Harry Redknapp Comes Up With A Practical Scott Parker Business Solution + Lamps' Failed Ipod

So commercially unsuccessful were the 24-carat gold plated iPods with Frank Lampard's signature lasered onto them that 5,000 of them are to be melted down so that they can be recast featuring the children's character 'Hello Kitty'.

This business plan has caught on and has been adopted by numerous clubs across the land, with Tottenham manager and intrepid wheeler dealer Harry Redknapp reportedly looking to have Roman Pavlyuchenko melted down and recast as Scott Parker.

"West Haam 'ave got right annoyed a' yer china 'Arry 'ere fer tryin' to buy ol' Scotty Parker," explains Redknapp. "This way the 'Ammers get to keep their main and we get a nice shiny replica, which is far less hasstle fer both clubs. Sorted."

Elsewhere, Portsmouth's creditors want to melt the entire club and it's assets down and have them made into a luxury penholder while Sir Alex Ferguson is said to want to have Dimitar Berbatov melted down and have him recast as a limited edition 24-carat gold plated Frank Lampard signed iPod.

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