Bad boys, bad boys... what ya gonna do?

In 1992, Queen Elizabeth II memorably put what had been an horrendous year for the British royal family to rest in a speech in which she described the year as an annus horribilis. Ironically that was the same year that the J. League was formed.

In 2008, a mere one-third of the way through the season, the J. League is facing up to what could potentially be an unmitigated disaster - at least off the pitch, as the shameless shenighans and boorish buffoonery that has plagued rival leagues looks to have finally hit the land of the rising sun.

Of course, it would be remit to suggest that dumb behaviour has not plagued the J. League in the past. It's just that stupidity has generally been the exclusive domain of league officials and referees. But now even the players are getting in on the act! And boy, what an impact it's having. For a league that could hardly be described as "boring" in the past, the J. League has suddenly been enlivened by a spate of bad behaviour that has put Japanese football under the microscope.

If 2007 was an unforgettable year in the bonehead department; what with Naoya Kikuchi being arrested for having sex with a 15-year-old schoolgirl, Ilian Stoyanov calling his coach "an idiot" in front of the press and referee Kazuhisa Osada memorably sending off a bemused Yoshiaki Fujita for a bookable offence committed by his team-mate, 2008 has already thrown up plenty of early contenders for the Moron Of The Year award. And so, without further adieu, here are some of the candidates!

Masaaki Iemoto

Iemoto turned in what might be politely described as an "interesting refereeing performance" during the season-opening Super Cup. He sent off Kashima defender Daiki Iwamasa - possibly for the crime of breathing, no one is really sure, before deciding to even up the numbers by sending off Hiroshima's Ri Han-Jae for good measure.

Not content with simply brandishing unnecessary red cards, Iemoto then turned penalty-kick expert - ordering Tatsuhiko Kubo to have another go when he'd already converted a dubious looking spot-kick in normal time, before twice ordering Hiroshima to retake penalties in the shoot-out after they'd originally been saved. Not surprisingly Hiroshima eventually won the shoot-out, prompting a pitch invasion from angry Kashima fans. Iemoto was supposedly suspended for six months by the league for his baffling pedantry but, in a land where nothing surprises, he was back refereeing again last week.

Magnum

After joining Nagoya Grampus from Kawasaki Frontale, the disappointingly unmoustached Magnum started the season in a blaze of step-overs and general good form. Sadly that form didn't quite transfer over to his automobiling skills, and after running a stop sign in Aichi Prefecture, police discovered that Magnum does not have a licence to drive in Japan. Handed a three-match internal suspension by his club, Magnum watched from the sidelines this weekend as Kashima Antlers obliterated Nagoya Grampus 4-0 in front of a full house at Mizuho Stadium.

Hidekazu Omichi and Yuji Funayama

"Drink and drive, and you're a bloody idiot." Evidently that iconic Australian TV advertisement was lost in translation in Japan (much like those stupid "where the bloody hell are you?" tourist ads and, if you're reading, Australian Tourism Board, I'm right here), with Kashima reserve players Hidekazu Omichi and Yuji Funayama deciding to take a late night spin while under the influence of alcohol. Not a good look for the J. League, especially when the news made the papers in Europe.

Ryota Tsuzuki and Marcus Tulio Tanaka

Another joint applicant in the Moron Of The Year stakes, Ryota Tsuzuki and Marcus Tulio Tanaka set off a mini-riot at Saitama Stadium with their inability to comprehend the fact that Gamba Osaka players might actually be pleased to have beaten Urawa Reds in their own backyard.

After the match former Gamba player Ryota Tsuzuki set about trying to attack any ex-team mate that happened to stray within a twenty yard radius, while Tulio proved as irritating off the pitch as he is on it, acting as a kind of traffic marshall by ordering the Gamba players to celebrate on a specific blade of grass as personally determined by the great man himself.

His choice of forcing the Gamba players to celebrate in front of the away end was perhaps a tad hopeful, as the two sets of supporters then set about lobbing projectiles at each other in a spot of post-match mayhem that ultimately warranted 30 million yen worth of fines.

The J. League

Possibly concerned by the spotlight thrown on fan hooliganism following that incident in Saitama, the J. League then set about turning the spotlight firmly back on itself by taking a mere THREE WEEKS to hand down a punishment. And what were the sanctions? Stadium closure, player suspensions, docking of points? No. Urawa Reds - quite probably the richest club in Asia, were handed a 20 million yen fine, while Gamba Osaka were handed a 10 million yen fine.

Then there was the small issue of Kazuki Ganaha. The Kawasaki Frontale striker was handed a six-match suspension by the J. League last season after club doctors gave him an intravenous injection of garlic to try and cure a heavy cold. The J. League claimed that the injection contravened their anti-doping laws. They were no doubt horrified when Ganaha took them to the Court of Arbitration for Sport in Geneva. The CAS overturned the J. League's ruling and ordered them to help out with Ganaha's court costs. Still intent on claiming the final word, the J. League later issued a statement that claimed "according to the tone of the CAS decision, our original ruling was correct." For his unwitting part in the fiasco, the blameless Ganaha lost his place in the Japan team and this weekend scored his first league goal in over a year.

Takehito Shigehara

Where in the world is Takehito Shigehara? My guess is that the erstwhile Kashiwa Reysol midfielder is languishing somewhere in Camp X-Ray. Controversy and Shigehara seem to go well together - last season he was handed a seven match suspension for "spitting/swearing/smashing some seats" after receiving a baffling red card whilst playing for Ventforet Kofu, who were eventually relegated.

This year Shigehara has been running around for Kashiwa Reysol - or at least he was, until police decided to reopen an investigation into a break-and-enter in Kobe in 2001 that resulted in the theft of a woman's underwear. Since then our (alleged) panty-loving friend is nowhere to be seen, with Kashiwa deciding to "drop him like he's hot," as it were.

Opposition fans haven't quite yet taken to waving women's underwear at Reysol fans, but that's probably because they fear being beaten up by Kashiwa's notoriously feisty supporters.

Yuichi Nishimura

Not content with Mr Iemoto hogging all the spotlight, referee Yuichi Nishimura entered the tabloid newspaper hall-of-fame by telling respected player Taikai Uemoto "to die" in a match between FC Tokyo and Oita Trinita The J. League denied that Nishimura told Uemoto "to die;" the entire Oita Trinita team refutes that claim, and Nishimura focused the attention of the world's sporting media on the J. League for a good, solid week.

Shimizu S-Pulse scouts

Alright J. League, now it's personal! Not a single club in Japan has been immune to the "bad Brazilian" syndrome. This crippling affliction strikes when a club signs one - or even worse, a host of useless Brazilians who would struggle to get a kick in during a game down on Copacabana beach.

In Shimizu S-Pulse's case, their signings extend to the utterly useless Marcos Paulo Alves and Marcos Aurélio. Last weekend - that being Round 14, mind you, the two started together for the first time in the league this season. Neither man lasted the distance.

Not content with simply signing two useless Brazilians, Shimizu S-Pulse then decided they could do without the services of Fernandinho - their one useful Brazilian. The club explained that he had been loaned out to Kyoto Sanga because a tally of one league goal and no assists wasn't helping the team, particularly when the mouthy Fernandinho was prone to berate his terrified team mates at the drop of a hat. Well, Fernandinho has now doubled his goal-scoring tally for the season. Predictably, he scored against Shimizu S-Pulse in just his second game for Kyoto.

Whoever thought that replacing the 185cm tall Cho Jae-Jin with the 167cm tall Marcos Aurélio was a good idea might get somewhat of a shock should they ever decide to watch a football match, but then S-Pulse fans won't be surprised to hear that Marcos Aurélio was signed sight unseen. Hey, at least if he doesn't work out... we can always blame those pesky gaijin for our problems this season!

Phew, all that and we're only a third of the way through season! No doubt the J. League will throw up plenty more to rant about over the long, hot summer months. Yet while there has been plenty of eye-catching action on the pitch this season, so far 2008 has truly been an annus horribilis for a league that, perhaps more than anything else, craves uncritical and unobjective scrutiny off the pitch.