http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/football/7950507.stm

"I'm not one for crying over spilled milk"

Come on, Phil.

"I'm not going to go tittle-tattling"

Come on, Phil.

Phil Brown appears to losing his grip on reality. He sounds like a madman. Here is a man who is too big for his boots. A man who's spent too long hanging around with Sam Allardyce. Phil, you've outstayed your Premier League welcome.

Hull's early success has gone straight to his head, as if they were the first promoted team in history to catch some of the others off guard at the start of the season. When you look back to his half time teamtalk on the pitch at Eastlands, you start to realise quite how mad Phil Brown really is.

Who does he think he is?

Phil, you're not an eccentric genius like Brian Clough. Please, for the good of the game, just get Hull relegated, get yourself sacked and go and become a Tibetan monk.

Let's get the big controversy out of the way. According to stewards that work in the player's tunnel, a certain club captain did indeed spit towards the feet of a certain assistant manager, but this was apparently in retaliation to being called "a Spanish c**t". Allegedly, Wenger got involved, Phil Brown told Wenger to f**k off, and it's safe to assume that they did not share a post-match bottle of wine.

Supposedly, while the game was still being played, Brian Horton told Wenger to eff off, because he was complaining to the fourth official about Mike Riley's decisions and Hull's timewasting. 

Having said that, one can understand why Wenger would not want to shake the hand of a man who'd been accusing him of cheating. Wenger is not known for displaying great sportsmanship. Brown should be thankful that he didn't get a swift beating - just ask Alan Pardew.

Brown whinged about Mike Riley's decisions being influenced by a partisan crowd. Maybe, but in all honesty it's encouraging to see that the Emirates crowd is actually capable of being vocal enough to change the outcome of a match. The howls of indignation every time Boaz Myhill took his time over a goal kick were no less than he deserved, along with the yellow card. The blatant timewasting began almost immediately after Barmby's goal, and their defensive approach invited so much Arsenal pressure that a comeback seemed inevitable.

There can be no complaints about Hull attempting to play down the clock, such is their prerogative, but it is up to the referee to keep this in check. Now, I've made a personal pledge not to publicly criticise referees, as this seriously undermines the Respect campaign. However, I don't care for Mike Riley, who's display last night was abysmal. In his defence, he seemed to notch up an equal number of flubbed decision for both sides.

As for Gallas' goal, the ball seemed to ricochet off both Myhill and Djourou. Isn't the ref supposed to give the benefit of the doubt to the attacking side? If it came off Myhill, Gallas is onside.

The 5000 empty seats were allegedly due to King's Cross Station closing, but I suspect with the match on TV, alot of people just couldn't be bothered. Wenger and Gazidis ought to be mightily concerned that so many people failed to show interest in a cup quarter final. Had they not signed Arshavin, you wonder how many more would be voting with their feet.

All the above have overshadowed what was a lively FA Cup clash, where Arsenal were forced to work for their win. Hull ultimately paid the price for parking the proverbial bus, and weren't far off adding a second goal. Had they shown a little more ambition, a trip to Wembley was there for the taking. 

Arshavin sparkled yet again, his cool assist for van Persie's equaliser indicating £15m well spent. Bendtner hustled well and gave the Hull defence an absolute raping to create the chance. Kieran Gibbs also put in another good shift. His pace, strength and tenacity ought to be giving Gael Clichy a serious challenge for his first team spot.

Once the bitter taste of last night's shenanigans is gone, we have two tasty-looking clashes in the semis to look forward to.

22:18: Pickles the cat settles down on my chest ready for MOTD.

22:23: Carson does a Carson. He always does that.

22:25: Pickles runs away because I wasn't paying her enough attention.

22:26: Carson makes a great save, but it's too late because he's already fucked everything up.

22:29: Tony Mowbray looks like a haunted Robbie Keane.

22:33: The studio pundits are looking fantastically orange.

22:35: Liverpool's vile match against Stoke is inexplicably up second. I hope they show Gerralt's dive.

22:39: Record signing Kitson misses another chance and has yet to score for Stoke, who should probably buy someone slightly more expensive to stop him from being the record signing.

22:41: £20m striking sensation Robbie Keane remains on the bench at the expense of 1) a clearly unfit Torres, 2) the lumbering Ryan Babel, 3) Benitez not fancying bringing on a third sub.

22:42: The MOTD propaganda machine fails to show Gerralt's spectacular dive.

22:44: Benitez has started to go a little bit mental.

22:48: Phil Brown is wearing an elaborate scarf which sort of looks like a big snake wrapped around his neck.

22:49: Marouane Fellaini scores, in spite of his hair being a good yard offside.

22:56: The post-match interviews are filmed in Shakeycam.

22:57: Mikel Arteta appears to be wearing makeup and looks like a beautiful lady.

23:03: Owen has yet another "he usually scores those" moment.

23:05: The commentator keeps bleating on about how West Ham v Newcastle games usually average four goals in an unconvincing effort to disguise the fact that all their commentary is dubbed on afterwards.

23:07: In a borderline racist statement, the commentator says that players from Italy are good at protesting their innocence.

23:09: The racially confused Andy Carroll scores an equaliser. The man looks like a complete tool.

23:16: Ricky Sbragia looks like one of those characters from Beauty and the Beast that were transformed from an inanimate object into a living creature by magic.

23:29: Gareth Southgate appears to have styled his hair like Kazuya from Tekken.

23:35: Gary Megson names only four substitutes who he encouragingly describes as 'just free transfers and kids".

by Joel Abraham

After His gutless teammates dumped Him in the middle of another footballing shitstorm, it was up to Stevie 'Wonder' Gerrard to do what He's done since the dawn of time. Yet again, Super Steve single-handedly dragged Liverpool, kicking and screaming, to a glorious home draw against Hull. GERRAAAARD!!

Stevie England does it again, saving the beloved Reds with two incredible tap-ins. What passion! Despite being two goals down to the mighty Tigers, the Christ-like Gerrard never ever gave up, showing He has the heart of a lion and the astonishing skills to match as He twice expertly slid the ball into an empty goal. 

He is easily the best footballer on the planet. Liverpool obviously deserved to win, and when the final whistle blew I vomited with rage at the sheer injustice of it all. What a travesty. Hull are cowards, and Super Steven Gerrard was only denied his richly-deserved hattrick by the powers of Satan himself.

Not even another superb cameo from Nabil El Zhar could save the day. Not even the introduction of Lucas, who helped add some much-needed width with his tricky wing play, which is why Robbie Keane couldn't come on, could get the three points.

But fear not. Beautiful, wonderful Liverpool will certainly be bringing the Premier League trophy home to the hallowed turf of Anfield, where it truly belongs. And when it does return, it will be held aloft by the gilded hands of the ethereal Gerrard, easily the greatest man alive. He will not rest until he has achieved His eternal ambition, and He will accomplish this by kicking the ball really hard from quite far away.

My children died recently, but thanks to Gerrard's two goals today, I have forgotten all about them and can't wait for Christmas.

Steven, thank you.