingly better than we were.

The dull crys of 'bring ahht yer dead' were audible almost before the first diehard fan left early. And if you enjoy doom and gloom here's some of the best for you to ponder. Modders will be gone before Christmas. King is officially finished. Despite our league position we face an iminent relegation battle. Every Premiership referee is out to get us. Wilson is the world's worst player ever and ... well, you get the picture.

Of course, it might just be that we lost away to a side who are, whether you care to admit it or not, are a kosher Champions League side. But that doesn't really get the old hysterical juices going, so we'll gloss over that.

Yes, I question Arry's ability to sub effectively. I think it needs to be acknowledged that 3MP isn't it - nor is Crazy Paving. So am I actually suggesting we start with our arguably best striker on the bench, then? Absobleedinlutely I am. 

Keane gave much but achieved little. Harsh and it could be argued Arry playhing him in such a wierd position didn't help. But without championing player power, I guy of PSB's vintage has to have the presence of mind to be able to pull old Redschnapps to one side and and whisper gently in his lughole, 'C'mon now Ted. I mean, really.'

Tottenham's next few games will bring enough margin for a bit of good old fashioned wound licking. And that's all to the good. 

Whislt they didn't enjoy it, Liverpool fans weren't talking of disbanding their club after we beat them. What they did was to throw their coat in the corner, roll up their sleeves and fight. It is a well known fact that the crowd affects the team's performance. So perhaps instead of suddenly branding Arry a Del Boy and grumbling about the players suddenly being rubbish, it may be a good opportunity to bask in a somewhat more worthy feeling.

Acknowledge that we all make mistakes. To err human and forgive divine. And all that cobblers. 

BIOYC! 

More gold than Ron Atkinson. That's how the caption competitions roll on HH. 
 
I can only give you my word that this isn't photo shopped. That is Mr Redschnapps. Amongst the questions this snap raised in the House of Commons, the most urgent must have been, 'Why do THFC have branded Hi Vis clobber?'
 
Now prizes, prizes prizes. Okay, there's only one but it's an absolute belter. Citizen Fatfish has rather generously donated an Autographed copy of Pat Jenning's autobiography. Oh yes he has. You're playing with the bigboys now.

We'll have some Cheatski Prattle in the am, but until then, enjoy.

BIOYC!

Further to the piece on The Lane Of Dreams, this is the last call for anyone wishing to submit their Tottenham Hotspur memories for consideration to be included.

The final chapter of Norman Giller's book is reliant upon the likes of you. So look lively and stop talking at the back. 

So it could be the thrill of your first trip, disaster that befell you, or maybe it's just something funny you overheard in the queue that's stuck with you. It doesn't just have to be the night you, Jimmy Greaves and six tiller girls got locked in a feather boa factory with a crate of scotch.

The key to this is the sharing. The tales don't need to be lavish or wise, nor need they be over thirty years old. Ah, but less of O'Hara's new bird.

The new stadium will be a good thing. And this book and it's final chapter will stand to serve as a quite personal record of what went before it and where we came from.

Am I on commision? Thankfully not, I have enough depressing mail of my own to open. But really excellent quality football books like these were so important to me as a kid and the reality is they - and those who strive to compile them are now a rarity. So get stuck in.

You can contact Uncle Norman at normangiller@thelaneofdreams.co.uk

Anyway, I must be off, I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before...

Emile Heskey dislocated eight toes, his frontal lobe and a knee in scoring a comedy goal and Carlton Cole was shot in the thigh by an as yet unnamed sniper in England's demolishment of European footballing legends Slovakia last night. Highlights are here.

The upshot of this is that Fabio Capello has sent for ...Darren Bent. A man who has scored more league goals than either of the men he's replacing.

The new England strip was revealed of course. Some kind of homage to yesteryearness I suppose. But my initial reaction is that it isn't one thing or another. All that's missing is a Lacoste crocodile and at fifty sovs and more a throw, I'd be dissappointed not to see one.

Elsewhere Aaron Lennon made a good impression and Stuart Downing....didn't.

I'll leave you with a great quote from the England manager. "Rooney can play anywhere. If our team were a pack of cards, he would be our joker." I guess in Italy they don't remover the jokers before playing, oh well.

"I don't care what time it is in Suffolk, get Mariner & Butcher on standby..." 

Ledley King is without doubt an extraordinary footballer. Unfortunately, he is one with a deteriorating medical condition that leaves him able to play at very best just once a week. 

Ashen faced, tight lipped England supremo Fabio Capello`has not only named King for International duty, but defended his decision in a Joe Pesci style by demanding Arry Redschnapps quit breaking his balls. 

In the face of reason and in move that's more Mike Bassett than mafioso, Capello has insisted he will nevertheless continue to select Ledders in the future.

King's last trot out for country was a disaster and left the Captain sidelined for months.

It's common knowledge that with no cartilage left in the defender's joint, Ledley's bone basically rubs on bone during sustained exercise, the fluid that then swells the knee needs to be routinely drained.

What goes on in Capello's mind? I'd suggest nothing too bright as one possible answer.

A credible draw. Whilst Chelsea moved the ball around with greater assurance the bottom line is Tottenham played just well enough to earn a point. The lack of options up front is telling and this combined with some pretty mediocre passing left us as a rather numb threat for most of the game.

Gomes 8  ♥ A really commanding intelligent performance. Man Of The Match. HERE

Woodgate 7.9 • Another Boy's Own showing. Captain material.

Bale 6.5 • Some diabolical strikes and hedidn't get upfield enough.

Gunter 7.4 • Curious subbing. Really solid stuff hope he's not injured.

King 7.5 • Solid with some useful through balls. Looked whacked towards the close.

Zokora  6.7 • Great show in the first half. No pigeon scaring and no falling over.

Jenas 5 • Failed to make an impact. Ran his socks off but didn't produce anything.

Modric 5 • Lacked initiative. Hesitant and invisible. Not good at all.

Bentley 6.5 • Good deliveries & excellent workrate. But achieved little.

Bent 6.6 • The goal was identicle to many he scored preseason. HERE. Needs a partner.

Dos Santos5.5 • Snuffed out by good marking and poor passes. 

O'Hara 6.6 • Came on and got stuck in.

Huddlestone 6.7 • Beefed up our options and should've replaced Modric at half time.

Lennon 6 • Didn't rock anyone's world.

Legless. Faces. 

Tottenham's most reverred player has seemingly not only let the side down but watched his Gucci jeans go the same way.

The Daily Mail appear to be positioned Bill Oddie twitcher style outside the premises of Faces Nightclub in Gants Hill. http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-1043575/Hes-tottering-hotspur-Worse-wear-footballer-Ledley-King-helped-nightclub.html 

And before you start screaming it's a hatchet job and these are recycled snaps from the Carling Cup bender http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-1006503/Ledley-King-gets-red-card-nightclub-action-replay-Carling-Cup-victory-fracas.html you can plainly see these are two separate ocaasions. But the specifics aren't the point. Our captain shouldn't let himself be snapped in a hoop at all.

The only folk who get pleasure from these expose pieces are those selling the pictures and our rivals. There will be those emotionally damaged amongst you reading this who'll berate me for running this. But you don't address what is clearly a problem by sticking your fingers in your ears and shouting 'La La La I Can't Hear You.' If King fans want to bang the Ambassador For The Club drum, then they'll need Ledley to behave more like one.

I don't begrudge Ledders a champagne lifestyle. We've all come out the American Bar with a couple of hostages, a shoe missing and 'an Armed Response Unit en route'... But these public slurpfests are an embarrassment to everyone. I'm not going to get all pop pschologist on you and suggest that our captain's boozing is symptomatic of inner demons or depression. But you have to question why he would get himself into this state so publically.

This guy needs to show a bit more savvy and practice his Ollie Reed impressions far away from obvious low rent media shooting galleries like bleedin' Faces