So, it has come to this. Six games played. One victory. One draw. Four losses. Shimizu S-Pulse are in a bit of a slump. It was bound to happen.

Several months ago I hypothesised that Shimizu S-Pulse's new Brazilian signings Marcos Paulo Alves and Marcos Aurélio might struggle in an S-Pulse jersey. The former was signed despite the fact Shimizu already had a player in his position - the inimitable Teruyoshi Ito.

The latter's signing was even more puzzling. In Korean striker Cho Jae-Jin, S-Pulse once possessed a reliable goal scorer. He took a while to get going in Japanese football, scoring just nine goals in 29 league games in 2005. The next season was more profitable, as he found the net 16 times in 32 league games. Last season he scored 13 goals in 28 games - a decent return in an injury-blighted season from a player who suffered personal disappoinment at the Asian Cup.

Most importantly, Cho Jae-Jin was exactly the type of player that Shimizu needed. Powerful. Direct. Strong in the air, and with the ability to hold the ball up and bring others into play. Sure he wasn't the most skillful of strikers. Sometimes his touch resembled a brick wall. But you could always rely on the big man barging defenders out of the way to power home another Daisuke Ichikawa cross.

Now the 185cm tall Jae-Jin has been replaced by the 167cm Marcos Aurélio. Shimizu's once bustling forward line has been reduced to a parade of midgets. I can only guess that Marcos Aurélio was signed in case the 161cm Fernandinho needed to borrow a pair of boots.

That's why I'm putting my hand up for a club in need. Hasegawa-san, you can pick me. Yes I've lost a bit of pace since my halcyon days as a libero for Hills Independent u-13's, but I think I can get the job done. I've got my jersey sorted (we just need to find a new squad number for Naoaki Aoyama).

It's not that I'm anti-Marcos Aurélio. It's just that missing a stoppage time penalty thirty seconds after coming on to the pitch in a 0-0 draw with Omiya Ardija is perhaps not the best way to endear yourself to the fans.

I don't think the former Santos man will be scoring nine goals in 29 league appearances this season. He looks to be on his last legs at the club already. He needs a goal. If he can't score one against Tokyo Verdy in the League Cup on Wednesday evening, then help us all. I'm limber. I'm ready. And goodness knows, I can bang them it at a rate of more than zero goals per game as well!