Stop Dreaming Mourinho, Arsenal will never hire you

Today's newspapers are reporting a new raft of comments made by Jose Mourinho attacking Arsene Wenger. He reportedly made the following comments:

Arsenal is a unique team, their coach hasn’t won anything for years and is still an idol. There is no pressure at Arsenal. But do not say he is growing young players into talents. What he does is take young players who are jewels and polishes them. It’s different. He has time to work in a serene atmosphere and get result".

It's hard to imagine how Mourinho's little mind works but this really sounds like he's frustrated. He would like to be back in the Premiership but he knows he has no chance of getting Wenger's or Ferguson's jobs. He can't go to Liverpool because they hate him there. Arsenal would have been the obvious target since Wenger has not won a trophy since 2005 but nobody even challenges his job.

Well Mr. Mourinho, just in case you're looking at Wenger's job I can send you a certificate of failure. Arsenal would never hire you. In the unimaginable scenario that Arsene's job was under pressure, other managers would be considered and not you.

Here's why, Mr. Mourinho:

1. Arsenal would not give you £600 million to spend on players.

2. Arsenal like to do things the right way. That means that the footballing operations have to be financially viable. Your record in this regard is not so great Mr. Mourinho.

3. Tapping-up players and buying opposition targets for any amount of money will never happen at Arsenal.

4. Arsenal is a family not an egomaniac's fiefdom. Victory through harmony is very much the goal at our club. Harmony is one trait that can not be associated with Chelsea under you.

5. Good attacking football is very much a fundamental part of the Arsenal brand. None of the teams you have ever coached has demonstrated anything remotely like this. In fact Chelsea fired you because despite those £600 million, your teams only ever seemed to win 1-0. By the way, that's why Barcelona will not hire you either.

6. Arsene Wenger has been perhaps the biggest contributor in making Arsenal one of the world's 5 richest clubs. Sound financial and football management skills is what it took. Now that he has done it, there is not a doubt that Arsenal will dominate for a while under Arsene.

7. Arsene Wenger is an idol and would remain an idol because we know that no manager in the world could have done a better job for Arsenal than he has. If you had been in the position, you might very well not have achieved anything at all. 

8. Arsene Wenger demonstrates more class in 8 minutes than you have in your circa 8-year managerial career. 

9. You're too stupid to know that the reason Wenger is not under pressure is that he has created more value for Arsenal shareholders than you could ever dream of. Which organisation in the world would fire a coach who makes so much money for them?

10. That's not all you don't realise Moaninho. You don't know that we fans worship Arsene because he has proven, over 100s of decisions, to be a sound mind who'll do the right thing for the club, the players, the fans and the shareholders. He's one of the few managers in the world who realises that a football club is really in the business of entertaining its fans. There are as many as 50,000 of us Arsenal fans in the waiting list for Arsenal season tickets because watching Arsenal is value for money.

11. You don't have as good a track-record of success as Wenger has. 

12. Arsene Wenger is given time to work at Arsenal because he has earned it. He has consistently overachieved and has never blamed the resources available for failure. You, of course famously claimed to have lost the league last season because you weren't allowed to buy players in mid-season.

13. You always burn your bridges and many of your ex-clubs will not have anything to do with you. 

14. You've actually destroyed several great players. Under your tutelage, Mikel went from being one of the most exciting young talents at the level of Messi into being a mechanical churner of identical uncreative passes. Ashley Cole went from the world's best to one of West London's worst. Joe Cole does not look like the player it seemed certain he'd be at West Ham after you knocked the creativity out of him. I could go on. We Arsenal fans shudder to think of what you'd make of Cesc Fabregas or Alex Hleb.

15. You're simply not a fit for us and the fact that you probably don't see that is the best proof of it.