by Joel Abraham

It's got to that point in the year when the crushing disappointment of your own team's mediocrity has become too much, and consequently your only understanding of whether or not you're pleased with the weekly results is through the conduit of Fantasy Football. Your team got battered, but it's okay, because Mikel Arteta got an assist. Halfway through the season, it's a good time to review.

-  Everyone has Stephen Ireland

I had him from the start because I'm excellent, but if you have him, keep him. It's just a question of parity. He is a frustrating FF player - he'll get one point for three games running, and then suddenly get 19. Don't get excited if he scores - whether he gets one point or 50, it's meaningless. The same applies for Bosingwa and Ronaldo, but they're both so expensive that they're not worth having anyway.

- Wigan players are great value

The defenders particularly - they cost from between 4.2 and 4.5, and Wigan have a good defensive record. Zaki looks like he might pick up again, and with him on penalty duty, he's worth the money.

- Don't pick Arsenal players

The defence is porous, none of the midfielders stand out, Adebayor is flaky and van Persie will never give you two good games in a row. You might fall into the trap of thinking "Clichy is a good player", but the defence as a unit is poor and rarely keep clean sheets. The one exception is Denilson. Now that Fabregas is crocked, Denilson is a guaranteed starter and is always good for the odd goal and assist, considering his price.

- There are only three Liverpool players worth picking

Liverpool are a FF nightmare. They don't keep many clean sheets, they have no consistent goalscorers, and they simply grind out results without anybody in particular excelling. Benitez messes around with the lineup so often that it's not worth getting anybody apart from Reina, Carragher and Gerrard. You might fancy someone like Skrtel, but even if he plays brilliantly and keeps a load of clean sheets, Benitez will inexplicably swap him for Hyypia after a couple of games. As for Reina, I've had him for the whole season with the superior Schwarzer on the bench, and the number of points I've lost as a result makes me very sad indeed. 

- Get on the Fulham defensive bandwagon

Schwarzer, Hangeland, Hughes, Konchesky and Paintsil will always start, so pick one and enjoy.

- Don't pick Anelka

Drogba's back, so they'll probably both stop scoring.

- Man City are good 25% of the time

They only play well at home, and when they win, they win big. It might even be worth benching them when they're away. Players like Ireland and Robinho will do brilliantly in every other home game.

- Don't pick Delap or Geovanni

I know you want to, just don't.

- Chelsea only keep clean sheets with Carvalho

So get him in there now.

- Don't pick any Villa defenders until Laursen is back

They'll probably ship goals until then.

- Get rid of all your Portsmouth players

Let's face it, they've gone a bit crap under Tony Adams.

- Keep an eye on Jason Roberts

Under Allardyce, he'll probably be the focal point of the attack. Their defenders may also start keeping clean sheets, but they're still too expensive to take a gamble on them yet.

by Joel Abraham

Poor little Eboue. Subbed as a sub, booed off by his own fans, on the verge of tears as he walked off the pitch.

Eboue is a bit like a game of Jenga. Every misplaced pass, every dive, every minute wasted by rolling around on the pitch is one brick removed from the tower of patience of the average Arsenal fan. Against Wigan, it all came crashing down.

Arsenal are having a poor season, having lost five league games already. The tendancy has been towards spectacularly slaying one of the giants and then losing against inferior opposition a week later. Fans paying big money for tickets are not happy with the current state of the team. Discontent has been bubbling away for some time.

Things boiled over on Saturday. After sitting on a somewhat fortuitous 1-0 lead against Wigan, Arsenal were playing badly. Tension was high at the Emirates, fans were fearing another last-minute capitulation, and Eboue just happened to be the wrong man in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Kolo Toure picked the ball up from his own area, charged forward, urging Eboue to make a supporting run. Eboue stood still, tackled Toure, and played a square pass straight to a Wigan player.

In my years of going to football matches, I've never heard a noise quite like it. It was an eruption of indignation. It was the Emirates groan multiplied by a thousand, with a heavy injection of outrage and sheer disgust. The substitution was made seconds later, greeted by a cheer that was arguably bigger than the one that celebrated Adebayor's early goal. Eboue left the pitch, visably distraught, and given a round of booing for good measure.

What followed was a period of quiet reflection, as the guilt began to set in. Fans gradually realised that they'd really upset the poor guy. Some began to sing songs for Eboue, and the recriminations began. "I wasn't booing." "These fans are a disgrace." Let's be honest, we're all guilty. In the heat of the moment, we all screamed when he gave the ball away, and we all cheered when his number came up. But we couldn't help it.

Had it been any other player that gave the ball away, it wouldn't have happened. Had Arsenal been 3-0 up, it wouldn't have happened. But rightly or wrongly, all the resentment of three trophyless seasons exploded on Saturday afternoon, and Eboue took all the flak.

by Stuart Gillespie

Ever since I attended my first, and until yesterday only, Premier League game, I've been sceptical of the Sky-led 'Best League in the World' hype.

It was Wigan vs Portsmouth at the JJB. The fog was so thick you could barely see the fans in the opposite stand. Chris Kirkland was cheered every time he managed to avoid dropping the ball. Glen Johnson put in one of the worst individual displays I've seen at any level. Only a late Lee McCulloch goal broke the palpable depression at the ground.

Sure, I was unlucky on this occasion, and you do see the odd classic in the Premier League, but I've also seen plenty of crackers following St Johnstone in the Scottish First Division.

And while I admit that there are some sights you just don't get north of the border - Arsenal or Manchester United in full, breathtaking flow, for instance - more often than not Premier League games feature several of the elements said to blight Scottish and lower league football: 11 men behind the ball, route one football, profligacy in front of goal, inept defending, horror tackles and so on.

To borrow a metaphor from Jose Mourinho, the buses that many teams park in front of Big Four goals may be full of players who would walk my team's league, but they're unable to display these talents from their own six-yard box, throwing themselves in front of Cristiano Ronaldo shots.

And when the top teams are pitted together the saliva-inducing aesthetic feasts we are promised rarely occur - often the sides simply cancel each other out.

With all this in mind, I didn't have high expectations for my trip to Upton Park to watch West Ham vs Bolton. 

As it happened, yesterday's match wasn't too bad, though certainly not as good as you'd expect from 'The Best League in the World'.

The atmosphere was fairly decent and Gianfranco Zola has got his team attempting to play passing football. Trouble is, many of his players are simply not good enough to emulate their Arsenal and Manchester United counterparts, and the decidedly stodgy Bolton triumphed without contributing much in the way of attractive football.

The saving grace was a wicked bender of a free kick by Matthew Taylor - fitting, sardonic karma for the witless West Ham fans who had been riffing tritely on matters relating to sexual preference since his introduction as a substitute.

Oh, and Robert Green, like Kirkland, was cheered every time he managed to avoid dropping the ball.

I'll stick to St Johnstone, thanks.