How much does Ronaldo earn when he poos? DSOTB goes deep...

Saturday, 06 September 08, 09:18 AM · Comments(5)

"Meester Alex Ferguson sir - I have eeaten the dodgy bacalhau again (that's the unofficial national dish of Portugal by the way). I shall be back een a meenute" I imagine comes the cry from the pint-sized Portugese playmaker Ronaldo as he takes a moment out of training at Carrington to dash to the toilet. A perfectly acceptable situation you may think, and one which no doubt leaves the grizzled scotsman shaking his head with mirth and telling the youngster to watch his diet.

End of story - not at all, because while Rio Ferdinand couldn't remember to pop to the urinal to save nine months of his career, have you ever stopped to think about just how much Ronaldo earns every time he shits?

Because when you take into account his purported 120k a week wages (or slave labour as he likes to call it), there's no doubt that every time Ronaldo craps - he's making a fair wedge courtesy of the Glazers. OK, he's a quality player (perhaps the best in the Premiership), but with the average footballer working 40 hours a week (so I'm told), it means that if Cristiano takes a relaxed 10 minutes to poo, he's earnt a whopping 500 quid (before tax) - enough to buy roughly 10 hideous/remarkable designer toilet seats!

So what I have concluded from my exhaustive investigative journalism? Well - Ronaldo earns more shitting than I do in a week of 8 hour a day graft. Sigh! It's enough to make me to chuck in this whole blogging game, and take up that trial I was offered at Leyton Orient!

Next stop - how much does Kevin Kyle earn every time he's bloody useless!