Are you Millwall in disguise?

"Which one of you bitches wants to dance?

Hey, you know when you're doing the usual sort of threesome thing you do of a weekend and, you know, the moonlight's bouncing of your heads and your arses and everything... does that not get a bit confusing?

Right, look, this is you, okay... tra la la la la la la la la la la la laaaaa la la!

Millwall, that's the one. Do you know this chant? Er, Millwall, Millwall you're really dreadful and all your girlfriends are unfulfilled and alienated."

*Whack*

So goes cantankerous bookshop owner Bernard Black's encounter with a trio of Millwall-supporting skinheads in the TV-comedy "Black Books," when Bernard is attempting to get out of doing his taxes by somehow injuring himself.

I have no idea if Millwall's reputation for thuggery is still deserved. Quite frankly I don't even know which division they're in. The last I heard of Millwall their fans were seemingly running amok in Budapest in a UEFA Cup tie against Ferencváros, but as that was a few seasons ago I have no idea whether things have calmed down since then.

One thing I know is that there is not that much to like about Kashiwa Reysol. Their hardcore supporters are a bunch of wannabe hooligans and their football team is not much better. So I was delighted when Shimizu S-Pulse beat Kashiwa Reysol 3-2 at a balmy Nihondaira Stadium last night.

It was a most un-Japanese of fixtures. It got off to an inauspicious start for your's truly, when I stumbled into the ground five minutes after kick-off. I'd like to think there was a more noble cause for my tardiness, but the truth is that I was scoffing down a ham-and-cheese sandwich on the lounge at home, warily eyeing the clock in the knowledge that as every minute passed there was an increasing likelihood that I was about to miss something important. It didn't help that I dropped into the convenience store to buy a couple of beers that I polished off en route.

By the time I arrived, S-Pulse were leading 1-0 thanks to Shinji Okazaki's goal. They made it two when Takuma Edamura stooped to head home at the far post just ten minutes in. Reysol pulled a goal back through Minoru Suganuma - who seemed to react by booting a water bottle into the stand behind the goal... didn't Eddy Bosnar get suspended for that just the other day? - before Kashiwa drew level before half-time from the spot. Now, I might not have had the best of views being about 90 metres away from the action, and it probably doesn't help that I hate Kashiwa Reysol, but from where I was standing it looked as though Reysol striker Franca simply slipped over in the steamy conditions, rather than being pulled down by Keisuke Iwashita. Whatever, the ex-Bayer Leverkusen striker coolly converted the spot-kick as the two teams were locked at 2-2 at the break.

For some reason that I didn't quite catch there was a fireworks display at half-time, and with the wind blowing down from the hills and across the ground, Nihondaira took on an eerie feel as smoke billowed across the pitch. It may or may not have contributed to Shinji Okazaki's second goal - he stuck out a foot to deflect a thunderous cross-come-shot passed Takanori Sugeno, and thereafter the match descended into a kick-fest, with the worst culprit Reysol substitute Alex. He was booting things left, right and centre... and none of them seemed to be the ball. It was hardly surprising when he earned himself a second yellow card for almost snapping off Keisuke Iwashita's leg, and despite the fact that Iwashita appeared to be suffering a near-death experience on the pitch, it didn't stop the mouthy Franca from accusing Iwashita of play-acting, as he tried to lift the prone S-Pulse defender back to his feet.

In the end the victory was wildly celebrated by S-Pulse fans, as it lifts Shimizu above local rivals Jubilo Iwata and into fourteenth place in the standings. It shut Reysol's travelling support up as well, and all the juvenile jibes about Shimizu's family-friendly atmosphere will have meant nothing for the Reysol fans on their long trip back to Chiba. A great night out for S-Pulse fans, then, although I must apologise to Millwall, who surely don't play the kind of anti-football on display from Kashiwa in this one.