Cheryl Cole - ARE YOU MENTAL??

Friday, 17 October 08, 05:06 AM · Comments(1)

Ready for a two-pronged attack on our favourite Girl Aloud? Cover your ears Number8, you're not going to like this (our very own Number8 recently attended a GA gig at Warwick Castle...did I say that out loud? Ooops!).

Prong one - Our Cheryl initially was of excatly the same mindset as 99% of the country in that when she first met him, she thought Ashley Cole was a wanker. Well done, Cheryl. He heckled her at a house party, presumably in his attempts to woo her, by conjuring up such witticisms and bons mots as 'Nice bum' and 'Hey, hot lips'. Oscar Wilde was predictably NOT turning in his grave. She told him to piss off, but on further consultation with a psychic - I'll say that again for those who may have missed it....a PSYCHIC - she was told to pursue a relationship with the jug-eared, whingeing, cheating (in more than one sense of the word) fuckwit (although those probably aren't the words Madame Rosy Lee used when Cheryl had a word on Blackpool Pier. Seriously, for someone who wants us all to think she's intelligent and talented, she fucked up big time there. Wonder if I'd slipped Rosy a fiver and hung around outside her tent she'd have told Cheryl to pursue the next bloke she saw it would have worked. I could be banging it right now! Oh well.

Second prong in the Cheryl-bashing is the fact that she has admitted (in The Sun) that fame, money, celebrity, the X Factor, being adored by millions of teenaged girls (and several hundred thousand more not-so-teenaged blokes) doesn't make her as happy as sex with hubby. 'Sex with Ashley is more important to me than all the money in the world', yeah right, that's why you married the pig-ugly millionaire in the first place is it? And sex with a guy who clearly has a shrivelled grape for a cock can't be all that amazing, although he does have enough green to hire a line of hung blokes to keep her satisfied. Ever wondered why he insists you wear a blindfold Chezzer? Ah well, jealous rant over. He's a lucky fucker. But still a twat.