Welcome back students. It’s time to learn about the 2nd Law of Soccer, The Law of the Balls. Sounds dirty, I know, but let’s try and keep giggling to a minumum please. So, as I was saying, there are many laws one must abide by when it comes to balls. They must be the right shape and size, they must be leathery to the touch, and – most importantly - they must feel right when they are being cradled in the ref’s hands. I said no giggling! Some people are actually trying to learn.

If we can’t pay attention, I guess we will just have to do another pop quiz. Which of the following soccer balls could reach the pitch in a FIFA “official” match”

A. A spherical, leather ball 28 inches in circumference with a 16 oz. weight with a “FIFA Approved” logo affixed.

B. A spherical, plastic ball 27 inches in circumference with a 14 oz. weight with a “FIFA Inspected” logo affixed.

C. Any spherical ball made of FIFA “approved suitable material” that doesn’t advertise for anything other than FIFA.

D. All of the Above.

If you guessed (D), you may be a genius, but you also are a frequent reader of this site, which means you are more likely not. The answer is always “All of the Above” when it comes to the Laws of the Game. I guess when it comes to the ball, as long as it is close to the same size, shape and weight, who cares what material it is made out of.

I am sure vegan players would probably prefer less leather, but who cares what vegan players prefer (if they even exist without protein pills). To make a short story long, the 2nd Law of Soccer may be about “Balls”, but it is really about the most important piece of equipment in the game. After all, only when you play with balls can you score. 

If you think about it. The ball is to soccer what fate is to life. Sometimes it finds you in the right place at the right time, and other times you cough it up because you hesitated on an empty net. Sometimes in both soccer and life, you start out with two perfectly fresh new balls, and you end up losing one in an ugly defensive scuffle and have only a single muddy ball and an otherwise completely empty ball sack. Who doesn’t know that feeling?

Seriously guys, stop giggling… Class is dismissed, but remember to do your homework because in a few days we will be closely examining the laws that apply to players while they are vigorously playing with their balls.

OK, I did that last one on purpose…

The Scene: The 2002 MLS Cup Final was played between the LA Galaxy and the New England Revolution before the largest Final crowd ever (61,316) at Gillette Stadium. Though the Gals had lost the Cup the year before in an overtime duel with SJE, this time it would be they who would prevail in overtime to best NER 1-0 and hoist their first MLS Cup.

The Build-Up: In one of the weirdest seasons ever, LAG easily won the Shield and all 5 teams from the West qualified for the playoffs. NER won the East, but they actually had a crappy record. Both teams dominated during the playoffs though and cruised into the title game. All observers thought LAG would murder the Revs to win the Double.

The Game: While LAG had seemingly scored at will during the season, Steve Nicol (who was in his first year coaching the Revs) managed to keep them scoreless during the first 90 minutes and the first overtime. Unfortunately, NER couldn’t score either though. In the 113th minute, MVP Carlos Ruiz finally broke the deadlock.

The Legacy: This game is significant for many reasons. For one, it was the first Final loss for NER, who would lose three more times in the next five years (including to LAG in 2005). Two, it was the Gals’ first Cup win after two losses in the previous three years. Finally, it was the highest attended Final ever and one of the closest. I think it definitely deserves the #3 spot on this list.

Aw, come on. You knew I had to put the 2005 Champions League Final at the top of this list. It was a classic battle between two of the best teams in the world, and it was perhaps the most entertaining game in the history of soccer. When the whistle blew, Liverpool had won the world’s biggest club championship in extremely dramatic fashion.

Liverpool had not looked as good as AC Milan leading up to the Final. Moreover, they had not reached a Final since the abhorrent Heysel Disaster of 1985, while Milan had won the tourney a whopping four times since then, including in 2003. Finally, Liverpool had finished a disastrous fifth in the Prem, and all experts believed they would be beat.

Those experts looked like geniuses early in the game too, because Milan came out with a full frontal offensive attack. By the end of the first half, Milan had taken a 3-0 lead. It looked like it was over. But, only fifteen minutes into the second half, Liverpool had already evened the game with three goals of their own. It eventually went to penalties.

Liverpool’s keeper, Dudek, who had struggled early, played heroically during the penalties and secured the victory for Liverpool. Gerrard and the Reds had completed the greatest comeback in Champions League/European Cup history. That is why I have placed this thrilling game at #1 on this list. If you have an argument as to why it should be another game, let me hear about it in the comments. Until then, keep coming back to PLTO for the best soccer analysis on the interwebs. Ciao.

The 2008 Champions League Final may only be #3 on this list because of its recency, but I also think it will stand the test of time. After all, Manchester United and Chelsea had developed a bitter rivalry leading up to the match, and the Final between the two teams would end up being one of the most closely contested Finals in the tourney’s history.

A whopping 76 teams participated in the 2008 Champions League, a record number. Man U wasn’t phased by the crowd though and it never lost a match en route to the Final. Chelsea had lost Jose Mourinho in the middle of the tourney, but rebounded to beat Liverpool in a thrilling Semifinal matchup. The stage was set, but who would win? 

In the Final, Cristiano Ronaldo scored on a well-placed header in the 26th minute, but Lampard answered for Chelsea just before half time. Ryan Giggs had a chance to win the game late for United, but John Terry made a game-saving block for the Blues.  After extra time expired, the match went to penalties and the world held its breath.

Some people forget this fact, but Ronaldo missed his PK. Thus, John Terry had a chance to win it all for Chelsea with just one shot. Unfortunately for him, he slipped and his shot narrowly missed. After Giggs notched his PK and Anelka’s was saved by Van der Sar, Man U had won the title. It was a thrilling game, so it is #3 on this list.

I believe many folks out there will decry the fact I am placing the 1995 Final way down here at #4. After all, it featured two of the world’s best teams at the time: Ajax of the Netherlands and A.C. Milan of Italy. In the end, Ajax would win the title without losing a single game during the entire tournament, an amazing feat in the modern era.

To put Ajax’s win in perspective, one must also recall that 1995 was the first year the Champions League had four groups of four teams in the group stage, up from two groups of four the prior year. It was also the first year 8 teams moved on to the knockout stage. Milan struggled through the long tournament, but Ajax was simply dominant.

Despite the fact Ajax had cruised into the Final, many people still favored Milan because the Italian side had reached the last two Finals as well.  In the Final, which was played in Vienna, neither team could score for the first 85 minutes. It looked like the match would go to extra time, but Patrick Kluivert had other ideas, like winning the game.

With 5 minutes left, Kluivert received a brilliant pass from Frank Rijkaard, who had been playing for Milan just one year earlier. Kluivert calmly put the ball past Milan’s keeper to win one of the most thrilling Finals ever. As a result, Ajax won their first title since 1973 and ended Milan’s dominance. That is why the 1995 Final is #4 on this list.

The 1967 European Cup Final featured upstart Celtic of Scotland against Italy’s Inter Milan. The match was significant not only because it was so close, but also because Celtic would finally end continental Europe’s domination of the world’s biggest club competition. They would be the first team from the UK to hoist the trophy, so they deserve this honor.

In the early rounds, Celtic had steamrolled teams and scored goals in bunches. Meanwhile, Inter had struggled to narrowly win matches, but their solid defensive play and their more illustrious history made them the favorite going into the Final in Lisbon. When the Final ended though, it would be Celtic who would be named “the Lisbon Lions”.

Inter scored in the seventh minute, and many observers felt one goal may be all they would need. Celtic would not be denied a spot in history though. In the 62nd minute, Gemmel scored an amazing goal for the Scots to tie the game. Then, with five minutes left, Celtic’s Chalmers gave his team the victory with a thrilling blast into the back of the net.

By winning the continent’s biggest tournament, Celtic showed that clubs from the UK wouldn’t always be the whipping posts of the big “Latin” clubs. Their victory was significant for that reason alone, but the game was also one of the closest Finals ever. Therefore, I have no problem placing the 1967 Final at #5 on this list.

The 1960 European Cup Final was one of the most impressive ever, and even though it was a blowout, I think it deserves recognition here. After the Final ended, all observers stated that Real Madrid had put on one of the most flawless displays of soccer ever. They would whip Eintracht Frankfurt 7-3 in the most lopsided Final ever.

The 1960 Real Madrid squad was one of history’s greatest teams. They got through the first round by an obnoxious 12-2 aggregate score. They scored 6 goals aggregate in the second round before trouncing Barca 3-1 in both legs of the Semifinal. Meanwhile, Eintracht played steady defense to advance to the Final without any hiccups.

In the Final, Real Madrid was shocked when they gave up the first goal of the game in the 18th minute. Alfredo di Stefano of Real decided to take matters into his own hands and he scored two goals in a three minute span before the first half ended. After the 2nd half started, Ferenc Puskas of Real scored four goals in the first 25 minutes.

After Eintracht got one goal back in the 72nd minute, di Stefano scored again 45 seconds later to complete his hat trick and put the game away. The 1960 Final victory was Real’s last of their five consecutive European Cup titles, but since it featured the only two hat tricks in Finals history, I believe it definitely deserves mention here.

The 1974 European Cup was a battle between FC Bayern Munich of Germany and Atletico Madrid of Spain. It is significant for many reasons, but most so because it is the only Final in history to be replayed. Bayern had actually barely escaped the first round on penalties and won in the second round in an insane 7-6 victory.

Atletico had a much easier path to the Final, and many people thought they would take Bayern down without any qualms. In the initial Final, neither team could score in the first 90 minutes (which is amazing when you consider Bayern had scored an average of more than five goals a game, and given up 4 during their early round matches). 

In extra time, Atletico Madrid scored first, but Bayern answered just one minute before the whistle blew. Because the rules did not call for penalties, the match was replayed two days later. During the second match in Brussels, Bayern came to play and put on one of the most flawless performances in the history of the European Cup Final.

Bayern took a 1-0 lead despite Atletico’s many opportunities to score. In the second half, Bayern exploded to score three more goals and when the whistle blew Bayern had won its first European Cup Final. They would go one to win the next two Finals as well, and establish the squad as a dynasty. That’s why this Final is #8 on this list.

The 1994 Champions League Final was a thrilling affair as it featured the two of the best teams in the world at the time: AC Milan and Barcelona. AC Milan had already won the title four times, but Barcelona had hoisted the trophy just two years earlier. Both teams won their semifinal matches 3-0 to easily qualify for the Final and face off for supremacy.

The Final was played in Athens before a sold out crowd of 70,000 fans and millions more on TV. Barcelona had recently captured La Liga, but Milan was actually going through a rough spot. Two of Milan’s best players were suspended for the game and coach Fabio Capello had to leave three starters on the pine due to ridiculous UEFA rules.

The 1994 Champions League Final is remembered as the “Massaro Final” due to Daniele Massaro’s fantastic play for Milan. In the 22nd minute, Massaro scored his first goal and he added a second just before half time after Robert Donadoni’s brilliant dribbling. Barcelona was stunned and the team went into the half down 2-0 and reeling.

Whatever Barcelona did at half, it didn’t help. Only two minutes into the second half, a defensive mistake led to Milan’s third goal. Twelve minutes later, Milan scored again to make the score 4-0, which it would remain until the whistle blew. Sure, it was a blowout, but it was a scrappy team that blew out one of history’s best squads, so I think it should be #9 here.

The Recent Results: OK, obviously I don’t have much to discuss in this section seeing as how the Sounders have no recent results. I will say this though - luckily for Seattle, they are geographically next to the Pacific, so they will at least get to play in the weak Western Conference this year. I would much rather be stuck there than the beastly East.

The Man in Charge: Sigi Schmid has proven time and again that he is one of the best MLS coaches in the league’s history. He won two Supporters Shields and an MLS Cup in LA only to be tossed out on his ass because his brand of soccer wasn’t sexy enough. Last year, he completed the MLS Double with CMB while the Gals sucked. Who’s sexy now?

On the Offensive: Seattle will likely experience some growing pains worse than anything Kirk Cameron went through when it comes to the attack this season. Nate Jaqua is a big target up top, but he is reputed to be a chronic underachiever. Who else do they have? Le Toux? He’s unproven. Ljungberg? He’s injured. It could be a long season.

For the Defense: The Sounders’ defense actually doesn’t look so bad. Putting Keller between the posts helps a ton, but they have also procured some experienced guys like as Nathan Sturgis, James Riley, Tyson Wahl, Tyrone Marshall and youngster Patrick Ianni. If I were Sigi, I might opt for a 6-3-1 formation for the first few games.

Movie They Resemble: OK, I was obviously joking there and I do not think Mr. Schmid should play six defenders for the Sounders. But, if I were him, I wouldn’t be afraid to tinker with a five defender set. After all, they are the new team. So, for their movie, I am going to go with The New Guy. Was it an awful movie? Yes. Am I simply using it because it is almost 4:00 a.m. and I am trying to finish all of these previews in one night? Maybe. But that film does make sense if you think about it. Just like in the movie, the Sounders, as “the new guy”, are almost guaranteed to get their butts kicked this year. All they can do is take their lumps and try to do better next season. The only other movie I even considered was Coneheads. I didn’t come up with it as a slight to Mr. Ljungberg, I simply was trying to find one movie (any movie) that Drew Carey had appeared in that people would have seen. Well, he was in that one folks, as a passenger in a taxi. If you blinked during the film, you probably missed it though. Sadly, I have a feeling a lot of people will feel the same way about this Sounders’ season. It’s going to be fun (or at least funny), but ultimately forgettable.