He shoots ...he scores...

The footballing world has been shaken to it's very foundations. Born again Bob Keane, once soccer's man in the wilderness has come in from the cold, taken off his LFC ™ car coat and sent straight thinking Yids into a spin.

The rejuvinated republican has gone on record saying that he can be dropped.

"The reality is it's a long season and you're not going to play every game. With the players we have here there are times you are going to be left out. If we want to progress and do well as a team and push into that top four we have to have other lads playing ahead of you."

This is clearly a bold move that will send out shockwaves throughout soccer. After scoring five goals in his last two gmes for Tottenham, he's about as as droppable as a new born baby. 

Without prompting, the Tallaghtfornian targeteer went on to give teacher an apple thank his manager for not having adopted this approach when his play was pants only a week or so previously...

 "As a football man he knows the way he wants to play and it suits us because we like to get the ball down and pass and counter attack. He has been brilliant so far for Tottenham."

Let's hope that his rich vein of form continues. And should it dry up, PSB, as a good captain, will know who it is that ought to come off when changes are required.

In other news, HH understands that Jermaine Jenas 'bumped into the highly esteemed England Manager on a train heading to Sir Bobby Robson's memorial recently.  

"He was all positive and all I can keep doing is what I'm doing on the pitch and hopefully I'll be in with a shout" gushed the young Geordie.

Mr Capello asked, 'Why he no a ask to see our a teeckits?'

Dear Arry,

First up, well done for what you did for us this season. You might use substitutes like they cost extra, but on the whole a triffic bit of work, so a very sincere thank you.

Arry, can I ask you something? Is there any reason that despite being mostly a bit pants, you have steadfastly refused to sub or even dare I suggest it, drop ol' Pointy Shouty Bloke since his return from Bindippershire? 

Do you think it's advisable to continue with this strategy if he doesn't get his mojo back in time for next season?

Or is this just an elaborate plan on your behalf so we go easier on Cisse when he signs, you old fox?

Thank San for the bread pudding, magnificent as ever - tell her, 'she's still got it!'

Your man in the trenches,

HH.

Friday night then. The eve of war. Ogilvy, the astronomer, assured me we were in no danger.

The impending battle tomorrow afternoon between the forces of good and some deeply unpleasant chavs from up West.

I have a cracking little prize for the winner. A copy of the Third Edition of the book that is a mix of quotes, stats, facts and anecdotes galore... The Spurs Miscellany. 

So here's the snap and I'll pick a winner sometime between now and tomorrow teatime GMT. As the chap said in The Great Escape, 'Good luck'.

"A little gem of a book" -  Claire Tomlinson

Hull City have the joint worst recent form in the Premiership. Their last six games resulted in four losses and a pair of draws. So let's declare the new girl in class swooning and honeymooning to be officially over.

That said, swap a loss for a win and you have identical form to that of North London Layabouts, Tottingham Hotspurs.

This then, according to Arry & The Guru's is the one we've been waiting for. A full strength side and a 'putting things right' performance is expected.

I got the message and understood what the plan was in the Ukraine. It was the manner in which it was executed that grated. The entire team should've been comprised of our kids and their instruction, to attack.

The downside of the whole debacle is that now we have Jenas, Bentley, Gomes, Bent etc etc all wandering around with another loss to their names. Another 'what happened out there, lads? Forget about the ball, it's morale we're giving away too cheaply in these dark days.

So a win then please. 

If we can pick up were we left off against Ars*nal, then we should do them by two goals. If we approach them as we did Bolton, for example, then it's more than probable we get beaten.

Halftime Draw, Fulltime Spurs win is 5.9 on Betfair. Boylesports are offering 0-0 Halftime, 1-2 Fulltime at 40/1. If you wanted to make that 1-1 at Halftime but stll have us win 1-2 you can nudge that out to 50/1.

BIOYC!

Blimey. Some of the rubbish I have had to listen to since the final whistle blew yesterday afternoon. You would never know that we had in the main, put out a very credible performance against a Champion's League side that currently sit fifth in the Premiership with very nearly twice as many points as us.

There are some of you out there who say you support this side, but don't outwardly exhibit any qualities I would associate with support. Now, if you told me you were a season ticket holder at Nitpickers United - I'd buy that.

I'm not advocating a Happy Clappers Club, just lose the clever dick/ know it all routine. Opinion is great. But I don't know of an other club where every ball is analysed, every pass scored out of ten. Frankly, your forensic sniping depresses me more than any shortfalls I might witness on the grass. 

Oh yeah, just in case I've got any readers left, the Adebayor song. The fact that some of you make my stadium echo with it makes me want to self harm. A finer example of cowardly racism I cannot recall.

Cudicini 7 Assured.

Corluka 6.5 Off colour.

Dawson 7.5 Awesome again.

Woodgate 7.5 Imposing.

Chimbonda 5 Like Baldric counting beans. Added nothing.

Assou Ekotto 7 Good, but not at his best.

Lennon 6.5 Like a postman on a Sunday. No delivery.

Palacios 9 Won the ball and really wore the shirt. MOTM.

Jenas 6.5 Usual fare, some good work, some bad. The good just outweighed the bad. Just.

Taarabt 6.5 I like desire and so score it highly. He needs to start a game soon.

Modric 7 A pleasure. Perhaps needs to get in the gym and muscle up a tad?

Keane 6.5 Went beserk in the first half, went missing in the second. Is he fit?

Pavlyunchenko 6.75 Out of sorts.

Bent 5 Made Pav look like a threat.

I refer our course to this afternoon's clash between Tottingham Hotspur and our onetime/sometime arch rivals, The Woolwich Wanderers. Not a place where one sends naughty Egyptians.

The prematch prattle across the board would have you believe that this game entirely hinges upon the performances of Keane and Arshavin. Well that would suit me just fine as I would be surprised if their Russian plays.

Where the the game will hinge for me is how our defence responds. Minus the distraction of King, they should now be able to focus on working as a familiar unit. The benefit of this should reach Gomes too.

Woodgate seems to look more determind with each game. Dawsons form has returned. Corluka will have to be just little more prominent than he has been of late.  Assou Ekotto over Bale, please. If that occurs, and he has a good game, then we could well be in business.

Chimbonda must behave himself. Obviously, Arry sees the galloping gloved one's forays upfield as a good thing. Yes, I did notice his invaluable assist last time out. But if any Premier League firm are fast enough to break and take advantage of Pascal being in the wrong penalty area, it's The Ars*.

Bentley out will see Lennon in and with any luck he can replicate his best firefly impression and cause chaos. Two players who will need to get their combined acts together will be Zokora and Palacios. Ars*nal aren't Bolton and if they aren't contributing to the cause this afternoon will reveal that.

I'm still unconvinced as to Jenas's fitness, but hope that Arry communicates to Modders that we don't expect to be kept waiting until the 64th minute or similar for him to 'kick into gear'.

HH is indeedy the the gift that keeps on giving.

Like h*rpes? Please, that's a cheap jibe.

You know the drill by now. Snappy. Ridiculous. Brash. Borderline funny. This, I believe, may well prove to provide you 'orrible lot with more ammo than the pic of Dame Commoli with her thumb in the air. I said air, not heir. Ooh missus.

HH: We're adding a little something to this month's caption contest. As you all know, first prize is a Cadillac Eldorado. Anybody want to see second prize? 

HH: Second prize is a set of steak knives. Third prize is you're fired.

 Courtesy of unclerico1979

 I remember those cheers. They still ring in my ears

After years, they remain in my thoughts. 

Go to one night I took off my robe, and what'd I do? I forgot to wear shorts.

I recall every fall every hook, every jab

The worst way a guy can get rid of his flab.

As you know, my life wasn't drab.

Though I'd much... Though I'd rather hear you cheer

When you delve... Though I'd rather hear you cheer

When I delve into Shakespeare

"A horse, a horse, my kingdom for a horse", I haven't had a winner in six months.

And though I'm no Olivier If he fought Sugar Ray

He would say

That the thing ain't the ring, it's the play.

So give me a... stage

Where this bull here can rage 

And though I could fight I'd much rather recite

... that's entertainment.

Arsenal indoors then. This will be a genuinely fascinating game.

Keane's come out and said he couldda been a contender at Anfield. "I've never been left out of a squad in my career and to be left out is difficult,"

Well, there will be few better chances that the NLD for him to reply to all and sundry. 

This will also be Arry's opportunity to prove that he does know what he's doing and has put some guts back into this team.

The manager of the opposition team is apparently still deciding if he will play new signing, Andy  Smoothbum. Apparently the player has not played a game since the end of November and has only had ten days preparation prior to this match.

Without tempting providence, their real problems lie further up the field and it's really a question of who will they look to for goals. My hope is the only ones they see are on the Jumbotron courtesy of our own Russian. As in conversation with OleOle's Arseblogger earlier in the week, my hopes are pinned upon Keane developing a relationship as profitable as the one he struck with the rat faced Bulgarian who used to play for us.

My prediction is a 3-1( at around 100/1) to the Tottinghams. Two Pav goals in there would be nice.

There is undoubtedly a divide in the camp. Rightly so. Hell hath no fury like a Yiddo scorned. Ask Citizen Campbell's legal team, Barrymore, Barrymore, Grayson & Sons.

But where we are, my friends of the finest feather-age, is a place called Gointawar.  Turn left at Hadenough, second star on the right and straight on 'til morning.

Some of you belligerent schmucks wish Keane a career ending injury next time he plays. What can I say other than  - let's be men and chuffing well stick to the code [not so much code, as guidelines] which if you recall, state categorically that no player is bigger than the Club.

Look, I got so annoyed with the tink that I ran (courtesy of PLN) an unpixelated pic of him in his Range Rover.

Keane, for all his treacherous unpleasantness's didn't have to come back. It wasn't like he either a) needed the money or more obviously, b) couldn't get a gig anywhere else.

'I've been weighing up all your possible escape routes and returning to the bear pit looks favourite, Dougal.'

'Ahhh, c'mon Ted, seriously now.'  

Some no mark came on here recently and referred to my support of Keane as some call to arms jingoistic frontier-ism ....or similar. Bless her. And there endeth the blessings.