Bullshit Ahoy! No wait, come back!

Tuesday, 12 February 08, 02:45 PM

Those of you who don’t live in Ireland will surely have heard of RTE pundit Eamonn Dunphy at this stage. He’s the guy who called Niall Quinn a creep on air; he’s pissed off every Irish manager in my lifetime and changes his opinions on Arsenal and Man United without batting an eyelid. He’s the guy who said Alex Ferguson had reached the end of his reign in 2005 and that they wouldn’t contend for the Premier League last season. Then a few months ago talked about how Ferguson was the fulcrum of a “special club” who don’t react to knee-jerk press reactions after a bad performance.

He also claimed that Sven Goran Eriksson and Garth Crooks had a little more than an interviewer/interviewee relationship. But in amongst a lot of hyperbole, he makes a lot of sense too.

Gerard Houllier for instance, was seen as a football incompetent long before any of his peers; he saw that Ruud Gullit was a “spoofer”; that Brian Kerr’s paranoia was affecting the players; that over-rated players like Gerrard, Lampard, Beckham, Ferdinand and even Henry were more hype than substance and was more than prepared to stand over these views. In short, between the nonsense and the sense, there is a little bit of a national treasure there and certainly one who makes RTE’s Champions League nights far more interesting than Jamie Redknapp and the rest of the guff brigade at Sky and ITV.

Of course many of you will have heard of Dunphy from his work on Roy Keane’s autobiography; a solid read but one great big wasted opportunity in my opinion. I read an article by the superb Paul Kimmage some time back that told of how Dunphy had (if I remember correctly) barely looked at the transcripts of his interviews with Keane with only about six weeks left to his publisher’s deadline. If memory serves correct, someone had been hired to transcribe the tapes as well, something which can definitely create problems for a writer when trying to decide how a book should flow.

Kimmage, who produced an excellent autobiography of Tony Cascarino a few years back (though Cascarino’s propensity for spinning tales makes you take a lot of what is said with a pinch of salt), also wanted to write Keane’s book and had informal chats with him about doing so. Personally, I think Kimmage or several other journalists would have done a better job considering what an interesting subject Keane was at the time and still is today.

A few years down the line and Dunphy is obviously not so under Keane’s thumb as he once was. This week, during a radio interview he called the Sunderland manager a ‘bullshitter’ who should concentrate on his job instead of getting involved in things that didn’t concern him. Again, it’s most likely Dunphy’s attempt at proving he’s no one’s puppet and he also clearly desires to be as controversial as possible as often as he can.

The full rant reads as follows: “I know Roy well and the one thing he hated when I knew him and when we were working on that book, he hated the bullshit that was part of manager-speak and part of player-speak. And now he holds these lengthy press conferences every week in which he anoints David O’Leary to be the next Ireland manager, anoints Terry Venables as the next Ireland manager, he’s talked about the Cork GAA dispute, talked about how wonderful it is for the Premier League to play more games abroad and he’s just become rent-a-quote. And it’s quite extraordinary. This is a sharp, smart, outstanding human being and he’s just been sucked into that awful Premier League vacuousness and it’s sad to see Roy Keane bullshitting, but he is. But there you go. It happens.”

Keane’s press conferences have become a regular fixture on Sky Sports and BBC certainly, but it’s not due to bullshit and easy headlines alone. It’s more to do with his propensity to actually talk about topics that other managers won’t touch. He’ll talk about other people’s players; he’ll talk about other managers and he’ll talk about things that have absolutely nothing to do with Sunderland. It’s great, why not upset the apple cart; why not piss off everyone else in the league. Frankly, this time around I think Dunphy has got the wrong end of the stick.

The RTE man is surely aware that Keane gets asked some of the most inane questions known to man each week. Sky, BBC and local radio reporters want quick, easy quotes for unchallenging stories that are lapped up by most. But Keane, unlike most, complicates matters for his own entertainment as much as anything.

So far in the Premier League’s history it seems that only the Corkman and the genius of Gordan Strachan have ever tried to subvert the interviews with some sense and a little humour. ‘Gordon can we have a quick word’, one Sky hack asked the Scotsman while he was in charge of Southampton. ‘Velocity’ he replied and walked up the tunnel. His chat about yoghurts nearing their sell by date troubling him more than player injuries was also a classic.

And indeed, so was this exchange…

Reporter: Welcome to Southampton Football Club. Do you think you are the right man to turn things around?
Strachan: No. I was asked if I thought I was the right man for the job and I said, "No, I think they should have got George Graham because I'm useless."

In amongst the guff that Keane has to tell reporters, like Strachan, he provides the odd gem on players bringing in milk, Craig Gordon’s hairstyle and Dwight Yorke enjoying a good ride… on a bicycle that is.

Dunphy, like myself and Mark, has perhaps found that this Champions League-less period of the season makes it damn harder to come up with decent things to write about (and yes if you think this post is a bunch of shite, I get the irony).

Most likely, in a few weeks time, if Sunderland get closer to guaranteeing safety in the league, Dunphy will once again be singing from the rooftops about Keane. I suppose there are just certain times when you shouldn’t take what the manager or the journalist say very seriously at all.

But, despite Eamo's faults, there is never a time when this doesn’t deserve to be watched again.

Later, JJ

PS: We’re recording the podcast tomorrow night so we’ll be online on Thursday morning. If you haven’t voted by the way, and you happen to like our podcast, can you give us the nod for 'Best Football Podcast' over at Soccerlens. We’re in a royal rumble for the title so get your friends, their friends and people you barely know to vote for us. Cheers.

Okey Doke Football Podcast is available every Friday morning, subscribe here: http://feeds.feedburner.com/OkeyDokeFootball

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'Goikoetxea's meaner, Champions, Argentina!!'

Thursday, 11 October 07, 01:40 PM

Hey folks,
JJ here,

As John Terry’s possible injury causes a stir in England (he’s not Iron Man lads, he’s an overrated underling of Ricardo Carvalho), the situation in Dublin is even worse. The hugely average Alex Bruce has been drafted into the squad and Steven Ireland is still busy sorting out his demons while undoubtedly avoiding his hair plugs getting caught in the wind when he’s out and about.

So, to put a little cheer back into proceedings I decided to dig up the lyrics to The Memories Italia ’90 reworking of ‘We Didn’t Start the Fire’ by Billy Joel. We’ve mentioned it on the podcast before but not sure if we’ve stuck up the absolutely immense lyrics in full.

Now, I couldn’t find the link to this on YouTube but I know it’s out there somewhere so any help is appreciated. To make up for the lack of link though here’s the original (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rq3PVHVn0kE) and here’s yesterday’s blog star Brian Clough giving his opinion on Mick McCarthy prior to Stuttgart ’88 (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ylou3upPPxc). And fuck it, here’s everyone’s favourite fat Sky Sports News monkey Kenny Sansom impersonating Ronald Reagan amongst others (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6CRkiUgCosw).

As for the song, the story goes that Joel like this version so much he learned it for a concert in Dublin during the early nineties. This is most likely absolute rubbish but fuck it I’ll spread the myth anyway… so here goes.

‘We’re Gonna Start a Fire’ (oh to have some of that optimism again)

Jackie Charlton, Eoin Hand
Johnny Giles, Ireland
Mick McCarthy, Stephen Staunton
Cascarino
Tony Galvin, Niall Quinn
Packie doesn't let em in
North of Ireland
South of Ireland
Only one can go

Paul McGrath, Back Four
Aldridge got another score
World Cup
English Clubs
Kevin Moran and the Dubs
European Championship
How can we forget the trip
Andy Townsend, Kevin Sheedy
Stapleton's a supersub

We're gonna start a fire
And when Rome is burning
there'll be no returning

We're gonna start a fire
We have Jack to mind us
and the fans behind us

Butragueño, Hungary
We scared the Dutch in Germany
Charlie Hurley, Liam Tuohy
Opel Invest
Ray Houghton, Liverpool
Ronnie Whelan's so cool
O'Leary in the Sunday World
Con is in the press

Stuttgart was no dream
now we have a winning team
Billy Bingham, Budapest
Man of Magic, Georgie Best
Eamon Dunphy writes it down
Dalymount to Landsdowne
English Football in a mess
Trouble on the Terraces

We're gonna start a fire
And when Rome is burning
there'll be no returning

We're gonna start a fire
We have Jack to mind us
and the fans behind us

Dasayev, Sócrates,
Maradona, Ardiles,
Puskás, Bessonov,
René van de Kerkhof,
Hamilton, Jim Magee,
Saint And Greavsie on TV,
Maradona, Hand of God
Brady should be in the Squad

Chris Morris, score draw
Don Givens, Denis Law,
Eusebio, Junior, Ronnie Whelan Senior
Pelé #10
We'll never see his like again
Goikoetxea's meaner
Champions, Argentina


We're gonna start a fire
And when Rome is burning
there'll be no returning

We're gonna start a fire
We have Jack to mind us
and the fans behind us



Netherlands, Egypt
England got a free trip
Pleaded, Seeded
Because of their supporters
Ruud Gullit might be out
Holland wouldn't have a shout
Hoddle and Waddle
Have they got the bottle?
We have England in the draw
And the Dutch like before
One thing that we're grateful for
We didn't get the Mafia

We're gonna start a fire
And when Rome is burning
there'll be no returning

We're gonna start a fire
We have Jack to mind us
and the fans behind us

Seeded in Sicily
Off the coast of Italy
6 hour boat trip
We can take the hardship
But the fans couldn't care
They can travel anywhere
No one else can match the sound
Our supporters bring around
June 11, English Game
We can do the trick again
Egypt next and then the Dutch
Its the second round for us
When we finally get to Rome
No one will be left at home
Aldridge is about to score
Listen to the Irish Roar

We're gonna start a fire
And when Rome is burning
there'll be no returning

We'll bring the Sam Maguire
We have Jack to mind us
and the fans behind us

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