They were the only 3 players on the pitch tonight, weren't they?

Originally this post was going to be about a ref who had decided the result in the first 15 minutes and was doing all he could to see it happened.

plus = handball.

*NOT* the very top of a bloke's shoulder. FIFA ref, my arse.

We all know that every neutron of my body oozes hate for the Red half of Liverpool, but even I have to give them some begrudging respect for the display they put on against Real Madrid tonight. The Spanish team looked like they'd shown up with a Cub Scout Under-11 team. Then you look at the names: Raul, Heinze, Sneijder, Cannavarro,...

Yes Darksiders, another.

AFC Telford's striker Terry 'Caaalm Down' Fearns has been arrested and bailed after a raid on his Sefton (Merseyside) home. That's if you read the Shropshire Star. According to the Southport Visiter, though, he lives in Maghull (Fearns used to play for Southport, and depending on your views of Merseyside, the Sefton/Maghull difference is large- I hate it ALL). Southport fans being hardly bitter at all there.

Watch this space for more, he'll probably end up some bodybuilder's bitch with an arsehole like a wellington boot within the month.

He may be years gone from English football, but the charismatic Jose Mourinho is never far from the headlines, and has sensationally labelled former club Chelsea ‘an embarrassment’ as Manchester United pirouette unopposed to the title, in what’s turning out to be a bit of a damp squib of a title race.

Mourinho was speaking ahead of his Inter side’s Champions League visit to Old Trafford, where the Italian champions will hope to capitalise on a 0-0 draw in The San Siro to progress to the quarter finals. Adamant that United are not as good as people make out, the self-styled Portuguese hero says that despite their seven-point lead in the league, that he “would not allow a team of [his] to be so far behind. It is embarrassing in early March.”

“Yes Manchester United a...

Haha - footballers aren't always the sharpest tools in the box, and as this blog is dedicated in no small part to such stupidity... Do feel free to share a giggle with me at twattish AZ Alkmaar keeper Sergio Romero, who recently shattered his hand after punching a door following his side’s cup defeat to NAC Breda last week. The Argentinian - who managed to keep his temper in check until he was in front of a camera - will now miss the Eredivisie leaders’ title run-in after the ill-advised tantrum with his mangled hoof.

AZ coach Louis Van Gaal said: “That is his Argentine temperament. It wasn’t smart of Sergio to vent his frustrations like this. I think his season is over.” Geesh.

This has been bothering me for a while now, and it finally came to me overnight. Michael Carrick, excellent passer of a ball, occasional wonder-striker of 25 yard screamers, IS a Flump.

Remember the 80s stop motion kids TV show about a group of those bobble-hatted freak jobs? If not, check them out here. Well, whether it be Pootle, Perkin or Posie, Carrick is one.

....right into a disabled parking spot. What a fucking clown. As much as I admire his footballing skills (yes he dives occasionally, but he gets kicked all over every pitch he plays on), I simply cannot condone the arse-laziness and plain rudeness of parking in a disabled parking spot.

All so he could go for lunch. In January he got a £70 ticket for parking in a bus stop to go to the same Italian restaurant. Maybe Macclesfield council should have a sliding scale for these things. He sure as shit wouldn't park there if he got fined £7000. Or maybe he would...

Another day another race row – and this time it’s ex-pride of the Bridge and notorious tinkerman Claudio Ranieri who has found himself in a big pot of hot Chinese soup – after brandishing referee Paolo Tagliavento "Chinese" – after he was accused being too strict on his side in their recent 2-1 reverse at the hands of Lazio in the Coppa Italia.

"I did not like the entire direction of the match. I found the official was tough with us, on the field it seemed as if he was Chinese, as it was always yellow cards with us," he told Rai rag – which prompted a backlash in the Far East with the nations biggest paper Titan, demanding an apology.

Ranieri remains defiant though, explaining himself by stating "against Lazio, the referee changed and blew his whistle for all fouls and gave yellow cards. So I said he was like a Chinese referee. ...

Ashley Cole – what will you do next? Good news for Cheryl as her international twat of a boyfriend has struck again... This time being arrested on suspicion of being drunk and disorderly. Err... Suspicion eh – how does that possibly work?

Mr Cole was held after swearing at police officers outside west London's The Collection bar and restaurant, BBC crime reporter Ben Ando said – allegedly after feeling the pressure from the paparazzi, or was it Fiona Phillips to blame, and kicking off thusly. He was taken to a police station and given an £80 fixed pena...

Rumours abound over in Deutschland that former national coach Michael Skibbe is being blackmailed over some photos on a stolen mobile that involve him, his missus and a game of Hunt the Bratwurst.

Reported on the Bild site, Skibbe had his phone nicked along with a sat nav and 6 tickets for Bayer Leverkusen v. Besiktas* from his motor (predictably a Merc). A policewoman then contacted Skibbe demanding 160,000Euros in return for the phone. The sting that Skibbe planned went wrong when the package with the money probably because 'The suspects probably noticed a police car nearby' (no inside knowledge there then). With planning like that, is it any wonder they lost two World Wars?

Anyway, the blackmailers were...

Enuff said.