It's a heck of a machine... the computer that generates the J. League fixture list. How else would it know to schedule so many regional derbies on public holidays?

I'm not sure if there was a glitch in the computer down at J. League headquarters or someone is trying to kill two birds with one stone this weekend though, for why else would the J. League schedule Urawa Reds vs Gamba Osaka and Kashiwa Reysol vs Kashima Antlers on the same day?

Maybe the J. League is hoping that NHK can wrap up any hooligan-related incidents from both grounds in the same four-minute news wrap?

Of course, suggesting that the J. League has a bona fide hooligan problem is a bit like insisting that the English Premier League is the most exciting in the world. An interesting premise... but not entirely true. 

Nevertheless it'll be "strap on yer helmets, lads!" time for security forces at both Saitama Stadium and Hitachidai as four sets of the league's most volatile supporters go head-to-head to answer the question that has plagued many of us in Japan for quite some time: "which J. League club houses the most bone-headed supporters?"

The answer, as everyone knows, is Urawa Reds... but didn't Kashima Antlers fans give them a run for their money last season? I doubt Kashima fans will be bonking any Kashiwa Reysol players over the head with flag-poles this season, but Reysol probably could have avoided tempting fate by playing this game at the truly awful Kashiwanoha Stadium... even if their abysmal attendances this season don't warrant such a move.

Meanwhile at Saitama Stadium, Round 2 of the showdown between two of the league's most dislikeable clubs will see Urawa's new German coach Volker Finke pit his wits against the wily Akira Nishino in a fascinating duel of football minds. Let's just hope the game makes headlines for the football on the pitch, rather than the action in the stands.

Personally I'll be heading out to "Outsta" (is that what we're supposed to call it nowadays?) on Saturday night to catch two of the most out-of-form teams in the league go around. Shimizu S-Pulse may be out-of-form, but with the amount of injuries and suspensions Oita Trinita have been racking up, I wouldn't be surprised to see Oita's ridiculous Yertle-the-Turtle mascot running out at left-back for this one. 

Should be a clash of sizzling mediocrity, I'm sure... but with so many other big-time encounters taking place this weekend (Yokohama F. Marinos vs FC Tokyo, anyone?), I'm sure no one will begrudge Shimizu's long-suffering fans from flicking around the grounds on the tele, to tune in to what should be a fascinating round of J. League action. 

With due credit to influential 90's scenesters Jawbreaker for the title, it was one of those days in Shimizu yesterday as mother nature and a rookie referee conspired to make it a painful day out for Shimizu S-Pulse fans, with the Shizuoka side held to a 1-1 draw at home by bottom club Kashiwa Reysol.

A pre-match trip to the dentist made it an even more eye-watering outing for your correspondent, and the mini-typhoon that swept in off the Pacific to lash the Nihondaira foothills made it one of the most uncomfortable afternoons of football I can remember.

So apocalyptic were the conditions in the hours before kick-off that I eschewed my usual bicycle ride to the ground in favour of hitching a ride with my friend Yuichi. As we drove to the ground in tumbling rain, the picturesque country lanes and back alleys that wind their way around the Nihondaira foothills were soon enveloped by a ghostly fog, so much so that I half expected a pipe-smoking Sherlock Holmes to emerge from the mist with the trusty Watson by his side.

Talk about English weather - these weren't so much April showers as an April monsoon, and to make matters worse, the temperature dropped alarmingly, guaranteeing a bone-chilling reception for both teams and the hardy (or foolish?) souls who ventured out in the less than welcoming conditions. 

My first mistake was taking up my place on the terraces some forty minutes before kick-off, ensuring that by the time debutant referee Jumpei Iida blew his whistle for kick-off (ironically it was the only decision he got right all day), I was already soaked. Then when I whipped out the camera in a vain attempt to capture just how inhospitable the conditions were, I realised at an unhelpfully inconvenient moment that the battery was dead.

Given the treacherous conditions, the game was unsurprisingly nothing to write home about - although any attempt to blame the litany of misplaced passes and elementary mistakes on the conditions overlooks the fact that these are two of the most out-of-form sides in the league.

Former S-Pulse midfielder Kota Sugiyama earned warm applause from the home fans, and he was at the heart of Kashiwa's best moves, as the combative midfielder urged his side forward. Nevertheless neither keeper was really tested in a first half in which the most interesting aspect was Kashiwa striker Popo's set-pieces - three times the Brazilian fired in crosses that sailed over the heads of team-mates and out of play.

"We believed" was the quip at half-time from a less than impressed Yuichi - Shimizu S-Pulse's 2009 slogan is We Believe - and it turned out to be more accurate than my suggestion that Popo was "the worst foreign player in the league" and "unlikely to contribute anything of note in the second half."

For a match in which relatively little occurred, there was certainly several talking points - not the least the performance of rookie referee Jumpei Iida. Most young referees earning their taste of top flight experience would be satisfied to fly under the radar and simply let the game flow. Not so our Iida!

Instead he infuriated both teams with a series of bafflingly pedantic decisions, the best of which saw him order Takuma Edamura from the field for a seemingly indeterminate period of time - which I've since learned from The Rising Sun News was an order for Edamura to change his boots.

It's hard to argue with Iida's decision to award Reysol a free-kick on the edge of the area for Jumpei Takaki's cynical foul just before the hour mark, but the fact that Reysol players would go down if they felt so much as a gust of wind made the decision harder to bear. 

Cue Popo firing in a virtually unstoppable free-kick that Yohei Nishibe somehow conspired to claw out, only to watch in disbelief as Masahiro Koga simply headed home the rebound into an unguarded net.

By now things were looking dire - at least for the S-Pulse fans amongst the crowd of 9,756 that chose to brave the conditions - and the goal saw S-Pulse maraude forward in an increasingly desperate fashion.

The late introduction of strikers Kazuki Hara and Frode Johnsen saw both play an important role in the S-Pulse equaliser, as a series of one-touch passes opened up the Reysol defence and allowed Shinji Okazaki to burst through and slide home the equaliser.

S-Pulse had the bit between their teeth in a frantic finale, and they were desperately unlucky not to win the game when Hara smashed an effort that looked goal-bound for all money, until Takanori Sugeno stuck out a lunging hand to claw the ball onto the post and out for a corner.

There was no applause from either side come the full-time whistle as fans made a beeline for the exits, with the weather somehow conspiring to get even worse in the second half. Indeed, so abysmal were the conditions that for the first time in three years I experienced something almost unthinkable in the J. League - total silence on the terraces.

It's not like Shimizu S-Pulse gave their fans much to shout about. They did just enough to earn a point in this game, but they certainly didn't do anything to convince fans that they can finish in the top half of the table come the end of the season, following this painful outing in the wet for fans from the orange half of Shizuoka.

Talk about a thumping!

The less said about the Shizuoka derby, the better - at least from a Shimizu S-Pulse point of view - as bottom club Jubilo Iwata dished out an embarrassing 3-0 thumping of Kenta Hasegawa's side in front of a dismal crowd of just 22,152 fans at Ecopa Stadium. 

Korean striker Lee Keun-Ho made his debut off the bench for Jubilo Iwata and promptly scored twice, while Ryoichi Maeda also got on the scoresheet for a Jubilo side missing top scorer Gilsinho through suspension. 

This was a dreadful performance from S-Pulse and questions must be asked of Kenta Hasegawa's inability to motivate his team for their biggest game of the season.

Shimizu were non-existent going forward and even worse at the back, and the club is now likely to lose millions of yen by hosting Urawa Reds at Ecopa Stadium in their holiday blockbuster on April 29.  

No excuses for what happened on the pitch, though. Jubilo Iwata simply wanted this more and they out-manouevered their nervy looking opponents in brilliant sunshine in Fukuroi.

Just when S-Pulse fans thought their team was on the up and up, they come crashing back down to earth with a humiliating defeat.

Dark days indeed in Shimizu, and there'll be plenty of wounds to lick following this humiliating loss. 

Round 6 of the J. League kicks off this weekend with an unusual Friday night clash between Gamba Osaka and Montedio Yamagata.

With the Osakans off to the far-flung reaches of Sumatra to take on Indonesian outfit Sriwijaya in the AFC Champions League next Tuesday, the J. League has allowed Gamba to push forward their home clash with surprise package Montedio to give them time to prepare for their Asian gambit.

Australians will be familiar with the idea of Friday night football - indeed Friday night games are key marketing concepts for both the National Rugby League and Australian Football League. However it's a novel concept in Japan, and with fans struggling to leave their office in time for kick-off, Gamba have slashed ticket prices for club members in an attempt to draw a crowd.

The TV ratings would make for interesting analysis too, and with many Japanese working regular business hours on a Saturday, this could prove an interesting round of fixtures for the J. League. Midweek league games are common enough - particularly in J2 - but it remains to be seen what the response for a Friday night encounter is compared to the more common Wednesday-night variety.

However things pan out, I'll be tuning in on TV for a bit of Friday night action, and what's more I'll be making the trip down to Ecopa Stadium on Sunday afternoon for the latest installment of the Shizuoka derby.

These two sides have already met this season, but with league points on the line, the atmosphere will be ramped up a notch for what is always a feisty affair.

Former Urawa Reds striker Yuichiro Nagai is expected to make his belated debut off the bench for the good guys of Shizuoka football, while Jubilo Iwata are not only struggling at the foot of the table - they're also missing top scorer and serial yellow-card-collector Gilsinho through suspension for this one.

Good news for S-Pulse, but these things often have a way of evening themselves out, and after Jubilo Iwata outplayed Urawa Reds at Ecopa Stadium in a 1-1 draw this season, the team from the blue half of Shizuoka will no doubt keep things interesting in what is shaping up as an intriguing contest.

It may have been a scoreless draw, but there was plenty of action up at Omiya Park as Omiya Ardija shared the points with visiting Shimizu S-Pulse on a cold afternoon in Saitama.

This clash may have kicked off with Damon Albarn's chirpy vocals ringing through your freezing correspondent's head, but there was no sign of Shimizu midfielder Jungo Fujimoto in the starting eleven - coach Kenta Hasegawa wisely opted to keep him on the bench at the venue in which he suffered a sickening leg break last season. 

Youngster Masaki Yamamoto started in his stead, and he went close with a low free-kick that flashed wide just before the half hour mark. S-Pulse keeper Kaito Yamamoto was also nowhere to be seen, and his stand-in Yohei Nishibe was leading a charmed life, as Yoshihito Fujita smashed in a ferocious strike, only to see it cannon off the underside of the bar and into Nishibe's grateful arms.

Nishibe then pulled off a point-blank save from Masahiko Ichikawa, before midfielder Ryohei Arai's follow-up skimmed the outside of the post. In stoppage time Koji Ezumi saved well at the feet of Shinji Okazaki, so there were plenty of talking points for the crowd of 14,039 on hand to discuss over their half-time coffees.

In the second half veteran Teruyoshi Ito ventured into the rarified air of the penalty box, but the former Japan international predictably headed wide.

The closest either side came to breaking the deadlock was through a Takumi Edamura piledriver from twenty-five yards, but Koji Ezumi was equal to the task as the Ardija shot-stopper made a spectacular one-handed save.

For some inexplicable reason new Omiya coach Chang Woe-Ryong left it until stoppage time to bring on giant Slovenian striker Klemen Lavric, and along with Shimizu's late substitute Kazuki Hara, I'm not sure that either player actually touched the ball.

All in all a point was a fairly satisfactory outcome for both teams, and the massed ranks of Shimizu fans were fairly satisfied to get off the mark in the new campaign.

A word should go out to Omiya's fans, who made non-stop noise for their hard-working team in the splendid surrounds of their compact stadium. I'd recommend any J. League fan to make the trip out to Omiya, and before doing so they should check out Go! Go! Omiya Ardija while they're at it. 

It's one of my favourite Japanese fan sites, and although we always seem to draw 0-0 with the Squirrels, I can't help but harbour a soft spot for the team from the orange half of Saitama.

It's a topic lifted straight from JapaneseSoccer.net but Yokohama F. Marinos defender is reputedly set to wear the name "Bomber" on his 2009 jersey.

What next? Team mascots to start in goal? A points deduction every time Marcus Tulio Tanaka complains? Competent J. League referees?

Isn't the whole point of putting names on a player's jersey so that you can identify the player in question?

The J. League may as well start publishing something akin to a phone book along with their annual Season Guide if fans are expected to identify players by their pointless nicknames.

If we're now naming players according to their looks, how soon until we see FC Tokyo midfielder Naotake Hanyu run out with the name "E.T." printed on his shirt? It'd save the replica shirt manufacturers some costs on lettering. 

How about we start calling Gamba Osaka striker Lucas Severino, "Lionel" - since he bears an uncanny resemblence to African-American soul singer Lionel Richie?

Why stop at player appearances? Let's call a spade a spade here, and get "Diver" printed on the back of Kisho Yano's jersey.

And I'd like to see an ice-cream printed on the back of Shimizu's number 10 jersey to represent Shimizu S-Pulse's midfield maestro Jungo Fujimoto, since he appears to be a reincarnation of Streets ice-cream mascot, "the Paddle Pop lion."

When will this madness end?

I'm all for innovative ways to draw fans through the gate, but not all of us J. League fans are the ditzy, sock-puppet waving young females that the marketing men seem to assume.

So Yuji Nakazawa will henceforth be known as "Bomber" on the pitch?

I hope they design a jersey with the name "Idiot" printed on the back for whomever came up with that bright idea.

The result was a pleasant one for Shimizu S-Pulse fans, but Kenta Hasegawa's men didn't exactly impress in their pre-season friendly with local rivals Jubilo Iwata.

The team from the orange half of Shizuoka came from behind after Jubilo striker Gilsinho opened the scoring with a clinical finish, only for an equaliser a minute from time from substitute Kazuki Hara to snatch the "SDT Cup" from Jubilo's grasp.

If Jubilo fans were annoyed by the last-minute goal, things got even worse three minutes into stoppage time when the impressive Shinji Okazaki blasted home to increase the gloom for the visiting supporters.

In front of an impressive crowd of 11,284 the hosts bossed the game for the opening twenty-five minutes but then appeared to fall asleep for the rest of the match.

New signing Frode Johnsen had some decent touches but it will clearly take time for the lanky Norwegian to strike up a combination with strike partner Okazaki - while fellow new arrival Yuichiro Nagai was missing due to concerns over his fitness. 

Off the pitch, the new naming rights deal struck with "Outsourcing" kicks in at Shimizu's J. League home opener against Yokohama F. Marinos on March 14, so it was into the more familiar "Nihondaira Stadium" that fans filed - with most arriving early to see Shimizu's reserves beat Jubilo's reserves 2-1 thanks to goals from Genki Omae and Shun Nagasawa, after Jubilo striker Hiroki Bandai had opened the scoring for the visitors.

Jubilo's reserve team shirts were probably the most useless pieces of apparal I've ever seen - it took me twenty-five minutes to recognise that their shirts were numbered, so well done to whomever thought that plain white against a pale blue background would work - while it was nice to see the Jubilo team bus inglamorously parked out the front of the stadium, with S-Pulse not bothering to open the parking bay for their local rivals. 

All in all it was a decent day out for S-Pulse fans, who were no doubt compelled to turn out in such numbers by the fact that Shizuoka Dai-ichi TV ironically didn't bother to broadcast the own friendly they helped sponsor.

But with the J. League season just around the corner, there is plenty for S-Pulse coach Hasegawa to consider given what was a rusty-looking display from his team.

JEF United fans could be forgiven for dousing their heads in a bucket of icy water with the news that 32-year-old Greg Miller has joined the coaching staff of the Chiba-based club.

It's not that the one-time Rangers youth team coach is a bad coach - quite frankly I wouldn't have the slightest clue as to what sort of coach he is - it's just that of all the clubs that have been burned by father-son combinations, JEF United are surely right up there.

In the not-so-distant past, United were transformed by Bosnian coach Ivica Osim from an eager bunch of provincial also-rans into a genuine force in the Japanese game. They picked up the 2005 League Cup title under Osim Sr, but things started to go slightly awry when the respected tactician decided to leave the Chiba club and take up the reins as coach of the Japan national team.

Enter Amar Osim - Ivica's perpetually over-shadowed son - who was desperate to prove himself as a coach of the highest pedigree. He failed.

Under Amar, JEF United went from being a genuine force in Japanese football to providing the kind of comedy clips you see on those late-night, sports-related talk shows.

Everyone's favourite was the tête-à-tête between Amar and star Bulgarian defender Ilian Stoyanov, with the feisty Bulgarian telling the press that Osim Jr was "clueless" and about to steer his team to relegation.

In a Mexican stand-off that thrilled the rest of the J. League and no doubt gave United fans cold sweats, club officials chose to usher Stoyanov towards the exit door and stand by their erratic and increasingly beleaguered coach.

Unfortunately there was no Steve McClaren-style umbrella-related end - but JEF United did eventually sack Amar Osim - just days after he managed to avoid relegation by the skin of his teeth... and his father had suffered a life-threatening stroke. He had the 2006 League Cup crown to show for his efforts, but even that was tarnished by the fact that he only stepped in midway through the campaign to replace his father.

Sometimes I feel sorry for Amar Osim - it can't always be easy being the son of a legendary player and coach - but then, it also has its uses when it comes to walking into employment.

Enter one Greg Miller.

Hopefully JEF United fans won't have any cause to throw themselves off the second floor of Fuku-ari this season, but they can be forgiven a sense of déjà vu over JEF United's latest coaching appointment. 

The 2009 J. League fixture list is out - leaving husbands and boyfriends up and down the country to explain long absences over weekends and crucial holiday periods (although in the female-friendly J. League... wives and girlfriends mostly drag themselves along).

A convenient "computer glitch" was no doubt behind an opening day crackerjack as Kashima Antlers get set to host Urawa Reds at Kashima Stadium, with the locals no doubt frothing at the mouth to remind the hated Saitama outfit of just who has recorded back-to-back J. League titles.

The rest of the opening weekend Saturday fixtures all look like fairly ho-hum affairs. JEF United doing battle with Gamba Osaka again? Expect another dull scoreless draw.

As predicted, Omiya Ardija host Shimizu S-Pulse on the Sunday in a battle to determine which of the two sides has a more naff-sounding stadium name. The elegant "Nack5" rolls off the tongue like the sort of fur-balls my cat used to produce all over the kitchen floor, but I just reckon Shimizu S-Pulse's new "Outsourcing Stadium Nihondaira" could take the cake for the most ridiculous new stadium name, with S-Pulse fans set to outsource their pride all over the country in embarrassment over that one. 

The other Sunday game sees Kyoto take on Vissel Kobe in a Kansai derby at Nishikyogoku Stadium - although Gamba Osaka have registered an early application in the "pride of Kansai" stakes by actually managing to win one or two things of late.

Matchday 2 sees Urawa Reds welcome hot-headed regional rivals FC Tokyo to Saitama Stadium, while the locals in Chiba will be getting all hot and bothered as Kashiwa Reysol host JEF United in a local derby that always threatens to reach nuclear proportions. Here's hoping that the Reysol fans put away their flag poles for that one!

Japan-based Australian football writers in Shimizu will be furrowing their brows in earnest to come up with some sort of port-related analogy as S-Pulse welcome the team from "that other port" in the form of Yokohama F. Marinos to Hot Sauce Stadium, while the Sunday fixtures on Matchday 2 see J1 returnees Sanfrecce Hiroshima host Omiya Ardija at Big Arch.

The rest of the fixture list meanders along in similar vein for all of 34-rounds, while the format of the Nabisco League Cup group stage has once again been altered to the point that it looks like it was drawn by a blind man throwing darts at a balloon in a wind tunnel.

One thing that does stand out for Shimizu S-Pulse fans is that the club have reverted to playing Urawa Reds at Ecopa Stadium once again. They've cited "security reasons" for doing so (um, yeah right) but they'll want to draw a decent crowd, given that matchday costs are around three-times higher than they are at Nihondaira.

Makes the grand gesture of that "Our pride in this place - all home games in 2007 at Nihondaira Stadium!" t-shirt the club put out a couple of years seem pretty hollow.* Oh well, I guess the price to pay to shield your own supporters from the horrors of Urawa Reds fans willing to insult those wearing Pul-chan hand puppets is an 80km trip down the Tokaido line.

* anyone want to buy a slightly used 2007 Shimizu S-Pulse t-shirt?! 

Socceroos coach Pim Verbeek has named a 22-man squad for his country's upcoming World Cup qualifying blockbuster against Japan in Yokohama.

There are several notable casualties - with Blackburn Rovers midfielder Brett Emerton expected to miss the rest of the season after he suffered cruciate knee ligament damage in Blackburn's scoreless draw with Middlesbrough in the English Premier League last weekend.

Emerton's Blackburn team-mate Vince Grella returns to the squad, but Australia are missing talismanic Galatasaray star Harry Kewell for what is shaping up as the most anticipated clash of Pim Verbeek's reign so far. 

Lanky striker Joshua Kennedy has been named despite falling out of favour with his club side Karlsruher SC, with reports in Kicker Magazin suggesting that Kennedy has requested a transfer after he was substituted in Karlsruhe's dismal German Cup defeat to Second Division side SV Wehen-Wiesbaden last week.

Japan face Finland in a friendly tomorrow in their final warm-up before their clash with the Socceroos at a sold-out Yokohama International Stadium, and coach Takeshi Okada has named a 25-man squad for both matches.

VVV Venlo midfielder Keisuke Honda has surprisingly been dropped following Japan's most recent 1-0 defeat to Bahrain in Asian Cup qualifying, while there was no room for Catania youngster Takayuki Morimoto.

Veteran goalkeepers Seigo Narazaki and Yoshikatsu Kawaguchi are both injured - prompting a surprise call-up for Kashiwa Reysol keeper Takanori Sugeno.

The Australia squad to face Japan is:

Goalkeepers: Mark Schwarzer (Fulham, ENG), Adam Federici (Reading, ENG), Michael Petkovic (Sivasspor, TUR)

Defenders: Scott Chipperfield (FC Basel, SUI), Chris Coyne (Colchester United, ENG), Craig Moore (Queensland Roar), Lucas Neill (West Ham United, ENG), Jade North (Incheon United, KOR), Shane Stefanutto (Lyn Oslo, NOR)

Midfielders: Mark Bresciano (Palermo, ITA), Tim Cahill (Everton, ENG), David Carney (Norwich, ENG), Jason Culina (PSV Eindhoven, NED), Vince Grella (Blackburn Rovers, ENG), Mile Jedinak (Genclerbirligi, TUR), Mile Sterjovski (Derby County, ENG), Carl Valeri (Grosseto, ITA), Luke Wilkshire (Dinamo Moscow, RUS)

Forwards: Richard Garcia (Hull City, ENG), Brett Holman (AZ Alkmaar, NED), Joshua Kennedy (Karlsruher SC, GER), Scott McDonald (Celtic, SCO)

The Japan squad to face Finland and Australia is:

Goalkeepers: Ryota Tsuzuki (Urawa Reds), Eiji Kawashima (Kawasaki Frontale), Takanori Sugeno (Kashiwa Reysol)

Defenders: Shuhei Terada (Kawasaki Frontale), Yuji Nakazawa (Yokohama F. Marinos), Kazumichi Takagi (Gamba Osaka), Marcus Tulio Tanaka (Urawa Reds), Yuichi Komano (Jubilo Iwata), Yuto Nagatomo (FC Tokyo), Michihiro Yasuda (Gamba Osaka), Atsuto Uchida (Kashima Antlers)

Midfielders: Shunsuke Nakamura (Celtic, SCO), Hideo Hashimoto (Gamba Osaka), Junichi Inamoto (Eintracht Frankfurt, GER), Yasuhito Endo (Gamba Osaka), Kengo Nakamura (Kawasaki Frontale), Daisuke Matsui (Saint-Etienne, FRA), Yasuyuki Konno (FC Tokyo), Makoto Hasebe (VfL Wolfsburg, GER), Shinji Kagawa (Cerezo Osaka)

Forwards: Keiji Tamada (Nagoya Grampus), Seiichiro Maki (JEF United), Yoshito Okubo (Wolfsburg, GER), Tatsuya Tanaka (Urawa Reds), Shinji Okazaki (Shimizu S-Pulse)