Living in Los Angeles I was finally able to make it to my first Sounders FC and first Major League Soccer game versus Chivas at the HDC (Home Depot Center) this Saturday. I’ve been to a handful of matches including USL, NCAA, Premiership and international friendlies. Thanks to Chivas USA, the MLS now ranks at the bottom of that list.

Tagging along with a group of 100+ SoCal Sound and Emerald City Supporters (who by the way were awesome) we ordered tickets through the Chivas front office so we could be in the same section. The ordering and paying for the tickets was no problem it was actually getting the tickets that ended up being the difficult part.

Apparently there was some breakdown in communication between the Chivas sales people and the HDC ticket window and tickets weren't at will call two hours before the game. We were told to come back later.

Fast forward to an hour before the game… still no tickets; specifically for the crowd of Sounders fans beginning to pile up next to the ticket window.

As a Liverpool fan I know about what incompetence and mismanagement at the ticket office can cause.

People started cracking and buying second sets of tickets just to get in and see the game after already throwing down for parking and in some cases flying down from Seattle.

Finally tickets "arrived" less than 30 minutes before kickoff after a group of us started getting verbally hostile i.e. "can I see your supervisor?" or "…I paid for the ticket so I’m waiting here until I get the ticket."

The whole Chivas/HDC thing is a wee bit sketchy. It’s hard to believe that tickets had such a hard time arriving when the Chivas offices are in the same fucking building and on top of that HDC staff were acting like this is a common occurrence. All I can see here is this convenient glitch in the system benefits Chivas by bumping revenue and padding attendance figures for their quarter-full stadium. Apparently 13,117 people were at the game on Saturday, I must have missed them...

The other group getting screwed here is the HDC because all the time fans are stuck outside waiting for tickets we're not throwing down for $8 beers and $5 nachos. 

San Jose is the third largest city in California (larger than San Francisco, Oakland, Sacramento) and is the 10th largest city in the United States. Sadly someone in the Sounders' front office had some trouble errr... spelling out the city's name when they released the parking passes for next month's match.

For those of you who assume it was just a typo (yes the H-key and J-key are neighbors), they spelled it wrong a second time at the bottom. 

In response the Sounders have mailed out parking passes with San Jose spelled correctly.

When done right a team's jersey can bring pride and a flash of fashion to the supporters in the stands and fans watching at home on TV. However designers can sometimes get a little overambitious. A clashing color scheme, dumb fashion trend, having a shirt sponsor that sounds like a support group for cross-dressers... all of these can spell doom for your favorite team's uniform. Here are the worst of the worst from the past year:

10. FC Nuremberg Home Kit

The fastest route to destroy sales of your team’s uniform: a shirt sponsorship that conjures up images of she-males. Last season FC Nuremberg decided its kits would look better with the words Mister*Lady across the chest.

What is a Mister*Lady? According to their website it’s a German fashion company that specializes in, “Casual casual, cool jeans and trendy accessories.” Coincidentally, FC Nuremberg was relegated from the Bundesliga in May and ditched the Mister*Lady sponsorship.

Maybe Dennis Rodman should have been their mascot?

 

 

9. Liverpool Euro Kit

 

Liverpool have some of the best home and away kits this year, however their alternate “euro kit” is one of the most uninspired uniforms to ever take the field. The shirt features a drab green look, a black collar and …well that’s actually it. There’s nothing else. 

My guess is somewhere in the process Adidas accidentally printed Liverpool’s crest on a bush-league team’s uniform and nobody figured it out until it was too late.

If you’re unfortunate enough to catch Liverpool wearing these, don’t be surprised if they look like floating heads hovering over the green pitch.

8. Derby County Away Kit

So I going to assume somebody accidentally left a highlighter in the washer and decided, “sweet, let’s make that our new away jersey.”

Although Chelsea and Everton were also guilty of the neon yellow trend, Derby County accomplished the impossible feat of doing it ten-times worse.

How did they accomplish this? They assumed the best way to thank Bombardier for their new sponsorship deal was by putting their logo in white text, making it completely unreadable.

7. FC Barcelona Home Kit

After being pressured by Nike, Barcelona’s iconic maroon and blue-striped kits have been ditched in favor of a two-toned shirt divided directly down the center. Not only does this spit in the face of tradition while simultaneously looking awful, the jerseys could also lead confusion on the field.

Think about it… you’re a striker racing down the field and look left: it looks like your winger’s wearing a blue jersey. Then you look right and your other winger is in maroon.

Then again bad decisions aren’t surprising from a club that decided to kick Ronaldinho to the curb two years after winning the UEFA Cup.

6.Chivas Home Kit

Another team that threw tradition out the window, Chivas has swapped their red and white vertical stripes for some sort of warped sunrays intended to direct attention to the Bimbo Bakeries sponsorship on their chest. The kit also features navy blue shoulder pads and back, making players appear like they’re on an entirely different team from behind.

As futuristic and cool as these jerseys may initially look, ten years from now they’ll probably seem as bad as these:

5. Bolton Wanderers Home Kit

Who makes Bolton’s kit? According to their jersey Reebok. Who sponsors Bolton? Well if you look six inches lower… Reebok. The Wanderers jersey looses points for redundancy but that’s not all. This year's jersey features some weird black man-bra across the top that looks it was lifted from the set of "Aeon Flux".

4.Juventus Away Kit

Usually the color gold is associated with winning, trophies, success… etc. So if you’re a team that hasn’t won a major trophy in five years gold is probably the last color you’d choose for your kits.

Errr... well, not if you’re Juventus. The Italian giants have deicide to sport shiny gold away jerseys for the 2008-2009 campaign.

…and no, winning the Serie-B title doesn’t count.

3. Shimizu S-Pulse Home & Away Kits

I’m not really sure what’s going on here but it looks like the Shimizu S-Pulse of Japan’s J-League designed their away jersey on the off chance the team plane crashes in North Korea during a snow storm.

For some reason they felt compelled to use winter camouflage on the kit’s torso and just in case they get lost… hey look there’s a handy map on the shoulder.

Even worse are their home jerseys which look like somebody binged on circus peanuts and Tang then vomited down the front of their shirt.

2. Necaxa Home Kit

It really doesn’t matter what your kit looks like… if you have sponsors covering up every square-inch. A lot of Central and South American clubs are guilty of shilling out every spare corner of their uniform for ad space. Necaxa of Mexico’s Primera División take it one step further papering their shorts and even socks with sponsors.

Maybe the designers of the jersey took cues from the Yellow pages.

1. New York Red Bulls Home Kit

Formerly the MetroStars, the team was bought out and then re-branded the Red Bulls after the stroke-inducing energy drink.

Not only is the team name and logo completely dumb, their jersey is about as boring as a lecture on advanced knitting. The team’s crest, which features the Red Bull logo, is duplicated and then stretched across the plain white jersey and BAM! You have the New York Red Bulls’ kit.

Two years ago the team didn’t have a sponsorship… now they are a sponsorship. And if you weren’t sick of Red Bull enough, next season the team moves into their new stadium, Red Bull Arena.

Everybody and their mother seem to be speculating about David Robert Joseph Beckham’s loan to AC Milan in January. Is he betraying Galaxy fans? Is he leaving Major League Soccer for good? Is Posh Spice pulling strings behind the scenes?

There are plenty of assumptions about what the midfielder’s motives are without looking at the big picture: This move is great for the MLS.

When he leaves in January, the team, the league and Beckham are going to get a healthy dose of needed exposure during the MLS off-season, and the best part is that the Galaxy are getting paid for it.

Throwing Becks in the middle of the AC Milan roster will make him relevant again, suiting up next to the likes of Kaka, Ronaldinho and Maldini. Instead of falling into obscurity for the next six months he’ll be back in the papers, on the screen and, maybe if he’s lucky, on the pitch.

The worry among many commentators is that Beckham’s would betray Galaxy fans by playing for a different team. However fans here in the United States see it differently.

A few years ago I was on the set of what was Fox Football Friday talking to Keith Costigan and he was perplexed at how I could be a fan of Liverpool and wear a Thierry Henry Arsenal jersey. He commented that in England I couldn’t get away with that. 

That’s fundamental difference between sports fans in the United States and fans in abroad. As much as we love our favorite team and as passionate as we might be, it’s perfectly normal for us back other players and other clubs on the side.

Beckham’s loan to AC Milan will have little effect on Galaxy fans. Hell, you could probably sell the red and black Rossoneri jerseys at the Home Depot Center next season.

The other fear, that he's going leave the MLS and never comeback, is unfounded. Beckham has played-out every contract he’s signed and it’s highly unlikely that he would decide to spurn his gigantic performance-based contract with the Galaxy.

In fact "performance" is probably the main force that will drive Beckham back to the MLS next spring; in his career he has won the league title with every team he has been under contract with and, last-time I checked, he still has some work to do with the Galaxy.

Soccer commentators seem to have short memories. It was a little over year ago that, after being told he wouldn’t be re-signed at Real Madrid and then subsequently benched. Beckham refused to stop training. Eventually he worked his way back on the field and helped push Real to the La Liga title. That doesn’t sound like someone who would cash-out after an unsuccessful season and a half in LA.

I’m no Beckham fan, but the relentless bashing he takes in the press is pretty ridiculous. His track record, passion and contract all point to him returning to the Galaxy, but all you hear are the arguments about him wanting to sell jerseys and pursue his wife’s fashion interests.

Luckily for all the naysayers, come next year when a fit and in-form Beckham returns to the Galaxy, all the attention will be on the MLS.

I couldn't make it back to Seattle on a days notice to ask questions at the Sounders FC press conference announcing new designated player Freddie Ljungberg, so like any noteworthy journalist I decided, screw it I'll just make something up. So without further ado, here is my "one-on-one" with the former Swedish team captain, Arsenal winger and Calvin Klein model, Fredrick Ljungberg:

Synthetic Turf: So Freddie... what brought you to the United States?

Freddie Ljundberg: It was time to try something new. I've played most of my career in the English Premiership and I didn't want to move to Spain or Italy and have to learn a third language... besides the Sounders agreed to pay me in Euros.

ST: You didn't consider playing in Scottish Premier League? They also speak English.

FL: Ha. It rains there too much. I'd much rather play here in the United States on the Pacific coast. Seattle is sunny like California... no?

ST: ...You've never been to Seattle before have you?

FL: No, but I have seen it on the TV. Land of Frasier and Starbucks....and the Tom Green song where he rubs his bum on the Swedish Hospital. Sexy...no?

ST: ...Moving on. You've played against Kasey Keller in the English Premiership, are you excited to be playing along side him now with the Sounders?

FL: Yes... America has so few people who are good at football, it is nice to play with one of them.

ST: Speaking of which, Americans have trouble sounding out words without enough vowels. Your name Ljungberg is pretty tough, have you thought about shortening it or getting a nickname?

FL: Well you have the player Dempsey who is called Deuce and the American Football star Chad Johnson changed his name to Ocho Cinco, but I was thinking I'd just stick with Freddie.

ST: That's kinda already taken by Freddy Adu.

FL: Hmmm... then how about Utsedda Spelare. It's swedish.

ST: What does that mean?

FL: "Designated player".

ST: You've also spent some time as a model. What's the hardest part of laying around while people take pictures of you?

FL: ...Choosing which international female super-model to take home each night.

ST: Touché... So do you have any plans to continue modeling?

FL: That is a reason for which I came to the United States. I saw Beckham in underwear on the side of all your city buses and thought "what is this? I am far more sexy than Beckham."

ST: Like Becks you also have a tattoo. I believe yours is of a panther climbing up from your waist. Explain the significance?

FL: Its significance is that I am a sexy panther.

ST: ...

FL: Raaaaaawr!

ST: I'm sure you are... You come from socialist Sweden, do you have any plans to share your new $2.5 million contract with any of your teammates who are making the $13,000 league minimum?

FL: Ha. They get paid more than that don't they? ...You're kidding, no?

ST: I wish I was.

FL: Hmmm... money isn't everything. Maybe I can introduce them to some Swedish girls instead.

ST: ...You've played winger most of your career? Do you plan to keep that position.

FL: I was thinking since we only have four players signed at the moment I would have to play a few other positions as well. Perhaps a mix of striker and winger... I'd call it Stinger.

ST: Interesting... would you be playing on the left side or right side?

FL: Yes.

ST: ...Well that's about all the questions I have... On behalf of Seattle soccer fans, Välkommen.

FL: Tack.

ST: ...

FL: That's "thank you" in Swedish.

For those of you who get the Seattle Sounders FC email updates you may have opened you inbox this Thursday to see that the team is hosting open tryouts next month in Spokane, Tukwila and Yakima. The tryouts will be part of a reality TV series airing locally in Seattle and the final tryout will air live on NBC affiliate KING 5 on February 1st following the Super Bowl.

If you’re a Sounders FC fan this is good news… yes the team is looking for more local talent to shore-up the ranks in front of Northwest native Kasey Keller, but more importantly, by combining it with a reality show, the front office is showing a marketing expertise only found at big name clubs like Chelsea, Barca and AC Milan.

More information on the try-outs can be found at the Sounders FC website.

Much to the shagrin of anti-soccer “journalists” with strange goatees, all the signs point to Major League Soccer over-taking the NBA and possibly NHL in attendance figures by next year. Stats since 2006 show the MLS inching closer to numbers put up by professional Basketball and Hockey, which by next year could plant them third behind Major League Baseball and the National Football League domestically.

This figure doesn't include events like NASCAR, but who are we kidding? A bunch of rednecks driving around in circles for three hours inhaling gas fumes isn't a sport.

Three factors look to cause soccer's rise including the sport's overall growth and the economic recession. The biggest impact however will most likely be the addition of the newest MLS franchise the Seattle Sounders FC.

MLS attendance this year has has averaged 16,222 fans per game nearing the NBA average of 17,393 and the NHL average 17,305. This figure doesn't take into account the fact that MLS has yet to play out their final two weeks of the season, which generally see an upswing in attendance as the playoff picture heats up. The league is on track to pass last year's attendance total by this Sunday.

The economy will also have an effect on fan attendance. You can't turn around without being reminded of the recent recession in the United States and with tickets to NBA and NHL games, often costing in the hundreds, sometimes thousands of dollars, it wont be long before the financial impact hits fans. Although the NHL isn't quite as pricey as the NBA, their average ticket is still over $40, nearly twice as much as the MLS average of $22.

In fact if you want an instructional DVD on how to alienate fans and lose revenue look into commissioning the NBA, whose exorbitantly high ticket prices and consistent relocation of franchises have seen attendance remain stagnant since 1995, despite the addition of three new teams. Since 1998 viewership of the NBA Finals has dropped by over 50% and just recently the league announced it was laying off employees due to economic cut-backs.

Those two factors combined should make stats between the leagues close next year, but what will put the MLS over the top?

Following this year's relocation of the Seattle Sonics to Oklahoma City, which at best was immoral and at worst illegal, it might just be that same city and Seattle's newest professional sports team, the Seattle Sounders FC, who push soccer ahead of basketball and hockey.

After seeing their beloved NBA franchise snatched from their hands, the Seahawks eliminate themselves from playoff contention 5 games into the season and the drowning Mariners become the first Baseball team in history to have a 100 million dollar pay roll and lose 100 games, Seattle's bitter fans (and rightfully so) are hungry for a winner.

Sounders FC have already sold over 18,000 season tickets ahead of their April 2009 debut and look to rival the Los Angeles Galaxy for the league's highest attendance. That figure is already above the NBA and NHL averages and can only increase in the six remaining months left before the season begins.

Here are some more MLS attendance facts:

• The top 5 MLS teams together averaged higher attendance than 85% of the NBA and every NHL team but the Montreal Canadians.
• This year the Los Angeles Galaxy averaged higher attendance than every team in the NBA, NHL and 7 Major League Baseball franchises.
• The highest attendance for an MLS game so far this year was 54,045 when FC Dallas faced New England in June.
• In Los Angeles, Toronto and Washingon DC MLS teams outdraw both their NBA and NHL counterparts.

MLS stats from MLSnet.com. NBA, MLB & NHL stats from ESPN.com. Projections based on MLS rate of growth between 1998-2008 and 2009 season ticket sales.

With the Seattle Sounders FC inaugural season a little more than six months away we decided to get the dirt on what was going on and sent in a squad of trained spider monkeys to raid the team's front office... Sadly the snatch-and-grab mission was mostly fruitless returning only any empty tray of muffins, Paul Allen's hair piece and six bags of trash. However upon further inspection of the garbage we found this gem, a leaked memo detailing concepts for the teams new mascot. Enjoy:

Seattle Alliance Seattle Sounders FC Mascot Prototypes

CONFIDENTIAL: FRONT OFFICE ONLY

DO NOT SEND TO DREW CAREY (LAST TIME WE LET HIM IN ON THE CREATIVE PROCESS WE ENDED UP WITH A GODDAMN MARCHING BAND)

1. 'Sal' the Sockeye Salmon

Salmon might taste great, be able to swim in both salt and fresh water and do that flashy 'jumping through the fish ladder thing', but you have to admit they are one of the creepiest looking things in the water. In fact, Salmon are so intimidating that even the Victoria Salmon Kings minor league hockey team balk at the idea of having a salmon mascot and went with a fuzzy looking sea otter creature instead ...and hell, they're even named after the damn fish. So why not instill fear in the minds of opponents and go all out with Sal the Sockeye Salmon straight from Pike Place Market.

Rating: 6 of 10 fish sticks

2. The Wheedle

If you grew up in Seattle you probably already know about "The Wheedle on the Needle" children's book about the about a giant monster with a blinking nose that lives on top of the Space Needle. The big red creature, who looks like a Sesame Street reject, holds a place many Seattleite's hearts. Despite his odd, sexual-predator-like grin, the Wheedle already has a proven track record as the Sonics' mascot in late '70s and early '80s.

Rating: 4 of 10 restraining orders

3. 'Echo' the Orca

Used as the USL Sounders' logo in the '90s, a Killer Whale, or Orca, would be the go-to choice for the new Sounders FC mascot. If your knowledge of Killer Whales is limited to "Free Willy" and Sea World you, my friend, have a lot to learn. These beasts are the kings of the Sea.

Here are a few fun facts about Shamu's kin: An Orca has no known predators (even sharks don't mess with these things), they only rest half of their brains at a time (so technically they never sleep) and Orcas will often incapacitate and play with their prey before eating it. There's a reason they're called Killer Whales. The bonus here is that if a costumed mascot isn't enough, the team can ship a giant fish tank into Qwest Field and have a live Orca do flips at between play.

Rating: 9 of 10 Harpoons

4. 'Tuggy'

To avoid any sexual orientation assertions involved with making a Ferry boat mascot (Larry the Ferry?), Tuggy instead would represent the second most popular vessel on the sound, a tugboat. Although his wide body might make any mascot acrobatics end awkwardly he would be an imposing goalie in any mascot on mascot soccer matches.

Rating: 5 of 10 drunken sailors

5. 'Boom' the Sounder

I'm not really sure what a "Sounder" is, but I figure if it were a creature it would look something like the image here. Half Philly Phanatic, half Cookie Monster, Boom's gender-neutral, race-neutral, species-neutral facade would make him/her a safe bet if we're looking to avoid stepping on anyone's toes. And if Boom's gender-bending look confuses the fan-base, so what? It makes more sense than the Mariner's having a moose as their mascot.

Rating: 7 of 10 Muppet rip-offs

6. 'Boxy' the Xbox 360

After taking on Xbox Live as our sponsor and sporting an Xbox-green uniform, it wouldn't be a huge surprise to watch for us to throw in the towel, say, "to hell with it," and make our mascot a giant walking Xbox 360. As great of an idea as this may sound to the promotion hungry Microsoft execs, the last thing Sounders fans need would be to see their mascot become a boxy white video game console that's prone to crashing.

Rating: 2 of 10 Microsoft Zunes

7. Chief Seattle

How do you honor years of Native American tradition and create an homage to the cultures that cultivated the land thousands of years before others arrived? Well one way not to do it is by remaking one of their ancestors into a cheeky caricature with an over-sized head and decorative feathers you can pick up at a local craft store. If the Cleveland Indian's Chief Wahoo, has taught anything it's that history doesn't look kindly on mocking other cultures, especially for sport.

Rating: 3 of 10 Indian Casinos

8. 'Richy' McVenture Capitalist

Although this mascot might best represent Seattle, you can't trust Richy McVenture Capitalist. He may try to move your team to Tampa Bay or Oklahoma City... or maybe insist you play on fake grass because as your owner he also has a hand in one of the nation's largest synthetic turf companies.

Rating: 2 of 10 injuries cause by Astroturf

9. JP Patches

Seattle's preeminent clown and kid's show host clocked in over 10,000 hours on-air from 1958 through 1981... during most of which he was probably drunk. Clowns may cheer up crowds and bring a smile to people's faces, but Patches subversive comedy and experience as "Mayor of the City Dump" might not bode well for soccer, or for that matter any athletic competition in general.

Rating: 4 of 10 bottles of low-end scotch

10. Random Ball Shaped Mascot

Probably the fastest way to convince our fans we don't give a crap is to put some feet, hands and googly-eyes on a ball and call it a mascot. Mr. Met I'm looking at you. Something about it just doesn't ooze the fun and creativity a mascot should bring to the game. Besides, getting into in a giant soccer ball outfit just sounds like a recipe for getting kicked in the nuts.

Rating: 1 of 10 season ticket renewals

The Sounders unveiled their new kit and sponsorship deal last week to a collective sigh from fans. The ceremony was highlighted by a bunch of old guys in suits posing awkwardly in front of cameras while a giant version of the "Rave Green" kit was stretched out across the bleachers on the far side of Qwest Field to drive home the impact.

The Sounders seem to be getting quite incestuous with co-owner Paul Allen's Seattle Seahawks (American) football team; sharing the same color-scheme, the same stadium and the same online store. Kits can now be pre-ordered through the Seattle Seahawks Pro Shop however the XXXL version above will likely not be availble (sorry Ronaldo).

At the press conference it was also announced that Xbox 360 Live, the online video game service, will be sponsoring the team.

I'm sure Microsoft threw a bunch of money at the Sounders, but to a have tech conglomerate like Microsoft sponsor a team is one thing, to be sponsored by a video game system is another, yet to have an online service for a specific video game system by said company... it's kind of a mouthful. Seriously try sounding it out, "X-box-three-sixty-live", it's six goddamn syllables, most teams sponsors keep down around two or three.

The freakishly-coincidental thing that may have passed over everybody's heads here is that the cheesy green color – which will already be tough to see on the green playing field – is conveniently the same color as Microsoft's green Xbox logo.

Wooo... everybody wins.