It's like a Christmas list... but with fixtures

The 2009 J. League fixture list is out - leaving husbands and boyfriends up and down the country to explain long absences over weekends and crucial holiday periods (although in the female-friendly J. League... wives and girlfriends mostly drag themselves along).

A convenient "computer glitch" was no doubt behind an opening day crackerjack as Kashima Antlers get set to host Urawa Reds at Kashima Stadium, with the locals no doubt frothing at the mouth to remind the hated Saitama outfit of just who has recorded back-to-back J. League titles.

The rest of the opening weekend Saturday fixtures all look like fairly ho-hum affairs. JEF United doing battle with Gamba Osaka again? Expect another dull scoreless draw.

As predicted, Omiya Ardija host Shimizu S-Pulse on the Sunday in a battle to determine which of the two sides has a more naff-sounding stadium name. The elegant "Nack5" rolls off the tongue like the sort of fur-balls my cat used to produce all over the kitchen floor, but I just reckon Shimizu S-Pulse's new "Outsourcing Stadium Nihondaira" could take the cake for the most ridiculous new stadium name, with S-Pulse fans set to outsource their pride all over the country in embarrassment over that one. 

The other Sunday game sees Kyoto take on Vissel Kobe in a Kansai derby at Nishikyogoku Stadium - although Gamba Osaka have registered an early application in the "pride of Kansai" stakes by actually managing to win one or two things of late.

Matchday 2 sees Urawa Reds welcome hot-headed regional rivals FC Tokyo to Saitama Stadium, while the locals in Chiba will be getting all hot and bothered as Kashiwa Reysol host JEF United in a local derby that always threatens to reach nuclear proportions. Here's hoping that the Reysol fans put away their flag poles for that one!

Japan-based Australian football writers in Shimizu will be furrowing their brows in earnest to come up with some sort of port-related analogy as S-Pulse welcome the team from "that other port" in the form of Yokohama F. Marinos to Hot Sauce Stadium, while the Sunday fixtures on Matchday 2 see J1 returnees Sanfrecce Hiroshima host Omiya Ardija at Big Arch.

The rest of the fixture list meanders along in similar vein for all of 34-rounds, while the format of the Nabisco League Cup group stage has once again been altered to the point that it looks like it was drawn by a blind man throwing darts at a balloon in a wind tunnel.

One thing that does stand out for Shimizu S-Pulse fans is that the club have reverted to playing Urawa Reds at Ecopa Stadium once again. They've cited "security reasons" for doing so (um, yeah right) but they'll want to draw a decent crowd, given that matchday costs are around three-times higher than they are at Nihondaira.

Makes the grand gesture of that "Our pride in this place - all home games in 2007 at Nihondaira Stadium!" t-shirt the club put out a couple of years seem pretty hollow.* Oh well, I guess the price to pay to shield your own supporters from the horrors of Urawa Reds fans willing to insult those wearing Pul-chan hand puppets is an 80km trip down the Tokaido line.

* anyone want to buy a slightly used 2007 Shimizu S-Pulse t-shirt?!