Dodgy Tattoos and Weekend Preview

Thursday, 17 January 08, 04:14 PM

I once met a Geordie with the Newcastle crest tattooed on the top of his bald head and the Newcastle Brown Ale star on the back of his noggin to boot. To put his general state of mind in perspective, I only found out this information after he walked into the pub I was working in and took off his sombrero. His name was Kev. Anyway Kev liked to drink and I couldn’t understand a word he said. Leading me to ask his children to translate his conversational points; with the general response being ‘eh he’d like another beer please’. All in all though, a decent fella.

I don’t really wanna talk much about Newcastle today so instead I’ll just assume that this morning Kev woke up a happy man. Most likely a hungover man as well, but a happy bloke nonetheless due to the return of Kevin Keegan. Personally, I think it’ll be a disaster, and there is a bit of a suspicion that beyond the leery fans BBC caught on camera last night welcoming ‘King Kev’ home, there’s still plenty of people in that area who think this is a ridiculous appointment. Good luck to them and thank god that story is at an end.

Elsewhere in the news today, we have the excellent story of Rocky Baptiste and Havant & Waterlooville heading for Anfield in the fourth round of the FA Cup. They might get hammered but at the very least, this story, along with Luton’s initial draw with the lumbering Liverpool, have made for a decent start to the competition.

Okay, once your side goes out (and sometimes while they’re still in the competition), FA Cup weekends are unbearable (though the odd bet tends to liven things up). Instead of watching decent Premier League action you’re faced with watching Coventry and you hear the word ‘romance’ related to 22 men and a soggy pitch far too often. Actually, yeah… come to think of it, I hate the FA Cup… so down with Havant! And down with Waterlooville too! The poor man’s Trinidad and Tobago.

Looking towards the weekend, thankfully there is no FA Cup in sight but instead a rerun of the fixtures from the first week of this season. United playing Reading away in what could be a tricky assignment; Arsenal are away at Fulham without the threat of Jens Lehmann throwing a few goals in David Healy’s direction; and most intriguingly Spurs face Sunderland.

The latter two produced a horrendously poor opener to the season, only lit up by Michael Chopra’s goal in the last minute – the goal which proved to be the beginning of the ugly, mishandled end of Martin Jol’s reign at Spurs. What’s that coming over the hill Roy? It’s a fucking pasting. I’m predicting a huge win for Spurs here; at least three nil. And after that outrageous prediction, here’s a few quick ones to follow up.


Birmingham v Chelsea: Hmmm…. After last week anything is possible, sod it I’ll go for a draw 2-2.
Blackburn v Middlesbrough: Blackburn back on track and Boro’s form usually dips after any decent result so 2-0.
Fulham v Arsenal: Continuing on this week’s theme of teams managed by guys called Roy losing… 1-3
Portsmouth v Derby: If Portsmouth don’t win this game, they may never score a home goal again. They will though, 2-0
Reading v Man. United: Solid 1-2 win, though that Reading one will be a late consolation. I state this as fact.
Tottenham v Sunderland: See above.
Newcastle v Bolton: The return of… ah forget it. 0-1, just to piss off romantics everywhere.
Wigan v Everton: 1-1 (bad, bad game)
Man. City v West Ham: 1-1 (might be better than last night’s bad, bad game)
Liverpool v Aston Villa: 1-1 (bad, bad times for Pool)

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Podcast this evening folks where we’ll be discussing results, this weeks’ fixtures, Pub Talk featuring Cookie Coleman; Lusty Lita; and eh… Simple Souness. Then, oh yes at last, we’ll be hating Alan Shearer. In fact I think we should do a three week series…

Week 1: Hate Alan Shearer
Week 2: Hate Alan Shearer Harder
Week 3: Hate Alan Shearer with a Vengeance

I can see us finding a wide audience with that. Anyway, it’ll be online tomorrow morning so until then folks.

Later - JJ


Okey Doke Football Podcast is available every Friday morning, subscribe here: http://feeds.feedburner.com/OkeyDokeFootball

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Great Games and Flying Pizza

Friday, 02 November 07, 02:34 PM

From the hilarity of pizza being lobbed at Alex Ferguson’s red face to Roy Keane telling Patrick Vieira “see you out there” after the Frenchman attempted to strike a blow for humanity by telling Gary Neville he’s a tosser, Arsenal and Man United tend to serve up controversy as well as good games.

The last two years may have been less intense but Arsenal’s fightback at the Emirates in 06/07 wasn’t a bad affair and tomorrow promises to be a step up on recent meetings. Mainly due to the fact that they both have so much to play for. Whoever wins this game finishes top of the league at the end of the weekend. They won’t win anything for it but it’ll give whoever claims three points a huge boost.

Were United to win for instance it would put them about six leagues above Liverpool’s standard as Arsenal were at least five divisions classier than the scousers last week. Chelsea still have some ground to make up on their rivals too and three points for either Man U or Arsenal would put a great deal of daylight between them and Avram Grant’s increasingly dangerous looking side.

The build up will take up a lot of today’s papers so, considering the fact that I think this could well be a bit of a classic in the making (come on, how many players on the field at 12.45 tomorrow have a habit of hoofing the ball for starters - fuck all at last count), I thought I’d list off a few of the Premiership’s greatest games. At the very least you’ll get a few damn good YouTube clips to send you into the weekend.

Liverpool 4-3 Newcastle 95/96
Okay it’s obvious but that doesn’t make it wrong, and yes it is the first game not the unbelievably freakish second 4-3 a year later. Two teams playing excellent football, with John Barnes in top form in the middle, while Newcastle’s imports (Ginola, Asprilla etc) brought a little class to proceedings for the visitors. I couldn’t see the game due to a knackered satellite dish and had to listen to it all on the wireless (ah we were poor but we were happy in the old days says I). In typical Liverpool fashion though they would go on to lose 1-0 at Coventry four days later, effectively ending their title hopes. If that doesn’t sum up the last 17 years of the Pool I don’t know what does. Anyway, Stanley Collymore will forever remain a Merseyside legend for his 93rd minute finish: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OTzuGJb777Q

*** Though he’ll be less likely to be remembered for this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RtNmNMPjilQ (not necessarily work safe by the way)

West Ham 3-4 Spurs 06/07
Absolute insanity and my game of last season. Two nil to West ham after Mark Noble marked his debut with a cracking finish from outside the box and Carlos Tevez’s first goal for the club. It was back to 2-2 with fine football from Spurs, and then Tevez set up a third with five minutes left before Tottenham grabbed two in the 89th and 95th minutes, the first of which was a peach of a free from Berbatov. West Ham looked dead and buried at the time which made it all the more dramatic. Alan Curbishley throwing up his notebook and attempting to volley it away after the fourth went in was hilarious as well. YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2cUTdiIVCpY

Arsenal 2-4 Man United 04/05
Forget Keane and Vieira in the tunnel (we’ve covered it at length in the past: http://www.okeydokefootball.com/ShowMoment.asp?MomentID=4) the great big, bloody huge shock of this game came late on when United were three-two up and with Arsenal pressing for an equalizer, one John O’Shea found himself in space up the other end and lobbed Almunia with a beautiful finish. He turned to be congratulated by his teammates but had a wait a few seconds, presumably as they couldn’t believe it had actually happened (then again, he does have his moments: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7gasxpPiews). A great game, we can only hope tomorrow matches up. Here’s the United goals and a few more against Arsenal through the years, apologies for the tune though: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ho9yOxa4x3U

Portsmouth 2-1 Man City 05/06
Bit of a leftfield choice here but bare with me. Pompey under Alan Perrin had looked as gormless as this backing singer - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6riY-103vbc - but along came old ‘Arry Redknapp to save them. Though considering three of his first signings were Spurs reserves Pedro Mendes, Sean Davis and Noé Pamarot, Portsmouth fans weren’t bursting with optimism. However this game included two peaches from Mendes, with the second coming in the last minute after a Richard Dunne equalizer.
It was a great Premiership moment - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y_61i00MTBQ – the very start of their recovery and it set them on the road to their current status as one of the finest sides to watch in the league.
One other reason for picking it, and one that unfortunately is not available on YouTube, is that RTE’s commentator on the game, one Adrian Eames, emitted a high-pitched sound after Mendes’ winner that was… well a little TOO excited. If memory serves correct the exact line went something like: “Mendes, the shot… aaawwwouuuuuuuooooooaaaaaaaaaaaa”. Reports that he had a cigarette afterwards before changing his trousers are unconfirmed.

Spurs 3-5 Man United 01/02
There is a legendary story of one Spurs fan who, once his team had gone three-nil ahead at home to Man United in September 2001, bet his mortgage on the home side winning just to impress his girlfriend. Whether the lady in question is still with him or not I don’t know but his debts won’t be paid off for a few decades yet. Five second half goals from a rampant United were rooted in a magnificent performance from Seba Veron (“a fuckin great player” as Fergie said). Brilliant and bloody hilarious stuff.
Original report here: http://www.telegraph.co.uk/sport/main.jhtml?xml=/sport/2001/09/29/sfgtot30.xml and YouTube here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jRBWZI00bog

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