Welcome back students. It’s time to learn about the 2nd Law of Soccer, The Law of the Balls. Sounds dirty, I know, but let’s try and keep giggling to a minumum please. So, as I was saying, there are many laws one must abide by when it comes to balls. They must be the right shape and size, they must be leathery to the touch, and – most importantly - they must feel right when they are being cradled in the ref’s hands. I said no giggling! Some people are actually trying to learn.

If we can’t pay attention, I guess we will just have to do another pop quiz. Which of the following soccer balls could reach the pitch in a FIFA “official” match”

A. A spherical, leather ball 28 inches in circumference with a 16 oz. weight with a “FIFA Approved” logo affixed.

B. A spherical, plastic ball 27 inches in circumference with a 14 oz. weight with a “FIFA Inspected” logo affixed.

C. Any spherical ball made of FIFA “approved suitable material” that doesn’t advertise for anything other than FIFA.

D. All of the Above.

If you guessed (D), you may be a genius, but you also are a frequent reader of this site, which means you are more likely not. The answer is always “All of the Above” when it comes to the Laws of the Game. I guess when it comes to the ball, as long as it is close to the same size, shape and weight, who cares what material it is made out of.

I am sure vegan players would probably prefer less leather, but who cares what vegan players prefer (if they even exist without protein pills). To make a short story long, the 2nd Law of Soccer may be about “Balls”, but it is really about the most important piece of equipment in the game. After all, only when you play with balls can you score. 

If you think about it. The ball is to soccer what fate is to life. Sometimes it finds you in the right place at the right time, and other times you cough it up because you hesitated on an empty net. Sometimes in both soccer and life, you start out with two perfectly fresh new balls, and you end up losing one in an ugly defensive scuffle and have only a single muddy ball and an otherwise completely empty ball sack. Who doesn’t know that feeling?

Seriously guys, stop giggling… Class is dismissed, but remember to do your homework because in a few days we will be closely examining the laws that apply to players while they are vigorously playing with their balls.

OK, I did that last one on purpose…

The Recent Results: OK, obviously I don’t have much to discuss in this section seeing as how the Sounders have no recent results. I will say this though - luckily for Seattle, they are geographically next to the Pacific, so they will at least get to play in the weak Western Conference this year. I would much rather be stuck there than the beastly East.

The Man in Charge: Sigi Schmid has proven time and again that he is one of the best MLS coaches in the league’s history. He won two Supporters Shields and an MLS Cup in LA only to be tossed out on his ass because his brand of soccer wasn’t sexy enough. Last year, he completed the MLS Double with CMB while the Gals sucked. Who’s sexy now?

On the Offensive: Seattle will likely experience some growing pains worse than anything Kirk Cameron went through when it comes to the attack this season. Nate Jaqua is a big target up top, but he is reputed to be a chronic underachiever. Who else do they have? Le Toux? He’s unproven. Ljungberg? He’s injured. It could be a long season.

For the Defense: The Sounders’ defense actually doesn’t look so bad. Putting Keller between the posts helps a ton, but they have also procured some experienced guys like as Nathan Sturgis, James Riley, Tyson Wahl, Tyrone Marshall and youngster Patrick Ianni. If I were Sigi, I might opt for a 6-3-1 formation for the first few games.

Movie They Resemble: OK, I was obviously joking there and I do not think Mr. Schmid should play six defenders for the Sounders. But, if I were him, I wouldn’t be afraid to tinker with a five defender set. After all, they are the new team. So, for their movie, I am going to go with The New Guy. Was it an awful movie? Yes. Am I simply using it because it is almost 4:00 a.m. and I am trying to finish all of these previews in one night? Maybe. But that film does make sense if you think about it. Just like in the movie, the Sounders, as “the new guy”, are almost guaranteed to get their butts kicked this year. All they can do is take their lumps and try to do better next season. The only other movie I even considered was Coneheads. I didn’t come up with it as a slight to Mr. Ljungberg, I simply was trying to find one movie (any movie) that Drew Carey had appeared in that people would have seen. Well, he was in that one folks, as a passenger in a taxi. If you blinked during the film, you probably missed it though. Sadly, I have a feeling a lot of people will feel the same way about this Sounders’ season. It’s going to be fun (or at least funny), but ultimately forgettable.

Students, quiet down. It’s time for your Final Exam. I hope everyone has their #2 pencils and their blue books. I also hope you all reviewed my MLS 101 posts over the last month. Take as much time as you like, but please don’t cheat. If you read the information on the syllabus, you should be prepared.

Oh, and feel free to post your answers to the questions in the comments below, just let me know which question your comment refers to and I will tell you if you are correct… And time begins…

NOW!

1. Which two teams are named after (natural or man-made) disasters?

2. Which five teams have been renamed, and what were their former names?

3. Which three teams won the MLS Cup in their inaugural season?

4. Which teams have coaches that used to play in MLS?

5. Which two MLS teams have won the CONCACAF Champion’s League?

6. Why is Jimmy Conrad so dreamy?

7. Which two inaugural MLS teams have never won a trophy of any kind?

8. Who scored the first goal in MLS history and will he ever shut up about it?

9. Which MLS teams have won the MLS double (Supporters Shield and MLS Cup in one season)?

10. Why does MLS hate Florida?

11. How can Florida, one of the most soccer crazy states, not have a team?

12. Seriously?

13. Who had better facial hair, Alexi Lalas or Marcelo Balboa?

14. David Beckham: disappointment or biggest disappointment ever?

15. Which team’s stadium’s name can also be used to describe the male sexual reproductive organ?

16. Speaking of them, what the heck was going on with Christian Gomez in Colorado! Why wouldn’t they play him? Someone, tell me…. Pleeeeeease!

OK, pencils down! Thanks for taking the quiz and please keep coming back to STO for the best soccer news, commentary and analysis on the interwebs.

Bonus Question: Forget you saw the graphic above and tell me which MLS team’s former name rhymes with “quiz”? You know I couldn’t resist! If only they played at Colorado’s venue, my dirty mind would explode!

Didier Drogba rediscovered his bite as Chelsea drew first blood at Stamford Bridge. The Ivory Coast striker pounced early in the first half to earn a crucial first leg lead — his first in 10 games.

And with John Terry marshalling the troops at the back, Guus Hiddink’s men travel to Turin having avoided conceding an away goal.

Former Chelsea boss Claudio Ranieri was given a warm reception by the home fans before the game. But it was Hiddink, who took charge of the Blues for the first time at home, who won the tactical battle.

Drogba, starting upfront alongside Nicolas Anelka, enjoyed a bright early spell and almost opened the scoring when his free header flew just over. But he didn’t have to wait long to atone for the error, firing low past Gigi Buffon after a cracking through-ball from Salomon Kalou.

Juve then responded, with Petr Cech called into action in the 21st minute when he tipped an Alessandro Del Piero round the post. The Italians then pressed either side of the break, with Chelsea showing grit in the tackle to deny their visitors.

But Drogba enjoyed a great chance to double the lead on 50 minutes, when another header flew over from another Bosingwa cross. Three minutes later and the striker felt he should have had a penalty, when he was brought down by Legrottaglie.

There was a panic for the Blues on the hour-mark however, when Cech fluffed a free-kick from from Del Piero only for Terry to hack clear.

Szabolcs Huszti gave Zenit the lead after just two minutes only for Mario Gomez to equalise, but Anatoliy Tymoshchuk - who has agreed to join to Bayern Munich next season - made it 2-1 two minutes into first-half stoppage time.

Valencia put their poor recent domestic form behind them to take a slight advantage in their tie against 10-man Dynamo Kiev with a 1-1 draw at the Lobanovsky Dynamo Stadium.

David Silva netted a vital away goal for Los Che after nine minutes and, although Dynamo drew level just after the hour mark when Florin Cernat’s thunderous free-kick was deflected in, the visitors will be the happier of the two sides - even though Dynamo had Artem Milevskiy sent off.

St Etienne produced a classic away performance to claim a deserved 3-1 victory over Olympiacos at the Georgios Karaiskakis Stadium. First-half goals from Ilan and Geoffrey Dernis set Alain Perrin’s side on their way before Predrag Djordjevic pulled a goal back from the penalty spot just after the hour.

Substitute Bafetimbi Gomis added gloss to the scoreline for Les Verts with a stoppage-time strike to put the French side firmly in the driving seat ahead of the return leg next week.

AC Milan earned a valuable away draw at Werder Bremen. Filippo Inzaghi opened the scoring after 36 minutes for the Italian giants, with Brazilian playmaker Diego equalising in the 84th minute after Bremen forced a number of great chances.

Loan star David Beckham started the game on the bench, coming only for the final two minutes plus stoppage time for Ronaldinho.

Bordeaux and Galatasaray played to a stalemate in France, while Hamburg took a huge step towards the last 16 with a comfortable 3-0 victory against NEC Nijmegen at De Goffert.

Two goals in the last five minutes of the first half from Piotr Trochowski and Alex Silva made life very tough for NEC.

And Croatia forward Ivica Olic added a third with 15 minutes to go to give Martin Jol’s side a very healthy advantage with the home leg to come next week.

Paris St Germain will take a commanding lead into the second-leg tie against Wolfsburg next week thanks to Guillaume Hoarau’s late double at the Parc des Princes.

The tall striker headed home twice in the final 11 minutes to give the Ligue 1 team a deserved first-leg cushion.

Denis Oliynyk scored the only goal of the game to give Metalist Kharkiv the upper hand after the first leg of their tie against Sampdoria in Genoa.

The impressive Anders Due struck twice as AaB Aalborg netted three second-half goals to take a strong grip on their tie against Deportivo La Coruna.

Michael Jakobsen wrapped up the victory for the Danish side.

Braga all-but sealed their place in the last 16 with a comfortable first-leg victory over Standard Liege. The Portuguese side were two up within the first half-hour through goals from Wason Renteria and Andre Leone. Chances were few and far between after the break but Luis Aguigar made it 3-0 late on.

France appeared at the inaugural World Cup in 1930, and since then they have appeared in the world’s biggest tournament 11 more times. Les Bleus are one of the most successful international teams ever too, and are one of only two teams (with Argentina being the other) to win the World Cup, the Confederations Cup and the Olympics.

France reached the semifinals of the 1982 and 1986 World Cups, but they could not get over the hump and into the Final. As host nation in 1998, they finally captured their elusive Cup title due to the inspired play of Zinedine Zidane. After faltering at the 2002 Cup, they rebounded to reach the Final in 2006 only to lose on penalties to Italy.

France has much to prove in 2010 as they will no longer have Zidane controlling their fate. They will still have Thierry Henry (Barcelona), Nicolas Anelka (Chelsea), Franck Ribery (Bayern Munich), Patrice Evra (Man U), and Gallas and Clichy (Arsenal), so I wouldn’t worry about them too much. Goalie is their only big question mark.

FIFA has France currently ranked at #11 in the world, which is fitting based on their recent poor performances, but I just couldn’t leave such a dangerous squad out of the top 10. Their roster is so stacked that guys like Samir Nasri (Arsenal) may not even start. That is why they are the #10 best squad in the world and why they will be good in 2010.

It must be fun to be a Houston Dynamo fan. The team has only been around for three years, yet they already have two MLS Cups (2006, 2007). Most expansion teams struggle right of the bat, but the Dynamo did not. But, that’s probably because they were not really an expansion team. They were the transplanted San Jose Earthquakes.

Quakes fans probably hate Houston fans too. SJE’s back-to-back titles ended up being hoisted thousands of miles away in Robertson Stadium. But, what’s done is done and the San Jose fans at least now have their own team to cheer on once again. The only problem is that the New Quakes really are an expansion team, so they are quite bad.

So, the Dynamo have a short, but successful, history. They recently lost offensive maestro Dwayne De Rosario to Toronto, but they still have most of the core of their Cup winning sides, including Brian Ching, Pat Onstad, and youngster Stuart Holden. All signs indicate that they will continue to be a dominant force in the Western Conference.

Houston’s MLS side was initially known as Houston 1836, which paid tribute to Texas’s independence from Mexico. Hispanic organizations disliked the name though and called for a boycott, so Dynamo was selected instead. It’s good they didn’t upset Mexican Americans either, otherwise boxer Oscar De La Hoya may have never bought the team.

I believe the United States squad will be dangerous at the 2010 FIFA World Cup, but I must comply with the rules of full disclosure by admitting my bias outright. You see, I am a Yank and I yak about the US team all the time. The Red, White and Blue are my team, so I naturally probably tend to overvalue their play while overlooking their detriments.

The truth is, the US has never really done very well at the World Cup. Sure, they made it to a semifinal, but it was in the inaugural 1930 Cup when only 13 teams were present. Since then, the quarterfinal in 2002 is the deepest they have penetrated. But I think 2010 could be the beginning of a new era in American soccer, and I’ll tell you why.

The US finally has players who are making a name for themselves abroad. Clint Dempsey has looked good for Fulham lately, Jozy Altidore is coming along nicely at Villarreal and Freddy Adu is also developing at Monaco. Finally, Landon Donovan looks poised to finally make a name for himself abroad with Bayern Munich. I think the US is rising.

FIFA obviously disagrees and has ranked the US Nats the 22nd best team in the world. Over the next year, the Yanks will try to prove them wrong by beating up on Mexico and the rest of the CONCACAF crowd during the hexagonal round. I think they will get it done and qualify for the Cup. I also think they are the 15th best team in the world.

Attention turns back to European club competition next Wednesday as the UEFA Cup Round of 32 gets under way.

For a host of teams, these two-legged ties represent their first competitive football of the year, but that predicament was no hindrance to Zenit St. Petersburg last season when they went all the way to lift their first European trophy. After finishing third in their UEFA Champions League group, Zenit return to defend the title, yet like 12 months ago when they overcame Villarreal at this stage on away goals, they face tough opponents in VfB Stuttgart.

Stuttgart are one of four German contenders, and while Hamburger SV and VfL Wolfsburg topped their groups to set up first-leg trips to NEC Nijmegen and Paris Saint-Germain, Werder Bremen host Italian giants AC Milan after transferring from the UEFA Champions League. This competition is the only continental crown the San Siro club have still to win, and with a star-studded lineup featuring Andrea Pirlo, David Beckham and Clarence Seedorf, they will be looking to set that record straight.

Other standout fixtures include Milan’s Serie A rivals Fiorentina taking on four-time European champions Ajax, and the clash of domestic cup specialists Shakhtar Donetsk and Tottenham Hotspur, in one of five games to be played on the Thursday. Several teams from the same association could meet in the Round of 16; Tottenham are one, but only if they get through their tie and Aston Villa overcome 2004/05 tournament winners CSKA Moscow, who have installed Zico as their coach.

While English sides have faced off twice before in the UEFA Cup, there has never been an all-Ukrainian encounter in continental competition. That could change with Dynamo Kyiv and Metalist Kharkiv due to meet in the next round, although they must first eliminate Valencia and Sampdoria respectively. For the first time in five years, the Danish Superligaen is represented in Europe after the winter break with two teams – Aalborg and København – involved. Elsewhere, Girondins de Bordeaux and Galatasaray come together for the fourth time in three seasons, with the Turkish club targeting a first victory over their French hosts.

According to the new figures released by the accounting firm Deloitte, Real Madrid remain the richest club in world football as ranked by annual revenues, closely followed byManchester United. Having won the Premier League and Champions League in 2008, United would have overhauled the Spaniards at the top of the Deloitte Football Money League had it not been for the depreciation of the pound.

And were it not for the effects of the fluctuation in the exchange rate, there would be nine English clubs in the top 20 rather than the seven that feature now. It has been suggested that the devaluation of the pound could even affect the ability of the top English clubs to attract the biggest names to the Premier League.

“Whilst Real Madrid’s 4% revenue growth in 2007-08 is more modest than in recent years, the club has now doubled its revenues since 2002 and enjoys a lead of €41m [£36.8m] over Manchester United,” said Dan Jones, partner in the sports business group at Deloitte. “With the club having announced that it is budgeting for revenues of €400m in 2008-09, it will be difficult for rivals to replace Real at the top of the Money League next year.”

Real Madrid increased revenue by €15m to take their total to €366m. Manchester United’s performances on the pitch in 2007-08 resulted in a £45m (21%) increase to £257m. Third-placed Barcelona grew its revenue by €19m (6%) to €309m.

The table is based on published revenue figures and does not take into account how much debt a club has. Some European clubs have been disparaging about the level of debt that some English clubs, such as Chelsea and Manchester United, are carrying.

But Jones said football was now in the unusual position of having more certainty than other businesses with TV revenues guaranteed and season-ticket sales likely to remain stable. He predicted that sponsorship revenues would also hold up with Manchester United’s search for a replacement for AIG likely to provide a barometer. Only corporate hospitality revenues are threatened to any large extent. “The debt issue gets quite a lot of coverage but I think that most of the clubs are in a position to cope with it,” said Jones.

This year’s figures may come to be seen as a high water mark in terms of the financial clout of top clubs in Europe, reflecting revenues for the 2007-08 season before the full impact of the global economic downturn became clear.

However, Deloitte predicts the biggest clubs would remain relatively resistant to the downturn, pointing to the certainty provided by recent television deals. Less optimistic analysts expect the impact on attendances to become more pronounced towards at the start of next season as fans decide whether to renew season tickets.

European clubs

The other English clubs in the top 20 are Tottenham Hotspur (14th), Newcastle United (17th) and Manchester City (20th).

All the top 20 clubs represent Europe. Germany and Italy have four clubs each in the top 20, Spain and France have two clubs each. 

Alan Switzer, Director in the Sports Business Group, says:

“Bayern Munich is the biggest climber in this year’s top 10, moving up to fourth position.  Despite not competing in the Champions League, revenues were boosted by the club acquiring 100% ownership of its home ground, the Allianz Arena.

“Fenerbahce and VfB Stuttgart, two of the three new entrants ‘promoted’ into the Money League, gain their top 20 position as a result of the significant revenue boost from competing in the Champions League.  The other new entrant, Manchester City, secured 20th position largely due to the increase in broadcast monies received from the Premier League, in the season prior to the arrival of the club’s Abu Dhabi based owners.”

Celtic, Valencia and Werder Bremen dropped out of the Money League, while Stuttgart and Manchester City climbed back. The top 20 clubs’ collective revenue rose by 6% to 3.9bn euros in 2007/08.

The Deloitte Football Money League – 2007/08 revenue