Background: What is Mark Dodd doing on this list? Well, on June 4, 1998, Dodd played between the pipes for the Dallas Burn against the LA Galaxy. 90+ minutes later, Dodd had conceded a whopping eight (yes, eight) goals, a single game MLS record that has never been broken.

I have nothing against Dodd personally, but eight freaking goals?

Career: Dodd didn’t have a bad career. He got 15 caps from the US Nats, and minded the Burn’s net almost 100 times. He went to the MLS All-Star Game twice and was named to the Best XI once. Hand surgery ended his career abruptly, but he was a fine player. Well, other than one hot June day when he gave up a wholly ridiculous eight goals to LA.

Dishonors: The game itself was completely unremarkable, other than the final score. It didn’t mean much to the standings or the playoff rankings. But, it was likely a huge source of embarassment for Dodd and the Dallas defense. In fact, the 8 goals could be even more attributable to the D than Dodd, but he is the man who has the record.

Legacy: Dodd’s record has almost been broken several times, but no one has ever conceded that 8th goal to tie the record. So, Dodd’s name has been continued to be linked to that sad June day back in 1998. Maybe one day the record will fall, and I can release him from the Hall of Shame. But, until then, Mr. Dodd will be in my H.O.S. Sorry.

Week 4 (04/08)

Last Week’s Ranking in Parenthesis…

1. Seattle (2): I said I would move them up if they won on the road, and they got a third straight shut out.
2. Chicago (1): It’s hard to move them from the top after another win, but Seattle deserves the recognition. 
3. Chivas USA (3): Prior to the season, I thought they would be scrappy, and they proved it yet again.
4. New England (6): They were very lucky to pick up the win, but guys like Nicol can create such breaks.
5. Salt Lake (8): RSL looked very good dismantling the defending champs, so they move up three spots. 
6. Colorado (10): They may be this season’s biggest surprise outside of the Sounders. Casey is a beast.
7. D.C. (11): United has exceeded expectations so far, and a nice win has them climbing these rankings.
8. Toronto (5): The Reds looked flat against SEA even though they were at home. That doesn’t bode well. 
9. Kansas City (14): The Wiz finally played with some chemistry and looked great, so they move way up.
10. Houston (7): HOU is starting to play as old as they are. With a tough schedule, it could be a long year.
11. Columbus (4): Wow. Talk about a really tough week. Two ugly losses land them outside the top ten.
12. San Jose (9): Another uninspired performance from the Earthquakes. They just can’t win on the road.
13. L.A. (13): Though they lost, they actually showed some tenacity in battling back, so they stay at #13. 
14. New York (12): With only one goal in three games, NYRB looks nothing like they did at the end of ‘09. 
15. Dallas (15): Three games, two of them at home, yet the Former Burn have picked up zero points. Yikes.

Week 2 (04/01) 

Last Week’s Ranking in Parenthesis…

1. Chicago (3): How do you seize #1 with a tie? Do it on the road without your two best defenders, that’s how. 
2. Seattle (7): From last to second in two weeks. Wow. If they convincingly beat TOR this week, they will be #1.
3. Chivas USA (5): Back-to-back wins has Preki feeling good about his ”no name” squad, and I like them too. 
4. Columbus (1): After back-to-back ties, CMB has slipped from its perch. Their schedule now becomes brutal.
5. Toronto (6): TOR should maybe be even higher up. A well-fought draw and a win have them off to a hot start.
6. New England (8): Two gutsy performances in a row (without many starters) has NER rising up the ranks.
7. Houston (2): A very tough loss for HOU drops them a ton and their schedule isn’t going to get any easier. 
8. Salt Lake (4):  RSL falls far due to their loss to SEA. But they will be at home this week, so I think they’ll rise.
9. San Jose (15): Want to climb up quick? Beat last year’s West Champ by scoring three goals, and you do it.
10. Colorado (14): COL has some spunk. A nice win in their home opener has pushed them into the Top 10. 
11. D.C. (12): Two weeks, two draws for DCU. They haven’t looked poor, but they have been mediocre thus far. 
12. New York (11): They outplayed NER for 89 minutes. But, an unfortunate tie at home moves them down again. 
13. L.A. (13): They didn’t play, so they don’t move this week in the rankings. I still don’t think too much of them. 
14. Kansas City (9): KC hasn’t looked poor, but the results (2 losses) have landed them all the way down here. 
15. Dallas (10): DAL has looked terribly bad. If not for Cooper’s 60 yarder last week, they would still have 0 goals.

Week 2 (03/26) 

Last Week’s Ranking in Parenthesis…

1. Columbus (1): The Crew forced an important tie thanks to GBS. They were tenacious, so they hold on to #1.
2. Houston (2):  HOU almost beat the defending champs, but gave up a late goal. They still hang on to #2 spot.
3. Chicago (3):  A very impressive win for the Fire, but DAL looked bleak, so they don’t move up any here.
4. Salt Lake (4):  They didn’t play, so I won’t move them up or down. Tough matchup with SEA this week though.
5. Chivas USA (7): I thought this team would be scrappy, and they proved it when they held on for 3 points. 
6. Toronto (9): A thrilling win on the road has TFC climbing this week. Only time will tell how far they can go. 
7. Seattle (15): I sure didn’t see that coming. Accept my apologies SEA fans. Montero looks like the real deal.
8. New England (10): It was ugly, but it was a road win nonetheless. Tip of the hat to Nicol for the big win.
9. Kansas City (6): Losing at home when you score two goals is bad. Doing it against TFC is even worse. 
10. Dallas (8): I think the Fire are darn good, so I can’t drop DAL too far. They need more defense though. 
11. New York (5): Wow. No one looked worse than they did last week. No one. They’re dropping down quickly. 
12. D.C. (11): Sure, they kind of got hosed on the handball call, but you still can’t collapse like that, even vs. LAG.
13. L.A. (12): Landycakes may have secured the tie, but overall the Gals didn’t impress. Could be a long 2009. 
14. Colorado (14): It was a hard fought game, but a loss all the same. I bet COL loses many games by one goal.
15. San Jose (13): Other than NYRB, no team was more disappointing than SJE. Huckerby looked very poor.

Every sports writer seems to do ”Power Rankings” nowadays. I am not sure if they do it just so they always have one article a week in the bag, or if they are ordered to by some higher power (i.e. their editor).  Rather than buck the trend, I have decided to also provide a weekly MLS Power Ranking for you devoted STO readers out there to devour.  

So, here are my Week 1 Power Rankings. Note that I am doing these prior to Week 1 so they are sort of Preseason Power Rankings, but I wanted my Power Rankings for the rest of the season to match the schedule, so I opted for this method.

1. Columbus: Sigi is gone but the Crew is still the class of MLS. I just couldn’t place them anywhere but #1 for now.
2. Houston: I think HOU may eventually end up #1 on this list. But, they will be #2 until they can take out CMB.
3. Chicago: The Fire could get off to a hot start this year, but I think they finish behind CMB and HOU for the SS.
4. Salt Lake: I am putting them here to make amends for bashing them at the start of ‘08. I think they’re stellar.
5. New York: So long as Angel is healthy, NYRB will be tough to beat, but if he goes down, so will their ranking.
6. Kansas City: Conrad & Co. need to score a slew of goals this year, or they will slowly trickle down this list.
7. Chivas USA: The Goats are an enigma. I think they may eventually prove me wrong for putting them here.
8. Dallas: The Former Burn will need a severe rash of good play early to blaze their way up my power rankings.
9. Toronto: The Reds have improved greatly, but I still don’t think it will be enough to get them in the playoffs.
10. New England: I think they will be worse in ‘09 than in ‘08, and I really don’t think they were that good in ‘08.
11. D.C.: I almost put United even lower here. Maybe Gomez will return them to greatness, but I doubt it for now.
12. L.A.: I definitely wanted to put them lower here, but they have the most to prove, so I think they will improve.
13. San Jose: They were improving at the end of last year, but I think the O still needs substantial renovations.
14. Colorado: I think the Rapids will be very poor in ‘09. Home fans at the Dick seem to be in for a long, limp year.
15. Seattle: You have to start at the bottom, it’s tradition. Your team may suck Seattle, but at least you have one.

I am not a fortune-teller, I lack psychic powers, and I am definitely no prophet, so take these predictions with a grain of salt. I have consulted the league rosters (not tarot cards or the stars) to come up with a slew of predictions for the 2009 MLS Season. Here they are. If they do all somehow turn out to be right, it will be luck, so please do not burn me at the stake.

Regular Season Standings:

East:

1. Columbus
2. Chicago
3. New York
4. Kansas City
5. New England
6. Toronto
7. D.C.

West:

1. Houston
2. Salt Lake
3. Chivas USA
4. Dallas
5. L.A.
6. San Jose
7. Colorado
8. Seattle

Supporters Shield: Columbus (again)

MLS Cup: Chicago

Individual Awards:

MVP: Guillermo Barros Schelotto (again)

Golden Boot: Juan Pablo Angel

Defender of the Year: Jimmy Conrad

Goalkeeper of the Year: Pat Onstad

Coach of the Year: Jason Kreis

Comeback Player of the Year: Taylor Twellman

Rookie of the Year: Steve Zakuani

(Fictional) Bust of the Year: Freddie Ljungberg, the “Swedish Becks”

2009 MLS Best XI:

Goalie: Pat Onstad

Defense: Chad Marshall, Jimmy Conrad, Drew Moor

Midfield: Guillermo Barros Schelotto, Sacha Kljestan, Javier Morales, Steve Ralston, Cuauhtemoc Blanco

Forward: Landon Donovan, Juan Pablo Angel

So, that’s it folks, those are my ultimately useless predictions for the 2009 MLS season. Will any of them be correct? Well, maybe one or two. Even a blind squirrel finds a nut now and then, right? My 2009 MLS Season Preview Series is now complete. Please keep coming back to STO throughout the season for the best MLS news, commentary and analysis on the vast ocean of interwebs.

The Recent Results: The Quakes were bad last year, but what could you expect from an expansion side? Their defense was quite stingy, but the offense was pretty poor. In fact, though they ended up tied for the fewest points in the league with the Gals, they scored only about half the goals LA did. But, they were improving at season’s end, unlike LA.

The Man in Charge: Frank Yallop is one of my favorite coaches. I love the fact he was crucial to SJE’s first two MLS Cup titles. I also love that he managed to escape the Gals and then tie them for low man on the MLS totem pole last season. Most of all though, I love him because he played for my (sniff) contracted Tampa Bay Mutiny.

On the Offensive: Darren Huckerby, who I call the “Sheriff of Nottingham” because he was born in Nottingham, England, is definitely the Quakes best offensive threat. In only 14 games last season, he scored six goals and had four assists. Who are his merry men? Well, in 2009 he will have help from Alvarez, Convey, O’Brien and Corrales.

For the Defense: SJE fields one of the better backlines in MLS and the new Seattle squad should be adopting their model of building from back to front. Joe Cannon is a fine keeper and Hernandez, Denton, Cochrane and especially Nick Garcia are strong defenders. SJE could make a run at the playoffs if they can score closer to two goals a game in ‘09.

Movie They Resemble: Well, since I obviously love my “Sheriff of Nottingham” nickname for Huckerby, I am going to go with Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves. Now, I hate that this movie features two of Hollywood’s all-time biggest douchebags, Kevin Costner and Christian Slater, but hear my out. Like Robin’s merry men, SJE tried to rob from the rich (via the expansion draft) to give to the poor (the local fans who had to watch while Houston residents celebrated their team’s titles). So, I think it’s a fitting selection. Of course, this pick also means I will have to start calling Cunliffe by the nickname “Little John”, but it’s a sacrifice I am willing to make.

The Recent Results: Toronto’s play last season reeked of a stench as bad as the notorious “red tide”. If you have never had the displeasure of experiencing such odors, I commend you for your luck. In 2008, TFC finished dead last in the East, 13th in goals scored and 9th in goals allowed. Sure, it was only their second season, but they looked bad.

The Man in Charge: John Carver controls the Reds’ fortunes and he and Big Mo Johnston have been wheeling and dealing this offseason to make TFC into a contender. I like Carver but I wonder how he and “Trader Mo” are getting along. The folks in Toronto love the team, but Mo makes so many moves I bet they sometimes wonder who is still on the squad.

On the Offensive: One person TFC fans know is definitely on the squad is Dwayne de Rosario, the Dynamo’s former star who TFC just acquired. DDR is Canadian and one of the most successful field generals in MLS history. The offense also features young star Chad Barrett, veteran Danny Dichio, and the enigmatic Amado Guevara. 

For the Defense: While the addition of DDR will help the offense, TFC has not done a ton to cure their defensive woes. Sure, Jim Brennan, Marvell Wynne and Marco Velez are all good players (and Wynne perhaps a great one someday), but they are not stifling. Plus, the battle between keepers Sutton and Edwards has never been settled.

Movie They Resemble: Despite some question marks in the defense, I think TFC is poised to have their best season ever and possibly break through into the postseason for the first time. Dwayne de Rosario is one of the most clutch players in MLS history, and so long as he brings his best to the pitch each week, the Reds will instantly be more competitive. So, which movie do I think best exemplifies the 2009 Toronto squad? Well, it’s Red Dawn, of course. Unlike the movie though, TFC won’t be invading America to make us all commies, they will just be coming to kick our ass in soccer.

The Recent Results: Last year was indisputably a turning point in the history of the franchise for RSL. They finished third in the West, qualified for their first playoffs, and even made it to the Semifinal just to lose a heartbreaker to NYRB. Their defense finally showed up (4th overall in goals against), so their fans started to as well. 

The Man in Charge: Jason Kreis has done very well at RSL, and I see no reason why he doesn’t continue to lead that squad to greener pastures. He was a legendary MLS player, and I, for one, think he will end up being even more remembered for being a significant MLS manager. Only time will tell, but I think Kreis will do great things in Utah.

On the Offensive: Javier Morales is a revelation and probably one of the most overlooked players in the league when it comes to accolades. In addition, Movsisyan knows how to find the net and Robbie Findley is always a threat to score. I think RSL’s offense will improve in 2009 and place them in the top half of the table in goals scored.

For the Defense: RSL’s bread and butter is D, especially at home. Borchers and Wingert are steady and strong, Olave is stifling in a pinch, and Kyle Beckerman is one of the best 5 defensive mids in the league. The goalie issue is still crazy to me. I have nothing against Rimando, but if you aren’t going to ever play Seitz, why not deal him? 

Movie They Resemble: I know in the 2009 MLS Season Preview: Schedule Edition I said I would not compare any team to The Passion of the Christ, but I have (as usual) changed my mind. That movie fits RSL like a crown of thorns. Wow, I’m really going to hell, aren’t I? Anyways, think about it. RSL, like Jesus, was beaten and flogged for awhile before making a remarkable return to relevancy. In addition, the team plays in Utah, which is definitely the #1 state in the nation when it comes to devotion to Christians’ Lord and Savior. Plus, their coach is freaking named Kreis, as in The Passion of the Kreis. Moreover, Jason Kreis (JK) and Jesus Christ (JC) have a lot in common. The coach’s wikipedia page even says he enjoys carpentry in his spare time. It’s a no brainer. And, yep, Satan just penciled me in for a stay at his hot springs. I wonder if Hell has Fox Soccer Channel?

Probably just QVC.

The Recent Results: Last year’s run through the playoffs to the MLS Cup Final makes NY’s season hard to define. If this were any other league in the world (i.e. no postseason), they would be losers for finishing fifth in the East. But, this isn’t any other league in the world, it’s MLS, so I think you have to consider NYRB’s 2008 season a huge success.

The Man in Charge: Juan Carlos Osorio is a damn good coach in my opinion. Sure, he’s a bit brazen and he definitely likes to manage his team like a dictator runs his country, but you cannot argue with his results so far. He is going to need to rule with an iron fist this year though, because his squad looks like it may lack depth and talent.

On the Offensive: Juan Pablo Angel, if healthy, is one of the most prolific scorers in MLS history. He is going to need to be injury-free though because it doesn’t look like he will have a ton of help. Dave van den Bergh is gone now, and I don’t see anyone on the current roster who is fit to step into his clogs. Stammler can play, but he’s no DVDB.  

For the Defense: NYRB’s D sucked in 2008 and I really do not think the organization did anything to shore up this problem in the offseason. The backline looks like it will be inexperienced and paper thin. I am not sure why they sit on the sidelines while other teams go out and try to improve their starting eleven. It can’t be lack of energy, right?

Movie They Resemble: I thought about selecting We’re No Angels here, just for the pun on Juan Pablo’s name and the fact that the film was carried by two actors, just like NYRB execs are hoping two (or even one) player can carry their squad in 2009. But, I eventually decided to go with my favorite movie about New York, Ghostbusters. New York has still never won a major trophy, so they have many demons they need to finally bust. Will 2009 be the year? I doubt it. I think this year could be disastrous for them. Just like New York City in the movie, NYRB could be inundated with even more ghosts this year. Like Bill Murray’s character Peter Venkman says in the film, it could be “real Wrath of God stuff, human sacrifice, dogs and cats living together, mass hysteria!”