It's a funny old league, the J-League. Whether it's players labelling their coach "an idiot" in front of the press, referees sending off the wrong bemused player or top teams choking badly at already relegated clubs, there's rarely a dull moment in the Japanese game.

The same could be said of the 2.Bundesliga - a league I know well having watched many a Fortuna Köln game in that division, before die Fortunen died a slow, agonising death. One club that has managed to avoid a similar fate is eastern German side FC Carl Zeiss Jena, and by all accounts the second-from-bottom strugglers are on the verge of signing one Naoya Kikuchi.

It would be safe to say that 2007 wasn't quite Kikuchi's year. The midfielder was enjoying a solid, if unspectacular start to the new J-League season when word came through of an indiscretion that was set to cost the former Japan under-22 international his job.

In a turn of events that left even the most hardened J-League watcher shaking their head in disbelief (or maybe chuckling ever so slightly), Kikuchi was involved in one of the most bizarre sex scandals ever conceived.

It seems that one afternoon the young midfielder was particularly taken with a certain schoolgirl who happened to be passing him by. The two apparently locked eyes, and next thing you know they were getting jiggy with it in the back seat of Kikuchi's car. For some reason, Kikuchi attempted to pay the young lady in question the token sum of 10,000 yen after the deed was done. But his indiscretion was to cost him a lot more than that.

Kikuchi, in his infinite wisdom, inadvertently left his wallet in the front basket of the schoolgirl's bicycle, and left. The schoolgirl, being an upstanding, albeit amorous citizen of the world, dutifully handed the wallet in to local police, claiming that she had found it on the ground. The police took one look inside the wallet and promptly declared her a thief.

Evidently not wanting to take the fall for a crime that she had not committed, the schoolgirl confessed that she had had sex in the back seat of the car with the owner of the wallet. But this wasn't your average case of a star-struck teenage fan. She'd never even heard of Naoya Kikuchi!

The police had certainly heard of Naoya Kikuchi. They charged him with having sex with a minor - the schoolgirl was just 15, and Kikuchi was immediately sacked by his club side Jubilo Iwata. Claiming that his team's image had been tarnished, Jubilo Chairman Hiroshi Ukon even took a pay-cut - and fined several other members of his staff, for allowing Kikuchi to bring the club into disrepute.

The morality of Kikuchi's shenanighans aside - and let's not forget that it takes two to tango, he certainly took quite a fall for a few minutes worth of summertime fun. Ironically had he bothered to drive his femme fatale across prefectural borders to Kanagawa-ken, he wouldn't have even committed a crime! He just so happened to be committing a crime in his native Shizuoka Prefecture.

After being slapped with a year-long domestic ban, it looks like the erstwhile Jubilo star will be resurrecting his career at the Ernst-Abbe-Sportfeld in Jena. I'm sure that the locals will take to him if he can help steer the struggling outfit to safety. But for everyone's sake, let's just hope the Jena training ground isn't located next to a school!

I read an interesting article over at the Kicker Magazin website yesterday about the transfer of Urawa Reds midfielder Makoto Hasebe to German Bundesliga side VfL Wolfsburg. Hasebe has been a lynchpin of the Urawa side for the past two seasons, but with his contract having expired, the 23-year-old has decided to try his luck in Europe.

According to Wolfsburg coach Felix Magath, Hasebe has been on the club's radar for some two years now. Magath claimed that the club's scouts had been interested in Hasebe since early 2006. But I wonder.

Certainly Hasebe did well enough to attract the attention of at least one European club, with Serie A strugglers Siena widely linked with the out-of-contract Reds star towards the end of 2007. Their interest came to naught though, with the Tuscans instead signing Brazilian goalkeeper Artur Moraes and soon-to-be Socceroo striker Richard Porta during the January transfer window.

That Hasebe chose to sign for a Bundesliga side comes as no surprise, given that his former coach at Urawa is none-other-than 1990 World Cup winner Guido Buchwald. Indeed, Hasebe's best season with Urawa came when the Reds lifted the J-League title under Buchwald in 2006. Yet I can't help but feel that the decision to sign Hasebe is as much an attempt to lift Wolfsburg's global profile, as it is one designed to strengthen their midfield.

Coach Magath has claimed that he envisages Hasebe to be a defensive midfielder in a two-man shield in front of the back four. Yet Wolfsburg already have two defensive midfielders in the form of Christian Gentner and Brazilian international Josué. The highly experienced Guinean Pablo Thiam is also standing in Hasebe's way.

Should Hasebe wish to break into the Wolfsburg starting eleven, then he'll invariably need to work on his physical strength. The 1.77 metre-midfielder was repeatedly knocked off the ball when Urawa came up against Milan in the recent FIFA Club World Cup, and he'll no longer have the intuitive Keita Suzuki by his side to clean up his mistakes. Indeed it's a wonder that no European clubs have made a more concerted effort to sign Suzuki, given that he's so clearly the most influential player in the Urawa line-up.

Of course pre-judging Hasebe's European career before a ball has even been kicked is hardly fair. It's just that history is not on his side. Of the Japanese players who have gone before him, only the exceptional Shunsuke Nakamura has shone in European football. Naohiro Takahara scored eleven league goals for Eintracht Frankfurt last season, only to up-and-leave for Urawa as soon as Frankfurt brought in some competition up front.

Mitsuo Ogasawara is perhaps a better example. He played over 200 games for Kashima Antlers, yet played just six times while on loan at Italian club Messina. He then returned to Kashima midway through the 2007 J-League season and promptly fired the Ibaraki club to the J-League title.

To suggest that Hasebe won't be the only foreign player at Wolfsburg would be an understatement, given that he becomes the SIXTEENTH different nationality at the club this season. But he'll need to adjust to the language and the food quick-smart. He'll also have to adjust from playing in a side that is perennially challenging for the league title, to one that is conceivably battling against relegation this season.

Perhaps the 2008-09 season is a more realistic timeline for Hasebe to break in to the Wolfsburg team. By then Christian Gentner could possibly return to VfB Stuttgart - who loaned him to Wolfsburg, while Pablo Thiam's contract is set to expire. Wolfburg's financial position will also play a role, given that the club spent a whopping 30 million euros on players last summer, and are so far yet to see any tangible returns. Wolfsburg won't be in Europe next season, but at the very least, Makoto Hasebe will hope to be.

For me, football and music go hand in hand. I've always loved both equally and have always lamented the fact that I'm rubbish at both. Still, I've spent a lot of good times watching games and watching bands and occasionally boring those around me with my inane opinions on either topic.

You can imagine my excitement, then, any time I discover bands that actually like football. One of my favourites is legendary Swiss band The Vanilla Muffins. Yesterday I was listening to their classic record "Ultra Fine Day," when I remembered that I interviewed their drummer Eddie for a 'zine I used to write called Drink, Drank,Tuck.

That was back in 2004 and since then the band have unfortunately disbanded (for health reasons) and morphed in to a new band. Anyway, I've still got the interview with Eddie sitting around in my inbox and even though it's way out of date, I thought I'd share it with you fine folks here!

Do you know many Australian bands? Do The Vanilla Muffins have plans to tour Down Under some time in the future?

I really love Rose Tattoo and AC/DC and of course I know Midnight Oil and Men At Work cos they had big hits over here but I hardly know any punk or Oi band from Australia, shame on me. We would really like to play some gigs in your country but first I guess we have to find a millionaire to buy us the plane tickets .

How would you compare the Swiss punk scene to the rest of the continent? What kind of reception do you receive in the French and Italian-speaking parts of Switzerland?

It's a small small scene here in Switzerland compared with the one in Germany for example. Also we haven't a big echo here in Switzerland cos nobody seem to know Vanilla Muffins over here. Maybe that's because we only played once in our country.

Do you think that more people are in to Oi! and Streetpunk in Europe than they are in the United States and possibly Australia?

I guess Germany is No. 1 in Oi and streetrock scenes worldwide, the U.S. seem to have a growning scene too but I have no idea what's happening Down Under.

If The Vanilla Muffins could share the stage with any three current bands in the world, what bands would they be and why?

I personally would like to share the stage with KISS, AC/DC and Motörhead. KISS for American Showtime and their all time hits, AC/DC for just being AC/DC and haven't changed their sound for 30 years (go for the next 30!) and Motörhead as my favourite band after the Ramones have retired.

Your latest album is "The Drug Is Football." You met at the St. Jakob-Parkstadion in Basel. And you’ve written numerous songs about your love for the red-and-blues of FC Basel. Just how important a role does football play in your music?

Football is one of the most important things in life, at least in my life (specially after those incredible 3 weeks of the EURO 2004 in Portugal, what a wonderful world it could be!), and so it plays also a very important role in our music. Of course some of our songs are about other things than football, not many but there are a few hehe.

FC Basel are the team to beat in Switzerland these days and their UEFA Champions League exploits of 2002 have given them a real European profile. Where do you think this sudden success has come from?

The team has improved much the last 3-4 years, thanx to Christian Gross the trainer, and with the (financial) participation of new persons (Gigi Oeri the new female club owner) in the club FC Basel finally could affort some players that brought more class into the team and with effort and of course a little bit of luck we could win some big games.

FC Basel will try again this summer to get into the Champions League but the teams to beat this time have names like Manchester United, Real Madrid or Juventus Turin, so all football gods have to be on our side again.

How do you rate the new St. Jakob-Parkstadion? What do you think of a standing-terrace being reintroduced in the Muttenzerkurve?

I really like the new stadium, I also think you can compare it to other international stadiums (you can't say that about many Swiss stadiums hehe). It's packed almost every match so it's really hard to get some tickets but I heard the stadion will be enlarged from now 33000 seats to around 41000 seats for the EURO 2008 (in Austria and Switzerland).

It's a much better feeling to stand during 90 minutes instead of sitting and jumping up every 10 seconds to see what has happened on the touchline but after some troubles with some idiots (throwing things) they have seated the whole Muttenzerkurve, in the same way as if every "Super League" match would be a Champions League match.

What about the current standard of Swiss football? Do you see any other clubs challenging the big three of FC Basel, Grasshoppers and Young Boys in the near future?

Before a new season starts there are always the usual "suspects" to fight for the crown, FC Basel, Grasshoppers (thought they played a really poor season and I hope the next one will be the same hehe), Young Boys (also try to get into the CL this summer) and FC Zürich. This time maybe Servette FC will be a big one too, they have found a new financier and are now buying new players like other people collect beer bottles.

All in all the standard of Swiss football, compared with the international leagues, is more or less poor.

How would you compare the Swiss national team that has qualified for the 2004 European Football Championships, with the team from Euro ‘96?

Before the EURO 2004 got started I hoped for some goals and for reaching maybe the quarter finals, now I'm a wiser man hehe. Switzerland exactly shot one goal, like in '96, so they kept their poor standard. At least it was a goal out of the game and not a penalty like in '96, that's the positive thing about Switzerland at the EURO 04.

Switzerland is co-hosting Euro 2008 with alpine neighbours Austria. Will The Vanilla Muffins be doing shows that summer or will it be strictly a time for football?

That's a long time to go now so i can't say anything but as usually it will be strictly a time for football like most of the time of every year.

The Vanilla Muffins

Back when I was a teenager, the Special Broadcasting Service of Australia, or the "Soccer Broadcasting Station" as it was jokingly referred to, used to screen a one hour highlights package called Italian Soccer. Back then European football imposed a three foreigner rule, which didn't stop AC Milan from adding the likes of French striker Jean Pierre-Papin and Croatian maestro Zvonimir Boban to their masterful Dutch trio of Marco Van Basten, Ruud Gullit and Frank Rijkaard.

Milan, of course, famously went through the 1991-92 Serie A season unbeaten - the only time in history a club has picked up the Scudetto without losing a single league game. Their 4-0 demolition of Barcelona in the European Cup Final a couple of years later was a masterclass lead by that Montengrin magician Dejan Savicevic and French enforcer Marcel Desailly. Of course at their heart Milan have always had a core of superb Italian players, with the likes of Franco Baresi, Roberto Donadoni and Daniele Massaro losing nothing in comparison with their colourful continental counterparts.

Contrast that with today's Milan team, and the differences are stark. Milan have always had interesting goalkeepers - Sebastiano Rossi at times looked as mad as a march hare, but in a 240 game career for the club, he was solid, if unspectacular between the posts. Compare that with Brazilian goalkeeper Dida, who when not making school-boy errors in goal, is busy feigning life-threatening injuries if he feels a cool breeze. His understudy Zeljko Kalac inspires about as much confidence as an umbrella made of tissue paper in a cyclone - big "Spider" has never been the same goalkeeper after his personal nightmare in Stuttgart.

Where Milan once had a central defensive pairing of Franco Baresi and Alessandro Costacurta, these days the Rossoneri are marshalled by ex-Lazio captain Alessandro Nesta and whichever interchangeable centre back is fit that particular week. Paolo Maldini has been a superb servant to the club but should probably be coaching Milan's under-15 team by now, and in the likes of Kakha Kaladze, Daniele Bonera and Dario Simic, Milan seem to be employing the rule of quantity over quality.Gone too are the days when Milan brought young players up through the ranks - their four fullbacks in Massimo Oddo, Giuseppe Favalli, Cafu, and Marek Jankulovski were all established stars when they were bought from Lazio, Roma and Udinese respectively.

In midfield the Montenegrin magic of Dejan Savicevic has seemingly been replaced by a system of "reliable mediocrity." Massimo Ambrosini is the type of player who is made captain of a team because there would otherwise be no use for him a starting eleven, whilst "playmaker" Andrea Pirlo is a personality free-zone. Gennaro Gattuso has been trading for years off the ability to deliver withering glances and the occasional rash tackle, and it's only in the ageless Clarence Seedorf and the irrepressible Kaka - who surely deserves a better stage, that Milan possess any real quality.

Up front Milan's striking options are, to put it mildly, limited. Their number one striker is a 34 year old Pippo Inzaghi who looks at times as if he might benefit from the use of a wheelchair. Alberto Gilardino - an eighteen million pound signing from Parma, must surely be one of the biggest wastes of money in European football. And by signing Ronaldo, Milan have signalled their intent to assemble an all-star line-up of faded has-beens - what price Michael Owen becomes the next to join Milan's "Tour de Nostalgia?"

It's ironic that the reigning European champions should be facing a so-called "must-win" clash with those giants of European football Shakhtar Donetsk at the San Siro tonight. It would be even more ironic if Italian hotshot Cristiano Lucarelli fired Shakhtar to victory, but perhaps the biggest irony of all is that Milan are the reigning European champions in the first place!

Their victorious 2006-07 campaign was practically a clinic in efficiency. They won only three games in a group that contained veritable European heavyweights Lille, AEK Athens and Anderlecht, before requiring extra-time to eek passed a technically limited Celtic 1-0 on aggregate in the Round of 16. They were marginally more impressive in seeing off Bayern in the quarter-finals, but lost the first-leg of their semi-final to Manchester United, thanks in no part from some typically catastrophic Dida goalkeeping. Their best performance of the tournament was a 3-0 hammering of United in the return leg of that tie, and they used all their catenaccio nous to see off Liverpool in a final that was marred by crowd trouble at the Olympic Stadium in Athens.

One would hope that this year's competition is not marred by similar disturbances. With the likes of Ronaldinho and Lionel Messi lighting up the Nou Camp, Cesc Fabregas and company leading a revolution at Arsenal and the usual cast of gritty eastern European scrappers like Shakhtar, Dynamo Kyiv, CSKA Moskva and Steaua Bucharest all capable of throwing up an upset or two along the way, one might similarly hope that this year's Champions League is not marred by the presence of the bore-fest that is Milan's 2007 vintage for any longer than is necessary.

Urawa Reds' bold declaration at the start of the season that they would become "the first Japanese team to reach the AFC Champions League quarter-finals" raised a few eyebrows in Japan. To begin with, it overlooked the fact that fellow J-League outfit Kawasaki Frontale were also competing for that honour. More importantly, it ignored the success of Jubilo Iwata, who reached three continental finals in a row between 1999 and 2001, before the old "Asian Club Cup" was rebadged and revamped.

Ultimately it was Kawasaki, and not Urawa, who became the first Japanese team since 2003 to book their progress beyond the knock-out stage of the AFC Champions League, as Urawa learned that deeds on the pitch and not words in the media, were the key ingredient in getting out of their group. Urawa did get out of their group - just, and not surprisingly they've kept the preparations for their quarter-final clash with defending champions Jeonbuk Motors FC fairly quiet, as have Kawasaki, who face a tough task against Iranian side Sepahan.

Yet Urawa's bombastic rhetoric marked a growing trend in world football. Arrogance, it seems, is the new black.

When Uruguay came to Sydney for their knock-out FIFA World Cup qualifying clash in 2005, Uruguayan striker Alvaro Recoba incurred the wrath of the locals by declaring that Uruguay would win the tie because they had a "divine right" to play at the World Cup. Sadly for Recoba, his inference that Uruguay's rich football history was enough to get his team over the line proved incorrect, as Australia ultimately booked their place at the World Cup finals.

The late Australian legend Johnny Warren had hoped to live long enough to say to the world "I told you so" when it came to Australia rejoining the footballing élite. Yet Socceroos fans didn't have to wait long before the clichés kicked into overdrive, as first Brazil and then eventual champions Italy fell over themselves to declare that they would be easy winners against the supposed minnows from Down Under, before a ball had even been kicked.

How ironic, then, that Australia's maiden Asian Cup campaign should come undone partly as a result of their arrogance. After declaring that they could beat any team because they possessed a "tougher mental attitude," the suggestion that perhaps Iraq might also possess a tough mental attitude - given that their country had just been bombed into submission and was now being torn apart by civil war, sent the Australian camp into a spin - and eventually lead to the suggestion that any media outlet who questioned Australia's attitude was obviously conspiring against them.

Of course there is no greater arena for arrogance than the UEFA Champions League. Today English giants Manchester United and Liverpool announced their opposition to new UEFA President Michel Platini's plan to include domestic cup winners in upcoming editions of the Champions League. For Liverpool - who last won a league title some seventeen seasons ago, and United, who like the Anfield club were recently bought by a consortium of North American investors, nothing is more important than their own self-interest.

Tradition-laden teams from countries outside of the big three of England, Spain and Italy are routinely portrayed as easy-beats by both managers and fans alike, and with a level playing field having long since disappeared from European football, triumphs by clubs like Steaua Bucharest and Red Star Belgrade seem more like historical anomalies than distinct possibilities nowadays.

With fans in the modern era possessing greater access to information and video footage than ever before, perhaps the most telling aspect of this facade of grandeur can be found on message boards and forums across the internet. In many cases the majority of fans spend more time belittling their opponents, than worrying about the fortunes of their own team.

Modern football is seemingly at a crossroad. There may come a time when money - and the churlish attitudes that seem to come with it, no longer rules the game. But with the likes of Chelsea manager Jose Mourinho snarling his contempt for referees, FC Bayern commercial manager Uli Hoeness implying that the Bundesliga is a one-horse race, and Urawa Reds conveniently forgetting both their opponents and contemporaries on a regular basis... I wouldn't bet on it.

Sitting here in a lonely Bangkok Hotel, not far from Rajamangala Stadium where two nights ago I saw my national team Australia turn in arguably the worst performance I've seen in fifteen years of following their fortunes, I've been quietly pondering the content of my latest piece.

There were of course League Cup quarter-finals taking place in Japan last weekend - where Holger Osieck predictably fielded an ultra-conservative starting eleven, and then watched as Urawa gave up a one goal lead to draw 1-1 at home with Gamba Osaka. A couple of other teams recorded impressive victories - particularly Ventforet Kofu over Kawasaki Frontale, and Sanfrecce Hiroshima over Kashima Antlers, while FC Tokyo were the only team to win away from home, in front of a full house at Mitsuzawa against Yokohama F. Marinos.

Yet it was the announcement from a close friend of mine in Prague last week that ultimately fuelled my inspiration; FC Bohemians are back, and if Hollywood has lead me to believe anything, they're out for revenge.

When I was eighteen I suffered several traumas. I experienced my first true love, and then watched it slip away to the tyranny of distance. Much as I love German football, it was my German femme fatale who taught me several lessons. One was to cherish the things you love, because in an instant they could be gone. Tell that to the fans of SC Fortuna Köln - of which I was one, on the day they smashed local rivals 1.FC Köln 4-1 in the Müngersdorferstadion in March of 2000. There were 42,000 fans in the crumbling Müngersdorfer to witness that highly charged 2.Bundesliga clash - and only 1,000 were supporting the unfashionable club from the south side of Cologne.

These days SC Fortuna Köln exist in name only. They went bankrupt in 2005 - mainly thanks to the fact that the pockets of benefactor Jean Löring had finally run dry - but not until he had personally overseen the club's twenty-six year stay in the Second Division - the longest of any current German club. Löring died shortly after the team had been declared insolvent.

Not even Löring had been able to stave off the drop out of professional football anyway. I was in the Südstadion the day that Borussia Mönchengladbach's Michael Frontzeck thumped home a header that consigned Fortuna to the Third Division, and I doubt I'll ever forget the bitterness as I walked the streets of Zollstock on that cold afternoon.

That's why when my friend from Prague recently told me that Bohemians were back in the big time, I couldn't help but crack a wry smile. In fact, I was originally stunned. Like many, I had assumed that when the Traditionsverein dropped out of the Czech top flight in 2003, that would be the end of them. Indeed it was the end of them. FC Bohemians Praha, one of the most famous clubs in Czech football, went bankrupt.

But something happened in Vršovice. The fans got angry. They got so angry that their beloved team was about to disappear because of the workings of shady businessmen - the club at one stage had five dubious owners in just one year, that they raised the funds to keep Bohemians afloat. Not only were the club forced to tread water in the Second Division, they had to legally change their name just to do so.

And in 2007, on the back of an incredible eighteen match unbeaten streak, FC Bohemians achieved the unthinkable. They hauled themselves back from the brink. They booked a return to the big time. For the 2007-08 season, one of Czech football's most famous clubs will once again ply their trade in the Gambrinus Liga.

Of course no return from obscurity would be complete without some meddling from league officials. Bohemians have been informed that their beloved Ďolíček Stadion does not meet top flight requirements. No longer are fans allowed to stand behind the goals - apparently this causes a safety concern, although fans could travel a short distance across the border to German club Energie Cottbus and stand to their heart's content. Now Bohemians face costly ground renovations which will not only severely reduce the stadium's capacity, but which will no doubt take something away from the spirit of the ground.

But nothing can take away from the spirit of Bohemians fans. They saved this club. And in doing so, they should have struck fear into the hearts of all the Roman Abramovich's and Thaksin Shinawatra's in the world. Football is something that can not be bought and sold. It may be big business these days, but at the heart of the game remain the fans. And if the game continues to be supported by fans as loyal as Bohemians', then nothing can destroy it.

http://www.fc-bohemians.cz/default_en.asp