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‘Maybe there is more to life than playing, really, really, really, good football’

Tuesday, 15 April 08, 03:59 PM

There is only one place to start today – no not United being champions elect or anything to do with Chelsea but instead I’ll start with this oddly mesmerising image of the ‘Wengerbus’. Truly magnificent and the full glory is here. I hate Zoolander but for giving us this, the $50 million budget was worth it.

Anyway, back to matters sporting, and where to really start today… Avram Grant hanging on by a thread, Rafa Benitez supposedly heading off in the summer or Ronaldo being worth more than £100 million according to Carlos ‘rejected Bond bad guy’ Queiroz. In the crescendo that is the end of the season we have talks over who’s going where, how much money will be spent in the process and all of this goes on for the next three months.

In many papers’ minds, and with most sane individuals, the title race is over after Chelsea’s abject display yesterday which didn’t merit three points. All that’s left now is mathematical confirmation and a few commemorative pull outs from the more excitable tabloids. Hats off to Steve Bruce (good god that’s a difficult few words to write) for making some telling substitutions and bigger, novelty-size hats off to Chris Kirkland for keeping Chelsea at bay whenever they threatened… he didn’t even get injured in the process, what a guy.

As myself and Mark alluded to in last week’s podcast, were Chelsea to actually win the league it would remain one of life’s biggest mysteries for generations to come. Brutal football, complete boardroom turmoil and to be fair to Grant, some unfortunate injuries to key players. How could they do it?

What will be left after their failure in the league is the feeling that Mourinho’s Chelsea would’ve taken this title race by the scruff of the neck and won it; and while the Portugeezer’s demeanour in his latter days as Chelsea boss suggests that might not automatically be true, it will ring of truth in enough ears to send Grant packing come late May.

I’d suspect even a Champions League win would be ‘rewarded’ with a promotion upstairs within the club, a prospect that Grant wouldn’t fight either. So as Chelsea search for a new manager, the turmoil at Anfield will continue and I honestly think Benitez will go this summer to Real Madrid, Barcelona or possibly Inter Milan. I still believe his first choice is to stay at Liverpool but why should he at this stage? Another season of league mediocrity, which is the most likely outcome of him staying next year anyway, would only see his reputation damaged.
Right now, he has a huge profile around Europe and a very decent managerial record. The funny thing is that only three months ago it was the fans who wanted him out, but the truth of football is that decisions are always made in the boardroom rather than the terraces, no matter how many protests there are.

Elsewhere, Quieroz’s claims over Ronaldo’s worth are correct – the guy is so valuable to the club through the on the pitch performances and off the pitch revenue, they could never sell him. With 37 goals this year, only he could force a move and why would he at this stage? It may be that a few years down the line we’re looking at a Ronaldinho situation of a guy who has fallen out of love with the club but if that doesn’t happen, it’s hard to see United losing a stranglehold on the Premier League and possibly Europe.

Considering how flaky the rest of the big four have been of late, whether on the pitch or off, the happy house that is Old Trafford will continue to dominate and Fergie may well laugh into that glass of fine Bordeaux. Even with the mediocre performances of late that Mark mentioned yesterday, they’re still untouchable. Ah feck it, let's look at the Wengerbus again.
JJ

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Tis the season to be a punter

Tuesday, 18 December 07, 04:03 PM


There are few times in life when you can feel superior to professional footballers. Okay, intelligence-wise most of us can feel like three-time Mastermind champions when we compare ourselves to doornails like Lee Bowyer or David Beckham. Morally too, some of us will claim sainthood when compared to John Terry or any other of the spit roast brigade (should I hyphen ‘spit roast’?). But, here at Okeydokefootball we operate in a moral vacuum.

We may laugh at John Terry pissing in a cup at Shaun Wright Philips’ birthday party, but deep down we know that overall, the night must’ve still been a quality affair; besides for Ian Wright being there obviously.

As for intelligence, well for those of you who regularly listen to the podcast, you’ll be aware of the fact that week-in week-out we kill copious amounts of brain cells with cheap booze (so much so I don’t even know if ‘spit roast’ should have a hyphen, a sad day for journalism). So anyway, back to my original point about times that can leave you feeling like you’re a little bit better off than those well paid men of the Premier League and Christmas is one of those moments.

Four games over ten days, no Christmas dinner, not a bit of mulled wine, not a drop of decent stout, or even a nice nip of whiskey. While those of us in the great wide world are gorging on food, booze, Scrooged and a ridiculous amount of sport, those across the water have to train and travel to wonderful places like Wigan, Middlesbrough and Birmingham to play mud-sodden games. Further down the leagues people actually have to spend St Stephen’s Day in Scunthorpe or Luton. Scunthorpe… horrific, truly horrific.

At this time of the year, more than any other, we can feel like an audience at the Coliseum. Bring out the fools to fight for our meagre entertainment! Insert an evil laugh, chomp on a leg of turkey and you could practically feel like you’re watching Spartacus play for Man United.

The TV schedule over the festive season sees Sky and Setanta showing possible hum-dingers like Arsenal v Spurs, Pool v Pompey, Man United v Everton, Arsenal v Everton, Villa v Spurs, City v Blackburn, City v Pool, West Ham v Reading and Spanish football this weekend to boot. Not a grand slam Sunday in sight (thank god), but plenty of good games that mean you don’t have to talk to your family that much and have an alternative to Only Fools and Horses repeats (we all love them but jaysus, every night during the festive season is a bit much).

It all kicks off tonight as well with Arsenal and Blackburn squaring up for what could prove to be an excellent League Cup quarter final. Arsenal’s youth versus a Mark Hughes side that have been absolutely piss poor of late. City face Spurs too with Sven continuing his top four methods by dropping a raft of first-teamers.

Then tomorrow we have Xabi Alonso returning to the Liverpool first team down at Stamford Bridge, where the Scousers have never had much luck. I’ll go for Blackburn and Chelsea to go through and Spurs to scrape it into the semi finals as well. Certainly worth a bet so I’m heading to the bookies in a while. Of course I’ll win nothing but that won’t stop me throwing away more cash in the next two weeks. Rejoice and feel no sympathy for the players who entertain and infuriate us.

Oh and let’s not have that argument over whether or not there should be a Christmas break; or hear anyone bring it up as another reason why England are a horrible international side. The England team already ruin international tournaments whenever they qualify, for god sake leave Christmas to us, the poor punter.


JJ
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Compare and Contrast… and stop Andy Gray

Monday, 10 December 07, 01:09 PM


I begin the week confused. Liverpool and Arsenal lose. Peter Crouch playing the ‘Arjen Robben’ role. Someone actually voiced our concerns about John Terry being untouchable. Then to add more oddities to my weekend I went to see Southland Tales yesterday – a two and half hour journey through pointlessness that is bizarrely enjoyable.

We’re all about random comparisons at Okeydokefootball so here’s mine for today. Richard Kelly – the director of Southland Tales – is the Rafa Benitez of the movie world. A man with a thousand and one ideas; a man convinced his theories on structure are superior to others and a man who can point to previous achievements if anyone questions his motives. For Donnie Darko (his previous movie) read two Spanish titles and the Champions League.

Is watching a Benitez line up fall to a humdrum Reading side ‘bizarrely enjoyable’ too? Well kinda. Sipping a Guinness watching the oddness of the last twenty minutes on Saturday, I had to chuckle at how sure Benitez was that he was in the right by taking off Steven Gerrard. He looked absolutely positive that they could get nothing from the game so he stuck to his guns; the fat controller certain the train was coming on time when everyone else had left the platform.

Kelly meanwhile decided that no matter how much people complained about the incoherence of his movie when it was first shown in Cannes 18 months ago, that he would stick to dialogue about the ‘fourth dimension’ and neo-Marxists. It doesn’t make sense, it confuses everyone involved yet he is certain this is the only way forward. Sound familiar?

One key difference in the two men is getting a good performance out of an average talent. Southland Tales features a sterling turn from Sean William Scott; he of Dude Where’s My Car infamy. Reading versus Liverpool featured a typically horrendous showing from Momo Sissoko. The Mali international looks to have given up the ghost and barely appeared as if he was trying on Saturday, though when he did, predictably, he gave the ball to the nearest Reading player.

Watching Southland Tales, much like being a Liverpool supporter, is an exercise in futility. You give over a good portion of time for a mish-mash of very occasional brilliance and pure nonsense; all with very little reward at the end.

If Alex Ferguson were a director I’d say it would be James Cameron, a stern man who has had plenty of popular success over the years and who is begrudgingly respected by his peers. Arsene Wenger is more Woody Allen. A series of flops (Match Point/Champions League final) might stop another man but he keeps going determined there’s still an audience for his brand of entertainment (The Jade Scorpion/this season until yesterday). Avram Grant is Brett Ratner without a doubt, a friend to the rich and powerful drafted in whenever real talent has been forced out. He can do a hack job that will please many but the purists still know he’s not got the talent to do any great work of his own.

I suppose I could go through the entire league but that would only infuriate after a while and my already stretched comparisons would get worse as I went down the table. Though… Gary Megson as master of misery Ken Loach? Okay, I’ll stop.

So, back to the football and this weekend has set up next Sunday’s clashes of the big four nicely. Should Liverpool win (they won’t though) and Chelsea get at least a draw (no idea what will happen there) next week then everything will be tighter than a Scotsman on holiday. Spurs’ win on Sunday will, you’d suspect, start their rise up the table in earnest while Bolton look like they might start to get the results that will keep them boring everyone in the Premier League for at least one more season.

Blackburn’s malaise continued resulting in Morten Gamst Pedersen being fired from my Fantasy League team, something which I’m sure crushed the spirit of the horribly out of form boy band member. The weekend ended however on a disgraceful note that came in the Sky studio rather than on the field.

Andy Gray must be stopped. Not only did he defend John Terry for his role in getting Liam Miller sent off but his attitude to diving was absolutely shocking. He has been accused of having a bias towards Man United before – and he is as in love with Ronaldo as his friend Alex Ferguson – but defending the Portuguese player’s dive against Derby was simply appalling.

He championed Ronaldo’s right to go over like a sack of Nike-endorsed spuds when a Derby player put out a leg in front of him. Never mind that Ronaldo actually kicked the defender instead of the other way round before contorting his body like the seasoned diver he is to be certain of winning the penalty. The boy can do no wrong in Gray’s eyes. It’s the same story whenever he discusses Gerrard, Terry or Rooney too.

Any other day I might accept this as being a ‘striker’s view’ were it not for Gray’s reading of Newcastle’s penalty against Birmingham all of three minutes later. He claimed that when Liam Ridgewell scythed down Oba Martins that it was just a trailing leg left in that Martins’ took advantage of and it shouldn't have been given. Am I missing something? How does this differ from Ronaldo? Martins is in the wrong while Ronaldo is being clever apparently.

The answer is typical of Gray and the ‘old boys’ network that rules Sky and their bumbling, smug coverage. Gray is mates with Alex Ferguson; Gray is mates with Alex McLeish. He is quite simply a mouth for hire, an unprincipled yes man and each week Sky viewers are being conned by his supposedly expert views. Gray says whatever suits Sky’s star-hungry, non-controversial coverage as well as his friends’ interests.

He’s a member of our ‘hate’ section and you can listen to the reasons why about twenty minutes in here. Though I suspect many of you won’t need much convincing. But let’s not end on that; let’s end on this from Sully Muntari.

Later – JJ

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Not lovin it

Wednesday, 05 December 07, 04:06 PM

Why is that even with all their money they just can’t get it right eh? I mean it can’t be that hard, not when it’s a global brand who espouse their world domination through relentless marketing. There has to be research done, there has to be questions asked, there must be an inquiry I say.

Why is it, that McDonald’s has without doubt the worst ketchup on the planet?

I ate there recently after pints with Mark and it was my first visit in some time (not that I’m not a junk food eater but I’m normally a kebab man), and it was dirt. A salty mess of redness that has never been within 50 yards of a tomato.

In today’s blog I was going to go on a rant about the Premier League trying to fool us all into thinking they have a great product when in fact they only have more exposure and bigger stars than any other league. But then I realised that if McDonald’s have been getting away with their red gunk for decades, that it’s just the way of a global brand to make people believe they’re getting the best for their money.

Forget the ketchup, McDonalds say. We’ve got the Big Mac. Forget the rumours of corruption the Premier League tells us. We’ve got Grand Slam Sunday. Two completely different matters but we (and by ‘we’ I mean football-gorging, can drinking, fast food eating men like those at the OkeydokeFootball ranch) swallow both stories up all the time and accept our lot. Crap ketchup and Boro v Bolton. It’s just the life we’ve chosen.

I feel Mark’s attempt to repel from all this evil (the Premier League, not McDonald’s) yesterday was noble; yes we can all get a little sick of the game but we can’t really step away from it. Much like we should get in a cab after a belly full of pints but instead feel the need to top off that belly with a burger and chips; it’s in our nature. As Mark realised by the end of his rant, there is no escaping it.

However, despite this addiction, it’s never been a problem to do a Grange Hill on it and ‘Just Say No’ to watching Celtic games. Last night’s away day at Milan had little to appeal about it. An AC side virtually through, a Celtic side playing for a draw; even the most blinkered of Hoops fans – with their Celtic cross tattoos on their arms and ironed tracksuit bottoms for court – must have known this would be a stinker.

At 93-minutes I flicked over and saw that despite being one-nil down their fans were celebrating after Shaktar’s surprising home defeat to a fairly average Benfica side. Talk about feeling your decision was justified.

Of more interest tonight will be Arsenal’s visit to Newcastle which has plenty of decent subplots. With Fat Sam struggling to revive his career in the land of brown ale and shirtless supporters, he needs a decent result and who comes to town but a team who can feel justified in claiming to be the best in Europe at present. However, Arsenal are managed by a man whose sides often came up short against Allardyce’s former team Bolton. The Bolton team who played a system that Fat Sam is determined to inflict (and yes inflict is the right word here) on Newcastle.

The Gunners are also a side that still haven’t got more than a point when they travelled north of the midlands this season having drawn at Blackburn and Liverpool. And let’s not forget the injuries to Flamini, Fabregas and Hleb, with the useful Abou Diaby also out; indeed those first three have proven to be match-winners for them on a good few occasions this year already.

It’d be a huge upset if Newcastle do manage to pinch even a point... but feck it anyway, I’ll go for one-all, with at least one side finishing with ten men. Though, at this point I’d like to publicly denounce Fat Sam for not signing Patrick Berger during the summer and giving me a decent sign off joke for this blog.

Fat bastard…
Later, JJ

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Big Four and a Big Draw

Tuesday, 04 December 07, 10:00 AM

So as we draw closer to the supposed crunch time of Christmas in the Premier League (yup, after four months I’ll finally call it that) the basic fact of the matter is that the big four have done it again. There, like the most obvious thing in the world, they once again take up the top four spaces in the division. Deep down we all knew it would happen but it’s sort of soul destroying that it’s actually come to pass with such sickening inevitability.

Okay Sven City did a decent job holding out for a while, but their less than adequate away form finally cost them a place in the Champions League positions. It happened to Portsmouth last year around this time, and of course the year before it didn’t happen to Spurs until the last day. But it did happen.

The top four however have always been a curious animal... although when exactly the term became common is up for debate. 2003? 2004? Maybe, but I’m not sure it was until after Istanbul that Liverpool could even conceive of being in any elite group in this league. Chelsea certainly weren’t in there until the stubbly Russian mute took over.

Each year one of their number suffer from tales of their demise; there was Man United being predicted for fifth at last season’s outset and Arsenal were seen by many commentators (okay, idiots like us at ODF) as only a top six side at the start of this season. Liverpool also had some doom merchants at the outset of the 07/08 campaign who predicted pain and plenty of it.

But despite millions paid out by other sides, there they sit. What kind of pain can a club really suffer when it still canters to a slot in the league that guarantees them millions to spend on the best players (and Dirk Kuyt) every summer?

While it’s inevitable in the short term I still hope Spurs sort themselves out, Everton (though I’ll never get sick of that ‘Two Nights in August’ joke) get some decent cash and Man City and Pompey (and to a lesser extent Blackburn and Villa) continue their upward trajectory to challenge the hegemony. I know that sentence sounds like something you should say at the start of a new season rather than approaching the midway point but the ease with which these four have come to this position shows the disgraceful lack of real challengers out there.

Liverpool and especially Chelsea have even had to survive off-field drama and on-field tedium to mount possibly serious title challenges too. Here’s hoping Man City stick with the big boys for a little while longer to keep them honest, but is this it for the next 20 years ala Scotland or what? Well, I suppose a big four is better than a big two at least.

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Anyway, aside from that, the draw for Euro 2008 was an absolute cracker and fair play to Uefa suits for hiring Swiss actress Melanie Winiger (above with eh... two blokes I don't care about) to host the gig as her picture made for far nicer images in the Monday papers than viewing Michel Platini’s hobo-chic look once again.

The bizarre system whereby group opponents can now meet in the semi finals aside, there’s already some great games to put in the diary… that wonderfully England-free diary. Germany can make some annexing gags towards the Poles on June 8th while Holland face Italy the night after. Then the next day it’s Spain and Russia followed the day after by the Czechs against Portugal and that’s only the start of things.

Okay, so Greece will play terrible stuff and the hosts will both lack quality but this is three weeks of generally quality football. Get the cans; get the takeaway leaflets; phone off the hook… life as it is meant to be lived.

JJ,
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Updated: ODF 30 Nov Podcast Online

Friday, 30 November 07, 04:21 PM

Due to me missing my blogging duties yesterday I thought I’d weigh in with some predictions for the weekend. Before I get on to the real world though, I will tell all that I now have Gallas, Rosicky and Adebayor in my Fantasy League team and with Arsenal playing twice this week, why world domination awaits!

Then again, I’ve made about twenty wrong moves on the trot this season (Ronaldo as captain when he got a red card; buying Hleb when he was injured; buying Elano as soon as his goals dried up etc etc) so I expect all three of the above to get injured or sent off at Villa Park tomorrow.

Anyway, back to the predictions, the temptation is always to do a Costanza on it and just do the opposite to whatever Lawro says on the BBC, but I’ll resist that and just try, at the very least, to make this interesting.

Saturday
Aston Villa v Arsenal: As Mark said on the podcast last night, it really is a rare occasion when you end up supporting Villa but tomorrow is such a time. It’s the late kick off and I expect it to be a belter. Arsenal with a fairly weak midfield – Gilberto’s ideas of a new contract seem to have vanished after Wednesday’s awful performance in Seville – could be undone by a confident Villa side. In fact, they will. 2-1.
Blackburn v Newcastle: Hmmm… Blackburn needing a win after a midweek thumping and what with Newcastle being horrendous at all aspects of the game of association football, that’s just what will happen. 2-0.
Chelsea v West Ham: Good fight for thirty minutes, collapse, brief comeback, second collapse. 4-1.
Portsmouth v Everton: A ding dong affair as some commentators, mainly ones from the seventies, would say. Or maybe they didn’t but it’s a cliché that I’m determined to use this time out. I can see Harry getting some Rafa-esque support from the crowd, though this may turn into boos by the end of the game. After last weekend’s destruction of Sunderland and with Yakubu heading back home I can see an away win here. 1-2.
Reading v Middlesbrough: Meh… 1-0. Don’t even watch the highlights of this if you want a decent Saturday.
Sunderland v Derby: Again, I can’t see there being many highlights. While a new manager tends to lift players, Paul Jewell would have to inject a batch of performance enhancing drugs and at least six new players to turn Derby into a decent outfit in the space of a few days. “We’ve learned a lot today,” I can see him saying after being thrashed to within an inch of their lives. Well actually I think they’ll just get a 2-0 away defeat for their troubles.
Wigan v Man City: Sven’s men are missing Elano, Wigan are missing 11 good players. 0-2

Sunday
Liverpool v Bolton: Easy home win, has to be… unless of course the tannoy at the start of the game announces those magical words ‘Kuyt’ and ‘Voronin’ in the starting line up. “They are clever players”, Rafa has said of them. No, no they’re not. Sensible side selection = 3-0 win. Those two, plus Momo = 1-1.
Tottenham v Birmingham: Home win, nothing whatsoever to get excited about, 2-1 after a late consolation goal from Brum.

Monday
Man United V Fulham: Come on, I think we all know this will be 4-0. Expect a lot of ‘Hollywood’ football, though it won’t be coming from Clint ‘Deuce’ Dempsey.

Later, JJ

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Hi All,

Our latest podcast is online now.

We discuss:
Fixtures & Results: Premiership, Champions League & World Cup Qualifying Groups
Pub Talk: JT at SWP's birthday bash, Jewell, Bruce, McLeish, Platini, Bangura, Harry Redknapp
Featured section - Where Are They Now - Paul Warhust, Uwe Rosler, Guy Whittingham, Liam O'Brien, Benito Carbone - see his goal against Leeds, and being welcomed in Sydney. We hope you enjoy the show.

Download it: http://media.libsyn.com/media/okeydokefootball/odf30Nov07.mp3
Subscribe: http://feeds.feedburner.com/OkeyDokeFootball
Cheers,
Mark
http://www.okeydokefootball.com/
http://okeydokefootball.blogspot.com/

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Thrashings, Predictions, the Cold War and Sir Ian McKellan… together at last

Wednesday, 07 November 07, 01:28 PM

Well, what in the name of god can be learned from an 8-0 win against a side who wanted to leave the stadium after the first half hour? Last night’s game was a bizarrely dull affair where eight goals came with a disgraceful ease. Where does it leave Liverpool? It leaves them with some confidence going into the next few Premiership games at least but it had the air of a freak occurrence rather than a revival. A Houllier corner being turned almost.

Kevin Keegan’s last game in charge at Newcastle was a 7-1 defeat of Spurs which tells you that the odd thrashing can’t cover up a multitude of poor performances. In the end; the Yossi hat-trick, Crouch and Babel doubles as well as Voronin’s flick for Gerrard’s goal were nice but no one has changed their mind about this side overnight and many questions remain. How can Crouch be continually ignored in the league when he scores or causes trouble whenever he plays? Are Aurellio or Riise up to the job at either left back or left midfield? Why does Mascherano wait until the game is nearly up before he starts to actually pass instead of lumping it out of play or back to the central defenders?

The win only strengthens the argument that Benitez has no excuses for failure this year, he has an excellent squad but, for the most part of this season, he has used them incorrectly.

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The really interesting result came in Spain where Ronald Koeman got off to a blistering start with Valencia. Actually replace ‘blistering’ with ‘piss poor’. The tubby Barca legend is an odd choice for any side that wants to play decent football – as myself and Mark have referred to on several occasions he’s managed some awful sides in the last few years – and last night was a horrendous result. A two-nil home loss to Rosenborg is about as bad as it gets for a top European side, which, under Koeman anyway, you suspect Valencia won’t be for some time.

Elsewhere it was a dull enough evening so despite my better instincts I’m risking ridicule with some predictions for tonight. I have to improve on the last time when I got one out of eight right… well maybe.

Barcelona v Rangers: Sterling effort by Rangers will result in a four-one defeat.
Fenerbahce v PSV: Meh. PSV to be inspired by losing the Koemanator. 1-2
Inter Milan v CSKA Moscow: Forza Inter, I still want them to win this trophy and hope they crush the Russians. On the subject of the Rooskies, for no reason other than to waste some of your work time here’s a flashback to the good old Cold War: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1nLE_Lh9b54. 3-0
Lyon v VfB Stuttgart: Karim Benzema (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lMlOITyWSsg) has got Lyon’s season moving in France and they should be too strong for the Germans. 2-0.
Man Utd v Dynamo Kiev: Not even a contest. 3-0. How is this being shown on TV? Show this 45 times instead (Wizard! You shall not pass!): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=43sbtkQM6zc
Slavia Prague v Arsenal: Hmmm… Cesc and Hleb left at home; Arsenal with a history of Eastern European slip ups; they have to slip up at some stage… well not here. Solid 0-1.
Sporting v Roma: Difficult. 8-9
Steaua Bucharest v Sevilla: Difficult. 8-10.

Right, til tomorrow when they come back and haunt me.

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Great Games and Flying Pizza

Friday, 02 November 07, 02:34 PM

From the hilarity of pizza being lobbed at Alex Ferguson’s red face to Roy Keane telling Patrick Vieira “see you out there” after the Frenchman attempted to strike a blow for humanity by telling Gary Neville he’s a tosser, Arsenal and Man United tend to serve up controversy as well as good games.

The last two years may have been less intense but Arsenal’s fightback at the Emirates in 06/07 wasn’t a bad affair and tomorrow promises to be a step up on recent meetings. Mainly due to the fact that they both have so much to play for. Whoever wins this game finishes top of the league at the end of the weekend. They won’t win anything for it but it’ll give whoever claims three points a huge boost.

Were United to win for instance it would put them about six leagues above Liverpool’s standard as Arsenal were at least five divisions classier than the scousers last week. Chelsea still have some ground to make up on their rivals too and three points for either Man U or Arsenal would put a great deal of daylight between them and Avram Grant’s increasingly dangerous looking side.

The build up will take up a lot of today’s papers so, considering the fact that I think this could well be a bit of a classic in the making (come on, how many players on the field at 12.45 tomorrow have a habit of hoofing the ball for starters - fuck all at last count), I thought I’d list off a few of the Premiership’s greatest games. At the very least you’ll get a few damn good YouTube clips to send you into the weekend.

Liverpool 4-3 Newcastle 95/96
Okay it’s obvious but that doesn’t make it wrong, and yes it is the first game not the unbelievably freakish second 4-3 a year later. Two teams playing excellent football, with John Barnes in top form in the middle, while Newcastle’s imports (Ginola, Asprilla etc) brought a little class to proceedings for the visitors. I couldn’t see the game due to a knackered satellite dish and had to listen to it all on the wireless (ah we were poor but we were happy in the old days says I). In typical Liverpool fashion though they would go on to lose 1-0 at Coventry four days later, effectively ending their title hopes. If that doesn’t sum up the last 17 years of the Pool I don’t know what does. Anyway, Stanley Collymore will forever remain a Merseyside legend for his 93rd minute finish: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OTzuGJb777Q

*** Though he’ll be less likely to be remembered for this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RtNmNMPjilQ (not necessarily work safe by the way)

West Ham 3-4 Spurs 06/07
Absolute insanity and my game of last season. Two nil to West ham after Mark Noble marked his debut with a cracking finish from outside the box and Carlos Tevez’s first goal for the club. It was back to 2-2 with fine football from Spurs, and then Tevez set up a third with five minutes left before Tottenham grabbed two in the 89th and 95th minutes, the first of which was a peach of a free from Berbatov. West Ham looked dead and buried at the time which made it all the more dramatic. Alan Curbishley throwing up his notebook and attempting to volley it away after the fourth went in was hilarious as well. YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2cUTdiIVCpY

Arsenal 2-4 Man United 04/05
Forget Keane and Vieira in the tunnel (we’ve covered it at length in the past: http://www.okeydokefootball.com/ShowMoment.asp?MomentID=4) the great big, bloody huge shock of this game came late on when United were three-two up and with Arsenal pressing for an equalizer, one John O’Shea found himself in space up the other end and lobbed Almunia with a beautiful finish. He turned to be congratulated by his teammates but had a wait a few seconds, presumably as they couldn’t believe it had actually happened (then again, he does have his moments: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7gasxpPiews). A great game, we can only hope tomorrow matches up. Here’s the United goals and a few more against Arsenal through the years, apologies for the tune though: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ho9yOxa4x3U

Portsmouth 2-1 Man City 05/06
Bit of a leftfield choice here but bare with me. Pompey under Alan Perrin had looked as gormless as this backing singer - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6riY-103vbc - but along came old ‘Arry Redknapp to save them. Though considering three of his first signings were Spurs reserves Pedro Mendes, Sean Davis and Noé Pamarot, Portsmouth fans weren’t bursting with optimism. However this game included two peaches from Mendes, with the second coming in the last minute after a Richard Dunne equalizer.
It was a great Premiership moment - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y_61i00MTBQ – the very start of their recovery and it set them on the road to their current status as one of the finest sides to watch in the league.
One other reason for picking it, and one that unfortunately is not available on YouTube, is that RTE’s commentator on the game, one Adrian Eames, emitted a high-pitched sound after Mendes’ winner that was… well a little TOO excited. If memory serves correct the exact line went something like: “Mendes, the shot… aaawwwouuuuuuuooooooaaaaaaaaaaaa”. Reports that he had a cigarette afterwards before changing his trousers are unconfirmed.

Spurs 3-5 Man United 01/02
There is a legendary story of one Spurs fan who, once his team had gone three-nil ahead at home to Man United in September 2001, bet his mortgage on the home side winning just to impress his girlfriend. Whether the lady in question is still with him or not I don’t know but his debts won’t be paid off for a few decades yet. Five second half goals from a rampant United were rooted in a magnificent performance from Seba Veron (“a fuckin great player” as Fergie said). Brilliant and bloody hilarious stuff.
Original report here: http://www.telegraph.co.uk/sport/main.jhtml?xml=/sport/2001/09/29/sfgtot30.xml and YouTube here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jRBWZI00bog

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Spurs Starting from Scratch

Wednesday, 31 October 07, 04:49 PM

Ah Spurs. In the last decade or so we’ve had managers who claimed the title would soon be in their grasp (Francis and Hoddle), some who said they were a club that were world famous for good football (Gross and Santini) and some who just got on with the job of managing a mediocre side while waiting for the next man to come in (Pleat and Graham). In Martin Jol it seemed they had a bloke with both the intelligence and imposing presence to shift them from also-rans to Champions League regulars.

The story of his bizarre and frankly sad departure has been told plenty of times and now the fact of the matter is that Juande Ramos rules the roost and is now charged with unleashing the inner potential of such ‘stars’ as Steed Malbranque and Jermaine Jenas. Which is hardly an easy task now is it. Okay, okay they have some quality in the side as well – King when he’s fit, Keane, Berbatov – but they’re not overflowing with world class talent.

But, the argument goes anyway, Ramos’ world class coaching skills will turn them into contenders soon enough, with some Spurs fans eyeing up the Uefa Cup (the trophy the Spaniard has captured two years on the trot) as a decent option already. But does success in one job really guarantee similar achievements elsewhere?

A manager coming into a new club needs either some heavy doses of luck or huge wads of cash these days to be successful. For instance, Frank Rijkaard knew nothing but failure with Holland and Sparta Rotterdam, yet when handed big stars and big expectations he took to the challenge of Barcelona beautifully after a difficult start. Were he to swap this situation – where he has been blessed with such riches of talent – with say the AC Milan job where he would need to rebuild a side, would he be capable of such success? You’d have your doubts.

What about Claudio Ranieri? There is a man who specialises in charming fans in Italy, Spain and England, playing decent football and getting teams into the Champions League places but his record varies from glory to disaster – just look at the varying fortunes of his two spells in charge at Valencia for proof.

Ronald Koeman is about to take over at that certain La Liga outfit yet his managerial prowess centres around a Portuguese Super Cup, two Dutch leagues with traditional champions Ajax and one lucky one with PSV last year as well as knocking out a mediocre Liverpool and a despondent Arsenal from the Champions League in ’06 and ’07 respectively. This will be a huge step up – personally I’d rank his managerial record alone alongside Walter Smith’s before he went to Everton from Rangers – and considering the awful brand of football his teams play you can see little else but failure for the rotund Dutchman.

Elsewhere, Fabio Capello may have a great record in Italy and Spain, but at Real Madrid he was never given the chance to stick around long enough for it to go wrong. Speaking of the Spanish giants, their finest coach in modern times – Vicente del Bosque – went to Turkey after his glorious achievements at home and in Europe and flopped spectacularly.

Rafa Benitez’s record to someone who hasn’t watched his teams actually play is amazing, yet he is considered in great danger of losing his job at the end of the season. Then there’s Jose Mourinho, whose talents will be sorely tested in his next job. Add to all this Sven and his excellent record, blemished only by five years of trying to get the best out of the International Baby Bentley Brigade tm. No one would touch him for ages yet now he’s working miracles (well except for last Saturday).

It’s all luck, cash and public perception of your success really. Whether Ramos will be successful or not will depend on how much funds Spurs have left to spend after a hefty summer in the transfer market and whether the players already there actually want to stay. He could be a miracle worker but then again that rarely, if ever, exists in modern football. The thing is though, the Spurs board have laid their cards on the table by firing a damn good coach for one with little English and varying degrees of success pre-Sevilla.

Indeed, one glance at the top of the Premiership table – where the Spurs board crave to be – suggests that longevity is the key to success. As Wenger and Ferguson prepare to face off on Saturday, they are universally seen as two of the best managers in the business, if not the best. Spurs have started all over again, and somehow I doubt should it start to go wrong a season or two from now they will continue to have courage in their convictions. Which is why they may never attain the status they desire so badly.
JJ

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Ugly, Ugly Football. Lovely, Lovely Halle

Thursday, 25 October 07, 02:28 PM

There really are times in life when you’ve just gotta sit back and admire Halle Berry (http://imdb.com/name/nm0000932/). Because Halle, along with the other beautiful women of this world, would keep ya going through the bad times. A decent pint of Guinness, a juicy steak, a fry up or finding twenty quid on the ground help as well. All of these wonderful things could be the elements that make up a perfect day and then… you watch Liverpool. Whether you like it or not, that’s your day buggered up.

In the style stakes they’re not Arsenal and they’re not Man United. They’re certainly not Barcelona, but they may be a more expensively assembled Rangers. My melodramatic housemate said yesterday that if Liverpool beat Arsenal on Sunday he’ll give up watching football for a month, such would be the evil of this result. Now, while this is bollocks – he threatened to give up drinking once but that lasted oh… two days – I can kinda see where he’s coming from.

Of Arsenal’s seven the other night, they scored two goals (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EQGt1Dtq4TA & http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tl99UpVxCVI) which, in terms of teamwork, were comparable to Carlos Alberto’s 1970 World Cup final effort (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NZkR5Wb2KQs).

Okay the stakes were hardly as high, ala the argument over Messi’s Getafe dribble versus Maradona’s 1986 effort (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GGmtIGUEGZY), but they still played beautiful stuff and have won 12 games on the trot which is, to put it mildly, fucking incredible.

Man United looked immense as well in Kiev (politically correct big paper spellings don’t exist at Okeydokefootball). When you consider who was out on Tuesday the only problem Ferguson will have this year is who to pick when everyone is fit. Though, then again, this is United so everyone will never be fit at the same time.

Liverpool can win a game with a few dodgy decisions against Everton, grind out away points at Wigan and beat Villa away too – but all of these have required late goals and crucial missed opportunities by the opposition. Besiktas scored when they got the chances, and many more teams will do this to Liverpool as the season wears on.

They will win nothing this year with the present hit and hope method – Monster Mash simply doesn’t have the range of passing to work with Gerrard who is consistently 20 yards ahead of him. Alonso, even when he is back, will have to pick up his form dramatically after a poor 12 months. Meanwhile Babel is not been given enough of a chance and poor old Crouchigol is being ignored to a criminal extent. As for Sami, I can’t stay mad at you chief, but you’re no longer up to a long run of games and I’m hoping Agger is fit at last for Sunday. Overall, decent players are being held back by Rafa's tactical obsession with the opposition.

At this stage, I’m not sure I care if they go through to the knock out phase of the Champions League. If last night’s game is how they will play for the foreseeable future then it will be a penance to watch them grind away with the patently unworkable partnership of Voronin and Kuyt up front. Liverpool fans currently feel like apologising to other supporters every time the team is on TV instead of some decent football. These are indeed, depressing, confusing times. Thank god for Halle.
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Elsewhere, it looks as if AC Milan are doing a better impression of Liverpool than Liverpool themselves by playing pants in the league but well in Europe. Madrid continue to win and Celtic continue to be as big an enemy to football as their Glasgow rivals. Actually that’s unfair, considering Rangers’ result against Lyon the other week, Celtic now find themselves thoroughly second best in that little, and quite boring, local scrap.

Great win for Rosenborg too and Chelsea are beginning to look dangerous. Man City will be a good test for Grant’s men when they meet at the weekend.

Showmen always say to go out on a high… so here’s my effort: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lpo3EVoEblc

Later folks, JJ

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