Steven Gerrard - I Salute You

Saturday, 13 December 08, 05:37 PM · Comments(2)

by Joel Abraham

After His gutless teammates dumped Him in the middle of another footballing shitstorm, it was up to Stevie 'Wonder' Gerrard to do what He's done since the dawn of time. Yet again, Super Steve single-handedly dragged Liverpool, kicking and screaming, to a glorious home draw against Hull. GERRAAAARD!!

Stevie England does it again, saving the beloved Reds with two incredible tap-ins. What passion! Despite being two goals down to the mighty Tigers, the Christ-like Gerrard never ever gave up, showing He has the heart of a lion and the astonishing skills to match as He twice expertly slid the ball into an empty goal.

He is easily the best footballer on the planet. Liverpool obviously deserved to win, and when the final whistle blew I vomited with rage at the sheer injustice of it all. What a travesty. Hull are cowards, and Super Steven Gerrard was only denied his richly-deserved hattrick by the powers of Satan himself.

Not even another superb cameo from Nabil El Zhar could save the day. Not even the introduction of Lucas, who helped add some much-needed width with his tricky wing play, which is why Robbie Keane couldn't come on, could get the three points.

But fear not. Beautiful, wonderful Liverpool will certainly be bringing the Premier League trophy home to the hallowed turf of Anfield, where it truly belongs. And when it does return, it will be held aloft by the gilded hands of the ethereal Gerrard, easily the greatest man alive. He will not rest until he has achieved His eternal ambition, and He will accomplish this by kicking the ball really hard from quite far away.

My children died recently, but thanks to Gerrard's two goals today, I have forgotten all about them and can't wait for Christmas.

Steven, thank you.

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