joke time : )
Friday, 11 July 08, 04:22 PM
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hahahahaha the first one was a good one!!!!!! I really don't know jokes in English!!!! 
I can say one in Spanish!!!! 
The trial of sadaam hussein in iraq draws to a close. he is condemned to death at dawn, by firing squad.
however he is granted 1 wish, he is allowed to choose the person who will shoot him.
straight off the bat, sadaam says daviv beckham from 12 yards 
One day a hippie gets a ride on a public bus and sees a hot young nun. He sits down next to her and promptly asks if she would like to have sex, to which she immediately says no and walks off the bus. The bus driver leans over and says “Hey guy I know how to get that nun to have sex with you…”
Naturally the hippie asks, and the bus driver tells him that every night at midnight the nun goes to an old graveyard to pray for god to forgive her for her past, and that he should dress up like god and tell the nun she will be forgiven if she has sex with you.
The hippie gives his thanks and runs to the nearest costume shop.
Later that evening the hippie gets ready for his big night and drives down to the graveyard and sees the nun praying, on her knees. He says “Behold, I have heard your prayers and you shall be forgiven if you have sex with me!”
The nun agrees but asks if they can have anal sex in order to keep her virginity. The hippie agrees and once they are finished the hippie jumps back and pulls off his mask and says “Surpise, its me the Hippie!”
The nun jumps up and pulls off her mask and says “Surprise, its me the bus driver!”
back in the galacticos days, ronaldo, raul and beckham were sittin eatin their lunch in the canteen.
ronaldo opened his lunch and said in disgust, ' if i get one more time for lunch, i will kill myself'.
raul opens his lunch and says in dismay ' if i get burritos for lunch 1 more time, i will kill myself.'
becks then opens his lunch and announces ' if i get ham one more time for lunch i will kill myself.'
next day, at lunch...
ronaldo opens his lunch, sees that his wife has packed and throws his lunch on the floor in frustration, marches to the top of the bernebeau and jumps off.
raul opens his lunch and he too throws it on the floor, and burritos packed by his wife fly out of his lunch bag. he marches to the top of the bernebeau and jumps off.
becks opens his, sees ham sandwiches, and runs to the top of the bernebeau and jumps off.
at the funeral, ronaldos wife says in her speech that she never knew he didnt like .
rauls wife says likewise in her speech.
posh gets up and says ' don't look at me, david makes his own lunch!'
back in the galacticos days, ronaldo, raul and beckham were sittin eatin their lunch in the canteen.
ronaldo opened his lunch and said in disgust, ' if i get empada one more time for lunch, i will kill myself'.
raul opens his lunch and says in dismay ' if i get burritos for lunch 1 more time, i will kill myself.'
becks then opens his lunch and announces ' if i get ham one more time for lunch i will kill myself.'
next day, at lunch...
ronaldo opens his lunch, sees that his wife has packed empada and throws his lunch on the floor in frustration, marches to the top of the bernebeau and jumps off.
raul opens his lunch and he too throws it on the floor, and burritos packed by his wife fly out of his lunch bag. he marches to the top of the bernebeau and jumps off.
becks opens his, sees ham sandwiches, and runs to the top of the bernebeau and jumps off.
at the funeral, ronaldos wife says in her speech that she never knew he didnt like empada.
rauls wife says likewise in her speech.
posh gets up and says ' don't look at me, david makes his own lunch!'
sorry the above 1 went slighty wrong
13 Comments
i'll start it off
Stallone, Schwarzenegger, van Damme, and Seagal are sitting in a pub discussing forthcoming projects.
Stallone says "Why don't we do some sort of action movie about classical composers? I've always fancied playing Beethoven."
"Brilliant" says van Damme. "I'm sure I could play a mean Tchaikovsky."
Seagal nods and says "I've got Rimsky-Korsakoff down pat, guys."
Schwarzenegger finishes his beer, gets up, walks towards the door and says over his shoulder...
"I'll be Bach."
Harry Redknapp is getting concerned about Portsmouth, as they came back from the summer break cocky, and woefully unco-ordinated after their fa cup win.
he phones alex ferguson for some advice.
'Sir Alex' he says, 'youre one of the most successful managers in football, whats your secret?'
'Cones, Harry' says ferguson.
'Cones?' says Harry, 'what does that mean?'
'Everyday in training, all the united players dribble footballs around traffic cones, that i line up in different formations. sometimes 4-4-2 sometimes 4-3-3'.
' i will try it', says harry 'thanks'.
'wait' says harry, 'do i use my keeper too?' he asks. ' yes' says ferguson ' your defenders can practice back passing'. 'thanks again' says harry.
2 weeks later and ferguson has yet to hear back from harry. he gets curious and rings him.
' hello, sir alex' says harry in a heavy, sad voice.
'whats the matter harry' asks fergie.
'its the cones' says harry. 'what about them' says fergie
harry takes a deep breath and says ' they f****n beat us 3-0'
'how?' asks a flabergasted fergie.
'my bloody keeper scored 3 own goals' said harry